The Princess and I: Moon

by Eggtaro

First published 29th of May, 2015

To help further improve the diplomatic relations between Earth and Equestria, a human was sent to live in Canterlot Castle; to live together in harmony with it's many servants, guards, and two princesses. The human, however, has to serve one of them.

To help further improve the diplomatic relations between Earth and Equestria, a human was sent to live in Canterlot Castle; to live together in harmony with it's many servants, guards, and two princesses. This move was sure to help stabilize and strengthen the alliance between the two worlds.

There was one teeny, tiny, condition though: the human, for the duration of his stay in Canterlot Castle, has to serve one of the two princesses.

Now, if you're wondering who that human is, well look no further! I'm the human you're looking for. And who am I serving? Her name is Luna. Princess Luna. I'm already getting the feeling that this is going to go swimmingly. Unless I drown first.

---

This is a HiE (Humano in Equestriano). It's also a first-person fic, non-clop, and human-falling-in-love-with-royalty type fic. So, if you're not into that stuff, there's my early warning for yah. Haters aside, I hope you all will have a great time reading this.

A Pencils Runs

Three years ago, if you told me that there existed a world where all sorts of magical beasts live together in harmony, and that we are able to travel to it via a magical portal, I would've called the hospital and made sure you were put under heavy medication and a straitjacket. Seriously. I'd do that. But, like I said, only if you'd told me this three years ago.

Now? Now you can tell me anything and I'll instantly believe you the instant you finish your sentence. It can be anything: an island filled with prehistoric dinosaurs, a galaxy where technology is so advanced they wield weapons called lightsabers, hell, you can tell me that there existed an entire city underwater called 'Rapture' or something and I'll still believe you regardless.

But none of those tales can be compared to what I'm about to experience. An experience to which I'm not so keen on experiencing.

Remember that part where I said something about a world filled with magical creatures? Yeah, I'm currently on my way there. Great, right?

No. If you were nodding your head, please stop.

If I was going there for a vacation, or a visit, I wouldn't mind. I mean, there's plenty of other humans living there, anyway; ever since the accidental discovery of the magical portal (a.k.a. 'The Portal'), our world has seen its fair share of alien visitors from the other side of The Portal, and them we. Naturally, our human instincts tells us to explore this newly discovered wonder, and it is from that very same exploring, which led us to meeting with the inhabitants of the alien world: our first contact.

Now, we aren't talking about alien, aliens. No, none of that outer space stuff. We're talking about aliens that looked more like creatures and beasts out of legends and myths: like unicorns, griffins, and fucking dragons. Fucking dragons, man! And most of them live in a civilized lifestyle just like us on Earth. Take the griffins for example: there's an empire full of griffins, ruled by an emperor (who I believe, is also a griffin). They are a proud and strong race, but they tend to resort to more...aggressive ways, when it comes to settling things, like whoever will get that last slice of meat on the plate.

Griffins and meats aside, they are not my major concern for the day, however, the ponies are.

Now, remember, we are no longer talking about Earth. We're talking about an entirely different planet. In their world (the first discoverers back home bestowed the name 'Equrth' for the alien world, which, till this day, I find extremely stupid), ponies can talk. Not equine language. English. Of course, the many races found on Equrth do have their own language, but it still surprises me that they can speak the English language so fluently.

Back to ponies. The ponies in Equrth all live in a huge kingdom called Equestria. There are three, common variations of ponies you'll most likely meet while visiting there: unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies. As much as I would love to tell you more about them, I don't. So you can either go read about it somewhere, or use the internet (there's plenty of information on Equrth, even a Wiki).

Anyway, there are currently four princesses in Equestria. And I'm about to become their personal slave. Well, only for one of them, to be exact. And here I was, thinking that Earth was the only planet where slavery existed. The more you know.

How did I find myself in such a shitty situation? Well, it all started with a letter, and 'twas delivered to me by a white, snowy owl...

Long story short, I somehow 'volunteered' to help with 'strengthening' and 'solidifying' the alliance and relations between Earth and Equrth. 'The chosen one', the letter had said. More like the forced one. I don't understand why they couldn't just send the people that are already living there. Why go through all the trouble of dragging someone all the way from Earth? I've never even set foot to Equrth before! And now I'm being shipped over to Equestria? To be a princess's slave?

Being a slave is going to suck, but I could at least try to look at the situation optimistically. I mean, at least I'm not part of the group that got sent to live with the dragons. Fucking dragons, man.

"Mr. D'oignon?" said a voice beside me, grabbing my attention. I could tell by the look on her face that she was rather displeased with something.

Crap. I must've said that last bit out loud, the one about the dragons. Which, I guess, is true, judging by the agitated looks I'm getting from all the other ponies on board the train.

"Mr. D'oignon?" the pony beside me gave me a light poke on the shoulder. Better speak up before she decides to smack me.

"Sorry, Raven." I hope that's enough. "And please, call me Ron."

