Rarity sighed as she picked up the plates from the table. She had made Sweetie Belle’s favorite, seeing as she was having to stay with Rarity for the next month while their parents went on an extended vacation, and yet the girl had left nearly all of it on her plate. She’s probably simply upset with them. They are always running off and leaving her behind. I don’t know the last time they took her on a trip with them. Even before Sweetie had earned her cutie mark, their parents had gone on many trips, or her sister had simply wanted to stay with Rarity. Now that Sweetie was nearly sixteen and preparing to strike out on her own, their parents were nearly non-existent. She didn’t remember them being so distant when she was growing up. No, I distinctly remember them coming to all of the plays I designed costumes for. She sighed again, scraping Sweetie’s uneaten dinner into the trash before she started washing the dishes.
It wouldn’t be long before Sweetie Belle, along with her two best friends Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, finished the headquarters for Cutie Mark Crusaders Inc. They had saved enough money to buy a plot of land between Sweet Apple Acres and Ponyville, and were in the process of building, what they called, the perfect place to find a cutie mark. With another sigh, Rarity picked up the towel to begin drying the dishes, floating them to their proper places once finished.
With the dishes finished, Rarity walked into her sewing room, looking around at the project designs hanging from the walls. Her business had really taken off over the last few years. She had four stores now. The one in Ponyville was still the primary store, but both Canterlot Boutique and Manehatten Boutique were proving to be more profitable. She had even made a recent venture and opened a store in Appleloosa, though the orders from that store were vastly different from the ones she received from the other three.
For the third time that evening, she sighed. With a shake of her head, she walked up the stairs to Sweetie Bell’s room, gently knocking on the door. “Sweetie, dear, can I come in?”
“Yeah,” she heard. She opened the door to see Sweetie standing in front of a full length mirror, turning in different ways. Sweetie looked at Rarity through the mirror, a smile on her face. “Is everything okay?”
Rarity smiled back, walking over to Sweetie, and looking in the mirror with her. “I am fine. I wanted to check on you. You hardly touched your dinner.”
Sweetie’s smile flickered as she turned to meet Rarity’s gaze. “I just wasn’t hungry.” She looked down, scuffing her hoof on the carpet. “Sorry.” She started when she felt Rarity nuzzling her.
“It’s okay, Sweetie. There is some left over in the fridge if you get hungry later.” She looked over her sister. “Maybe tomorrow we can go out, hmm? Doesn’t that sound nice?”
A half smile formed on Sweetie’s lips, the expression never reaching her green eyes. “I don’t know, Rare. I think I might be getting sick.”
Putting her hoof to Sweetie’s forehead, Rarity furrowed her brow. “You don’t feel warm, but perhaps some rest will make you feel better. I do hope this doesn’t last. I had such wonderful plans for tomorrow.”
Sweetie nuzzled Rarity. “We’ll see how I feel in the morning, okay? I think I’m just going to sleep for now.”
“Okay, dear.” Rarity kissed Sweetie on the forehead, below her horn. “Wake me if you feel worse through the night.”
“I will,” she said. She turned down the pink comforter on her bed and slid between the sheets, the springs in the mattress lightly squeaking in protest. “Goodnight, Rarity.”
“Goodnight, Sweetie Belle.” Rarity reached out with her magic to turn out the light, closing the door behind her.
She walked the short distance to her own room, looking around. Her room, like the rest of the house, was a reflection of her. The large tri-fold mirror with the vanity allowed her to ensure her hair was always perfectly curled and that her makeup looked good from every angle. The rather large wardrobe held a number of outfits and shoes, and her closed closet door hid her winter ware. The bed, though, was the centerpiece of the room. A large four-poster, with a canopy, and a bed of stuffed Gryffon down, it was the most luxurious item she owned.
She lay on the bed, willing herself to go to sleep. She needed to be awake in the morning to complete the orders from her shop in Appleloosa. Then there was the matter of Twilight needing her help with some vague task at the castle. Plus her little sister needed some quality time. Rarity couldn’t tell what it was, but something was bothering the younger mare. Dinner tomorrow, wherever Sweetie Belle wanted to go, was a sure way of getting her to open up. I might even take her to the new moving picture. That seems very exciting.
