Dancing Flames, Cooling Ember

by Tamara Bloodhoof

Chapter One, Never Let a Psycho Buy You a Meal

Chapter One
Never Let a Psycho Buy You a Meal

Stealing Black wings idea of mental writing, hope you don’t mind.

“Wait, you'd send me to Equestria?” I asked, my eyebrows disappearing into my hairline in shock. “But how would you get me there in the first place.”

I was sitting at a table in my favorite coffe shop, an older woman sitting across from me. She had midnight blue hair and a huge scar spanning across her face, but had so far actually been rather interesting and nice.

“Do you really want me to explain? Explaining the secrets of the universe are horribly complicated.” the woman responded, a false pout on her lips. “It’ll go over your head, and what’s the point of that? Always thought that confusing explanations were worthless. Anyways, what do you want to be?” she said excitedly, her face a bamboozling amalgaration of anticipation and feigned sadness.

“Okay, I'll conceed that I’m not exactly good at quantum physics. But what would I be? Rhetorically? Well, I would want to be fast, but strong enough to defend myself.” I stated, my voice somewhat strained as I contemplated the ridiculous expression on her face. “But I’m not even sure what exists in Equestria, I’m not that huge a fan, I've only seen the episodes once, and I've never seen any of the fandom.” My eyes drifted off into the distance, staring blindly at the dark clouds outside, which were pouring rain down upon the street outside.

“Yes, I could see that, it's actually rather obvious, but life doesn’t always come at us straight and easy. Unfortunately for you, life decided to throw you a curveball today. I pray that I'll see you later.” She replied, nonchalantly sipping at a cup of tea, a saucer held in her hand.

‘Wait, where did that cup come from? And why did she just say bye to me? Why/how is life throwing me a curveball? And why am I FALLING STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SOLID BUCKING GROUND!?!’

My brain processed all of that in about 0.89 seconds, but it still was too late for me to escape the black void that had suddenly appeared below me, swallowing me whole.

****************************************************************************************************

Wait, wait, wait, I should start at the beginning, shouldn’t I? Sorry about that.

My name is Ember. I’m fifteen years old. I have midnight blue hair, bordering on black, and a fair amount of muscles. I do kickboxing, have a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, and have learned enough judo to throw someone up to my weight without straining myself. I can bench press one hundred pounds on my better days, have straight A’s (only due to my dad breathing down my neck), speak a bit of six languages (A.K.A. can talk to someone over basic concepts), can dissect a pig in less than a minute (Dear god that was messy), have a thorough understanding of animal physiology (biology being a favorite class), and I’m also the star of the track team (not as good as one would think).

I’m also a girl.

Now, going to Equestria wasn’t my dream, it was more like a passing thought, born from a quick stab of loneliness. You see, even though I was so good at practically everything, I still had a gargantuan amount of problems and worries.

My dad, or maybe slave driver would describe him better, was a perfectionist who hated to see his daughter be second best at anything. He would wake me up at five, I would go to bed at nine, and I got less than one hour for some me time. And the last time I got a B in school… well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

But he wasn’t the end of my problems, oh no. After having to deal with father, I also had to deal with a bunch of puffed up spoiled brats, the popular kids. They never were rough mind you, just liked to ridicule me enough to hurt my ego. Even though I reported it, the teachers never caught them at it, so I learned to just suck it up.

Today had been no different. Wake up, go to the gym, kick a punching bag so many times that the chain broke (suprised my foot didn't), head home, shower, get dressed for school in my dark gray uniform (skirt, tights, shirt, tie, and vest), go to school, get bullied, go to lunch, get bullied, finish school, head to café to eat and do homework, run into a psycho lady who asked me if I want to go to Equestria………

Okay, scratch that last one; that is anything but normal.

But hey, she offered to buy the food, and who was I to argue against a free meal with my pocket money being so low, so I sat down with her, we ordered our meals, and talked a bit about MLP. I wasn’t big enough of a fan to be a pega-sister, but I had watched all the episodes (once mind you), so I had a okay to decent amount of knowledge about MLP. She, on the other hand, was a bona-fide pony guru. She even stated, in what seemed to be a loving tone, that she made MLP, but when I asked what section she worked in, she merely snorted (sounded almost like a whinny) and said, “What section, that’s like asking what part of the world faces the moon, or even the sun.” and refused to answer any other queries I asked.

All-in-all it was a delightful conversation, but as I decided to leave, she asked me again that mind boggling question of whether I wanted to go to Equestria or not. We exchanged the comments above, and poof, I was gone. Yay, I get a free trip and don’t even have time to pack the essentials, what next?

Shout out to Black Wing, Thanks a ton
To Rust, may you ever prosper.

Comments

[BlackWing]

Good, good, me like. Good writing, good premise, a little rushed, elaborate a bit more on the surroundings, (although I'm guilty of doing the same thing sometimes) I like it, keep it going.

