Guide You Home

by Magical Trevor

Chapter the Sixth

“What?! But she’s not crazy! I’ll prove it!” a green unicorn shouted madly, his eyes out of focus. “You have no right to throw my wife in an insane asylum!”

“She’s only being held for a short time, so that the doctors can ascertain if she’s mentally unstable, or if she just needs more rest or not. You heard about the panic she caused yesterday, did you not?” Celestia chided, trying not to lose her patience with the stallion that refused to listen.

“She’s not mentally unstable!” he shouted back, his eye twitching dangerously. “I’ll show you unstable, just you watch!”

Cackling gleefully, he ran from the throne room, leaving Celestia to slowly cradle her head in her hoof, before turning to her right, ordering, “Captain, please have some of the guards stand watch at his house, and let me know if he ever leaves. It seems that we need to keep an eye on him as well.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” the white stallion saluted, his two-toned blue mane creating a fierce mohawk. “I have just the guards for the job. If you’ll excuse me.”

With that, he bowed, leaving Celestia to deal with the next request from the many nobles, wondering idly what was going to be served for lunch. ‘Maybe there will be some Cloudspire Cake...’

.o.O.o.

Galexia had long since woken up from her nap on Moonstone’s head, and once they had arrived at Digit Pi’s house, hopped off, running straight for the kitchen, where Milky Way was happily eating donuts with the other colts and fillies, completely enjoying the attention and spectacle of it being her birthday, and being able to spend it at home, instead of at the palace, where they spent long day after boring day. Galexia ran over to the creame-colored unicorn, jumping up onto her back and onto her head, settling down on her mane, much to the filly’s excitement.

“Lexie! You’re back! Does this mean we can play some more? Oh! Is Mr. Moonstone gonna teach us more magic now, is he is he is he?!” the filly shouted excitedly, trotting in place, before dashing towards the living room, now completely hyperactive. She was almost bowled over, however, when her father rushed into the kitchen, who then drank a large glass of milk, before eating some yogurt.

“Woah! What’s the rush, daddy? Didn’t you get something to eat at Mr. Joe’s?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side, much to the annoyance of the ferret atop her head.

Still spooning yogurt, he replied between gulps, “I ate a spicy pepper, so I’m getting rid of the taste and heat.”

“Well why did you go and do a silly thing like that for, daddy?” she asked innocently, her eyes bright with curiosity.

Sighing, he replied, “Well, Moonstone ate one, and he didn’t react at all, so I ate one to make sure I gave him the right thing, an-”

He was interrupted in his explanation when he heard a strangled cry from the other room, like somepony was about to die. He barely got to the living room in time to see Moonstone practically flying up the stairs to the restroom, since he had heard running water from that direction. Milky Way followed right after her father, looking at him as he commented softly, “Oh dear... I hope your sister is done with her shower, Milky...”

Milky stayed silent for a moment, before her eyes brightened up, an idea forming in her young mind. “I know! I should take Sona and Moony some donuts! Come on, Lexie, let’s get them some food!”

Leaving her father to deal with the rest of their guests, some of whom were still just arriving, she gathered some donuts and juice on a tray, carefully making her way up the stairs slowly, so that she wouldn’t spill any of it.

.o.O.o.

Singing softly to herself, Starlight Sonata stepped out of the shower, deciding to air dry, as using a towel seemed to make her mane more on the fritzy side. She jumped back with a scream when Moonstone barreled into the room, his eyes searching frantically back and forth, before he dived for the shower, accidentally ripping the head off the shower. He was immediately soaked in a torrential downpour of water, completely oblivious to the ranting mare not five feet away as she screeched at him. “Haven’t you ever heard of this little thing called MANNERS?! You don’t barge in on a lady when she’s in the shower, you... Hey! Listen to me when I’m TALKING to you!”

The oil now at least mostly gone from his mouth, he was left shaking from the adrenaline still pumping in his bloodstream. ‘Well, at least he was right. I’ve got my energy back,’ he thought shakily, before he was pulled back into the real world by a slap from Sonata.

He jerked back, blinking rapidly as he turned to face her, prepared to fight, but all of his will was drained when he actually saw her. While he was vaguely aware of her speaking words as the steam poured out from the room due to all of the hot water, what he was very aware of, partially due to her close proximity, was her face. When he had seen her last time, her eyes were hard and suspicious, half hidden behind her mane. With her mane still rather soaked from her shower, it framed her face beautifully, though he couldn’t quite decide why. Her cheeks were a little red, standing out against her dark purple coat.