After what her clock assured her was two hours of not sleeping, Rarity gave up. She pulled herself from her bed and made her way down the hall, to her creativity room. If I’m not sleeping, I might as well be working. She had just sat the last bolt of thick, dull brown cloth out when she heard a small crash come from her kitchen. She froze for a moment, listening intently. Another clink, this one much lighter.
Rarity crept down the stairs to the bottom floor. No lights were on. Oh, perhaps I should have brought my scissors with me. Outside the kitchen door, she steeled herself. Come on, Rarity, you’ve fought so much worse than a common burglar. That thought did nothing to help calm her. With a deep breath, she jumped into the kitchen with a yell, her magic flared and lighting the room in a dim blue glow. “I’ll have you know, I—Oh, Sweetie, it’s just you.” She took a couple calming breaths as her magic found the light switch. “I thought I was being burgled.”
Sweetie remained frozen, looking from the food on the table to Rarity. “Umm, I got hungry.”
With a raised eyebrow, Rarity nodded. “I see that. I’m glad your stomach isn’t bothering you anymore.” She smiled at Sweetie Belle. “Don’t be afraid to turn on the light next time. Do you want some tea?”
Sweetie wrinkled her nose. “No, this is fine.”
“Hmm. I think I’ll have some.” Taking the kettle, she walked over to the sink, filling it with water. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was putting the finishing touches on the order for Appleloosa.” She couldn’t prevent a yawn as she found the tea she was looking for. “Are you certain you don’t want any, Sweetie?”
Sweetie was scraping the last of the leftovers off her plate. “Yeah, I’m sure. I think I’ll try to sleep now.” She placed her dishes in the sink before walking up the stairs, leaving Rarity alone in the kitchen.
Rarity looked down at her white hoof, wondering if there was an easy way to lead Sweetie into a conversation about what was troubling her. Sweetie had been keeping her distance lately, and while Rarity did appreciate the uninterrupted time to do her work, she missed her little sister hanging around, her voice filling the boutique as she sang.
The tea kettle’s whistle pulled her from her thoughts. She pulled a cup from the cabinet and filled it with hot water. She watched the clear turn to a ruddy red and added sugar before walking back up the stairs.
Appleloosa fashion was nothing like Rarity had worked on before. She had made formal dresses more rustic for Applejack, certainly, but these ponies were truly opening a new creative avenue. One mare had asked for a simple dress that she could wear to a rodeo, while a stallion had ordered several thick brown vests made from a cool material. She relished the challenges these creations presented.
The dress was completed, and only needed boxing up, but the vests all needed the final stitch of the design on the back. The rodeo team would certainly get points for flair, if that were a judging category. If only it was, then I could get Applejack to care a little more about how she presents herself. It had taken a while, but finally, the last stitch was made on the last vest.
Rarity scowled at the clock, not wanting to believe it was already past two in the morning. She picked up the empty tea cup and turned out the lights, deciding to pack the garments in the morning. She walked downstairs and dropped her tea cup into the sink. Feeling like she could properly go to bed now, she walked into her bedroom. Grasping the blankets in her light colored magic, she slipped under. She sat up moments later, realizing she hadn’t brushed her teeth after that cup of tea.
She had just slipped her house shoes on when she heard Sweetie Belle’s door open. Light hoofsteps could be heard in the carpeted hall, and the sound of the bathroom door closing. She sat on the bed, prepared to wait a few minutes. A loud splash and a choking sound later, she was in the bathroom.
“Oh, Sweetie,” she said, seeing the younger mare kneeling over the toilet. She ran a cloth under cool water and pressed it to her forehead. “Maybe eating wasn’t such a good idea, after all.” She stroked the pink and purple curls of her sisters mane for a moment, watching the deep breaths. “Do you think that was all?”
With a tense expression, Sweetie glanced over at Rarity. “Umm, yeah. Probably. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Nonsense. If you’re ill, I will be there to take care of you, darling. Besides, I was still awake.” Pushing Sweetie’s bangs out of her face, Rarity felt her forehead. “Still no fever. Hmm, hopefully this is just a small bug.”
Sweetie stood to her feet, not meeting Rarity’s eyes. “Heh. Yeah. Probably. Umm, I’m going to brush my teeth now.”
