So... What I first saw this story I had some pretty high hopes. Let be brutally honest here, a Sangheili in Equestria? I was expecting something along the lines of this.

Let's take quite possibly the most brutal, war-mongering race in the Halo Franchise, where one's very social status is determined by a number of confirmed kills and won duels they have under their belt, and stick them in a world filled by technicoloured magic ponies powered by love, tolerance, and friendship.

INSTEAD, I got what give off very strong Self Insert Mary Sue HiE vibes. So, let me tell you what would probably make this story read a whole hell of a lot better. Take it or leave it, it's your story.

Now before I begin with the painful part of this nitty gritty job I wanna say this. You have quite a few stories under your belt. I'm not going to take the time to read them all because I don't know how your style may vary. At the same time, I notice many of them are incomplete, and only one of them has more than 1000 views total. My hope while doing this is that you manage to write something in the future that hits it big. I'm talking the next Haylo tier story, or maybe even FoE tier.

#1 Please drop the First Person. First person has to be the least popular narrative format ever... In the history of narrative formats. I and many, many other readers I know would rather listen to a monotonous, horrifically done Audio Book rendition of some shit tier stories so long as they were done in the Third person. Nothing against the content of your story quite yet, just the narrative you chose to write it in.

You see the First Person Narrative ((From this point on known as FPN)) reads very much so like a self-insert. While this probably /is/ a self-insert the last thing you wanna do is write it like a self-insert. Take "Behind the Eyes of Another Pony" by Cardslaughter. His goal was to make a Self Insert Mary Sue HiE Get the Filly story. Possibly the most hated story out there. I think if he was an Alicorn it would be rated #1 Hated story type by default. He didn't write it like any of those things. Yeah, he wrote it in First Person but he really embellishes two major things. Comedy... And Comedy. Yeah, there are serious moments, but the narrative is most just him making fun of himself cause he was drunk while writing it. I just went back and quickly read about the same amount of that story as I did this story and let me tell you... If you want the First Person feel, I would really look how he does it. Wish I had more examples, but there are two groups with more than 10 stories each. Just go quickly look for them.

#2 Human... Turned Sangheili... In Equestria. Now, I read the synopsis ((Mostly)) and it just sounded like inspiration. Comic Con, Dressed as a Sangheili, Prophet, beam rifles. It sounded like the inspiration for the story. Then I read it, and the first paragraph is in the middle of some mundane battle surrounded by what are obviously your personal favorite ponies. Not only was this a little tacky, but it conforms to the HiE trope so badly that people who are even remotely hesitant about reading HiE will probably be turned off. Read ((Or try too)) read what is written of a story called "Blue Angel" by V-Pony. That has to be a gorgeous HiE. It was done PERFECTLY oh my god. Every detail is explained, it's beuful. So Beuful. Totally check it out. It is by far HiE done VERY right.

#3 Characterization. Ok, first off, why is a famous model-esque wife of a Famous all round pony just an operative? Why does Equestria use US Military ranks? Actually, that's way to nit picky. Why is Fleur an Operative?! Is she a person engaged, employed, or skilled in some branch of work, especially productive or industrial work, a Secret Agent, or a Spy? Why is Rainbowdash just considered a "Ranger"? Is she a Military Elite? Why is "Pie" a so-called "Officers" if I can quote you directly? Is she somehow more qualified for combat than the pony who in the show may as well be trying out for an elite aerial task force? If so how?

Are any of these questions answered or did you just throw them in because you didn't want to pick/make characters that would fit better in those positions, and you the titles just to sound cool? If these are the answers to the questions then please warn people that this is somewhat a spoof and add the comedy tag in. If not, please put more work into fleshing out your characters, and don't rely on just the show to do that. Especially don't throw away what the show gives you if you're going to do that. Take this opportunity to give your readers a look into how you think they work. Flesh them out even more. Especially Fluer, who has had all of 6 minutes screen time in the entire show IF I am being nice about it.

#4 This part is kind of a right and wrong. I'm going to start with the wrong so that we can end on a good note, and trust me it is good. Leave out the human part. As far as I can tell, it adds nothing to the story other than "I am a human in a Sangheili Body in Equestria".

I'm going to be brutally honest with you man, your CORE idea is fucking killer. Sangheili Goes to Equestria! Let the unintentional hilarity fucking begin! Adding the "Human" though? That is a serious buzz kill, and I am fairly certain people share my view. This idea has some serious chops and serious balls. If you pulled this off, this could be the next biggest hit in the Halo MLP community by a land slide. Don't let it slip away on a generally unliked story arch type and let someone else swoop in and pick up what you did right to go make an awesome story of their own.

As a side note, you should probably really complete all those stories you have on the go before starting up another story regardless. You got readers man, and I'm sure 12 stories worth of people waiting for updates no matter how long you take to update is a lot of work. Don't burn yourself out now.

A Displaced in the Crystal Wars timeline? BUCKING YES!

He eyed me. "For a Sangheili enthusiast such as yourself," he said, "Thirty for the Sword, and Twenty each for the rifles."

"I suppose that's fair," I say, taking out my wallet, and handing him a fifty and two twenties.

Shouldn't that be "a fifty and a twenty"? I mean, that's overpaying by $20.

As soon as i set foot into my room, the models I had bought began to glow. I facepalmed. Damn you, merchant. I then fell into a portal, but, unlike the displaced I've read about, I did not black out. Strange. Any way, I felt myself becoming taller and stronger, as well as my fingers relocate and, in the case of my pinkie and ring finger, merge, my knees change to face backward, and my face round out, neck becoming longer, my mouth splitting into four, the lower part of my mouth, I think, disappearing or something, and my armor, that of a Reach Zealot, change into actual armor. It was not a pleasant experience, and I see why most displaced are knocked out before the change occurs. It is painful as hell.

Failed to capitalize an I, and the knees don't bend backwards. The part that bends forward is likely akin to our ankle/heel type area.

As soon as i set foot into my room, the models I had bought began to glow. I facepalmed. Damn you, merchant.

I can't handle the idiocy that he just did. HE KNEW WHAT COULD HAPPEN, AND YET HE DID IT ANYWAYS! WHY!?!?!?

After playing Halo with a friend, I got interested in the Elites of the Covenant. A little bit of lore reading later, I decided I wanted to see if anyone had mixed Sangheili and ponies. I was disappointed when there were barely any Elite stories to read. Reading the first chapter of this story is like taking a cheese-grater to my face. This story is horrible and the author should feel bad.

I want to like this. I really want to like this. But I cannot in good conscious give you a thumbs up. Celestia is just immediately going to give him a battalion, just like that? Also, he seems like a bit of a Mary Sue.

I can't get over how Celestia says "fuck two lieutenants and the general of my army. I'll send them to guard you ya fucking alien. At the same time sir I hope the generous small loan of one battalion to command is enough to get you settled here in equestria."

7689698 Celestia has always been rather reckless with her decisions.

6737692
I second this it is good idea for a story but there is room for improvement.