School
Breakfast with Rose
Chapter 3: School
Admiral Biscuit
I don't think I ever fell all the way asleep, but I definitely zoned out, because one moment I was pondering a unicorn's role in pony society, and the next moment Rose was prodding me in the side with a hoof.
“I'm awake,” I assured her, and wiped a bit of drool off my cheek.
“Sure you are.” She leaned down and nuzzled my cheek—the drool-free side. “I've got to go back home now.”
“Mmh, okay.” I blinked a few times and then sat up on my elbows, one position I was sure that Rose would never be able to emulate. “Did you finish the book?”
She shook her head.
“Well, you're free to come over whenever you want. I'll keep your place marked.” I sat the rest of the way up, putting me at her eye level. It felt strange to be eye-to-eye with a pony.
I picked up my book and got to my feet. Rose picked up the other book and handed it to me. Judging by where the bookmark was, she hadn't made all that much progress. Either she'd also dozed off, or she wasn't a very fast reader.
I probably could have just bid her farewell in the backyard, but it didn't feel right to not show her to the front door. I only remembered after I'd opened it for her that I was just in my panties, but strangely, I found that the idea didn't bother me as much as it could have.
I stayed at the door until she'd turned off the little path in front of my house—calling it a street was a bit too grandiose—and onto the road which led into Ponyville proper, then took a step out of the house to study the rosebush next to my front door.
Why I was suddenly drawn to it, I don't know. I'd helped her plant all the flowers around my house, although to be honest, most of the help was digging holes and staying out of the way. Even that was probably more than she needed, but I wasn't going to let her do all that work on her own, especially since she was just giving me the flowers.
As would be expected, they were thriving, most likely because she took care of them every time she came over and I didn't mess with them at all. I knew what I was good at, and flowers were not on that list.
I reached out and touched one of the blossoms, letting my finger run over the soft folds of its petals. I wanted to break it off and put it in a vase in my room, but that felt kind of like I was desecrating the plant.
Then I thought about how Apple Flora had brought me a bunch of wild asters to share with Rose, and I snapped it off with a dozen centimeters of stem, scratching my hand in the process.
“Sorry,” I told the plant.
Back in the kitchen, I filled one of my mugs about halfway with water, then took it upstairs and set it on the table next to my bed.
Judging by the sun's position, it would be at least an hour before school got out. I wanted to get there when most or all of the students were gone, but before Cheerilee left. That probably gave me a very narrow window of time: while teachers back home often seemed to stay at school late to have faculty meetings or complain about their students, Cheerilee was a one-pony-show, and as far as I knew she didn't have to answer to anyone, so unless she particularly liked her desk she had no reason to stick around very long after class.
While I probably could have met her at her house—I didn't know where it was, but it wouldn't be hard to find out—I had a feeling that if I caught her at home, the last thing she'd want to do was head back to the schoolhouse.
I put on my shorts and puttered around the house for a bit, not accomplishing much other than making the bed, then headed out. There was a chance I might run into some pony who wanted my help; one problem with mostly doing odd jobs was that I had to do more legwork than I really wanted to in order to find work. Things were better now than when I'd first struck out on my own, at least: I had a few semi-regular jobs, and there were a few that were good fallbacks, like chopping wood. If nothing else, I could always go out with Berry Black and gather deadfall from the forest, although I didn't like doing that since I'd completely worn out my shoes.
In town, being shoeless wasn't so bad. While pony hooves were hard on the edges, their frogs were still sensitive to sharp objects, so they kept the streets fairly clear. I hadn't found any nasty surprises yet, anyway.
Despite my hopes, I'd made it most of the way across town before I finally ran into a pony who wanted some help. I'd already been angling towards the job board that was in front of the town hall. I dreaded that board; postings on there were generally something that no one wanted to do, the kind of thing that you couldn't beg a friend to help with.
Luckily, fate intervened as I was crossing the broad parkway around the town hall, and after a brief discussion, I had a job for tomorrow, unloading furniture at the train station for Davenport.
