Does Twilights ultimate defeat at the hooves of Nightmare Moon mean the end of daytime in equestria?
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That wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't combined with story pacing a snail could run laps around.
I mean, the story is too good not to keep reading, but I have my doubts it will be finished before the actual canon show ends , Especially with a title called 'luna est cor noctis' that hasn't even talked about Luna yet (seriously, I just checked, 180,000 words in and the titular character hasn't even been mentioned once ).
6034952
you are right, at this pacing it will hit the 1,000,000 word before the first mention of Nightmare Moon. And I`m loving it, so much character development.
facilities
Shouldn't be capitalised also check the I in Gilda's name.
If this is meant to be a title capitalise the beginnings of both, if not leave both lowercase
Nothing wrong per say and I'm not entirely sure if you want to take my advice on this one. But I think you should remove the "s" in red and add the green. I think it sounds better. Oh and if you do change the have to has to be grammatically correct.
Should be capitalised, it's a name.
wherever is one word
debris
When used with a name miss is a title so capitalise.
enemies
black
Hey
Beginning of a sentence.
seen
closest
Maybe you could also swap it to the other side of blade. Just a personal preference.
I'll
Keep it going my good sir I love this.
bout bucking time FASTER NEED MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6035270
Well Nightmare Moon has already been mentioned (in fact, she was mentioned in this chapter as well), but still no mention of her 'better half' (poor Lulu ).
Still, the story could move a bit faster . While character progression is good, I fear that the author will be unable to keep up this slow pace once the action starts in earnest, so (after ~3,000,000 words) we'll probably see the final rising action, climax and resolution in only 80,000 words.
Still, this chapter was great , but a little less of those middle chapters (where the only thing that happened was 'Glimmer' sold some medicine and moved to the next town) would at least make it so the story ends before it dies from attrition . Thankfully, the primary plot (with this mirror) is looking to finally move forward .
6035501 Thank you for the help.
6035669 I try my hardest to make sre the story lives up to my own expectations, Including the characters and their dialogue being as fluid as possible, and their path following the scenario that would most likely happen due to their decisions and points of view. As such it sometimes comes as a pain to figure out what my character is trying to do without saying "and then she pooted and evwy one died, ze end!" But with all of that I am still trying to make a story with as good a plot as I can. Thank you for your support though, I shall try and release the next chapter as soon as I can.(I finished the planning for it, I just need to get it written now... )
6035270 6035727 : all I'm going to say is that, the party is coming together next chapter, definitely.
6035933
Happy to help.
6035933
That's good to hear. I hope you don't take my criticism negatively ; while slow, everything you have written has had use in the story. It's just that I imagine that most of the people that stopped reading earlier on, did so because there was no clear sign of what the main story was (just Twilight living a different life) and so, while I enjoyed it, it certainly created a more niche audience.
There is no e in Ahuizotl.
6035993 Of course there isn't. Just go ahead and check.
6035933 its fine i understand writing a good story takes time its just frustrating waiting for chapters 4 months ago i read up to avian bandwagon and was hooked to this story and 2 days ago i started to re read it because i like the twilight you have made. im just lucky a new update came out but waiting 3-4 moths for a chapter sucks i need more BA druid twilight
I like it, even if Luna hasn't shown. You can get a good feel for where it's going, and the conflicts that will arise. The pacing is fine. I was worried after 4 months tho that it might have gone on hiatus.
Thank you for continuing.
6036577 Well, technically it was on haitus for three months after the due date had passed, But I kept working on it so I didn't feel that it deserved the title of haitus until six months had officially passed from the previous update.
nice. abit confusing at the begaining though
6041836 Thank you, also did you read all the way through the story, or was it just the chapter that was confusing?
Bout damn time ive READA this chapter. Had it up about 3 days now.
6042292 I read the entire story. it was just that for a long time, even thought we knew who you were talking about, you kept at the griphon and lavender unicorn thing
6044431 I don't like saying character names until they actually say them. it's kinda my thing. I should probably break out of that habit... it's more for immersion than anything else.
6044521 i get that. im just saying that a third of a 8000 word chapter should have names after the first two/three paragraphs
6044646 you won't have to worry about that next chapter at least.
6044655 ok. and it was a good, imformative chapter. it just didnt click with me at first.
on two sidenotes, I was wondering when we are going to see rainbow and flutters again
and if you even need a cunstructive critic, I'm open whenever
I have to ask ... Could Twilight use the mirror to talk to Luna instead of NMM?
It could be possible if the mirror communicates on a deeper level than conscious thought. If NMM is only dominant on the surface level of her mind the mirror could bypass NMM entirely and allow Twilight to contact the Luna underneath the nightmare ...
6066444 It is entirely up to Twilight to figure out if it's even possible and to have the Idea to try in the first place. However I think the results of the experiment would be less than predictable, and Twilight when her emotions aren't running wild, tries to play it safe.
6066454
Entirely true ... Accidentally infecting herself with nightmare would be ... bad .. to put it in a single word ....
6335183 I'm going for a fresh outlook on the development of creatures, I'm trying to be as original as possible, without damning myself completely to meta. Plus I saved the spanish that people would normally use on the lizards for another group.
6335261 Oh, I wasn't thinking Spanish. I was thinking more Bengali (the Naga were supposed to be somewhere around Bengal) or maybe Romani being a separate secretive people within a larger nation. Ah well, you da author.
6335183
St. Patrick did a good job!
All hail his saintliness, St. Pat.