Prologue
A bright, full moon hung over the starry night sky. The side of a feminine face with a horn going though the forehead was printed on the moon in dark patches. A dark forest only illuminated by the beauty of the lunar light, full of dangerous creatures either deep in slumber or scurrying about trying to be a predator and not a prey. Unbeknownst to any of them, a new being has enter the land, one that is far mightier than anything native could ever hope to become. The gorgeous shine of the moon is all that hides the darkness of the young night yet to come.
A young man laid in the grass of a dark forest. He wore black shorts, black boots, a red button up shirt with short sleeves, and with a straw hat with a thin, red strand of cloth tied around it laying on his face. The shirt was open, exposing his bare chest which, along with his arms, had muscles that weren't very big, but were hard and tough. An arm came up and picked up the hat, revealing black hair and black eyes. He sat up and looked at the hat with a puzzled look. He then shrugged his shoulders and placed it on his head. Then got up and looked around, scratching his head, or hat. He looked up to see the moon and smiled, but it quickly faded at what he saw next. Four lights that looked like stars circled the moon then faded into it and the face vanished.
Suddenly, something ticked in the young man's mind. He didn't know why, but he just picked a direction and started walking. Soon he started to hear evil laughter, following the laughter he found a person with their back turned to him. They were wearing light blue armor with helmet and a black cape.
"Hey" the man shouted to the person, who turned around. The person was a woman, definitely a woman, a bit taller than him who wore light blue armor plates on her forearms, forelegs, hips and shoulders with boots and a breastplate. Black cloth hugged skintight all over her body only revealing her hands and the space between her shoulder plates and breastplate showing the top of her chest. Her black cape was hold together around her neck with a crescent moon emblem right above her breastplate. She had light purple lipstick and eyeshadow with eyeliner, and her helmet had a black spiraled horn on the forehead. A thick blue aura with star like sparkles which resembled the night sky itself flowed like hair around her helmet. Finally, her eyes were a deep blue zircon with slit pupils that could stare through your very soul.
"Who dares sneak up behind us?" the woman spoke with a strong, elegant voice that demanded respect.
"Hi there" the man said completely unfazed by the power of her voice. "My name is Monkey D. Ace."
"How dare thy speak without bowing?" The woman question with frustration. "We art non other then her majesty, the rightful sole ruler of Equestria, the queen of the night, Nightmare Moon."
Ace however didn't hear a single thing she said as he was to busy looking up at the night sky. "Wow, so pretty" he said in awe, only load enough for himself to hear.
Nightmare Moon clenched her fist and grinded her teeth in frustration over the lack of respect. The hair like aura then suddenly lashed out at Ace. With a swift strike to the chest Ace went flying back through the bushes.
"How can only a thousand years create such ignorant fools?" she questioned to herself. She turned around to start to leave but quickly stopped once to bushes that Ace flew through started rustling restless.
"Ow, that hurt" Ace's voice complained. Nightmare Moon looked back at the voice and her eye suddenly widened in surprise, Ace had walked out of the bushes without a scratch on him. "What in the name of Tartarus? The spot where we hit him is completely clear, we were about to think that we may have hit him to hard but, it's like it never even happened." Nightmare Moon thought to herself, then turned around to face the man. "Alright Monkey, thou caught our interest."
"What the hell was that for?" Ace yelled to anger.
"How dare thee raise thy voice at us? We are a god." She yelled back in anger as well.
"We?" Ace questioned, "who are you talking about?"
"Us you fool, it is tradition to speak with the 'we's and 'us's when referring to one's self"
"That's weird."
"How dare thee mock the traditional speech. We will teach thee some manners."
"If you want a fight then come on!"
Nightmare Moon's aura hair lashed out again only with multiple strands at once. Ace quickly dodged and charged at her while dodging the multiple attacks.
"He's fast..." she thought. Ace quickly reached Nightmare Moon and launched his fist at her only to be blocked by the armor plate on her forearm. Ace continued to put his strength into his strike and pushed his fist against her arm which caused her to slowly skid across the ground "...and strong."
Ace raised his other fist to strike but it was quickly stopped by a transparent blue aura surrounding it, keeping it still. "What the..." Ace said confused as he looked at his paralyzed fist. The aura appeared all over the rest of his body and he was quickly flung into the air, he struggled to get free but couldn't move while in the aura.