I was nearly to the school when I heard the town clock chime. I'd taken a bit of a roundabout route to avoid the main crush of schoolkids headed back to town, but my path wasn't entirely clear. A light blue unicorn filly and a blue-grey colt were headed my way, somewhat oblivious to my presence until the colt suddenly noticed I was there and stopped. His companion made it a bit further, until she realized that her friend wasn't next to her any more, and then her lavender eyes met mine.
She, too, stopped in her tracks as she assessed the situation. One ear turned back, while the other stayed locked on me. I wondered if ponies were right- or left-eared, or if they just picked the one that worked the best for any given situation.
I also stopped; when I was in town, I didn't concern myself with what the ponies were doing around me, but here, I didn't want to needlessly terrify a pair of children who'd never seen me up close.
Like a cloud crossing the sun, our brief pause was quickly gone. “It's only Sam,” she said for the benefit of the colt, who'd crept up a little closer to her, but was very much keeping her body between us.
“I know,” he said, but I could hear a bit of relief in his voice.
I didn't really have anything I wanted to say to them, so I just started walking in their direction again. They moved over to the right side of the path, the colt keeping up against the very edge, just following along behind the filly.
Right or wrong, I felt like I had better luck dealing with the ponies if I just did my own thing without going out of my way to put them at ease, and it seemed to work in this case too. I kept my focus on where I was going, and didn't open my mouth as they passed by. When they were ready to come up to me and talk, I would be open to them; until then, just being around and not being a monster waiting to gobble them up would do.
It was tempting to turn and see if they were staring at my backside, but I didn't. I was just a normal, everyday girl, minding my own business, and if they didn't like that, too bad. Eventually, every pony in town would get used to me, but there wasn't any way to rush the process.
When I finally got to the schoolhouse, there weren't any stragglers. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, some part of my mind flashing back to school, maybe. Still, the one-room schoolhouse was a lot more inviting than the cement block and tile monstrosity that I'd graduated from. Every now and then I'd see one on the back roads of BC that had been converted into a house. It was hard to imagine that anyone would do the same to a modern school.
What does happen to schools when they close? I'd never really thought about that before. Every now and then, there was an article in the Vancouver Sun about a school closing. What did they do with the buildings? Who'd want them?
I raised my fist to knock on the door before I remembered that it was a public place and I could just walk in.
It was blessedly empty inside; I'd had a moment of concern as I pushed open the door and thought about a foal staying late. Not only would Cheerilee be upset about me interrupting a detention or a tutoring session, but I wasn't sure I wanted to have an adult discussion in front of a foal.
Cheerilee looked up as soon as the door was opened and I swore I saw a brief frown cross her face before she smiled brightly at me. “Good afternoon, Sam. What brings you by the school?”
“I . . . .” Well, there wasn't really any good way to dance around the subject. “A couple of days ago, Apple Flora said that you had a drawing of me?”
She nodded.
“May I see it?”
“Why?” She wasn't hostile, just curious. From her perspective, I thought I could guess why. Clearly, I knew what I looked like, so what purpose would seeing a drawing of myself serve?
I had a feeling that the conversation was about to turn really weird. “Back on Earth, it's . . . inappropriate to have that kind of thing.”
She gave me a Teacher look, and I cowered back. “It's educational. Too many ponies in this town are too insular for their own good. Even me . . . there have been incidents with griffons and zebras and donkeys in this very town, because ponies don't know anything about them, and they're scared of things that they don't know. As a teacher, it is my job to make certain that they do know so that the next time a zebra or griffon or diamond dog or even you come into town, they don't panic or do something everypony will regret.
“Ponyville's last teacher did not do her part, and I admit I was also complacent at first. I didn't even think about it when I started teaching. We never covered xenobiology and xenoculture at all . . . and let me tell you, some parents were strongly against it—still are—but I think that a diverse education helps ponies become better citizens.”
I couldn't argue with that. “Can I at least make sure that it's accurate?” Deep down, though, I knew it probably was. Most likely embarrassingly so.
