The Princess and I: Moon

by Eggtaro

Rig In Noon

"Announcing the arrival of the human from Earth, Mr.Rondelle D'oignon!"

Never, in my entire life, have I ever been introduced in such a way. It's pretty neat, I guess. I wonder if they're going to start playing the trump---yes, yes they are. There they go right now. I wonder if the guards enjoy playing those trumpets. But, then again, the looks on their already reddening faces pretty much answered my question for me.

I wish they hadn't played it though; I swear my ear drums are going to bleed any second now; who knew that blasting your brass instruments within the throne room can be so deafening? The more you know. Well, the more you hear, really.

Canterlot Castle's throne room is by no means small; the distance between the door I just came in and the throne in front of me is quite the walk away, maybe like what, a million miles? And that questionably long, red carpet lying in the middle of the floor? It isn't really helping much with the decorations of the throne room, by the way. I mean, is there really a need for such a long carpet? Someone might trip on it, man. Carpets are dangerous. Very. Dangerous. Fucking carpets, man.

Ponies and their castle interior decorations. Pfft. If I ruled here, the first thing I'd do is snip that carpet in half. Or get rid of it entirely.

Raven gave me a nudge on the leg with her hoof. "Are you going to just stand there, Ron?"

"Now that you mention it, it is quite comfortable here."

She shoved me. "Move!" she hissed. "We must not keep the princesses waiting!"

"No need to be so rough." What's gotten into her? Just a minute ago we were chatting like best pals. Now she's already turning to shoving? The nerve!

But, then again, I am stalling the entire meet-the-princess thing; nervousness and fear is a great mixture for keeping you rooted to the spot. Possibly forever.

Another shove. That's my cue.

"Alright, alright. I'm going. However, I must inform you that I might collapse at any given moment."

"If you do, I'll be sure to slap you back to consciousness, Ron."

Well, I best make sure I don't then; those hooves of hers looks deadly. "Please don't." Please.

Walking towards the throne with jelly legs is a lot more difficult than I previously imagined. The guards that stood guard within the entire room itself did nothing to help calm my nerves, either. The royalty seated in front of me did even less: Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. She's no real concern of mine though (at least, for the moment). Her sister is.

Where is my soon-to-be master?

"Greetings, Mr. D'oignon." Damn. I was so busy searching for Luna that I didn't even realized that I was nearly reaching the front of the throne's steps.

Hopefully, all that videos I've watched about greeting royalty would prove useful here: How To Bow Properly 101. It's a real video, too.

"A pleasure to me---fuck!" Oh crap. It's my first meeting with an alien ruler and I'm already tripping over my own feet. Thank you, clumsy me! I'll probably get flogged by the supreme ruler herself for my clumsiness. I bet she has like a whole arsenal of canes and whips just for the sole purpose of flogging clumsy fools like me.

Closing my eyes, I await the fall. The fall that'll bring my face and body straight to the red carpet under me. I can already hear the mocking laughter coming from the carpet; its probably enjoying every second of it. Maybe that trip wasn't accidental, maybe it was meant to happen, planned, by some cunning prankster.

The carpet. Fucking carpets, man.

Speaking of which, are all the carpets in Equestria significantly different from the ones at home? Because this carpet in particular feels...magical? It almost feels like I'm floating in mid-air.

"Mr. D'oignon?" That's Celestia's voice calling out my name. Is she displeased with me? Well, shouting a swear word in front of royalty does tend to shave away a bunch of points. Oh, and the tripping part, too. How could I possibly forget that one? Even with that being said, I can't keep my eyes shut forever.

Opening my eyes, I found myself encased in a very light gold-coloured aura. What surprised me more, however, was the fact that I really was floating in mid-air. My face and body were nowhere near the prank-playing carpet. Thank the heavens for that! I wouldn't be able to bear the humiliation.

"Are you alright, Mr. D'oignon?" Celestia asked me. Her insanely long horn is glowing with the same aura that currently surrounds my body. Is this magically feeling her doing? Was she the one responsible for saving my hide?

"I-I'm fine, your highness." I couldn't move, though. Can't even wiggle any of my fingers.

Celestia gave me a warm smile and lowered me down with her magic, returning me to my original position before the trip. It felt good to be back in the world of the standing, where everything stood nice and firm. My saviour's aura slowly vanished; both from me and her horn. Looking behind me, I saw Raven shaking her head in dismay, no doubt upset by my rather inappropriate action during my very first meeting with Equestrian royalty.