"What's going on?" Ace roared. When he looked at Nightmare Moon he saw that the horn on her helmet was cloaked with the same strange aura around it and a smirk on her face.
"Thou must really be stupid" She said with a smug smirk. "It doesn't matter how strong thee are if thou art helpless to simple levitation. Really, thou may be somewhat stronger than the average earth-type. But, compared to us, thee are nothing more than a simpleminded ape."
"Shut up" Ace said in return, Nightmare Moon grow angrier with every word. "Let me go dammit, you're being a huge jerk. Stop whatever this weird stuff is or I'm gonna kick your ass."
Nightmare Moon's smirk was quickly replaced with a look of incredible anger, the very sight could cause many ferocious and terrifying monster to faint from pure fear. Yet her actions once again failed to have any effect at all on Ace and he continued to struggle. Nightmare Moon held out her hand and in it formed a similar aura to her hair that quickly took to a form and materialized into an object. This object was in fact a thin longsword, the hilt was black with the same crescent moon symbol on her cape imprinted on the center.
"We have grown quite tired of thy nonsense. Thee shall be executed for disrespect and trying to strike the queen." She pointed the sword at Ace's chest while he was still immobilized, again he could only continue to struggle against the magical grip of the blue aura. Ace's eyes opened wider as he saw the blade pointed right at him and struggled with all of his strength.
"Let me go" he cried out.
"Die!" Nightmare Moon cried as she thrust the blade into Ace's exposed chest.
"AHHHHH!" Ace cried out as the blade pierced straight into him.
Suddenly, the area around the blade that was in Ace's chest burst into flames. Shocked by the sudden flames, she quickly jumped away with the sword being pull out with no resistance and the aura keeping Ace trapped vanished. Ace fell to the ground and started rolling around while the fire on his chest and back where the sword had gone clean through didn't go out at all.
"AHHHHH! I'M ON FIRE. AHHHHHH!" He called out while continuing to roll around.
Nightmare Moon just stood there, dumbfounded while staring at the sight before her. She then looked down at the sword still in her grasp to see that there wasn't any blood or any indication that it just went through a body. Looking closer she found that the metal of the blade was warm, she was completely confused.
While Nightmare Moon was distracted, the fire on Ace had gone out. He looked and felt around his chest and back to see that he was completely uninjured, he set up and let out a breath in relief.
Ace jumped up back on his feet and pointed at Nightmare Moon accusingly, "What the hell was that?" This outburst earned him Nightmare Moon's attention again. "Your tricks won't work on me, lucky I put the fire out. I won't let myself get hit by that weird fire sword of yours again."
"What are thee talking about, worm?" She responded. "Our sword has no such ability, a true blade doesn't need such magic to be useful. Besides, we shan't need one in order to kill thee."
"Whatever, I'm still gonna kick your ass." Ace charged at her again.
"Fool, thou are stupider than we thought, charging unarmed." She said while preparing her sword.
Ace jumped at Nightmare Moon, ready to strike her across the face. Nightmare Moon quickly stepped out of the way and slashed with her sword across his abdomen once he was close enough. Seeing that she moved, Ace positioned himself to land on his feet. A straight line of fire had appeared where he was sliced right before he landed.
"AHHHHHH!" Ace cried, running around while the fire danced on his body while holding his hat so it wouldn't fall off.
"What is going on?" Nightmare Moon questioned no one while watch the flaming man.
"Wait a minute" Ace said as he suddenly calmed down and stopped running around. He watched the fire slowly disappeared. "Hey, the fire doesn't hurt."
Once the fire was out, Ace started patting the area where it was to make sure he could still feel everything there. With him distracted, Nightmare Moon quickly charge towards Ace and sliced him once again across the torso. Again, a line of flames appeared where the blade had passed straight through Ace's body.
"Cool." Ace said excitedly. "I don't know what's going on, but I think that sword and fire don't hurt me."
"A man who is immune to our blade? What is the meaning of this? Are thee even an earth-type?"
"Huh" Ace noticed her. "An earth what? What are you talking about?"
Nightmare Moon stood there frozen with trying to process what is going on.