She looked me square in the eye, and I swore she could see into my soul. Just when I was sure she was about to give me a detention for insubordination, she reached down and slid a desk drawer open, rummaged around for a bit, and pulled out a book titled Creatures of Equestria.
“I'm in a book?”
“Not yet.” She opened the book and extracted a folded sheet of paper, which she then spread out on the desk, turned to face me.
As soon as I saw it, I realized that I'd been making a mountain out of a molehill. I'd somehow expected—I don't know why—that it was a portrait or something like that; instead, it was a simple line drawing of my front, back, and side. The bottom corner of the page had notes, starting with 'no cutie mark' and ending with 'very sparse coat most places.' Aside from the nipples and pubic hair, it was at most a Barbie me.
“Is it accurate?” Cheerliee's mood had softened just a bit.
“More or less. We humans call these breasts, not teats.” While I waited for her to write a correction on the paper, I considered whether or not I should point out the other incorrect term . . . it was funny, but since this was a school setting, I decided it ought to be accurate. “And that's pubic hair, not crotch coat.”
Cheerilee nodded and made a second correction. “Do you know what a human stallion looks like?”
I nodded before I could realize where this was probably going. Cheerilee pulled a clean sheet of paper out of her desk and slid it over to me.
“I'm, ah, not really much of an artist. Sorry.”
“Hm.” She wrinkled her muzzle. “I could draw it, if you told me what a human stallion looks like.”
“A man,” I said. “Well, pretty much the same as me. Broader, straighter shoulders, and not as much curve to the hips. Generally a few inches taller, and more bulky.”
“So you're sexually dimorphic too?”
“I guess?”
She sketched out a rough outline in pencil, occasionally making corrections as I pointed them out. Cheerilee seemed a bit confused about the nipples, but drew them on after I swore that men had them.
“Guys—men—don't have a sheath,” I told her. “Their, um—“
'Penis.”
I nodded. “It just hangs down. Oh, and guys are smaller than stallions.”
“Interesting.” Cheerilee made a quick correction to her drawing. “Like that?”
“Close enough.” If any guy ever showed up in Ponyville, he was going to have a lot to live up to. Well, that wouldn't be my problem. He could go to the school and have her shorten it up a bit. “Yeah, that's about right. Men have hair in all the same places as girls, but it's thicker. They also have hair on their faces, but a lot of times they shave it off.”
She scribbled out some quick notes on the drawing, then looked back up at me, speaking around her pencil. “Why?”
“Fashion? It's just like getting a manecut or whatever. Different people like different things. Like what kind of clothes you wear, that makes a statement.” I figured she'd understand that; the only reason ponies seemed to wear clothes was to make a statement.
“I see.” She set the pencil down. “Would you be interested in giving a class presentation?”
Tell her no. “Well, I, uh, I'd have to think about it. I'm not sure what the class would be interested in hearing.”
“Apple Flora thinks you're 'pretty cool,'” Cheerilee told me. “She was bragging to some of her friends about how much fun she had swimming in the river with you, and how good of friends you and her mom are.”
“Huh.” I didn't think that Apple Cider considered me a friend. She had given me that bottle of brandy, but that didn't exactly make us best friends. Maybe in Apple Flora's mind it did—kids often had a rather oversimplified view of the world, after all. “What kind of class presentation did you have in mind?”
Cheerilee shrugged. “Whatever you want to do is fine by me. It could be about yourself, or about how humans live.”
“I'll think of something,” I said, realizing too late that I'd pretty much committed myself.
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If she didn't doze off, Rose reads at my speed.
Nice chapter.
Do ponies make baskets? With a little bit of experimentation a pony basket weaver could probably make a decent pair of sandals.
Haha, Sam committed in deference to authority. Glad Cheerilee seems to have warmed up after her.... Impassioned speech.
Keep going! ;)
6797561
Well if this universe is similar to 'Celestia Sleeps in' / 'Onto the Pony Planet' then it's a bit unusual that Rose can read at all.