It was her eyes, however, that captured his attention. As such close proximity, he felt like his very soul was being put on display for everyone to judge as her eyes bore into his. Her large, emerald eyes bordering on teal, while enrapturing, were also filled with anger. Moonstone felt completely helpless against her onslaught, not needing to hear the words she was saying when the emotions he saw in her eyes were enough.

His ears flattened against his head as he tried to back away from her, but he was already inside the bathtub, and thus had nowhere to go. Not aware that she was still talking, he looked down at his hooves, wishing nothing more than to melt through them to get away from the anger and disappointment that he had inadvertently caused in this mare. Murmuring so quietly that she didn’t quite manage to hear him, he stammered, “I-I’m sorry...”

Starlight paused, thinking that she had seen his mouth move, but no words had come out. “Excuse me?”

Clearing his throat as softly as possibly, he mumbled again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know... I didn’t... Sorry.”

She opened and closed her muzzle a couple of times, before turning away sharply, huffing, “I should say so! Don’t let it happen again!”

Moonstone couldn’t even bring himself to look up as she sauntered away, too depressed and ashamed for upsetting the pegasus mare. Instead he sat in the still-spewing torrent of water coming from the broken shower head, his cape now twice as heavy, but he didn’t care. He lifted his head slowly, trying to relax as the water hit his face and ran down his body, but not even that lifted his spirits.

.o.O.o.

By the time Starlight made her way back to her room, she had mostly calmed down, though thanks to the broken showerhead, she was now freshly soaked, and she started to debate whether or not she wanted to towel dry or not. Bristling slightly, she brooded to herself, ‘I can not BELIEVE that... that... PERVERT tried to spy on me in the shower! After I get dressed, I oughta give that moron a piece of my mind! Assuming he’d even know what to do with it,’ she finished, slipping her hooves into the soft, black shoes she loved to wear.

“Hey sissy, I brought’cha some donuts!” Milky Way chirped, bouncing into her sister’s room happily, setting the tray on Sonata’s bed. When she turned to her sister, she noticed that she was still rather wet, and seemed to be fuming silently. “Sissy? Hey, Equestria to Sissy, come in, Sissy!”

Galexia hopped from her place atop Milky’s head, landing on Sonata’s wing. Now, while just about everypony knows that a pagasi’s wings are sensitive, partially to help them detect small changes in the wind, this was something that Galexia, apparently, did not know. Landing on the purple pegasi’s wing caused them to shoot straight out, sending Galexia straight up into the air. Luckily, on her way back down, Galexia managed to land on Starlight’s back, who was gasping for breath from being startled.

Milky Way collapsed on the floor, giggling madly at her sister’s frazzled stance, her eyes wide open with her wings out and trembling, her chest heaving as she tried to get her breath back. “Y-you’re so silly, sis!” Milky gasped out, trying to get her breath back, but failing from laughing so hard.

“Oh yeah? Well then deal with this!” the elder replied, grinning maliciously as she descended upon Milky, her hooves finding their way to the small unicorn’s sides as Sonata started tickling her sister relentlessly. “Who’s silly now?” she exclaimed, giggling along with her sister.

L-Le-Lexie, h-help-help me!” she giggled out pleadingly, looking to the black and silver ferret to help her.

The ferret immediately jumped to her defense, anding on the filly’s chest, staring intently at Starlight, who stared right back. While they stared, Milky slowly calmed down, before stating simply, “Your mane looks pretty when it’s wet. Would mine look more pretty if it’s wet?”

Sonata paused, before sighing, “It’s not that pretty, Milly, and it wouldn’t still be wet if it wasn’t for that... Hmph!”

Milky Way tilted her head, confused, inquiring, “Wasn’t for what? And sure you are! You’re the prettiest-est mare I know! You’re even more prettier than mommy, and she’s SUPER pretty!” she protested, pouting at her older sister.

Choosing to ignore the complement, Sonata answered, “Moonstone barged in on me while I was in the shower, that’s what! I should have KNOWN that his ‘gentlecolt manners’ were just a front!”

Milky Way lay there for a moment, before she started laughing again, shaking in her mirth. Frowning at her younger sister, Sonata huffed, “I don’t know what’s so funny about being spied on, Milly!”

Giggling away, she explained, “Daddy gave him a Habby Nero Pepper! He probably just wanted a drink of water and panicked!”

