Hotspur
“Honorable Li Kao.” I nodded to the Quilin as he painted me into his dream.
“Nightmare Hotspur.” He led me across a watercolor bridge with seven turnings, to a shady pagoda sketched above a sparkling pond. A pastel garden surrounded us, perched on a mountain spur overlooking a river valley. He tucked his brush behind his ear and poured tea for two as I sat. “To what do I owe this visit?”
“I'm here to report.” I produced a folder from under one leathery wing and placed it on the table.
He quirked a scaly eyebrow and smoothed his long moustache, leafing through the folio. “Poetry? Not exactly my forte, Hotspur.”
“What, aren't you a magistrate of the Jade Empire?” I smirked, baring one pointed fang. “Calligraphy, dancing, music; I imagined you well-cultured.”
“Calligraphy, perhaps.” He twirled his brush, half-listening. “Unfortunately, my job precludes much in the way of leisure… Surely you understand.”
“Well, no need to evaluate the artistic merit. It may look different from your dream-drawing, but that's a Songline, a complete topography of Myinnkyun's mental state.”
“Hmm.” He dropped the papers. “What has happened, in the space of two weeks, to merit such thoroughness?”
“Let me show you.”
He sipped his tea. “Very well.” He gave me a level glare, golden eyes glinting. “Sing for me, Hotspur.”
So I did.
I breathed long notes, twisting my ears for the Song's resonance. I felt him relinquish his dream, the garden dissolving in swirling, chaotic Noise. We hung for a moment in dissolution, surrounded by sparkling decay.
“I will sing for you,” I hummed, “the last dreams of pony island.”
I threw my mind back to the poems, grasping at wisps of meaning filtered through cobweb and moonbeam by the half-waking art of Nightmare. I twisted clues into strands that thrummed with the Dreamsong, pulling harmony from dissonance, and began a refrain:
golden eyes hiding among
flaring fans of leather wings
and the streaming arc of her mane
The tavern crackled to life around us, lamplight wavering with high contralto, tables popping with low notes. The two of us heard Leitmotif's music as a thin reflection, but the ponies danced with abandon, feathers and hooves and tails and manes flying, lost in revelry.
“It started with jealousy—fertile ground for a saboteur. Look.” I pointed to the lone outsider, a world-weary mare whose eyes burned with hatred for the Nocturne and Pegasus who anchored the dance. “Peridot.”
“They can flaunt it,”
I sang on.
<had not the Myinn guard
who sat up startled
after you vaulted the rampart>
The dream turned and we stood atop the wall. Peridot galloped desperately across the sand below.
“It continues with rage,” I said. “The Mooken anger easily, even asleep, and whispering in the ear of a nodding guard is simple enough. Dawn Patrol.” I waved to the nearby guard, who blinked alert at the commotion.
“The roster's public, and Spotlight's a drunk.” Dawn said to us with a shrug, seizing a spear. “Peridot's predictable, stupid, and a hypocrite besides, punishing the Nocturne for having what she can't. Still, this is better leverage than I hoped, to protect them—her.” The lucidity vanished from his eyes as he yelled, flinging the spear at the pursuing minotaur. He tackled Peridot as she crested the wall.
“Did you think nopony saw your excursions?” Dawn snarled in her ear. Peridot struggled, but he pinned her to the stone. “If you don't want me going to Sunspot, wait at the docks. I'll have conditions for my silence.” The guardhouse windows brightened, and he nearly flung her down the steps. She ran whimpering.
I chanted the next notes.
Andi's all caught up in the
drama over her murder and
I shouldn't have any trouble
The dream shifted to the harbor, silent but for the rhythm of the waves. Two silhouettes struggled at a pier's edge. We heard a soft thump. A muffled cry. A quiet splash. A battered body bubbling as it sank.
“And greed,” I continued, “played its part as well. Your dreams of murder sang clear, Majority Vote.”
“She always hated me, you know?” The politician glowered. “Even when we were married. Nothing could satisfy that old bag. I thought I'd missed my chance when that fish-kisser and his pet were gone, but perhaps fortune's still smiling, sending such a tempting substitute.” He grinned and shrugged. “A stampede victory isn't so different from a landslide. The ponies only need a little push.” He stalked off into the night.
I continued.
i know
they'll find her
any day now
There was twist of strangeness, and we stood before an open window. In the pre-dawn light, a slender Nocturne flitted out, landing catlike on the cobbles.
“But in the end, it all returns to fear and hate. Surely you understand what pulls this town apart, Littlemoth?” I asked the specter.
“Peridot couldn't keep it a secret forever. I panicked at how the ponies and natives might react, but I didn't imagine her dead! Dawn Patrol knew she slept with the Mooken. If anypony understood what happened, it would be him. But it was foolish to run off so carelessly, before hearing the rumors.” The graceful mare glanced back at the window, before turning to the empty harbor. “There's going to be trouble from both in and out, with the Nocturne caught in the middle. And these walls are a box-trap without the boats.” She sighed and hung her head. “This can't end well.”
The Songline diminished and faded, and the surrounding scenery crumbled to nothing.