Before confusion grips you, allow me to introduce you to my new found 'friend'. After I've crossed The Portal, I was greeted by this light-grey coloured unicorn, with dark, brownish-grey hair. She was to be my chaperone until we've reached Canterlot. Probably to make sure that I wouldn't get lost or cause some sort of catastrophic event. Her name's Raven. And yes, she's a pony, not the bird with the same name, or that teen sitcom our world used to broadcast. Just a unicorn pony that wears a pair of glasses.

So, here I am, currently on board this coal-powered train that will bring us safely to Canterlot (or so Raven says). She's kind enough, once you get over the fact that she's a talking animal that can use magic with the horn sprouting out her forehead.

"I hope you do not have any personal disputes with the dragons of Equrth." Raven raised an eyebrow at me, leaning forward in her seat. "And, if I'm not mistaken, you've said so yourself that this is your first time here, Mr. D'oignon."

"I don't, Raven. Trust me. I would never even dream of having any disagreements with them." Unless I wanted to get burnt to a crisp. "And, if I'm not mistaken, I thought I've asked you to just call me Ron." Seriously, just call me Ron.

Raven gave her slipping glasses a push with her hoof. "That, you are not." she leaned back. "But I was told that I should treat you, our guest, with respect and dignity."

Who does she think I am, the president? I'm just some dude on his way to become a slave, man! Maybe this is my final moments of enjoying civilization before being converted into a full-time slave. How sweet.

"Seriously, Raven. Ron. Just call me Ron. All this formality is making me nervous." It's true, my palms are sweaty, my knees weak, and my arms are heavy.

Raven giggled softly, covering her muzzle with a hoof. Does she find me amusing? Or is she just laughing at my inevitable faith?

"Very well then, Ron." she said, giving me a small smile.

"There, isn't that much easier than calling me "Mr. D'oignon" all the time?" Waaayyy easier, if you ask me.

"I just don't understand why you'd rather be called this way, Ron." Raven continued. "I find your full name rather...exotic."

Exotic? My name sounds exotic to this pony? Really? If she only knew what it truly meant. If only she has the internet.

"Rondelle D'oignon." Raven said slowly, closing her eyes. The way she said it sounded like she was eating ice-cream for the first time.

I need to steer our conversation towards another direction, or else we might end up talking about my name for the entire trip. But what are the daily conversation topics that are swapped and shared between ponies? I sure as hell don't know any of them.

"S-so, Raven." I stuttered. "What can you tell me about the princess I'll be meeting." I would've said something more inappropriate, but, you know, respect and all that stuff.

That was a puzzled look on her face. "Weren't you informed on who you will be attending?"

"Er...no." I gave the back of my neck a quick rub. "The only information that was given to me was that I'd be doing my world a great service. And, that I'll be serving one of the princesses of Equestria." For a lifetime, or till my death.

Raven giggled. "Don't you think using the word 'serving' is a little exaggerated?"

Would you prefer 'slaving' then? I rolled my eyes at her.

"Maybe. But that was the one and only condition agreed between both parties." And I still don't know why it was so.

"Yes, it would seem so." Raven said, staring out the window beside her. "But surely you must feel honoured by all of this."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "Why would I be?"

"You are about to be the first human to have ever set foot within the walls of Canterlot Castle." Raven said, clapping her two hooves together. "Isn't that wonderful?"

The first human to ever set foot into that castle? Probably the only one that ever will, too. "Oh, yes, wonderful indeed." I replied sarcastically. Still, this was news to me. I never knew that we haven't set foot into that castle. Still cautious of us humans, maybe? That would explain the serving-a-princess part; that way, I would always be watched. And since I'm going to live with royalty, I'll need to be on my best behaviour twenty-four-seven.

"Am I going to be the only human in Canterlot?" I asked Raven.

"In the castle, yes. But there's plenty of your kind staying in the city below it."

"Any idea why I was chosen and not the one's already living here?"

Raven shrugged at me. "I thought you knew the reason."

If I already knew, I wouldn't be here asking you about it now, would I? I shook my head in response to her.

"Huh. Well, I'm sure all will be explained to you once we've reached the castle."

How reassuring.

* * * * * *

You know those situations where you found out at the very last minute that you might have packed a little too much? Well, now is exactly one of them.

We've finally made it to Canterlot. However, unlike the occupants of the train, whom are all leaving the train station as we speak, we are still stuck here. Standing in the middle of the jostling crowd, with all my baggages all stacked up together.

Why are we standing here? You might ask. The answer is simple, I have to get all my stuff alllllll the way up towards the castle. Sounds simple, no? Wrong. The problem which has befallen upon my already frail shoulders is that I can't possibly carry all these baggages in one go. But, being the man that I've always dreamed to be, I do not wish to make a return trip just to retrieve whatever is left here. The man in me is yelling at me to grab all my junk and be strong, but, as the famous saying goes, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". And lazy.

"I don't suppose you guys got cabs here now, do you?"

Raven replied to me with a disapproving click from her tongue.

"Is all this really necessary, Ron?" she asked, circling the mountain of baggages. "Is not like you'll be staying in Canterlot permanently, unless..." she whipped around and studied me. "you have plans to do so?"

Not for all the cash in the world, sister. I'd take Earth any other day, thank you very much. "Maybe."

Raven gave me a smile. "Well, I hope your stay in Canterlot Castle will help make that decision for you."