"Hey, don't think I've forgotten about you." Ace shouted at her, then charged again.
Nightmare Moon snapped out of her ponder and saw Ace quickly approaching. Before he could reach her, Nightmare Moon used her magic again to hold Ace in place, and he once again struggled against it.
"Whatever thou art, it's not an earth-type." Nightmare Moon concluded. "How very interesting, so blades can't hurt thee and, judging from how hot our sword is now, that fire is real. So we would say it's a safe bet that thou are also immune to fire, impressive. Though, thou are also still helpless to such simple magic."
"I'm getting real sick of this, let me go!" Ace demanded through his struggles, this only cause Nightmare Moon to smirk.
"And just what can thee do if we don't? Thou are hardly able to demand anything like this."
Ace became angrier with the constant magic restraint and tightened the fist he wanted to punch her with. A light suddenly appeared in between the gaps of his fingers in his fist. The light continued to get brighter until, it sparked his hand into a blaze. This cause Nightmare Moon to loosen her magical grip on Ace in the confusion of the fire his fist had created.
With the weakened restraint, Ace quickly threw his fire fist back then launched it forward which sent the fire from his hand strait at the distracted of Nightmare Moon. She quickly reacted and used her aura hair to create a barrier with it to stop the fireball. The magic holding Ace vanished and he took advantage of that by running up to Nightmare Moon while the hair aura barrier was still protecting her. Right when the barrier had returned to her hair and Ace sent a fist at her. Nightmare Moon was hit strait in the face and was launched back from the force which knocked her sword to the ground. Ace smirked at his successful blow.
"Whatever he is, he's very strong" Nightmare Moon thought.
"How dare thee?" Nightmare Moon stated, not really questioning, while she quickly jumped back to her feet. "HOW DARE THEE!?!" She roared with anger. Ace was grabbed once again with Nightmare Moon's magic while a ball of midnight blue light started to form in her hand. As she focused her power into the ball, it grow until it reached the maximum size that her hand could hold it. Ace's struggles proved fruitless as he was completely unable to free himself. With the ball of compressed magic complete, Nightmare Moon grabbed it with both hands and pointed it at Ace.
"Say goodbye, fool." With that, the orb of magic sparked into a light blue ball that launched a ray of power strait at Ace. It only took a second, but in that second, the ray hit Ace and completely destroyed his entire body in a flash of light leaving nothing left but embers in the wind.
The forest went deathly silent after that, Nightmare Moon smirking at the sparks dancing in the wind. She turned to leave but stopped right as a light started to appear where Ace was. Looking back, she saw that the sparks were forming into great flames, then combined into a raging inferno. The fire on the ground right where Ace was standing started to move into the air. The base of the fire extinguished revealing black boots and moved upwards revealing legs while the top of the fire continued to move up.
"Impossible" Nightmare Moon said in shock as the fire continued up past the legs, black shorts, a bare chest with a open red shirt, arms, and a neck. The fire ultimately extinguished into Ace's head and hat, Ace's was back completely unharmed.
"Whoa," Ace said slowly while grabbing his head, "that was weird."
Nightmare Moon stood in utter shock at that she just saw. "What are thee?"
Ace looked at his open hand and tried to make the same sparks from before appear, which they did. He grinned at the new fire in his hand.
"Our sword didn't work, the magic blast didn't work," Nightmare Moon thought as her sword vanished into star like particles "the only thing that did was..."
Nightmare Moon's aura hair lashed out again at Ace in multiple strands. Ace barely dodged them, the fire vanishing from his hand, and charged back at Nightmare Moon. The aura continued its barrage of attacks but proved pointless as not a single one made a mark thanks to Ace's quick speed. Ace closed the distance between the two and throw a punch only to be blocked like last with the armor plate on Nightmare Moon's forearm, but he continued to push her back with his strength. Before Ace could try for another strike, one of Nightmare Moon's aura hair strands took advantage of how close they were and struck Ace square in the stomach. The hit caused him to lose the force he was pushing into her and started to step back, only for another of Nightmare Moon's aura hair strands to grab his leg mid step. The strand quickly jerked Ace up by his leg and throw him back.