Can't blame me, though. Blame the carpet.

"Let's start this over again, shall we?" Celestia said, bringing my attention back towards her. She's no longer seated on her throne, instead, chosen to step down from her almighty chair of might. As I watched her climb down the throne steps, I slowly began to realize how bigger she is compared to the rest of the other ponies (not that she's fat, mind you).

Raven walked past me, leaving me standing alone with the red carpet. As she reached the throne steps, she gave Celestia a bow before turning around to face in my direction. Our eyes met for a brief second. But that second was more than enough for me to know what she wanted to tell me: don't fuck up, Ron.

Easier said than done, Raven. Easier said than done.

"Now, where were we?" Celestia stood in front of me, giving me a warm smile. Now that she's closer, I can clearly see with my own two eyeballs that she's nearly my height. Wow. Talk about huge, dude. And that mane of hers, so wavy, so magical. So magically wavy.

I won't lie though: standing this close to her almost felt nice, peaceful even. Maybe it has something to do with that whole 'brimming with radiance' thing that Raven couldn't shut up about. Though, I must agree with Raven on one thing: just by being near to Celestia's presence is calming. Reaaaaalllyyy calming. Almost as if I was o---

"Mr. D'oignon?"

"Sorry!" Quick! I better think of something to say...aha! "I g-guess you can say our meeting got off on the wrong foot, h-huh?" Ba dum tss!

The silence that followed my terrible joke was agonizing.

I swear that sounded way more funnier in my head. I spotted Raven smacking her forehead behind Celestia's back. What was I thinking? I'm such an idiot at times.

Celestia, however, started giggling all of a sudden. Score! Good to know that at least someone here appreciates humour!

"That is quite true." Celestia said to me between giggles, covering her mouth with her hoof. I can't help but to chuckle a little as well (awkwardly, though).

Celestia cleared her throat. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of Equestria. I bid you a warm welcome, Rondelle D'oignon, to our humble kingdom and castle." she said to me. Both her wings are spread out either side for some reason. Probably because she wanted to show it off? Or was it some sort of traditional greeting?

Whatever the reason may be, I still have a response to give.

"The pleasure is all mine, your highness." Don't forget to bow, Ron.

"We, my sister and I, are honoured to have you with us, Mr. D'oignon." How sweet.

"Thank you, your highness." Another bow, Ron.

"And we both hope that you will find your stay here both enjoyable, and comfortable." As a slave? I highly doubt it.

"Of course, your highness." Bow, bow, bow, Ron.

Celestia gave me a disapproving look. "Mr. D'oignon, please, you don't have to be so formal with me. I am but only a princess to the ponies of Equestria; I'm not royalty to humans, and neither I am to you."

"But...I do not wish to sound presumptuous, your highness." Not to mention I'd rather not risk getting my head chopped off for insolence, thank you very much. I like my head like I like my relationships: attached.

"Please, Mr. D'oignon, I insist." Well, if you're gonna put it that way...

"Well, um...thanks. Celestia." I hope the guards don't start throwing their weapons at me. "And please, just call me Ron." If it pleases you, oh, mighty one. I do not wish to be reminded of my name's true meaning all the time.

"Ron?" Is that...is that disappointment reflecting in her eyes? "Are you sure?" Why wouldn't I be?

I nodded my head. "Nothing would please me more." Nothing.

"Very well then. Ron." There, was it really that hard? "Do you dislike being called by your last name?" she asked me.

"I wouldn't say dislike, your highness." More like deep hatred. Celestia gave me a look. "Is just that... well, it's complicated."

"Is it, now?" Celestia folded her wings back to her sides. "I, for one, find your name delicious." she gave me a smile, and stepped closer towards me. "Onion ring, am I correct?" she whispered silently, so that only the two of us could hear. Her translation surprised me.

"You seem quite familiar with the French language, Celestia." I said to her, as she took a step back.

"Only a little, Ron. There are other ponies in Equestria who can speak and write the language more fluently than myself." Celestia gave me another smile. Why do they all keep smiling? Seriously?

Still, I find it impressive that there are locals here who would actually take the time to study and learn Earth's many languages. Then again, with so many humans visiting Equrth, no doubt a language or five got learnt along the way by ponies. For me, however, I've only bothered to study the one language that currently stands in the third spot of 'most frequently used language around the world': English.

The door behind me suddenly burst open. Before I could even turn, a shadowy blur streaked past me, feeding my mouth with dust and smoke. What the fuck just happened? Did a freaking mini tornado made its way in here or something?