"Speaking of castles, how far are we from it?"

* * * * * *

I must admit, the strength this ponies possess are remarkable. We only needed one pony to help carry all my stuff. Now, all that remains is to wait for him to arrive at the castle entrance. If he does at all.

"We've been waiting here for almost an hour, Raven." I yawned. "Are you sure he didn't break his legs or something?"

Raven shook her head. "I assure you, Ron. Forklift is a very capable pony."

"Oh, I don't doubt his strength, Raven. But don't we have a princess to meet?"

Raven glanced behind her, as did I. The entrance alone was massive, but it was nothing compared to the castle it guarded. Several of the royal guards glared at our direction, but said nothing. From what I could see, the guards are mostly winged ponies, clad in amour of gold. They all looked the same, like they're all clones. Strange.

"Princess Celestia is still busy at the moment, Ron." Raven said, turning her head back forward. "We have to at least wait for another hour or two."

"Is she the one I'll be attending to?"

Raven shook her head. "No, but she'll be the one welcoming you when she's available."

How nice of the princess.

* * * * * *

Forklift the pony finally arrived after another hour of waiting, with both baggages and his legs safe, and unbroken. I felt pity for the pony, as I watched him leave, it must've been terribly agonizing to carry all my stuff up here alone, and without help. I must find him and treat him to some tea one day.

Raven whistled behind me. Two of the guards approached us, looking stoic and intimidating.

"Can you assists us by brining all these to the guest wing?" Raven spoke to one of the guards, pointing at my stuff with her hoof. "And please check if the Princess is available." she said to the other. The guards bowed at the both of us and left.

"We can leave you belongings here, Ron."

"Out in the open?"

"The guards will tend to it, don't worry."

I gave my stuff one last look. "If you say so, Raven."

Raven smiled. "Now come! Allow me to give you a tour of Canterlot Castle." and with that said, she trotted off towards the castle, leaving me behind.

* * * * * *

To say Canterlot Castle is huge is an understatement. This place is freaking humongous. Raven brought me to see almost every area of Canterlot Castle: it's grand gardens, it's magnificent courtyard, it's impressive kitchens, it's horrifying dungeons, it's great hall...well, you get the idea. The whole place is grand and dandy.

The view from the castle's balcony is breathtaking. The slowly setting sun basked the entirety of the city and the rest of Equestria in its fading light and glow. All of which, can be seen from where I stand. If only there was a telescope I can use...

"Pardon me," the same guard that left to check on Celestia is back (I think is him, they all look the same, honestly). He turned to look at Raven. "but the Princess would like you to know that she is ready to welcome the human." the guard gave me a quick glance. "If you'll follow me, please."

Raven nodded her head. "Shall we go, Ron?"

"Let's." The guard nodded and beckoned us to follow him.

Whelp, looks like this is it, folks. My time has finally arrived. Soon, I'll be slaving away for a princess I have yet to meet. Unsure and uncertain of my future. If there is to be any at all.

"Are you nervous?" Raven appeared beside me, tilting her head slightly. Is she concerned? She shouldn't be.

"A little, yeah." I replied. "It's not everyday you meet royalty, you know?"

Raven giggled. "No, it is not. But there's nothing to be nervous about, Ron."

Apart from the fact that I might never leave this place?

"If you say so." We've entered the great hall, where the candles are being lit up by more guards, signalling the arrival of night. If I wasn't standing out there on the balcony just now, I wouldn't have noticed that it was already late in the evening. Time sure flies when you're enjoying the sights.

"Remember to bow when approaching the Princesses, Ron." Raven said to me, as we approached two large doors that leads to what must be the throne room.

"Princesses?" that last word caught me off guard. "I thought we're going to meet only one?"

"We are, but that doesn't mean there won't be others." Raven said, smiling. "As you might have noticed, night is approaching, and soon, Princess Luna will awaken from her slumber to raise the moon."

"Luna?"

"Princess Luna, Ron. Don't forget your manners, now." The guard in front us glared back at me. Best I watch what I say from this point onwards.

"Sorry. Who's Princess Luna?"

Raven stared at me with a stony expression. "Do you know anything about the princesses in Equestria? The duties that they perform for the kingdom?"

I shook my head. "No clue." No clue at all. The only thing I knew about them is how many they are.

Raven sighed, slapping her forehead. "We have to find time to educate you on the history of Equestria one day." she noted.

I nodded my head in agreement. Hey, if I'm going to be stuck here, I might as well learn all I can about Equestria.

"I look forward to it, Raven." I said. Raven only giggled in reply.

"Well, I'm sure you wouldn't mind me starting our lessons early then." Raven said, pushing her glasses up. "There are two princesses that currently reside in Canterlot Castle: Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna. Together, they rule over all of Equestria, keeping watch over its citizens and always remaining vigilant.

"Besides from their royal duties, they're also in charge of raising the Sun and the Moon of Equrth. Princess Celestia raises the Sun in the morning, and Princess Luna raises the Moon when night approaches, just like right now." Raven pointed at one of the windows above us, where the sky outside the castle walls has already darkened.