"We knew it" Nightmare Moon smirked. "The magic in our hair is able to penetrate that fire defense of his. This gives us an idea."
Quick to recover, Ace charged again, only to be grabbed by Nightmare Moon's strange aura hair again. Having had enough of this constant obstacle, Ace's entire body burst into flames which instantly cancelled the aura grip.
"What?!?" Nightmare Moon said in shock. Ace's body reformed but the flames stayed on his forearms that were up in front of his face only for them to be thrown down, launching the fire at Nightmare Moon. He landed on his feet and charged after the fireball. The aura hair morphed into a barrier around Nightmare Moon which stood impenetrable to the fire. Remembering what happened last time, she brought up her arms to protector her face while the barrier returned to hair. Her attempt to stop an attack failed as Ace struck Nightmare Moon in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. Then once her guard dropped from the impact, Ace used his other hand to uppercut her straight in the chin.
The impact sent her to the ground but caused her helmet to go flying off. The black spiral horn on her helmet was actually part of her forehead with a hole in the helmet for it. The hair like aura really was blue hair that faded into the aura with star like sparkles on it. Nightmare Moon got up into a sitting position with her hand holding her jaw from the pain, then looked over at her helmet on the ground. She looked back at Ace with a face of pure rage and eyes glowing pure white.
Nightmare Moon quickly launched into the air and float there thanks to two large, black wings that kept her up even though they weren't flapping, which were hidden behind her cape until now. Thunder appeared as her horn started to create an incredibly strong, midnight blue aura around it.
"THOU SKULL SHOULD BE OUR NEW WINE GLASS!" She shouted with enough force to make Ace hold his arms up to block the wind.
Nightmare Moon's aura hair turned into a midnight blue which lashed out again only much faster and with the strands being razor sharp. Ace dodged them but with the increased speed, he was barely able to stay ahead of them. While dodging, he ran at Nightmare Moon then jumped as high as he could while readying a fist, which was pretty high for a jump. This however failed as her wings just did a few flaps and brought her higher, which caused Ace to miss completely. Landing caused him to do a roll to get on his feet. A quick glance back showed him that the aura tendrils were right after him, so he started running to avoid them.
Ace stretched his arms out and concentrated on his hands, and sure enough, fire formed in his palms. Mindful of the barrage of attacks, Ace throw the fireballs at Nightmare Moon in the air. The aura hair tendrils quickly retreated much faster than the fire to form a barrier around Nightmare Moon to protect her from the attack. Ace continued to assault her defenses with more fireballs but had no effect. The orb of aura with Nightmare Moon in it suddenly vanished in a quick flash of blue light, Ace couldn't see her anywhere when looking around. The same blue flash appeared right behind him and he quickly spun around in time to see one of the razor sharp aura hair tendrils about to stab into his left eye.
Ace was barely able to avoid the assault on his eye by raising his hands to grab the tendril. He was able to hold it in place, but not before the razor sharp point stabbed into his cheek right below his left eye. Ace grunted at the pain on his face as flames started to come out of his wound where the tendril was still piercing. Looking back at the source of the aura hair tendril, Ace saw more quickly charging straight for him.
Using his strength, he pulled out the tendril from his face and repeatedly jumped back as fast as he could to avoid the others that were quickly catching up. Ace throw fire at the tendrils as he continued to retreat but wasn't having much effect with the aura hair's overwhelming amount of tendrils over Ace's small fireballs. One of them was about to reach him and struck, only barely miss and instead managed to put a slice into the rim of his straw hat and cut off a few strands of hair. The tendrils just suddenly stop and returned to Nightmare Moon just like that, which caused Ace to stop.
Ace breathed heavy as he could feel pain on his cheek and touched it with his hand only to felt warm liquid. Looking back at his fingers, he saw blood. He wiped the blood from his cheek only for more to slowly take its place.
"So, thou really aren't invincible" Nightmare Moon said in a cocky tone while she walked towards Ace. She brushed off the dirt on her helmet that was in her hands. Once finished, she placed her helmet on her head which caused it to go straight through her aura hair. Ace looked at her, then froze, he saw something that he couldn't stop staring at. He just noticed the cut in the rim of his straw hat. Everything around him seem to freeze as he continued to stare at the damage. Then, something in Ace snapped.