Sonata slowly mouthed the words ‘Habby Nero’ before her mind translated it properly. “Oh, a Habanero pepper... Wait, why would daddy-”

“Because he was in the middle of a sugar crash, and I thought it would give him some natural energy back,” Digit Pi answered, walking into the room as well, bringing milk for his daughters to drink, though they hadn’t started eating. “So tell me, what exactly happened?”

Starlight then proceeded to tell her father the story from her point of view, making it a point to stress just how rude and inappropriately he had acted. Her father’s response, however, caught her completely off-guard. “Well, at least he wasn’t lying then,” he said calmly.

“What?! Didn’t you just hear what I said?! He-”

“Knows next to nothing about how city ponies act, Star,” Digit interrupted her, gently rebuking her. “He’s traveled his whole life, and doesn’t know much about anything when it comes to manners or anything like it. I know you’re very embarrassed, Star, and you have every right to be, but you can’t very well blame somepony for doing something that they had no idea was wrong to do.”

Starlight Sonata squirmed ever so slightly where she sat, frowning as she thought. She flicked her mane, choosing to ignore her father while she thought. However, a small peck on her cheek brought her back as her father hugged her. After a moment she relented, hugging him back with her forelegs and her wings. Her father sighed after a moment, murmuring, “You are beautiful, Star, and I wish you would stop saying you’re not.”

Starlight pulled back, looking away again sharply. “I think I know how I look better than you do, dad,” she said shortly, snorting

“Oh really? Sounds like your outvoted, right Lexie?” Milky giggled, looking over at the black ferret, who promptly raised her diminutive paw in the air before sticking her tongue out at the large pegasus pony.

Eyes lighting up with an idea, Digit suggested offhandedly, “Well then, sounds like we need somepony else’s opinion on this. We ARE opinionated, afterall, and clearly don’t know how to judge things objectively.”

“Dad, cut it with the sarcasm, alright? Besides, like I really care what some stupid nobles think. You know I’m moving away from here as soon as I can,” Sonata answered. “So yeah, good luck with finding somepony normal around here.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I seem to recall a certain stallion in our house just down the hall that seemed fairly normal. Or is my old age finally catching up to me?” Digit Pi sighed, lamenting, “It’s so hard, growing old...”

“I’m barely twenty-one, dad, I doubt you can really call yourself ‘old’,” Starlight retorted, shoving her father playfully. “Besides, if what you said was true, then he wasn’t paying attention to me anyways.”

“Were you yelling at him?” He asked, arching an eyebrow. When his daughter looked away primly, he started roaring with laughter, before catching himself, trying to stay somber, but the smile on his face ruined it. “You yelled at him. Trust me. A stallion NEVER forgets when a beautiful mare yells at them. They will, in the future, then do just about whatever it takes to prevent said mare from yelling at them. So...”

Arching an eyebrow once more, he held out his foreleg, motioning for his daughters to head towards the bathroom. Reluctantly, Sonata got off her haunches, rising to her hooves as she followed her father to the bathroom.

When they walked in, she expected that Moonstone would at least acknowledge their presence, but he seemed oblivious. The water was still running, surprisingly enough. The three ponies watched, amused and confused as they observed Moonstone.

He was sitting in the shower, stubbornly looking up at the broken shower through the torrents of water, trying to reattach the head with his magic, but the water prevented him from screwing it back in, that, and...

“He’s trying to put it on backwards!” Milky Way exclaimed, falling to the floor, laughing as she rolled around.

After staring for a minute, They watched as Moonstone finally gave up, flinging away the head recklessly, exclaiming, “How do you stop this infernal thing?! It has to run out of water eventually!”

Starlight cracked up as he then proceeded to glare at the broken piping, as if he could stare it into submission.

Digit Pi, managing to control his mirth, used his telekinesis to shut off the water, much to the amusement over ererypony, as Moonstone declared, “Ha! Take that, water! You have been defeated! Toldja you had to run out eventually!”

He smirked, then turned around, jerking back when he saw the other three ponies. He stood there for a moment, soaked to the bone, shivering slightly, unsure of what to say. After a moment, he cleared his throat, before saying nervously, his voice breaking slightly, “Sorry for breaking your water thingy. I tried to fix it, but...”

Having to bite his lips to prevent himself from laughing, Digit Pi walked forward slowly, taking the head from where it was thrown, and reattached it to the rest of the shower calmly, before turning back to Moonstone. “It’s alright, it was an accident. See? All fixed. Don’t worry about it.”