“I suppose a ‘good ending’ is a matter of perspective.” Li Kao shrugged, a silhouette in the void. “Honestly, Hotspur?” The Qilin took up his brush, and re-formed his garden in broad strokes. “I hardly expected you to follow through. ”
“I didn't have much choice.” I grimaced. “Equestria promises only suspicion and fear for a Nightmare, now. In Qilin I'll be judged on my own merit; I'll be able to start anew—assuming I've passed your test.”
“With flying colors.” He nodded. “I will dispatch a boat tomorrow. As agreed, Qilin offers sanctuary to any refugees. And, Nightmare Hotspur, I would like to personally welcome you into the Quilinese Intelligence Corps. You have an auspicious start.”
“I got lucky.” I shook the offered hoof. “I'm no amateur, but destroying the Equestrian opium trade is beyond the scope of my usual assignments. That town was ready to burn. I just spurred it on.”
“Indeed.” He grinned. “But few could strike such a spark with a mere two bits.”
In a forest of poetry, genuine prose stands out. In this case I don't think that's a bad thing at all. Author, you made an orange look right at home at the end of a line of apples. Well done
Hotspur tells a qilin:
That Majority Vote killed Peridot. I think.
But I'm not sure even after reading this through three times. I mean, when the straight prose one is the one I'm having trouble understanding, I think it's time to take a break.
I'm not quite sure I can untangle the motive here, either. Peridot's been sneaking over the walls to dally with the minotaurs so she resents the Nocturnes for being able to dally openly with the ponies. Dawn Patrol, who's in love with Littlemoth, finds out about Peridot and is going to blackmail her. But Minority Vote somehow finds out that Peridot's down at the dock and pushes her into the drink. But I still can't quite see how it all connects.
Mike
Nicely done. Took me a couple of reads to let it sink in, but despite it's prose-based design, this piece gets a message across nicely.
Hotspur is working for the Qilinese Li Kao. A totally honorable man… who employs him for the purpose of espionage.
Hotspur is the nightmare, here
Hotspur set the whole thing in motion
Hotspur’s motive was to destroy the opium trade and to find sanctuary after Luna’s rebellion
Majority Vote killed Peridot
Peridot was Palei Hantu
This was clever, especially because the perspective character was ultimately responsible for all the carnage, but kept his hooves clean, AND had a motive for what he was doing – as well as cleverly tying in the colony’s purpose to something a bit sinister.
I have two complaints about this piece:
I didn’t feel convinced by Littlemoth’s bit being played off so easily; she was obviously feeling guilty about something, and it didn’t really feel like her worrying about Peridot satisfied her dream.
I don’t know how Majority Vote ended up with Peridot down by the docks. Did Dawn Patrol send her there?
This one had a solid premise with a good execution. Unfortunately, I did not find the explanation for Littlemoth's dream, which was one of the more serious and exciting parts of the story, to be particularly convincing. Her fearing the consequences of Peridot's affiliations would be a reasonable explanation if it were another character, but Littlemoth clearly a risk-taker (evidenced by her having two lovers in this small town) and the consequences of someone else's tryst shouldn't incite anywhere near the level of panic seen in her chapter. On a lesser note, I'm not sure Dawn Patrol's characterization is entirely consistent with the one we see in the story. His decision to blackmail/murder Peridot makes him seem very malicious and opportunistic in comparison to the well-intending pony whose dream we saw.
There's so much to enjoy here. Some of the prose in here is beautiful. I love the term "Songline" to describe a complete mental state. A wonderful framing device. And probably the most complete explanation of what went down I've read yet...
6462560
6463419
So, here's the piece that I think tripped both of you up. Hotspur has manipulated Majority Vote into killing Peridot here, because she knew (from other dreams) that Majority was planning to kill Sailcloth, but Sailcloth would be gone, because Sonata asked for time to think.
So, she caused the Mooken to chase Peridot out, and suggested to a napping Dawn Patrol that he should blackmail her into going to the docks, knowing that Majority would very likely take a target of opportunity if it was presented.
...yeah, it's sorta tenuous. But I did want that whole 'chessmaster' vibe to come across, and part of that is accurately predicting things that should be difficult to foresee.
6466079 Honestly, I agonized for quite a while over what Littlemoth's chapter meant. My biggest problem was the 'her' mentioned. Littlemoth seems to have the best alibi for Peridot's death. More than that, why would finding Peridot's body even be a concern? If she's drowned, finding the body won't tell you any more than she's dead and she drowned. The only explanations I found was that she wasn't drowned, or that LIttlemoth was talking about some other 'her'.
The thing is, the only mares who are actually important to the story are Sonata, Peridot, and (on interpretation) Palei Hantu. I actually combed for pronouns, and I had a pretty great idea that would have worked if Dawn Patrol had been a mare. I probably could have gotten more clever with my characters, but... well, this is what I settled on. I think you're right - it could have been more compelling. Unfortunately, I may have backed myself into a corner with my interpretation, closing off a more compelling option because of things I'd already decided.
Glad you enjoyed it anyways!
I feel like I'm missing something. What's the bit about...well, "two bits"? Maybe I'm just dumb, but I don't see how two bits were involved at all.
6483040
That refers back to Leitmotif's chapter in the original, where Hotspur buys the song after Peridot complains about Shooting Star paying for it with her tax money.