I'm not sure if that was covered / mentioned earlier or not.
You may say it's educational Cheerilee but I know of many people who will see it for the smut it is! This is ignoring the fact that a barbie-doll picture of a human would likely not be effective in . . . stimulating young impressionable pony minds.
I imagine that is why she reacted how she did when Sam first brought it up. That and the fact that Sam wears clothes more often than ponies may have led Cheerilee to suspect Sam would be offended.
This does bring up an interesting idea of how humans would handle teaching about the biology of other intelligent species in school. Most fiction I've read doesn't go much further than the dissection/vivisection of some lone specimen by government officials, followed by a clinical report for the bigwigs. How society and social mores would react is a neat idea. Most likely they wouldn't teach it in the general curriculum unless there was a need for it, out of sight out of mind.
Well, I guess it's kind of like having a diamond dog living in town... kinda weird and hard to get used to.
A desire to LEARN, of course!
Haa! She walked right into that one
Pffhaahaha! Talk about embarassing
They do have bearded stallions, y'know. Did you forget Starswirl?
Heh. This is going to be interesting
Remarks and corrections:
> I was nearly to the school when I heard the town clock chime.
Shouldn't that be "at" the school?
6797561
On the plus side, that means books last longer. I read all of Pet Semetary while waiting in lines at Cedar Point, and then I didn't have anything to read anymore.
6797666
They do; Sam's actually worked for the wicker-maker (I feel that there's a specific name for that, but I can't remember it). She's actually planning to get shoes from whoever makes pony roller skates and ice skates.
6798182
That's why Cheerilee is such a good teacher--she's not going to roll over when somebody objects to her lesson plan, but she won't hold a grudge, either.
6798269
It has similarities, but it's not the same 'verse. I haven't specifically said, but in this one nearly all ponies can read.
6798655
If it was scented, though, that might do the trick.
Actually, they don't really understand at all. Some of them think she's showing off, some of them think she's trying to hide the fact she doesn't have a cutie mark, and others think it's some bizarre racial thing, like how the Diamond Dogs wear those ratty vests. The concept that she's trying to hide her genitals despite the fact they can barely even be seen by her normal stature confuses them.
Assuming that it isn't some big secret, I think that they would, but they'd just censor or ignore whatever the school or parents thought was too scandalous for young, impressionable minds to know about.
6798976
A lot of it's probably presentation. The ponies seemed happy to have Iron Will in town, and they weren't turned off by Gilda right away, IIRC. But Zecora freaked them out. I've got some thoughts on why that might be.
True. My own headcanon is that it's just a spell that puts it there. No different than Rarity's false eyelashes or Fluttershy's tail extensions.
Debatable. To be perfectly correct, yes, it should probably be 'at.' In first-person narration, though, I'm not convinced that one has to play entirely by the rules.
6800385
Well if I were that first person I'd get it right!
6800459
I wouldn't. I'd say "nearly to." Might be a regional thing. My pre-readers have caught some stuff I say that they've never heard of. Heck, here's one common Michigan thing: we make store names possessive even when they aren't. So Meijer becomes Meijer's, Kroger becomes Kroger's, and so on.
6798976
6800510
Considerations of correctness aside, I can say from experience that this is a common phrasing in at least some areas around where Sam's from. People won't give you funny looks if you use "at" instead, but it does sound a bit strange relative to using "to".
If it helps, think of it as "I was nearly (all the way) to the school when ...". To me, this seems like one of those cases where the right word depends on what you assume the parts of the sentence that were omitted for practicality are.
6800484
Well, given that ponies and horses are 3 to 15 times heavier than your average human it would really surprise me if that wasn't the case!
They also have a higher base body temperature than humans, which points to a higher metabolism than us, so it makes sense that they would burn though alcohol (and pretty much any recreational intoxicating substances) faster than us.