“I-if you s-say so, sir,” Moonstone replied, his teeth chattering slightly.

Digit Pi laughed, before trying to calm the young stallion down. “You don’t need to call me ‘sir’, alright? That makes me feel... Well, okay, I AM old, what do I know,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Just... Call me Digit, or Pi, whatever you’re more comfortable with.”

“A-alright D-Digit,” Moonstone agreed, water dripping down his mane and his nose.

“Alright, thank you. Now, I have a question for you. Do you find my daughter, Starlight Sonata, attractive? Slightly attractive, very attractive, not at all attractive... Anything?”

Moonstone’s eyes widened, shifting back and forth between Starlight and Digit several times before he swallowed, stating as calmly as he could, “I have no opinion.”

“... You have no opinion,” Digit deadpanned, arching an eyebrow at Moonstone, unbelieving.

He watched as Moonstone’s cheeks reddened, before the white stallion nodded, barely keeping from stumbling over his words. “T-that’s right. I have no opinions.”

“I don’t believe you,” Digit said flatly, narrowing his eyes. “Now you tell me the truth. Do you think Starlight is pretty, or not?”

“... I can’t tell you,” Moonstone muttered, looking down at the floor.

“Ha, see? Told ya so,” Starlight quipped, flipping her mane with a hoof, hiding the hurt in her eyes from practice.

Digit’s eye twitched, but restrained a sigh as he struggled to keep his tone even. “And why can’t you tell me, Moonstone? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

Moonstone shuffled his hooves nervously, before saying softly, “Because the last time I called a mare beautiful I was run out of town, and I like this city... And besides!” he continued, a sudden heat in his voice as he leaned forward sharply, staring intently at Digit, wanting him to understand. “How was I supposed to know that she was engaged? It’s not like she had a ring or whatever! How was I supposed to know?! So no, after that, I learned that no matter what, no matter how cute or beautiful or... whatever a mare is, I don’t say anything, because I’ll just get run out of town again.”

"Alright, well then, Starlight come here,” Digit requested. Starlight complied, but rolled her eyes as she did so. “Now, Moonstone, you said you can't do that in case you get thrown out of town, right? Well then, do the opposite. Look her in the face and tell her that she's ugly."

Moonstone swallowed hard, his face starting to turn red, before turning to face Starlight, who was right in front of him, before looking at her hooves and blurting out very swiftly in a flat tone, "OkayIthinkyou'renotbeutifulandstuff." Turning back to Digit, he smiled nervously, asking, “C-can I go now?"

"No. I want you to look her in the eye, IN THE EYE,” he stressed, glaring at Moonstone intensely. “And I want you to tell her, deliberately and slowly, that you think she's ugly."

Moonstone swallowed, his eyes shifty as he slowly turned back to Starlight Sonata, trying to avoid looking her in the eyes. "... I... I think..." Moonstone stuttered, his face deep red as he slowly stared into her eyes, before he swallowed hard. He steeled himself, searching her eyes as he trying to find the power to say what Digit Pi wanted him to say, closed his eyes... And then bolted, trying to run from the room, but tripped on the edge of the tub, sprawling flat on the ground.

As Digit Pi walked over, Moonstone resigned himself to his fate, looking up at the older stallion fearfully as he stod over him, blocking off his only avenue of escape. Leaning down with a creepily wide grin, he asked, “So, that would be a 'you think she's really hot’, yes?”

Moonstone remained silent for a moment, before asking in a plaintive whisper, broken, "... Can you at least give me a head start out of town? Please?"

Comments

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Last Legion Of Sorrow - Obey Evil

[Pav Feira]

Suddenly, 22k words from outta nowhere! Hoho, will need to add this to the queue.

[Magical Trevor]

620075 As much as I appreciate the thought, I don't care for Heavy Metal, sorry.

[Lucky424]

Cloudspire Cake...

Okay, now you are just confusing me. There is only one other story where I have heard the name of that town,
and I know for a fact that you have read it!!!

Can you at least give me a head start out of town? Please?"

And that makes it to the number two spot on my "Best last chapter lines ever. Of all time" list!!

[Magical Trevor]

1839522 Umm... Dun remember. I remembered that there was a cake that everyone was using that she liked, so I was just going off of memory. XD I... THINK I got Cloudspire from Spyro, actually. XD Could you remind me of the other story? My memory sucks...

Wow, really? Number two? I'm flattered!