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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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three things
1) pacing, slow down speedy
2) new line every time a different pony speaks
3) get an editor I understand if English isn't your first language but you need an editor, If you already have one fire his ass he isn't doing his job
7393901 Okay I'll do the first to and try to find a new editor if somebody does respond this time. Thank you again for the tips
Nice work. i Like
Starting well for a first story, but it seems pretty choppy. Try to fix the flow of the story so it doesn't seem so blockish
I'm not sure but the line dash says ''So you will give me a change?'' , shouldn't it be chance, not change ?
A big smile spread across Rainbow Dash's face as she heard what Twilight just said.
''So you will give me a change?''
''Yes but don't push your luck'' Twilight replied with a smile on her face.
I agree with commander darklight, but over all not a bad read.