Now, if this world was never discovered, I would've already smack you in the face if you tell me that some magical being raises the sun and moon. But that's not the case right now, is it? I nodded my head in understanding.

"So one raises the sun, while the other raises the moon." I repeated.

Raven nodded. "Very good, Ron!"

The guard leading us suddenly came to a halt. Seems we have already reach our destination. My final destination.

"The princess awaits." the guard said, bowing away from the door.

Raven approached the double doors and place a hoof on it's wooden exterior. She turned to look at me. "One last thing before we go in, Ron." she said, smiling.

"I-Is it something important?" Great, my voice just cracked. Wished I had nerves of steel instead of jelly.

"It is." Raven replied. "Princess Luna will be the princess you'll be attending to."

And with that said, she pushed the doors wide open, the doors that might lead me to either a better future, or a very dark one. I guess there's only one way to find out.

Wish me luck.

Author's Notes:

Hello folks,
Here's the first chapter of my brand new story. The movie 'The King And I' gave me the inspiration to write this. To be honest, I'm not quite sure how this will turn out, but hey, you'll never know unless you try, right?

Anyway, please enjoy this chapter!

P.S. The chapter title is actually an anagram. Can you figure out the real title's name?

Rig In Noon

"Announcing the arrival of the human from Earth, Mr.Rondelle D'oignon!"

Never, in my entire life, have I ever been introduced in such a way. It's pretty neat, I guess. I wonder if they're going to start playing the trump---yes, yes they are. There they go right now. I wonder if the guards enjoy playing those trumpets. But, then again, the looks on their already reddening faces pretty much answered my question for me.

I wish they hadn't played it though; I swear my ear drums are going to bleed any second now; who knew that blasting your brass instruments within the throne room can be so deafening? The more you know. Well, the more you hear, really.

Canterlot Castle's throne room is by no means small; the distance between the door I just came in and the throne in front of me is quite the walk away, maybe like what, a million miles? And that questionably long, red carpet lying in the middle of the floor? It isn't really helping much with the decorations of the throne room, by the way. I mean, is there really a need for such a long carpet? Someone might trip on it, man. Carpets are dangerous. Very. Dangerous. Fucking carpets, man.

Ponies and their castle interior decorations. Pfft. If I ruled here, the first thing I'd do is snip that carpet in half. Or get rid of it entirely.

Raven gave me a nudge on the leg with her hoof. "Are you going to just stand there, Ron?"

"Now that you mention it, it is quite comfortable here."

She shoved me. "Move!" she hissed. "We must not keep the princesses waiting!"

"No need to be so rough." What's gotten into her? Just a minute ago we were chatting like best pals. Now she's already turning to shoving? The nerve!

But, then again, I am stalling the entire meet-the-princess thing; nervousness and fear is a great mixture for keeping you rooted to the spot. Possibly forever.

Another shove. That's my cue.

"Alright, alright. I'm going. However, I must inform you that I might collapse at any given moment."

"If you do, I'll be sure to slap you back to consciousness, Ron."

Well, I best make sure I don't then; those hooves of hers looks deadly. "Please don't." Please.

Walking towards the throne with jelly legs is a lot more difficult than I previously imagined. The guards that stood guard within the entire room itself did nothing to help calm my nerves, either. The royalty seated in front of me did even less: Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. She's no real concern of mine though (at least, for the moment). Her sister is.

Where is my soon-to-be master?

"Greetings, Mr. D'oignon." Damn. I was so busy searching for Luna that I didn't even realized that I was nearly reaching the front of the throne's steps.

Hopefully, all that videos I've watched about greeting royalty would prove useful here: How To Bow Properly 101. It's a real video, too.

"A pleasure to me---fuck!" Oh crap. It's my first meeting with an alien ruler and I'm already tripping over my own feet. Thank you, clumsy me! I'll probably get flogged by the supreme ruler herself for my clumsiness. I bet she has like a whole arsenal of canes and whips just for the sole purpose of flogging clumsy fools like me.

Closing my eyes, I await the fall. The fall that'll bring my face and body straight to the red carpet under me. I can already hear the mocking laughter coming from the carpet; its probably enjoying every second of it. Maybe that trip wasn't accidental, maybe it was meant to happen, planned, by some cunning prankster.

The carpet. Fucking carpets, man.

Speaking of which, are all the carpets in Equestria significantly different from the ones at home? Because this carpet in particular feels...magical? It almost feels like I'm floating in mid-air.

"Mr. D'oignon?" That's Celestia's voice calling out my name. Is she displeased with me? Well, shouting a swear word in front of royalty does tend to shave away a bunch of points. Oh, and the tripping part, too. How could I possibly forget that one? Even with that being said, I can't keep my eyes shut forever.

Opening my eyes, I found myself encased in a very light gold-coloured aura. What surprised me more, however, was the fact that I really was floating in mid-air. My face and body were nowhere near the prank-playing carpet. Thank the heavens for that! I wouldn't be able to bear the humiliation.

"Are you alright, Mr. D'oignon?" Celestia asked me. Her insanely long horn is glowing with the same aura that currently surrounds my body. Is this magically feeling her doing? Was she the one responsible for saving my hide?

