Chapter 5
“And this, children, is called a…”
Snails slowly raised his hoof.
“No, Snails, it’s not pudding.” Snails slowly lowered his hoof, and went back to staring at the walls. Snips raised his hoof.
“It’s called a manticore, miss!” He grinned at this.
‘Very good, Snips. Now, what is-“ Cheerilee was interrupted by an all to familiar green blur, dragging something in a shroud behind it.
“Lyra, what is it?”
“I’ve got conclusive proof that humans exist!”
Cheerilee sighed. “A copy of Daring Do and the temple of Humans is not conclusive proof, as I’ve told you the last twelve times you tried that.”
“No, I’ve got real proof this time- a REAL human!”
Cheerilee looked doubtful at this.
“Don’t believe me? BEHOLD, YE OF LITTLE FAITH!”
She whisked off the cloth to reveal what looked, to all purposes, a human as Lyra described them.
Ulquiorra was being stared at by a lot of small ponies. One of them, a light purple one with gold eyes and hair, said ‘Oh, you’re the one Mummy saw!”
Another one, a yellow horned pony, looked at him sleepily, then refocused on the wall. Two little ‘normal’ ponies stared at him as if they didn’t like him at all.
For once in his life, Ulquiorra felt nervous in front of a crowd.
Lyra ignored the stares and started a speech.
‘This creature is called a human, or Homo Superior Erectus. Any questions so far?”
Dinky raised her hoof.
“Yes Dinky?”
“What’re those things on the end of his hoofs?”
“Dinky, they’re not called hoofs. They’re called hands. Hands are what humans use to make up for lack of magical ability. They can hold things in their hands, if they can lift the weight of the object.” An appreciative ‘oooh’ went through the class.
“Now-“ the human nudged her.
“What is it?” The creature opened its mouth.
“I don’t feel comfortable here.”
Lyra looked despondently at what she’d done. She’d dragged him out of his comfort zone just to prove a point. She felt terrible at dragging this creature here.
“I know! I’ll take you to see Bon-Bon! Cheerilee, can we-“
“Y-yeah, I think you should go.” Cheerilee evidently understood his need to get out.
‘OKAY LETSGO!” He just let himself be dragged off by Lyra.
Cheerilee looked at her class.
‘It’s too much to ask that we can get back on track, isn’t it.” As one filly, the class nodded, except for Snails, who was lighting up his horn and watching the light.
“Lyra…” Lyra’s idea of cleaning up her side of the house was to cram it into a magically enhanced locker from her schooldays. Merely opening the locker had caused an avalanche of her stuff to nearly bury Bon-Bon. All that garbage to find a camera, which had been in the self-dubbed ‘human cave’, where Lyra kept her crazy paraphernalia relating to humans. It was an organized garbage dump of park benches, doorknobs, shovels, scythes and other things. Bon-Bon hadn’t seen the point- they could have been built for unicorns, but Lyra pointed out that they had handles and stuff, meant for what Lyra called ‘hands’ which humans used to grab things with. Thinking about it gave her a headache, so she had a whole section of her cabinet devoted to alcohol, painkillers and sugary sweets to deal with her crazy roommate and her government conspiracy theories.
Still, she paid her half of the rent on time, and was a damn good musician, so that was something to be thankful for.
“Bon-Bon! He followed me home! Can I keep him?”
Bon-Bon looked at the human, and the human looked back at her.
Communicating through a shared glance, she could emphasize with the human.
“LYRA! That is a sentient being! You can’t keep him as a pet! Now put him back right where you found him!”
“But Bon-Bon-“
“No buts, just put him back!”
Before they could argue any further, Fluttershy knocked timidly.
‘Umm… mr Human… could you come with me to Sugarcube Corner with me? Please?”
“Yes.”
I’m free. When she’s enthusiastic, she’s worse than Commander Tosen on Justice.
Wait… what is this I don’t even…
The building he was currently looking at offended his senses on multiple levels. It was made of what looked like the human food called ‘gingerbread’, despite the fact that it wasn’t bread or made of ginger.
“Is this building edible?”
Fluttershy looked at him with relief.
“Oh, everypony asks that when they first see Sugarcube Corner, so you’re normal! …That’s good to hear. So,” she suddenly changed subject, “what’s your name? Everypony has a name.”
The human looked at her for what felt like ages. Finally, he spoke.
“Ulquiorra… Schiffer.” It wasn’t a pony name, but it was pretty good. It seemed to be as dark and as foreboding as Ulquiorra was.
“That’s a nice name.”
“What’s yours?”
“Fluttershy.”
‘It suits you so well… as well as her name did for her…” Ulquiorra stopped for a second, then continued.
“SURPRISE!”
The ponies assembled saw this creature that opened the door, with a shocked expression on his face. Finally, he looked at Fluttershy, then tried to become unnoticeable. Unfortunately, he looked out of place in this place with his pale, ghostly appearance, bone half-helmet, and cat-like eyes. Ponies flocked to him, asking questions, but he evaded them with his strange teleportation ability.
“OHMIGOSHULQUIYOUREGOINGTOHAVETOTRYTHIS-“
Ulquiorra shoved his hand at the pink demon.
‘How do you know my name?”
The pony giggled. “Silly Ulqui, I read your previous exchange with Fluttershy!” Ulquiorra was about to ask, but he felt a hoof on his shoulder. A lavender pony with a horn just shook her head.