Oh wait, it's just another pony. Well, more like a rather...different sort of pony.

Compared to all the other guards that are currently within the throne room, this guard looks waaay more different. I could tell she's a guard because she's wearing armour that are nearly similar to the ones with us.

Well, except that her armour looked more scaly instead of solid, not to mention that the colours of said armour are painted in midnight blue instead of gold. Just looking at her felt dark, depressing, and scary. How neat.

And those wings of hers...they're definitely not the feathery, soft looking kind of wings.

Guess how I knew what her gender was. Bonus points if you could guess in the next five seconds.

"Your highness." The pony with the strange looking wings gave Celestia a bow. "I have a message for you from Princess Luna." her voice is oddly high-pitched; definitely wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

I heard Celestia let out a long tired sigh. "Where is my sister?" Yeah, where is my future master?

"At the observation tower, your highness." Observation tower? What are they talking about? And what's going on? Well, whatever the case is, Celestia sure seems bothered by it.

"There is no need for the message; I can already guess what my sister has to say." The guard nodded and gave a quick bow to Celestia and turned around. She stopped midway through her turning though, when she spotted me. Our eyes met.

Now, in sudden situations like these, one must know how to act, for example: being well-mannered. And since I myself am such a polite and kind gentleman, I believe that the best thing to do right now is to give the guard a friendly smile. You know, just to show her how well-mannered I a---

Man, that glare she just gave me? Let's just say it wasn't very nice, or friendly, for that matter. So much for being a gentleman.

"Wait." Celestia called out to my glaring guard. "I might require your assistance later on. Could you please wait for us?" The guard only nodded, but kept her eyes on me. Wonder what she's got stuck up in her ass?

"I'm truly sorry for this, Ron." Celestia said, turning her attention towards me (and good timing too; I don't think I can play who-can-stare-the-longest with the guard for much longer). "But it seems that my sister is still rather...unhappy about having you staying in the castle with us."

Wait, what? Princess Luna's unhappy with me being here? We never even met each other before! How could she be unhappy with a person she has yet to meet (and order)?

"Er...I'm starting to get a little confused and lost here. Didn't you just say that the two of you are glad to have me here?"

Celestia responded to my question with a sheepish smile. "Actually...there's something I need to tell you about Princess Luna. In fact, I believe I also need to tell you the true reason for your being here in the first place as well."

Is not that I don't already know why I'm here. I'm here to be Luna's lifelong slave aren't I? Well, no need to waste your breath on me, oh, radiant one. For I am perfectly aware of my current situat---

"Luna isn't fond of humans."

I raised an eyebrow at Celestia. "What do you mean?"

"Luna was very...disagreeable, during the meeting with the rest of the Kingdom Alliance Council members, three years ago, right after the Portal's discovery. While the rest of the Council agreed to make contact with the humans, Luna was against it, and very strongly so, I might add."

The Kingdom Alliance Council. Now that is a name I can't forget even if I wanted to. Hell, the Council was one of the first to greet us formally and properly (the rest ran away in sheer terror, screaming their heads off, of course). And it was the Council's idea to set up an alliance with Earth. I also like how the name sounds when you only read the first letter of each word; it almost sounds like a cat choking on a fish bone.

It is also because of this alliance, that humans can now be found all over Equrth. It is because of this alliance, that there are humans living with the dragons right this instant--- the poor sods. But that still doesn't explain why I'm here. What I'm really here for, that is.

"Any reason behind it?" I mean, come on, if you're going to hate something or someone, at least tell me why you're feeling so.

"I've tried, many times, to get my sister to tell me. But, as you probably can already tell, I was never successful."

"Tough luck." What else would you call it?

"Perhaps." Celestia said with a nod "But one thing is for certain: Luna is very upset with your kind entering our world. She voices her thoughts to me--- but never the reason behind it. I remembered when I first welcomed your kind to Equestria, Luna locked herself away in her room and refused to speak with me for almost a month."

What a brat. I thought princesses weren't suppose to act like that?

"That must've been hard."

Celestia gave me a nod. "It was. You could already imagine how she reacted when I told her that I was planning to invite humans to stay with us in the castle."

"But surely she must have agreed at some point? Otherwise, I won't be here at all, right?" I could've ended up some place far worse; somewhere fiery, mountainy and rocky, perhaps?

"Luna did give in at the end. But she asked for me to invite only one, saying something about 'being unable to handle the thoughts', if I am not mistaken." Celestia gave her chin a quick rub. "And that's where you come in, my new friend."