"I-I'm fine, your highness." I couldn't move, though. Can't even wiggle any of my fingers.

Celestia gave me a warm smile and lowered me down with her magic, returning me to my original position before the trip. It felt good to be back in the world of the standing, where everything stood nice and firm. My saviour's aura slowly vanished; both from me and her horn. Looking behind me, I saw Raven shaking her head in dismay, no doubt upset by my rather inappropriate action during my very first meeting with Equestrian royalty.

Can't blame me, though. Blame the carpet.

"Let's start this over again, shall we?" Celestia said, bringing my attention back towards her. She's no longer seated on her throne, instead, chosen to step down from her almighty chair of might. As I watched her climb down the throne steps, I slowly began to realize how bigger she is compared to the rest of the other ponies (not that she's fat, mind you).

Raven walked past me, leaving me standing alone with the red carpet. As she reached the throne steps, she gave Celestia a bow before turning around to face in my direction. Our eyes met for a brief second. But that second was more than enough for me to know what she wanted to tell me: don't fuck up, Ron.

Easier said than done, Raven. Easier said than done.

"Now, where were we?" Celestia stood in front of me, giving me a warm smile. Now that she's closer, I can clearly see with my own two eyeballs that she's nearly my height. Wow. Talk about huge, dude. And that mane of hers, so wavy, so magical. So magically wavy.

I won't lie though: standing this close to her almost felt nice, peaceful even. Maybe it has something to do with that whole 'brimming with radiance' thing that Raven couldn't shut up about. Though, I must agree with Raven on one thing: just by being near to Celestia's presence is calming. Reaaaaalllyyy calming. Almost as if I was o---

"Mr. D'oignon?"

"Sorry!" Quick! I better think of something to say...aha! "I g-guess you can say our meeting got off on the wrong foot, h-huh?" Ba dum tss!

The silence that followed my terrible joke was agonizing.

I swear that sounded way more funnier in my head. I spotted Raven smacking her forehead behind Celestia's back. What was I thinking? I'm such an idiot at times.

Celestia, however, started giggling all of a sudden. Score! Good to know that at least someone here appreciates humour!

"That is quite true." Celestia said to me between giggles, covering her mouth with her hoof. I can't help but to chuckle a little as well (awkwardly, though).

Celestia cleared her throat. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of Equestria. I bid you a warm welcome, Rondelle D'oignon, to our humble kingdom and castle." she said to me. Both her wings are spread out either side for some reason. Probably because she wanted to show it off? Or was it some sort of traditional greeting?

Whatever the reason may be, I still have a response to give.

"The pleasure is all mine, your highness." Don't forget to bow, Ron.

"We, my sister and I, are honoured to have you with us, Mr. D'oignon." How sweet.

"Thank you, your highness." Another bow, Ron.

"And we both hope that you will find your stay here both enjoyable, and comfortable." As a slave? I highly doubt it.

"Of course, your highness." Bow, bow, bow, Ron.

Celestia gave me a disapproving look. "Mr. D'oignon, please, you don't have to be so formal with me. I am but only a princess to the ponies of Equestria; I'm not royalty to humans, and neither I am to you."

"But...I do not wish to sound presumptuous, your highness." Not to mention I'd rather not risk getting my head chopped off for insolence, thank you very much. I like my head like I like my relationships: attached.

"Please, Mr. D'oignon, I insist." Well, if you're gonna put it that way...

"Well, um...thanks. Celestia." I hope the guards don't start throwing their weapons at me. "And please, just call me Ron." If it pleases you, oh, mighty one. I do not wish to be reminded of my name's true meaning all the time.

"Ron?" Is that...is that disappointment reflecting in her eyes? "Are you sure?" Why wouldn't I be?

I nodded my head. "Nothing would please me more." Nothing.

"Very well then. Ron." There, was it really that hard? "Do you dislike being called by your last name?" she asked me.

"I wouldn't say dislike, your highness." More like deep hatred. Celestia gave me a look. "Is just that... well, it's complicated."

"Is it, now?" Celestia folded her wings back to her sides. "I, for one, find your name delicious." she gave me a smile, and stepped closer towards me. "Onion ring, am I correct?" she whispered silently, so that only the two of us could hear. Her translation surprised me.

"You seem quite familiar with the French language, Celestia." I said to her, as she took a step back.

"Only a little, Ron. There are other ponies in Equestria who can speak and write the language more fluently than myself." Celestia gave me another smile. Why do they all keep smiling? Seriously?

Still, I find it impressive that there are locals here who would actually take the time to study and learn Earth's many languages. Then again, with so many humans visiting Equrth, no doubt a language or five got learnt along the way by ponies. For me, however, I've only bothered to study the one language that currently stands in the third spot of 'most frequently used language around the world': English.

The door behind me suddenly burst open. Before I could even turn, a shadowy blur streaked past me, feeding my mouth with dust and smoke. What the fuck just happened? Did a freaking mini tornado made its way in here or something?

Oh wait, it's just another pony. Well, more like a rather...different sort of pony.

Compared to all the other guards that are currently within the throne room, this guard looks waaay more different. I could tell she's a guard because she's wearing armour that are nearly similar to the ones with us.