6779598
I never thought it was that complicated. In the past it was very common to share a bed and even cuddle with close friends in a perfectly platonic way, much like you do with your siblings when you're small (and this is still a thing outside the western world). I thought for Rose sleeping with Sam was just a natural thing to do, and for Sam was just trying to fit in. Maybe I'm reading too little into it.
6798269
I think Rose would basically fit into the first generation that even had a school house, which puts her around Rarity and AJ's age. Its basically the slightly older ponies that are mostly illiterate (though most ponies of their own age are really just barely literate and with only basic algebra knowledge, mostly due to lack of interest).
6801158
Yeah, I could somewhat reconstruct the logic. It just struck me as odd
6800510
I don't know why, but reading this gave me a funny image for how that would work for names that already are possessive and was like "Let's go to Hardeeseseses!" "It's Hardeei"
If a human guy showed up in Ponyville now, I think it'd very bad for Sam's adjustment. Being the only human among ponies is one thing; having only one other human - just a slim taste of what you left behind - would be another. The ponies could hardly help comparing the two of them on all sorts of things, to both their detriment. And - I'm sure Sam would find it a lot harder to go naked around town when there's a chance a human man would see her!
6801222
Based on experiments, though, MLP ponies would weigh about the same as a human, so they'd lose the body mass advantage.
Maybe. I'm not a biochemist, but I think that how drugs affect the body is based more on receptors for the drug, and how the body can metabolize it. For example, we can't drink wood alcohol because the process the body uses to get rid of it creates formic acid IIRC, but there are many animals who break down cellulose into wood alcohol (more or less) who could probably drink the stuff by the gallon with no harmful effects. I do know that horses produce the same enzyme we do which metabolizes alcohol, but I don't know how much of it they produce compared to a human.
Depends on whose side you're on.
From the pony perspective, sharing a bed with a friend is a common thing, and doesn't mean anything. And of course being naked isn't significant, either, since that's their normal state. To a human, though . . . sleeping with someone often carries certain connotations, especially when you're naked.
6801316
That's part of my headcanon in CSI and OPP. The Mane 6 and ponies of their generation are the first to have mandatory primary education; before that it was fairly hit or miss. I haven't said in this story, but I'm going with the idea that nearly all ponies know how to read.
6839829
It would have its pros and cons, for sure. She might or might not still be willing to go around nude, but it would certainly be another obstacle in the path to a clothes-free lifestyle. Some of it might depend on what the guy did, and what Sam's opinion of him was. Plus, not only would it be a reminder of what she'd left behind, but I think there would be the implicit expectation in both of their minds and the ponies as well that the pair of them ought to hook up. On the plus side, there would likely also be psychological advantages to there being another human that she could discuss things with.
Having Griffins,
Big BossDiamond Dogs, Minotaurs, and other sapient Equestrian species in a book called "Creatures of Equestria" seems wildly racist of the ponies to me."Foreign Culture" or "Social Studies" seem like a better terms than "Xenoculture" for their study of non-pony cultures.
6994864
I had actually assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that a book called Creatures of Equestria would have the first four creatures in it be earth ponies, unicorns, pegasi, and alicorns so racism hadn't even crossed my mind until I saw your comment. I wonder which way the good Admiral Biscuit imagined it or if it even crossed his mind.
6844671
Y'know... that would make for an interesting twist on a traditional HiE! Person gets send to Equestria only to find out that there's already a human stranded there. The original strand-ee is of the opposite sex and has been there for about a year - long enough to get somewhat established, but not long enough to be fully native yet.
This is a completely plausible thing that would happen.
6994864
The same ponies who didn't even know what a zebra was at first? I think that the ponies generally are speciesist, and it certainly features in this story.
7047019
I think that the ponies are rather speciesist, so to their minds pretty much any other species is inferior to them. That having been said, this is a book about sapient creatures; animals would be in a different book.
7422102
The only story I've ever seen that in is Diary of a Shop Clerk, and it pays off when he meets the girl for the first time. She was there for longer, though.
7846092
I've been tossing around the idea of a fic where a well-endowed male goes to equestria, and none of the mares will give him the time of day, and all the stallions give him sympathetic looks.