[Knighthawker]

.... Ok. HiE with a female main charecter, not gonna get turned into a pony, and approval by the legendary scribe Blackwing himself.... well done.

[steampvnc1880]

Eighth paragraph had my Mary Sue sensors going like a timey wimey detector in the presence of "stuff". When I read the rest of this chapter, however, I went "whew, false alarm." I'm still a bit nervous though. It's really pushing it.

[ImChangingmynameforreaso]

I like how you had to include this: 'I’m also a girl.'

[Samuel Eyre]

Quite the accomplishments able to gut a pig in a minute. Well I can cook minute rice in 59 seconds.

[Mossy Mare]

687723
Same here. But hey, it's endorsed by the almighty BlackWing, and I too am a girl who's bio would read like a Mary Sue. I'm gonna keep reading.

[banjo2E]

Oh god, she got sent in by Faust.

[Kablex]

693328 That's some Willy Wonka shit right there.
At least I think so.

[Tamara Bloodhoof]

693328
Naaaah, and it would have to be Ultimecia.

[Lesolan - Rest In Peace]

DISCREPANCY.

'I'm not really a brony/pegasister.'
Gets less than 1 hour for personal time per day.
Watches entirety of MLP FiM.

...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/179/919/tumblr_lr3pvainPk1qlurcwo1_400.jpg

[AliCentaur Br0ny]

It's interesting so far so I'll keep reading it.

[Glassed]

I’m also a girl.
*contemplates life for a second*
*Scrolls up and hits favorite-button*
We need more of these...
-Glassed

[Sesquame]

My Sue detectors went off the charts at that description. Seriously, I was about to close out when I decided to check the comments 687723 convinced me to read the rest of the chapter

[Vates Despero]

687723>>774331
My name is Ember. I’m fifteen years old. I have midnight blue hair, bordering on black, and a fair amount of muscles. I do kickboxing, have a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do, have learned enough judo to throw someone up to my weight without straining myself, can bench press one hundred and fifty pounds, have straight A’s, speak a bit of six languages(even to include a few random Egyptian hieroglyphs), can speak and wright Latin, can dissect a pig in less than a minute, have a thorough understanding of animal physiology, and I’m also the star of the track team.

You know, I think she used a "Mary Sue" form letter to write that. Seriously, that looks like a dictionary entry for Mary Sue .
704208
And I'm guessing you meant to have that red text there and just flubbed?

[The Psychopath]

Sir, I resent that title. I find it wascist.

[StatusQo]

Silly Ember thers no such thing as a free meal.

[DocFlareon]

In the eighth paragraph, the viewpoint character is described as a near textbook Mary Sue. Yet in paragraphs twelve and thirteen we find out that she's targeted by bullies. This makes absolutely no sense. She is skilled in two different martial arts, and she's the star of the track team, but the "popular" kids bully her?! Two emoticons sum up my initial impression of this story quite well.

[Lynked]

Hmm, don't have much time right now, but I'll stick this on my read later list. Trying to empty out my favorite's backlog first
Anyways, too early to give an opinion right now, though this is in need of an editor. Not too badly, but still.

[A true pony critic]

669503 that is a major MAJOR example of why I changed my account>>704208 I decided to review a chapter too see how you think I get things done I'm still not quite done with the Ballad of Echo the diamond dog but I'll alternate chapters sound good? anyway do you want a thorough and long winded chapter review or do you want a quick summary of what I thought and be done with it either way its your call and as always writer to writer metoyouonline.com/images/productzoom/A01SS268.jpg you should know what I mean I will wait to review till after your responce of how you want things done if you decide you don't like my critiqueing style feel free to tell me to delete my reviews awating a responce eagerly

-A True Pony Critic

[A true pony critic]

732334
you read fics with girl main characters buit there are so many crossovers where the character gets together with one of the mane 6 its ridiculous and oddly enough they all seem to assume they are all straight

[Subatomic Seal]

Yes, yes... This will do nicely...

[trondason]

Anyways, what do you want to be?

This reminded me of another fic (a non-canon CGotG in fact), which prompted me wondering, if I was given this offer, what would I go as. Supposing it is open and not restricted to species native to Equis, then I would go with an Evolved from [Prototype], or failing that, as a kryptonian like super-man. Main reason why I choose a Evolved is that they have so much more potential than Superman, and one of Supes few weaknesses is no resistance to it (or at least no more than the average human) and in a land filled with magic, that could be fatal.

If you where given this offer, what would you be?

Love your story btw,and now, BACK TO READINGLAND!!!!! (I totally stole that, forget from who though, so if its you, your awesome)

[Cade117]

2705689
I would be an enderman except Be able to knot brutally murder anypony that looks at me.