Well, except that her armour looked more scaly instead of solid, not to mention that the colours of said armour are painted in midnight blue instead of gold. Just looking at her felt dark, depressing, and scary. How neat.

And those wings of hers...they're definitely not the feathery, soft looking kind of wings.

Guess how I knew what her gender was. Bonus points if you could guess in the next five seconds.

"Your highness." The pony with the strange looking wings gave Celestia a bow. "I have a message for you from Princess Luna." her voice is oddly high-pitched; definitely wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

I heard Celestia let out a long tired sigh. "Where is my sister?" Yeah, where is my future master?

"At the observation tower, your highness." Observation tower? What are they talking about? And what's going on? Well, whatever the case is, Celestia sure seems bothered by it.

"There is no need for the message; I can already guess what my sister has to say." The guard nodded and gave a quick bow to Celestia and turned around. She stopped midway through her turning though, when she spotted me. Our eyes met.

Now, in sudden situations like these, one must know how to act, for example: being well-mannered. And since I myself am such a polite and kind gentleman, I believe that the best thing to do right now is to give the guard a friendly smile. You know, just to show her how well-mannered I a---

Man, that glare she just gave me? Let's just say it wasn't very nice, or friendly, for that matter. So much for being a gentleman.

"Wait." Celestia called out to my glaring guard. "I might require your assistance later on. Could you please wait for us?" The guard only nodded, but kept her eyes on me. Wonder what she's got stuck up in her ass?

"I'm truly sorry for this, Ron." Celestia said, turning her attention towards me (and good timing too; I don't think I can play who-can-stare-the-longest with the guard for much longer). "But it seems that my sister is still rather...unhappy about having you staying in the castle with us."

Wait, what? Princess Luna's unhappy with me being here? We never even met each other before! How could she be unhappy with a person she has yet to meet (and order)?

"Er...I'm starting to get a little confused and lost here. Didn't you just say that the two of you are glad to have me here?"

Celestia responded to my question with a sheepish smile. "Actually...there's something I need to tell you about Princess Luna. In fact, I believe I also need to tell you the true reason for your being here in the first place as well."

Is not that I don't already know why I'm here. I'm here to be Luna's lifelong slave aren't I? Well, no need to waste your breath on me, oh, radiant one. For I am perfectly aware of my current situat---

"Luna isn't fond of humans."

I raised an eyebrow at Celestia. "What do you mean?"

"Luna was very...disagreeable, during the meeting with the rest of the Kingdom Alliance Council members, three years ago, right after the Portal's discovery. While the rest of the Council agreed to make contact with the humans, Luna was against it, and very strongly so, I might add."

The Kingdom Alliance Council. Now that is a name I can't forget even if I wanted to. Hell, the Council was one of the first to greet us formally and properly (the rest ran away in sheer terror, screaming their heads off, of course). And it was the Council's idea to set up an alliance with Earth. I also like how the name sounds when you only read the first letter of each word; it almost sounds like a cat choking on a fish bone.

It is also because of this alliance, that humans can now be found all over Equrth. It is because of this alliance, that there are humans living with the dragons right this instant--- the poor sods. But that still doesn't explain why I'm here. What I'm really here for, that is.

"Any reason behind it?" I mean, come on, if you're going to hate something or someone, at least tell me why you're feeling so.

"I've tried, many times, to get my sister to tell me. But, as you probably can already tell, I was never successful."

"Tough luck." What else would you call it?

"Perhaps." Celestia said with a nod "But one thing is for certain: Luna is very upset with your kind entering our world. She voices her thoughts to me--- but never the reason behind it. I remembered when I first welcomed your kind to Equestria, Luna locked herself away in her room and refused to speak with me for almost a month."

What a brat. I thought princesses weren't suppose to act like that?

"That must've been hard."

Celestia gave me a nod. "It was. You could already imagine how she reacted when I told her that I was planning to invite humans to stay with us in the castle."

"But surely she must have agreed at some point? Otherwise, I won't be here at all, right?" I could've ended up some place far worse; somewhere fiery, mountainy and rocky, perhaps?

"Luna did give in at the end. But she asked for me to invite only one, saying something about 'being unable to handle the thoughts', if I am not mistaken." Celestia gave her chin a quick rub. "And that's where you come in, my new friend."

Great, I'm best buds with the Princess now? Friendship seems to be something that is easily created around here. Why is that? I wonder.

"Yeah, about that, the letter only told me that I'll be serving Princess Luna for the dura---"

"Serve?" The princess gave me a look. A look which clearly showed her confusion.

"Yes, serve." Slave. Work for. Obey. Wasn't there a saying? Something about how a man chooses, but a slave obeys? Guess who's the man and who's the slave.

"I don't remember saying that."

Now I'm getting confused. "Wait...what?"

"I don't remember saying anything about serving my sister." Celestia turned to look at Raven. "Did I say something like that?" she asked her. Yeah, did she, Raven?

Raven shook her head. "You did not, your highness. I believe you said 'befriend'."

Befriend?

"How strange..." Strange is right, sister.