It sounds like the ponies lynch. I suppose that Zecora is lucky to still be alive. Ponies need to get past their speciesism before it leads to a terrible generational war ending in an exchange of megaspells.
8085336
I'm not sure that they'd actually lynch (more likely, they'd just chase someone off . . . to an equine who depends on a herd for protection, that's as good as actually killing them).
Having said that, in the comics at least they aren't overly concerned when someone gets eaten, so long as he deserved it.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/3/18/851999__safe_pinkie+pie_idw_spoiler-colon-comic_imminent+death_pre-dash-vore_imminent+vore_hydra_big+no_king+aspen.png
8085336
Unlikely. We’ve gotta keep in mind that we’re predatory apes. Killing things comes a lot more naturally than it would to a sapient horse.
9511891
I would not be so certain. Ponies eat live birds:
9511891
Here’s the thing. From what I understand, horses don’t want to kill things, they’d rather run away. When it comes down to it, though, they will if they think that’s the best way out . . . and in most cases, one kick’s all it’s gonna take.
9511913
I’ve heard some Icelandic ponies know how to fish (they stomp on them then eat them).
9511913
Every species is bound to have it's crazies. It isn't nice to classify an entire species simply for having their own versions of Charles Manson.
9572583
Horses’ll eat fish, too.
In fact, a lot of herbivore species will eat meat if they can get it, and from what I know, there are various reasons for this--in most cases, it’s a quick and easy source of vitamins or minerals that are hard to get from plants. Also in terms of domestic horses, I’d think that the herd behavior would kick in--if they see you eating it, they assume it’s food, and might try to eat it if they get a chance.
I personally think that some ponies might eat fish, just because of the number of times we’ve seen ponies fishing in the show.
Also, on the topic of eating birds, this is one of my favorite (edited) gifs from the show:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/29/335985.gif
9511891
From my sons personal experience NEVER repeat NEVER leave your McDonalds on a fence post if there is a horse anywhere in the pasture.
It will vanish in no time.
PS It's not a good idea to put your beer up there either.
10053922
I’ve heard this bit of wisdom, too.
I don’t know how much of it is horses would love to eat delicious meat but they’re generally not very good at being predators, and how much of it is the herd/domesticated instinct of ‘my owner is eating that, therefore it’s food for me, too.’ Likely six of one, and a half-dozen of the other.
Off the top of my head, local to me, one old school building is now owned by a local theatre company. Another old school is now owned by a church. The smaller former public school near me is now owned by an indigenous school organization. One older high school was to be converted into condo housing (never happened); the school gym houses (or housed?) a gymnastics organization.
10652543
Around here, we’ve got lots of old one-room schoolhouses which have been turned into homes, and some of the multi-story 20s and 30s style (don’t know the exact years) brick schools which have been turned into other things. The more modern ones though are less useful, I think. One near me served for a while as township offices for two townships, and when I lived in Kalamazoo, there was one that was converted into and urban-combat paintball area (and of course the outside was also a paintball range).
I feel that a lot of the design characteristics of modern schools would make them less desirable for re-use, although I don’t know for sure. Probably somebody’s done research on it.
F
k! Pardon my little outburst there, but I've never even seen this in an HiE story before.
Also it never crossed my mind either.
There are so many unaddressed issues in HiE stories. Well, there you go, you got me thinking again.
10931204
Neither had I, and yet it’s super obvious so I have no idea why it’s never been done before. Heck, we even put drawings like that on at least one of our space probes so any aliens who found it would know what we looked like.
Yeah, even after all these years there’s still stuff that’s never been addressed. Heck, i’ve still got one plot point up my sleeve for this series which, AFAIK has never been done in a HiE probably because everyone else is a coward
Is Sam from British Columbia? Are you? I am!
11061009
Sam is, yes.
I’m afraid not, I’m from Michigan. I’ve been to BC once, but that barely counts.
Yay! Feel free to point out any Canada facts I get wrong.