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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The banter is strong with this one. I can't help but wonder did it take time to come up with those lines or did they flow naturally for You? Regardless you have firmly solidified yourself as th ed best dialog writer on the sit in my mind. I can now favorite this story with full confidence.
7565622
Thank you for your praise, though I don't deserve such a superlative as "best." I can only hope that I continue to entertain you as the story unfolds.
In regards to your comment, yes, my dialog is usually written in a stream with little composition. I enjoy writing character dialog, but will admit that I find it difficult to keep characters distinct, especially between the two sisters.
7568148
I've noticed this a little, too. It can sometimes cause confusion in quick back & forth dialog. It certainly helps if you occasionally mention who is speaking in some manner after you're satisfied with the direction their discussions have gone.
David's first journal entry felt, to me, rather stilted and not really recounting "his own" experiences--after all, he should still be in a state of shock while recalling the events. Instead, his journal sounds more like a robotic analyzer. Despite this, the rest of the story has a natural feel to it....and when the crisis you've alluded to in your summary arrives, it's sure to be a shock.
I kind of want to throttle this guy already. This is so very "look how speshul and misunderstood I am, oh poor deary me" that it's just plain painful.
You managed to convey some actual wit. Rare to see, kudos.
7701549 And you are any better?
I LOVE THE DYNAMIC BETWEEN LUNA AND DAVID
I disagree that lying is human nature as it would remove agency from each humans actions and remove the negative associations as it becomes not what someone chooses to do, but rather some involuntary aspect over which humans have no control over whatsoever.