Poor dear. Hopefully she’ll be better by tomorrow. I would hate for her to have to stay here while I go to Appleloosa.
Sweetie Belle picked at her hayburger and fries. “So, you’re still leaving tomorrow, right?” she asked, looking up at Rarity.
Rarity nodded. “Yes, darling. Well, we’re going to Appleloosa.”
Pushing a fry through some ketchup, Sweetie bit her lip. “I don’t want to go. Can’t I just stay here?”
“Why don’t you want to go?” Rarity looked down at the half-eaten food. “Are you still feeling sick?”
Sweetie nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be okay. I’m sure Apple Bloom and Scootaloo will come by and keep me company. We uhh, we were going to go ‘crusading’ again,” she said, using air quotes. “You know, for old times sake, before we get the center up and running.”
Rarity frowned, but didn’t push the subject. Perhaps she’s just trying to show her independence. After all, many foals find apprenticeships after receiving their cutie marks. Those three were just so unique. Clearing her throat, Rarity nodded. “You’re all but a grown mare. I think I can trust you to stay by yourself for a week.”
Taking a deep breath, she shifted in her seat. This was half your reason for this. Go on and ask her. “Sweetie, I would like to ask you something.” The almost fearful expression on Sweetie Belle’s was not what Rarity had expected, but she didn’t let that stop her now that she was finally asking. “Are you certain this isn’t about something else?”
Sweetie blinked, her face losing all expression. “W-What are you talking about?” Her voice squeaked on that last word.
So, something is troubling you. “Your stomach trouble. You’re upset that our parents haven’t been, well, around for you, aren’t you?” Rarity placed her hoof on Sweetie’s as the younger girl sat back in her seat, letting out a held breath. “I can talk to them.”
With a small, genuine smile, Sweetie Belle shook her head. “I have you, Rares. That’s all that really matters.”
“Oh, you,” Rarity said, squeezing Sweetie’s hoof. “I love you, too.”
I love it!
tracking....
does she have diabeties?
6895549 Thank you! It'll be explained in chapter 3, though I think chapter 2 will make it obvious.
6895558 ok!
It's very nice and I can't wait to hear about Sweetie's illness!
This will be interesting
Oh Celestia, I JUST figured out what's wrong with Sweetie Belle.
6895847
Bulimia, right?
6895564 Thank you!
6895825 I certainly hope so.
6895847 Oh, I'd love to know what you think it is! (Although I didn't exactly try to hide it, so you probably have an accurate guess).
6895898
6895898 I'm going to assume that's a joke, no but she will be eating a lot soon, probably a lot of strange food.
6895993 I don't want to spoil it but if I'm right:
Sweetie Belle's condition will probably go away after a little under a year then she'll have something to "take care of."
Let me guess: Sweetie found a boy at a party, had some "fun", and is now paying the price.
6896475
No joke, it's my guess at what her problem is, suggested by the lack of urgent running to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
6896487 6896634 You both seem to have the same idea. Like 6897095 has said, these are all just your guesses, so don't worry about spoiling anything, I'm not going to confirm or deny guesses, I just like knowing what people are thinking.
6895993
is it that obvious? I didn't notice anything...
6897095
6897095
Well if I'm right you're warm but not hot.
6897616 Well, I thought it was, but seeing as we've had three different guesses, it probably isn't as obvious as I thought. I am on the other side of things, so I already know what's going on. Chapter 2 is already written and will be out on Thursday, with more hints dropped at what's going on. Then chapter 3 on Monday, if I finish writing it by then, when everything will come to light.
The indent is fine. Though I'm a bit confused as to how people in the comments are oblivious to the obvious. Of course it's bulimia, all the signs are there, I already guessed it to be an ED from the description. Though I thought it'd be anorexia… either way, interested to see where you'll go with this. Tracking!
6897899 Oh, that's good. I think this is the first time I've ever used indents on a story. I just don't want the formatting to be what turns someone off of the story. And thank you for tracking, I hope you enjoy reading the rest of it.
6897893
horray! how long will the whole story be?
6898173 I have four or five chapters planned, although chapter five will just be a short little epilogue type thing. Not to very long.
Huh, I have a suspicion as to what's up with Sweetie Belle, but I'm still curious. I'm following this.
The format is odd to say the least.
But Pacing, Character Detail, World Detail and Story...