"YOU RUINED MY HAT!" Ace roared at Nightmare Moon in pure rage.
"Upset about thou hat?" She responded back with her cocky tone still present. "Please, tis nothing but a hideous piece of useless straw. Thou really are stupid to be upset over something as simple as that."
These words only manage to make Ace angrier, his teeth clenching tight. Suddenly, something inside Ace's head clicked, and he got an idea. He pulled his left hand back into a fist behind his head like he was about to punch. The fist ignited in flames.
"Thee just doesn't know when to quit" Nightmare Moon stated as she took to the skies and her aura hair charged once again.
"Mera Mera No..." Ace said instinctually, the flames becoming hotter and more fierce. Nightmare Moon's aura hair tendrils reached Ace and were about to tear into him, but...
"HIKEN" Ace's voice echoed as his fist was launched forward.
The fire on Ace's fist shot out only this time becoming a massive inferno that completely blasted through the aura hair tendrils causing them to vanish in the flames. The end of the fire formed into a giant left fist and was speeding towards Nightmare Moon. She created another barrier around herself right before she was engulfed. The magic shielded her the best it could but gave way, the blast launching her back. Ace watched as Nightmare Moon's figure sored through the air from the fire leaving a trail of smoke. The flames dispersed and Ace chased after the smoke trail into the forest until the source landed.
Once he found the end of the trail he saw a tree that had fallen over from the impact. Nightmare Moon was sitting at the base and was clutching her right wing, signs of pain were very visible on her face. Upon a better look, Ace saw that the barrier stopped what it could, but a lot of her clothes and armor had burns along with a large majority of the wing she was clutching. Nightmare Moon gasped when she noticed Ace's approach and got to her feet only for her left leg to give, returning her into the previous position while giving a grunt of pain. Ace just stood there, giving a serious stare as she struggled.
"Curse thee" she said, "How are thou able to use such massive amounts of power so suddenly?"
Nightmare Moon's horn flared to life with aura appearing around it, Ace got ready for another attack. She stopped however with a look of sudden realization which quickly turned to anger. Nightmare Moon thought to herself "while we've been here, the spell we caused earlier has failed in ridding us of these six fools and they're nearly at the castle. Something must be done soon to stop them from reaching the elements," she then looked back at Ace.
"Why?" She asked him. "Why are thou interfering with our plans? Art thou really so loyal to that betrayer, Celestia?"
"Who's Celestia?" Ace questioned. This only made Nightmare Moon confused.
"If thou aren't doing all this for Celestia, then who?"
"I'm not doing any of this because of someone else. You attacked me."
Nightmare Moon closed her eyes, "of course. Of course something like this would happen. It always does. Why?" Her anger grow with each sentence. "Why does everything good always go for Celestia?" Her tone then got much quieter, "why does everything always seem to hate me?"
"What are you talking about" Ace asked.
"Thou really don't know anything, do thee?"
"No, not really."
"Fine" Nightmare Moon signed. "Thee have done well to best us. So, we will explain, seeing how thou don't have the intelligence to already know this on thy own. Tis was-"
"Don't bother" Ace interrupted. "I don't need to hear any story. I just want to know why you attacked me."
"Fine" she answered in anger. "If thou really want a reason, it's because we couldn't find our accursed sister."
"How does not finding your sister make you want to attack me?"
"Because if we couldn't destroy her then we needed something else."
"Why would you want to destroy your sister?"
"Because she tried to get rid of us. But we escaped our imprisonment and now wish to seek revenge"
"And why did she try to do that?"
"Because we tried to take the throne that is rightfully ours."
"You fought your sister for a throne?"
"The throne, fool."
"Oh. That's stupid."
Nightmare Moon gave Ace a menacing look. "What?"
"Why not just share it?"
Nightmare Moon didn't speak for a second. "What are thee talking about?"
"Why not just have both of you share the throne?"
"How stupid art thou? A throne can only be used by one person, not two."
"Why not?"
Nightmare Moon just stared at him.
"But I see your problem with only having one person on a throne. Just take turns."
Nightmare Moon was shocked by this suggestion, both at its simplicity and that it could actually work.
"But really, it's just stupid to fight over a stupid chair. Who cares how nice it looks."