Celestia glanced at my glaring buddy, who had been standing at attention beside me the entire time. So professional these guards are. I wonder if they get paid well. Must be a damn good pay if their all willing to stand like statues for the rest of their lives.

I heard Celestia sigh. A really deep sigh, mind you. "Luna... what did you do?" she whispered, but not quietly enough. She raised her head and looked at my glaring buddy once again.

"Do you know anything about this?" Celestia asked her. "And don't try to protect her; I'll know if you're lying to me, Grim."

Her name is GRIM? Really? What the actual fuck, man.

I gave Grim a glance. I wonder if she has a retractable scythe hidden somewhere within that armour of hers. Our eyes met for a brief second, but I could already tell that she was getting nervous from Celestia's question. I should keep that in mind too; don't lie to royalty, for they might be able to read your mind. Literally.

Grim slowly stared at the ground, drawing invisible little circle patterns with her hoof. It's so obvious that she knows something about this. Even a kid can tell that, man.

"Well?" Celestia asked again, making her approach towards the two of us. Grim took a step back with every step Celestia made. She's really in a pinch now, huh? I would've said something to help her, buuutttt she didn't smile at me. No smiles? No help, buddy.

"Your highness, please!" Grim squeaked (I'm serious), bowing low. "I-I don't know anything!"

That's what they all say.

"Nothing at all?"

"No, your highness! I certainly know nothing about how princesslunaswappedtheletterthatyouwereplanningtosendtothehuma--- eep!"

Wow. Remind me to never trust her with my secrets.

"Ohnoohnoohnoohno..." Grim covered her face with her hooves, probably because she wants to hide from the shame that she had just brought to Luna. "I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! Can you please forget what I just said?"

"I'm afraid I cannot, Grim." Celestia said, shaking her head. Yeah, too bad, Grim.

"But my mistress will punish me if she finds out I spilled the beans!" I've got to be honest here. Grim looks really adorable while begging. Or maybe is because she's begging? I wonder what kind of punishment she's talking abo---

The door behind us suddenly opened with a thunderous BANG, followed suit by a loud, and empowered voice which called out from behind the doors. "'Tis already too late, Grim."

Grim let out another high-pitched squeak. "Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!" she sounds like a malfunctioning robot.

I stared at the entrance, for I am beginning to wonder who our loud visitor is. But it seems that my gut had already provided the answer for me; It was, without a single doubt, my new mas---

"Glad you could join us, Luna."

God damn it! Why does Celestia keeps on interrupting me during my internal monologues?

Author's Notes:

Finally done with chapter 2! Can't believe it took me this long though. Just couldn't bring myself to sit down and type--- what with all the games I want to play, and movies I want to watch. But still, I'm glad I finally got the chance (and spirit) to finish this chapter. Hope you folks enjoyed this chapter! Will start working on chapter 3 soon!

P.S. Title is not what it seems to be. Can you figure out the true meaning?

Food For Thought

"I'm sorry, Ron. But would you excuse me for a moment? I just need to have a quick word with my sister." Celestia is obviously pissed about something, and something tells me that it has nothing to do with the doors that were blasted open. Which, by the way, were blasted so strongly and so full of force, one of them is starting to fall apart. They should really replace those door with something much sturdier instead of wood. Like adamantium, perhaps?

Best I quickly get out of the way then. We don't want to be blocking her way now, right? "Sure." Be my guest, lady. I ain't gonna stop you. Not when you're mad. No sir. That would be like asking for a one-way ticket to DEATH.

Celestia gave me a quick nod with her head as she walked past me and Grim, who was trembling uncontrollably, mind you. No doubt the very sight of her Princess Luna is making Grim very weak in the knees. And heart too. But, that has nothing to do with them mushy stuff, however. This was more like sheer terror; Grim was afraid of her.

"Are you okay?" I just gotta say something to the trembling guard. What if she suddenly gets a heart attack? Do the ponies of Equestria even know CPR? I didn't spot any defibrillators on the way in. That can't be a good sign, right? I hope they at least have a first aid kit lying around here somewhere (possibly somewhere very close by, thanks).

"S-S-She's going to punish me!" What's with this talk of punishment, anyway? "I-I don't want to get punished!" Must be a very terrifying punishment if it's even able to get Grim here all shaken up like this. Now, in times like this, it's important to remember that a gentleman must always do his best to comfort and take care of the suffering lady.

"Why? What's she gonna do to you?" Aren't you curious too? I sure am. I never said I was going to comfort her. Don't judge me.

Grim covered her ears with her hooves, and shut her eyes, shaking her head wildly like a wild woman. "S-She's going to make m-me eat...that." she whispered dramatically to me. So much drama, these guards. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

And what the fuck is that?

"Huh?"

"Nononononono..." Grim continued shaking her head, muttering non-stop to herself. "anything but that!" she suddenly looked up at me, her golden eyes and snake-like pupils staring straight and deep into my own two brown eyes. Her eyes are, surprisingly, pleasant to look at, and would actually be intimidating, if it weren't for the fact that they were already starting to water; is she... going to start crying? Really?

"You have to help me!" Is she seriously asking me for help? What am I suppose to do? I just got here, dude! Does she expect me to come up with some brilliant plan to save her from whatever her punishment will be?