Great, I'm best buds with the Princess now? Friendship seems to be something that is easily created around here. Why is that? I wonder.

"Yeah, about that, the letter only told me that I'll be serving Princess Luna for the dura---"

"Serve?" The princess gave me a look. A look which clearly showed her confusion.

"Yes, serve." Slave. Work for. Obey. Wasn't there a saying? Something about how a man chooses, but a slave obeys? Guess who's the man and who's the slave.

"I don't remember saying that."

Now I'm getting confused. "Wait...what?"

"I don't remember saying anything about serving my sister." Celestia turned to look at Raven. "Did I say something like that?" she asked her. Yeah, did she, Raven?

Raven shook her head. "You did not, your highness. I believe you said 'befriend'."

Befriend?

"How strange..." Strange is right, sister.

Celestia glanced at my glaring buddy, who had been standing at attention beside me the entire time. So professional these guards are. I wonder if they get paid well. Must be a damn good pay if their all willing to stand like statues for the rest of their lives.

I heard Celestia sigh. A really deep sigh, mind you. "Luna... what did you do?" she whispered, but not quietly enough. She raised her head and looked at my glaring buddy once again.

"Do you know anything about this?" Celestia asked her. "And don't try to protect her; I'll know if you're lying to me, Grim."

Her name is GRIM? Really? What the actual fuck, man.

I gave Grim a glance. I wonder if she has a retractable scythe hidden somewhere within that armour of hers. Our eyes met for a brief second, but I could already tell that she was getting nervous from Celestia's question. I should keep that in mind too; don't lie to royalty, for they might be able to read your mind. Literally.

Grim slowly stared at the ground, drawing invisible little circle patterns with her hoof. It's so obvious that she knows something about this. Even a kid can tell that, man.

"Well?" Celestia asked again, making her approach towards the two of us. Grim took a step back with every step Celestia made. She's really in a pinch now, huh? I would've said something to help her, buuutttt she didn't smile at me. No smiles? No help, buddy.

"Your highness, please!" Grim squeaked (I'm serious), bowing low. "I-I don't know anything!"

That's what they all say.

"Nothing at all?"

"No, your highness! I certainly know nothing about how princesslunaswappedtheletterthatyouwereplanningtosendtothehuma--- eep!"

Wow. Remind me to never trust her with my secrets.

"Ohnoohnoohnoohno..." Grim covered her face with her hooves, probably because she wants to hide from the shame that she had just brought to Luna. "I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! Can you please forget what I just said?"

"I'm afraid I cannot, Grim." Celestia said, shaking her head. Yeah, too bad, Grim.

"But my mistress will punish me if she finds out I spilled the beans!" I've got to be honest here. Grim looks really adorable while begging. Or maybe is because she's begging? I wonder what kind of punishment she's talking abo---

The door behind us suddenly opened with a thunderous BANG, followed suit by a loud, and empowered voice which called out from behind the doors. "'Tis already too late, Grim."

Grim let out another high-pitched squeak. "Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!" she sounds like a malfunctioning robot.

I stared at the entrance, for I am beginning to wonder who our loud visitor is. But it seems that my gut had already provided the answer for me; It was, without a single doubt, my new mas---

"Glad you could join us, Luna."

God damn it! Why does Celestia keeps on interrupting me during my internal monologues?

Author's Note:

Finally done with chapter 2! Can't believe it took me this long though. Just couldn't bring myself to sit down and type--- what with all the games I want to play, and movies I want to watch. But still, I'm glad I finally got the chance (and spirit) to finish this chapter. Hope you folks enjoyed this chapter! Will start working on chapter 3 soon!

P.S. Title is not what it seems to be. Can you figure out the true meaning?

Comments

[Falinov]

Me like.

[HIEfan]

Yes! Update! I love this fic so far!

[The Library]

So much fun! I bet Luna was being the young sister everyone has. Yes the one that would pout when something isn't going her way.
Other than that, I like the story so far, you earned my fav and like. Good job!

[Spenzo2006]

Onion Ring

[axl bishop]

neat

stayclassy

[Scribe Scribbles]

Luna doesn't like humans? This is going to be interesting.

Also - Rig In Noon ... Not a clue.

[Gunwale]

Very interesting, I would like to see more.

[Bernkastel988]

Please for the love of god more o.O

[Rainbow Potato Cake]

Sooo...

Luna's Donald Trump?

[Mr_Moon]

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