Now, she was just dumbfounded.
"No" she finally concluded. "The throne is ours and ours alone. Tis our right."
"You keep calling me stupid, but what you said was completely stupid."
She continued her threatening stare.
"Why are you even fighting with your sister in the first place? You guys may not have gotten along. So what? Get over it! You guys are family, and your fighting over something completely stupid. Family is special and it should never be given up on. Yeah everyone has fights and makes mistakes. But that's just how it goes. You apologize to each other and get over it."
Nightmare Moon just stared at him, still processing what he said. Suddenly, she rose to her feet and look to the forest with a look a realization.
"They've reach the castle" she said to herself. "We can't fly with our wing injured, we'll just have to teleport."
"Hey wait, we're not done yet." Ace called out trying to get her attention but was unsuccessful as she vanished in a flash of blue light like before, only this time, not returning.
"Damnit."
The sound of a drop hitting the ground told Ace that the cut on his cheek was still bleeding. He was about to touch it but quickly brought his arms up to cover his eyes from the bright, yellow light that appeared in front of him. When he looked again, he saw that there was another woman, completely different from Nightmare Moon, in front of him.
This woman was the same height as Nightmare Moon with her being a bit taller than Ace. She wore a long, white dress that started just below her shoulders, exposing the top of her chest and ended at her feet, just barely touching the ground. The bodice of her dress hugged her chest and waist tightly but the skirt became loose and floating at the hips to allow mobility for the legs. The lower half of each side on the skirt were open, revealing solid gold pumps. White gloves went up her arms to stop at the upper arms with golden bracelets on the wrists. A solid gold necklace with a sun shaped locket was around her neck.
She wore pink lipstick, light eye shadow with eyeliner, and small gold earrings. Her hair was light blue, light green, purple, and pink and was long enough to reach past her waist, but instead flowed like wind even though there wasn't any with small sparkles in it. A large, golden tiara sat proudly on her head with a purple gem in the center as a crown jewel. A very thin and long pure white, spiraled horn sat on her forehead with large pure white, feather wings on her back that gave her the illusion of being an angel. Finally, her eyes were a glowing pink with a stern but kind and gentle look. The kind of look that showed power and demanded respect but were, at the same time, calming and reassuring. Like you could trust anything and everything to her, and you could rest easy knowing that she'd be able to keep you safe, like that of a goddess.
"Hello, young man." She spoke with a beautiful voice that was serious but still calming. "Have you seen a woman in light blue armor? I can sense that much of her magic was used here."
"Yeah. She just left."
"I see."
"Who are you?"
"I am Princess Celestia."
"Celestia?"
The woman became a little confused. "Yes?"
"Wait a minute!" Ace said while landing his fist into his open palm, then pointed to the princess. "You're the one that that Night-Moon person was talking about."
Princess Celestia then noticed the cut on Ace's cheek and the blood run from it. "You're injured. Was that the work of Nightmare Moon? Are you alright?"
"Huh?" Ace stopped pointing. "Don't worry about it, it's nothing. But aren't you the sister of Night-Moon?"
"You mean Nightmare Moon? Yes, I am. And I need to find her in order to stop her before she does something terrible."
"Why are you fighting her?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's stupid to fight over something like a throne. You guys are sisters, why not just share it?"
"Because..." Celestia didn't finish her sentence and just thought about what Ace had said. "Huh, that's so simple and yet it could solve the whole problem."
"Of course. Why fight your own family?"
"I need to put more thought into this idea. But, right now I need to know where Nightmare Moon is."
"She said something able a castle or something then left. I don't know where Night-Moon is."
"THE CASTLE?!? OH NO!" Celestia shouted in horror. "I need to hurry!" Celestia was about to do something else but stop to ask one last thing. "Where are my manners? Thank you for your help, what's your name?"
Ace gave a big, goofy smile, "Monkey D. Ace."
Princess Celestia gave a smile of thanks before vanishing in the same bright, yellow light that she appeared in. Silence drowned Ace as he looked around the empty forest. He brought his hand up to feel the cut on his cheek and felt the warm blood on his fingers. Just then, pain erupted in Ace's head along with lightheadedness. His legs gave out, sending him into the ground face first with his hat falling off and landing on his back. The last thing Ace saw before blacking out was the rising sun bring the new day.
