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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Its like. We are putting you in quarantine because you are new and a more evolved version of an ape so get in the box.
You have some of the best dialogue I've seen on this site. I'm genuinely impressed.
For the most part, David's reactions have been some of the most realistic I've seen in quite awhile. The only things I would think as being rather cliche was his instant realization that their questions about the "energy field" was referring to the void, as was his automatically addressing them as "Princess" like he was a native.
Being in shock, it should have taken him a bit longer to connect the dots where speaking of how he arrived. And most people would naturally just address them by name before realizing they needed to be addressed by title--such an informal behavior would naturally (and realistically) ramp up the guards' hostility toward him.
I have to be blunt. This chapter felt forced and not at all organic. It felt like somebody was reading emotionlessly from a script. And of course, Shining Armor has to be a dick. As he is in nearly every story.
This is probably one of the best intros to an HiE story I've ever read, and one of the very few where the first contact was with the Royal Sisters.
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Not to be that guy but, the Captain in this case wouldn't be Shining Armor since Twilight is a princess, he'd be over in the Crystal Empire with Cadence.
really tackled the "brony in equestria" really well! usually the get labeled as witches or the ponies start having existential crisis