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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Chapter 11?! :O
Its reading time xD
feel something grabbing her flank. Her cheeks went red immediately. She looked around only to see Rainbow Dash was using her flank as a pillow.
''Such a comfy pillow'' Rainbow Dash said out loud while sleeping.
Hasbro: Hmmm... we seem to have run out of ideas for toys and merchandise for the already existing characters In My little pony, and we are too lazy to create new ones... Hmmm... What to do?.. I KNOW IT!
2 hours later, kids are getting ready to watch the newest mlp episode with their parents
TV: Before we start this episode of My little pony we would like to introduce you to the newest product Hasbro has made about My Little Pony. Introducing the "Butt Pillow". Ever wanted your favorite pony's butt as a pillow?! Well, now you can! For only 30$ one of these amazing butt pillows could be yours! Even Rainbow Dash approves!
Rainbow Dash: "Such a comfy pillow".
Parent's thoughts: "What the F**k has Hasbro turned into?!"
Me: Best advertisement for a product! 10/10 xD
7439209 Best comment 10/10
Once again AWESOME CHAPTER!
Though I cant help fix errors on chapter 10 or this one because its 2:23 AM in the morning for me and I need to get some sleep.
I really must say that the chapters are getting better and better xD
7439209 Okay, that was a funny comment, definitely good though.
Anyway, good fanfic so far.
7439238 Thanks I'm trying my best with each chapter I write.
7439244 Thanks I'm putting a lot of effort into it so that means a lot.
7439252 Yeah, I've really been enjoying it, keep up the good work.
Error:
''I'm so glad WERE finally doing this'' Rainbow Dash said with a smile
Fix:
''I'm so glad we're finally doing this'' Rainbow Dash said with a smile
----
Error:
''I just want everypony to know what FOR an awesome special somepony I have'' Rainbow Dash said with a grin.
Fix:
''I just want everypony to know what an awesome special somepony I have'' Rainbow Dash said with a grin.
----
Error:
''You take even more naps THEN Rarity!''
Fix:
''You take even more naps THAN Rarity!''
----
Error:
Twilight then grabbed a book and laid down in the opposite OF RAINBOW DASH DIRECTION.
Fix:
Twilight then grabbed a book and laid down in the opposite DIRECTION OF RAINBOW DASH.
----
Error:
''Hi to you too. Did you sleep well on my flank?'' Twilight replied as she looked at Rainbow Dash with a grin causing her to blush.
Fix:
''Hi to you too. Did you sleep well on my flank?'' Twilight replied as she looked at Rainbow Dash with a grin causing her to blush.
You made two spaces between grin and causing :)
----
Error:
''Well WERE almost there so could you do me a favor and grab our stuff''
Fix:
''Well we're almost there so could you do me a favor and grab our stuff''
----
Error:
She then proceeded to grab Twilights and her saddlebags.
Fix:
She then proceeded to grab her and Twilight's saddlebags.
----
Error:
''We have arrived at Canterlot Station. Train leaves again in 5 minutes''
Fix:
''We have arrived at Canterlot Station. THE Train leaves again in 5 minutes''
Unless of course the train is litterally called "Train" xD
----
Error
Then a thought came to Twilights mind ''But what if they disapprove? What if they don't like Rainbow Dash? What if they find me disgusting because I like mares? Calm down Twilight these are your parents that your talking about they have cared and loved me since I was born. But what if they do hate me after this?'' A frown appeared on Twilight MIND.
Fix:
Dont you mean: A frown appeared on Twilight's face.
----
Error:
''Twilight! How are you dear? It's been a while since your last visit'' Velvet asked as she pulled AS daughter into a hug.
Fix:
''Twilight! How are you dear? It's been a while since your last visit'' Velvet asked as she pulled HER daughter into a hug.
----
Error:
Twilight had a custom made bed which IT looked like it had a reading space under it. As it had a small door under the bed. with wooden walls
Fix:
Twilight had a custom made bed which looked like it had a reading space under it. As it had a small door under the bed. with wooden walls
----
Error:
''Of course, I am. But Twilight you do know that liking the same sex is very rare in Equestria. So HEREBY I warn you that there will be ponies who won't agree with it. And that your the first alicorn ever to have liked the same sex. I suspect you might also want to share this new with my sister,''
Fix:
''Of course, I am. But Twilight you do know that liking the same sex is very rare in Equestria. So I HEREBY warn you that there will be ponies who won't agree with it. And that your the first alicorn ever to have liked the same sex. I suspect you might also want to share this new with my sister,''
----
Error:
They walked trough Canterlot for a couple of minutes. And Twilight noticed the whole way TROUGH that PONY'S looked at the two mares. More than they would normally do. And it started making Twilight uncomfortable.
Fix:
They walked trough Canterlot for a couple of minutes. And Twilight noticed the whole way THROUGH that PONIES looked at the two mares. More than they would normally do. And it started making Twilight uncomfortable.
----
Error:
Before they left Ponyville head towards Canterlot they did tell some other ponies about their relationship.
Fix:
Wait dont you mean:
Before they left CANTERLOT AND HEADED TOWARDS PONYVILLE they did tell some other ponies about their relationship.
It would be pretty weird for them to go to Canterlot, then fly back to Ponyville and then go back to Canterlot xD
----
Error:
''Please don't tell me you're going to look weird at us now AT well'' Twilight asked
Fix:
''Please don't tell me you're going to look weird at us now AS well'' Twilight asked
----
Error:
''Sorry we just walked TROUGH Canterlot and let's just say we got a lot of attention'' Rainbow Dash replied with a friendly smile.
Fix:
''Sorry we just walked THROUGH Canterlot and let's just say we got a lot of attention'' Rainbow Dash replied with a friendly smile.
----
I am gonna continue to check for errors later :)
Calm down Twilight these are your parents that your talking about
Me: No. Its not Twilight's parents she is talking about. Its Twilight's parents she is thinking about xD
7440768 Nope. But I already thought it was stupid to put that so long into the story will fix it. Before they left for Canterlot in the beginning of the chapter they already had told other ponies in Ponyville about their relationship.
(Thus explaining Thunderlane walking up to them and asking them about it)
7440841
Ohhh. Alright :)
7440847 I don't know If I'll finish the next chapter today. If I do it won't be very long.
It would be a lot better if you imparted this through dialogue. Something like 'Well, it went okay telling our friends in Ponyville about us, but are you sure your folks and the Princesses will be fine too?', or whatever. Imparting time and setting in a note like that is fine, but the story should be told in the story.
Title: feelings grow and families know.