And so, the young man lay on the dirt ground, not from the battle of which he fiercely fought, but the delayed fatigue what had been slowly working its way through him and finally had gotten the better. Unbeknownst to the young man while he slept, another fierce battle with the dark woman and had been won and the darkness plaguing her heart was expelled. The words given to the two sisters had ended the years of pain and sadness between them once they finally were reunited. A new age of understanding and joy was about to begin for the two sisters, all thanks to the simple words and advice given by the very man who lay unconscious in the dirt who didn't even know he was really doing anything but stating what he believed to be obvious.
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Totally awesome!!
This story seems interesting. I loved the for scenes and Ace'b simpleminded beliefs clashing with Nightmare Moon and Celestia's reasons for fighting was entertaining. I hope to see more of this.
ONE PIECE!!!
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I hate to see this great idea suffer, but its too fast paced. You began this story by practically smacking ace dead into the middle of a battle. Not an ounce of warning or backstory as to why he ended up in such circumstances either. This was supposed to be a prologue.. yes? Do you understand what a "prologue" even is? It is solely for the introduction of a firm setting to your story, but i am more lost than i was before i even began reading. Also, your grammar is unsatisfactory when stated nicely. Now, youre still quite early into this series, so my advice to you is to re-do the entire thing, get an editor, and study up on Ace. His full name is Portgas D. Ace, not Monkey D. Ace. Lastly, get a good proof reader. And seriously, SLOW DOWN.
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First off, this isn't Portgas D. Ace. I want to make that known as clearly as possible to anyone who might think he is. He isn't. If you'd noticed the bottom of the description, it says that this story is after One Piece. And I don't mean right after the raise of Pirate King Luffy, much later. Both Ace and Sabo are dead, so the Mera Mera No Mi is completely up for grabs and the new Ace here is the one who grabbed it.
Second, the fast pace without any explanation or backstory is all past of the story that will be explain in future chapters. I don't want to give anything away so just read the rest when it comes out if you really want one.
Third, his name, personality, devil fruit, straw hat, and even having no knowledge able his abilities and more will also be explain in the future. I'm the type of guy to plan out my stories in advance and have planned out everything that I think someone could want to know thought the story. The answers aren't going to come right at the next chapter, so it may take awhile. But, why it will take awhile will be explain sooner.
Fourth, I thought a fight to establish Ace's general abilities would be a good idea and hopefully a somewhat unique why to first introduce a character. If you don't like the way the story goes, too bad. It's my story I'll write it however I damn well please.
Finally, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY I WRITE?!?!?!? If you got a problem then just say so.
6373560 Sigh, i should have known you were one of those types. Listen, a thing that will royally screw you over on this site is to fight against helpful critism. I dont have a problem with you, no one does. Its called tough love, and if you wont make an effort to make this horrible story better, you'll fail. Simple as that. I can see that you were trying to pull off a start to the story where the character was already entangled in some sort of mess to grab the readers attention.. but not only is this a terrible idea, the way you went about executing it had next to no quality or sense. And lets clear something up, i am NOT disregarding the small amounts of effort you put into it. It is because you tried that i am trying to help you. You need to learn better ways to transition to a next word or thought without making this story's pacing feel like a turtle on a treadmill. I found it hard to read through this whole chapter, and there is no doubt that many others feel the same way as i do. And also, Aces name is Portgas D. Ace, please look it up before you make me blow a fuse. Lastly, Sabo is alive and has won Ace's fruit at the colosseum, so there can be no valid explanation to why Ace still has his devil fruit powers. I repeat, study up on Ace and re-do this.
6373560 Oh sweet lord.. Ok now i see what you did. You named an oc character after a real character off the show.. are you serious?? Do you realize how utterly confusing you've made the beginning of your story?? Never do this. Your little oc somehow has the mera mera fruit, and he somehow wakes up out of nowhere. This feels like it could have been chapter four instead of a prologue. You need to fix your description, and you need to change his name. Even then i doubt that anyone will read a story about a one piece oc, its just too obscure of a main character for it to work. You will not be able to give him any sort of redeeming quality to intensify the fact that he is from the one piece universe, all you have is just an extremely vague way of giving him the mera mera fruit. No hard feelings, its just not gonna cut it.