Is absolutely fabulous!- If this format is what you enjoy writing with then go on ahead, it didn't stop me from continuing to read the story!
Lovely Job! Fav'd, Hoof Up, follow and even a Blog spotlight from me if that is ok with you.
It was the mystery that intriguied me upon this story. So far the comments section is divided between:
-Morning sickness (ie, pregnancy). Of the three, I'd consider this least likely. There's no real arguments against, but there's not really any arguments in favour of, either. It's here for the left-field option.
-Bulimia/Anoerexia (as they're both eating disorders, I'll lump them together here) Of the three, I'd consider this somewhat likely. The general maliase in Sweetie's demanour, the late night lightless foraging and a general evasiveness in her manner suggests this.
-Diabetes. Of the three, I'd consider this most likely, but still only marginally more more likely than the B/A option. Sweets, as in the title, are something of the clichéd antithisis to diabetics, and the description-described passing out in SCC has the hallmark of a diabetic episode.
Spoiler tagged, just in case other comment sections peoples want to puzzle the pieces themselves, for their own conclusions.
I know what's up. If you need help: You will see what's wrong with her, by reflecting on this chapter's clues. This chapter needs a little proofreading in a few spots, but it's good.
6898446 Thank you!
6899980 Could you explain what about the format is weird? I'm not particularly attached to any format, other than having a space between paragraphs. I'm glad to hear about the positives of the story, especially since those are all things I tend to worry about. Sure, go ahead and do a spotlight, I won't complain.
6900197 The thing is, I can now see where all three of those are coming from, where as before I thought I was only pointing to what her actual issue was. It's nice to see how people interpenetrate different things, and the final answer will be in chapter 3. I liked your reasoning through all of them.
6900201 I don't doubt the need for proof reading. The technical aspects of writing have never been my strong suit. i'm just not sure how to approach someone about doing so. I read through and try to catch what I can. I'm glad you liked it anyway.
6900705 I enjoyed the story and all.-Very hard to find a story that flows well, the last one I found was called skating.
Being able to read a story and have it play out in your head is rare to come across.
Well the sentences are spaced off to the right just a bit, which at first just gave me a bit of a second to get used to. Looked odd to me, lol but as I said it wasn't really affecting the story at all. I read through it perfectly fine.
Spacing is ok Imo. a few of the paragraphs stretched a bit long. But overall once you get used to how it looks it doesn't affect nothing at all. I've seen other stories formated so bad it ruined a story. Not in this case though.
Not bad, but there were quite a few areas you could have condensed by showing Rarity's thoughts instead of telling us. One example is her thinking of the new boutiques she's opened. Instead of telling us, you could have maybe had some pictures of them hanging on Rarity's wall, she glances at them and then has a few thoughts on them. Same with the dresses for Applejack. Just little things like that can go a long way to making your story seem more believable.
6900784 okay, thank you for the explanation.
6900972 oh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought about it, but you are right. Description is something I struggle with, so I really appreciate the advice. I'll try to keep that in mind and work it through later chapters.
6901139 Awesome, I hope you do. And it's something all writers struggle with ^^. I've had plenty of over bloated paragraphs and sentences in my stories; it's quite easy to look them over and shift them to something better, a lot of us simply get over excited and post (or are lazy).
6900197 Diabetes was my first guess after just reading the title but after reading the actual chapter I'm leaning more towards bulimia.
*like Hedonism bot from Futurama* I am intrigued and shall read further, ha-ha!
In all seriousness it's a good story. It might be a little predictable, but this is just the first chapter, and I've been wrong before. The reader who hypothesized the three different things that could be going on is a bit more perceptive than myself, eating disorder is the first thing I thought. We'll see.
One small error I caught:
A loud splash and a choking sound later, she in the bathroom.
I think for this particular sentence, you meant to say she was in the bathroom.
6926552 Oops, yeah, I meant she was. I'll fix that, thank you! I'm glad you're liking this so far.
First: the things that need fixing:
Secondly, this while chapter was a bit... meandering, it didn't seem to be going anywhere in particular. Perhaps this should have been combined with the next one?
6926617 Thank you, that's fixed now! I suppose it was, but since it's such a short story, and I've decided to update so frequently, I thought that was just a nice little introduction.