What happened to his arm!

9365836
He touched something he wasn't supposed to.

Interesting

Well the writing still needs work, but I think you are on a good start, so keep it up. At the moment there doesn't seem to be much of a goal for his to reach other then going back home of course but that could be cleared upon the next chapter.

If you are looking for a cover art I am open to for commissions if you are ever interested, you can just PM me if you want to talk about it further. The link to my DA gallery in just bellow if you want to take a look at it.

https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku

9368489
Can you elaborate on what you mean when he doesn't have a goal? I just want some clarification so I can see what I have and make some changes if I have to.

I'll look at your DA profile and get back at you.

9368535
It's nothing that you really need to worry about, it's was just to wonder what was his plans to to leave the ruined Castle of the Two Sisters survive through the Everfree Forest and what he would do after that point. At the moment, it is not even clear if the Celestia that visited he knew is the same that he is going to try to contact so she might not even know how he is yet; I wonder if the Celestia that he know was from after of before Nightmare Moon which would add a lot of trouble. there is also a time factor to his situation, as he is apparently changing into a pony himself, Celestia might not recognize him once he reached a certain point in his transformation and would just think of him as another one of her subjects which would make his situation even more difficult for him. What is at least reassuring his that once he convinces Celestia of his identity she should have a way back to his home; if she managed it once she should be able to do it again.

I would wonder why Celestia was in his world in the first place as, I don't it was entirely for relaxation, maybe she had been perusing something in different world and on the way back she was exhausted and needed to catchup on her strength .

hope this helps in someway.

9368811
Every little bit helps, and you were right things will start clearing up for him soon.

There are a few things I wish you would have shown instead of just telling us about (like the interaction with Celestia). But other then that you have my interest.

9373684
I'll keep that in mind. Thank You.

Well the grammar needs work but other than that good story. I’d recommend Grammarly so you don’t have to worry about typos and errors as much.

9376730
I do use it, but only the free one. Once I get some better income I'll upgrade for sure.

Thank you.

9377995
Wops, sorry I must have forgotten to press the post button before I changed story. Huh okay, here is what I basically. "I was surprised that he had managed to leave the Everfree forest with so many encounters and still be alive, he must be lucky" "I am guess that he knows that this is before the series pilot because of the Mare in the Mood effigy was still there and that is why it was so odd that he meet Twilight in the first place" Then I had said that I was looking forward to see the all the cute and adorable the ponies would be by coming at him with pitchforks and torches.

Looking forward to the next chapter, again sorry

Pretty good start. Only thing I could point out right here is that he repeatedly mentions responsibilities and duties keeping him tied to Earth, but makes no mention whatsoever of what they entail. Also, more description of his surroundings and people would be a bit better- description of his home, the castle where he ended up, how do things look, smell, feel etc. This can be applied to everything from characters, to foliage, buildings, animals and so on. We still don't even really know anything about what the main character actually looks like- hair color, eyes, height, weight, scars. The next time you are writing a scene and the main character makes any kind of contact with another character or surface, try to describe what it feels like in more detail. Even just adding an adjective or two makes a huge difference. The clearer the picture the reader has, the better.

Ok, so we spend a good portion of the chapter in a flashback before cutting to him in the present. But then he, or rather you, just tell us what happened. Instead of showing us the events through another flashback you just kind of rush through it. The whole thing with Celestia showing up and having to integrate into the family should be an entire chapter in its own right. What was his family's in-depth reaction to witnessing a cartoon character standing before them? These things are interesting.

We also don't get too many descriptions of things. It's better to give us one description of a place or person and then only refer to it like "the castle" or "Celestia". Just because we know how those things look doesn't mean you should cut down on showing us how it looks. You can even change a few things if you so wish. Maybe your Celestia has a pink mane or your Castle of the Two Sister has a big ass wall around it.

Show us what your world and what your characters looks like.

9637283
That sums it up for me as well.

However, I am still intrigued to read more. So I am gonna keep reading :)

So its the EoH that are transforming him into a pony? I have to wonder if its just a random magical surge or something deliberate. If deliberate, it was either malicious or very very stupid.

One from outside the grasp of Harmony needs to be careful when interacting with it...

Enough of the down mood, time for some FOOD!!

It rhymes. Just like the... times...?

Fucking knots.

Eh, square knot and simple lashings are usually enough to take care of any situation. Most other knots are a waste of time unless you're a sailor or something.

I stared at the cartoon character that did likewise to me. My mind must still be muddled from lack of sleep because there is no way Sunny D is in my room. I let out a groan and flipped around so that my back was to the mind fuck.

“Nope,” I grumbled out as I covered my head with a blanket.

a valid reaction if I've ever seen one.

10794904
I still remember the bowline, but I can only do it one handed.

Jinx is what we refer to as a wingman