FUCKIN MORE...plz
6374210
First, on my last comment, the way I shouted the last part was ment to just be a joke. Imagine a scene from One Piece where someone said something that offended Luffy and he wanted to fight as like a little joke of the series that doesn't actually lead to a real fight, anime does it all the time.
Second off, I'm still just starting and aren't very good at writing. To be honest, I'm writing this story because my mind likes to think things like stories and stuff through to no end and to gain experience to become better at writing for another story I want to do. If I do become better in the future and find things I don't like in the prologue then I will rewrite it.
Third, if you don't like the similarities of Monkey D. Ace and Portgas D. Ace then, well I'm sorry but the way I planned out the story involves these similarities. I put some really effort in my story and, quiet frankly, I don't want to change it.
Finally, I respect your opinion and thank you for it, but even if this story only had one like and ten thousand dislikes and got hundreds of hateful comments each week, I'd still keep writing. I write this story for me even if no one else likes it. And honestly, if that did happen I'd just be amazed that so many people even came and at least red a little of my story to begin with.
6374653 Not telling you to stop writing. Im telling you to fix your writing. I originally thought it was a good idea, but it was sort of ruined for me. Im telling you this for future reference and if you dont want to change the story, fine. Fine by me.
You've caught my attention, I like the way you've made it as a mix between Luffy and Ace. But does this mean that this guy is Luffys son? And that he passed the straw hat down to him. If so then I am here for a long time, can't wait to see how many people comment on this saying 'but Luffy was meant to be with this character'
6377999
I will confirm or deny nothing, because I don't like spoilers.
But I have a feeling you're gonna like what I have planned.
6378228 I'll take that as a yes
Ehh... I'm hesitant, but hopeful, so I'll file this away and see where it goes. I do tentatively agree however, that the naming scheme is rather confusing (especially since his outfit seems to be just Luffy's above waist clothing and Ace's below the waist garments). Plus... unlike what the description says... he seems to know who he is for the most part. Unless his name is all he knows and he hasn't realized yet that he knows nothing else.
Am I the only one who thinks that the title picture is giving me deja vu to Huniepop.
6383904
I don't see it
Ko just checking is this a humanoid or anthro story cause I think you should add the anthro tag or say it is.
just saying also great awesome job on this story.
6397448
This story has characters that are human, but have horns and wings. More about it will be explained in the next chapter.
KO thanks and hopefully Ace will fine good life with the ponies.
I ABSOLUTLY MUST READ MORE I DEMAND A NEW CHAPTER!
KO when's the next chapter we wish to know what happens next.
I bet Ace is looking for some to join crew like his father Luffy like
6429987
6425489
I'm a bit of a procrastinator. I'll get the next chapter out when I can.
6431090 KO hope there'll be some love scene and more fighting too.
KO when's the next chapter coming.
6460541
I'm working on it.
6461135 KO hope you get there soon to make this story more awesome.
6463408
Nothing against you or anything. But I really don't like it when people leave comments about a story when they haven't read it yet.
6464713
Perfectly understandable. I'd do the same with the whole outrage thing. But in the future, just recommending you read a story before passing judgement.
When will you be able to make more chapters? I have to say it was a great beginning.
I like the story you started.
6470960
Thank you. I am currently doing all I can to finish the next chapter. Even had the postpone my time on Fallout: New Vegas for the time being so I wouldn't get distracted. It's coming along nicely.
6471226 Oh Fallout New Vegas I want to get back on that as well but beating the brains out of Z's on Dead Island is so fun right now.
well do your best and all will be great.
This looks very good. I like the way you write the characters.^^
Feature feature feature
We demand more!!!!!!
6471226 KO PLEASE say that the next chapter is coming soon.
6546177
The next chapter is coming soon.
Happy?
6546263 KO thanks and sorry sometimes I can be a little impatient anyway keep up the good work.
6546263
Not bad pal. Can't wait for more.
I have the strong urge to edit this, but on a side note, this story sounds interesting. Keep up the good work and may your journey as a storyteller and author be successful.
So, he is technically luffy with ace's powers, i like it, keep up the good work if you get back to this story