“Don’t ask, just roll with it. So, where are you from, anyway?”
“The realm of the Hollows, Hueco Mundo.”
“Okay…”
Ulquiorra was then pulled forwards to the snack table, where something awaited.
It looked… brown, with what looked like strawberries and white, liquid stuff on the top of the cake with it. Intricate designs down the side of the cake were in the shape of ponies down it. It was quite tall, at head height to Ulquiorra on a table made for ponies.
“Go on, Ulqui! Try it!”
A large slab was then unceremoniously thrust into his hand. Ulquiorra looked at it, then turned to Fluttershy.
“Oh, that’s cake. You eat it.”
Ulquiorra tore off a piece of the ‘cake’, examined it, and then put it into his mouth and chewed. His eyes bulged at the taste.
QWERTYUIOPSLUPPLEASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM.
SWEETMOTHEROFAIZENTHISISDELICIOUS!
The ‘cake’ was extremely moist, and also extremely sugary sweet, with an unusual taste there as well, only adding to the flavour. The strange sticky stuff between layers was sweet, but it tasted slightly more bitter, to contrast the almost sickly sweetness of the cake. The white, thick substance on the top of the cake was sweet, and at just the right consistency to be delicious. The lone strawberry there added a fruity acid to the taste, perfectly balancing the flavour. This… was perfection of the senses. His eye had been unable to ascertain what lay within.
Fluttershy and the ponies looked at the creature. As soon as it had eaten a small morsel of the extremely decadent cake known as ‘Celestia’s Delight’, he had fallen over. Not like Berry Punch, in a drunken stupor- he just went from upright to on the ground in one impressive motion, with not a single muscle bending at all. His eyes had rolled to the back of his head, and the cake was being chewed.
“Huh, what a weirdo.”
“The taste was too much for this one.” Pinkie Pie solemnly intoned, having acquired a false beard from somewhere.
“Pinkie Pie, was that part of my Star Swirl the Bearded costume?”
“Maybe we should remove the cake-“
‘Shink.’
The creature had drawn that strange looking object and was holding it at her throat. He hadn’t gotten up. He had barely moved. But the edge at Rainbow Dash’s throat was still there.
“On second thoughts, he’ll be fine.” The sword went away again. Finally, Ulquiorra got up. He looked at the cake, and reached a decision.
He picked up the cake and carried it outside. Pinkie Pie looked despondent, until Ulquiorra looked at her face. He drew his sword, cut off about half the cake, and handed it to Pinkie Pie.
“Here.”
He then exited with the remainder of the cake outside. Soon, the sound of contented munching followed.
“I think he likes cake.”
Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment as to what you think, criticism helps!
Also, here's something I made for shits and giggles:
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lol good chapter, the cake part cracked me up
Well...that was amusing!
AIZEN HAS A MOTHER!?
picture at the bottom, was so freaking epic.
Ulquiorra loves cake
lol this is good but with the cover pic i thought he would be ponified
Pinkie: *cake in sword*
Ulquiorra: THIS IS DELICIOUS!!!
Pinkie: THIS.IS.CAKE TOWN!!!!
*shoves cake in face*
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20209153.jpg
I think Ulquiorra likes cake. 4/5
noone steals cake from uluquiora
I wasn't convinced by the other Bleach crossover with the Eleventh division, but this one is pure comedy gold.
Keep up the good work, man, this is positively hilarious xD
Do none of them notice the gaping hole in his chest?
824724
Ponies are unobservant. Just roll with it.
*is laughing hysterically*
This is awesome.
So. Awesome.
Ok to be honest i think you are getting a bit too far away from who Ulquiorra really is. He is cold, calculating, doesnt like nucences, emotionless, and i doubt he would draw his sword for anything but a chalenge. If Ulquiorra was in Equestria basically everything, ponies iincluded, would be one big anoyance. And i dont think he would allow some annoying green mare to pull him around.
Other than that i have to point something out...now look at the paragraph were you are explaining the cake and try and see what the difference is between that and the rest of your paragraphs. The difference is that it is better written out then the rest(not saying that you arent a good writer). You took your time to delve deeper into the details of what was going on, now if you aplied that to the rest of the story it would not only be longer, but your readers would be able to conect with whats happening much more easily.
THE CAKE IS A LIE!
Man I love that arrancar you basically made him into a cake monster hide the cake
I lol'd out loud in the middle of summer school when I saw the picture at the end. Everyone looked at my screen, and they all know I'm a brony now. Thanks a lot.
Damn it, man, are you trying to kill me? Cuz' I've been sitting here for the past 5 minuets, unable to breathe because I've been laughing so hard!
824695 tell me about it PEACH was just horabble like my speling skilz
824724 well consirding he has a "Heart"now he might not have it anymore
Two questions. First, have people seen his hollow hole? If so, why haven't they commented on it. Second, silly author, the cake is a lie. Keep goin and stay golden^^
824361 Of course he has a mother. All shinigami were human at one point weren't they?
I can't see the picture :(
I can't stop laughing. I hope you're proud of yourself.
So, Ulquiorra has a heart now, does he? Then the title of the story is redundant, isn't it...?
~GThat has become an unhealthy habit.
Ok now he's just out of character...*continues reading*
1447073
Hiya WolfGear!
You should make a pic of him eating the cake!
kyaahaahahahahahahahahahahaah the ending image was pretty funny, so bon-bon can her keep it?
825418 Celestia"dont touch my cake i will cut you"