Seriously though, what is the punishment? It has something to do with eating, that I'm sure of. But what?

"I'm not sure how I can help you, Grim." In situations like this, it's normally best to just back out, and step away. I can't really do that though. "I think the princess has already heard you, loud and clear." Pretty sure she did. Pretty sure we all did.

"T-Then...Then take me away with you!" Grim grabbed my hand and stood up on her hind legs, bringing her height to reach just below my neck. "Take me to Earth!"

Wow, that escalated quickly. My first day in Equestria and already I'm being asked to run away with someone? I thought scenes like this only happens in movies, or shitty vampire teen romance novels. Guess not. Interesting.

Still gotta break the news to her, though. "I can't do that." And even if I wanted to (which I don't), how on earth are we supposed to escape an entire castle filled with guards and, not one, but two powerful princesses? That would be madness! "I'll probably get the both of us into even more trouble."

"No you won't." Her faith in me is surprising. Especially towards someone whom they just met.

"Trust me, I most definitely will."

Grim brought her muzzle close to my face, and tighten her grip on my frail and weak hands (their grips are really, really strong, dude). "Trust me, whatever trouble you may bring upon the both of us, it will never be able to compete with what I'll be facing if I don't escape this castle soon." she whispered into my ear.

Drama much?

Grim is really freaking out over this punishment thing. I kinda felt sorry for her. But, that is what you get for disobeying your master's command. I should be wise to never disobey a direct order from Luna. Even if it kills me (I hope it doesn't).

"Sorry, Grim, but I---"

"I'll do anything." Her eyes are watering again. "Anything." Anything huh?

Letting go of my hands would be a good start. If she adds any more pressure from those hooves of hers I'd most probably be boneless in the hands and fingers department. Not a pleasant thought. Ew.

"Tempting offer, Grim. Bu---"

"GRIM!" I should have brought a pair of earplugs with me. I mean, can't Luna speak normally? You know, like how normal folks would speak? Why must she shout? Is she afraid we're all deaf or something? Not to mention every time she speaks with that loud voice of hers, I'd get smacked in the face by a strong gust of wind. Talk about the power of the voice, man.

Grim released my hands and gave a wobbly salute to her princess. "Y-yes, your highness?"

"Your punishment will commence shortly in the royal kitchens." Luna narrowed her eyes at Grim, who started shaking like a jackhammer. "Be ready."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Don't you just love the drama?

* * * * * *

"So, let me get this straight..." My head is itching up a storm, but it will be nothing compared to the headache I'm about to experience. "Are you telling me that your sister, Luna, took your letter and replaced it with her very own?"

Celestia nodded her head. "Yup."

Yup? That's her answer? Just yup?

"What was in the original letter? What was it about?"

Celestia sighed. "My letter clearly stated that, regardless of whomever Earth chooses to send, that the chosen would be tasked with the task to become friends with my sister."

"Friends?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Like I said, Luna isn't very fond of humans. I believe that the best way to deal with a situation like this was to have a human become good friends with her; I want her to understand and learn about the humans; to see that there are two sides to everything; that humans weren't as bad as she thought.

"Befriending, said human, would also help build a bond, a bond that not only will help my sister understand, but also help change Luna's attitude and perspective towards the humans entirely. And perhaps also shed some light on why she dislikes your kind." Celestia rubbed her head. "Though clearly, it would seems that my dear sister has other plans planned."

"Clearly." Crystal clear, sister. "So what happens now?"

"According to the letter that she sent to Earth...You are now Luna's personal servant."

"Yeah, the letter did said that." In big, black, emboldened words too.

"You seem pretty calm about this, Ron." Oh, trust me, I'm ANYTHING but calm. I'm just trying my best not to pass out. When I first read that letter, I thought there was some sort of typo or mistake in it. Hell, even Raven said that there might be a mistake in it. But now that the facts have already been proven and revealed in front of me (five seconds ago), I'm starting to regret crossing that portal.

"I've already spoken with my sister." I hope she didn't make it worse. "Yet she still remains adamant about having you as a servant; either you accept her terms, or leave this castle."

"Can I?"

Celestia nodded. "This matter has already been out of my hooves ever since the swap. But you have every right to leave if you want to. I'll personally ensure that you'd be able to leave this place with little to no trouble." Am I going to get assaulted by Luna or something if I tried to leave?

The silence that followed felt awkward. I can tell Celestia wanted to say more. There's no way she'd end her sentence there. I mean, she's opening and closing her mouth right now, probably finding the right words to say.

It's a but isn't it? But? Come on, there's gotta be a but in there somewhere. It's so obvious. You can't hide that but away from me, Celestia.

"But..." Aha! See? Told you! "I really hope that you will remain here with us; your help will be invaluable to me. To us." I knew she was going to ask that. But, I already have my own, choice words to say to her. Words that I have carefully selected with my brain, words that would greatly emphasize on how desperate I am to return home: to Earth.

"Nope. Fuck that."

* * * * * *

"You could've just said no, Ron."

"I was freaking out! What else was I supposed to say?"

"No?"

"Oh yeah..."

Raven let out a heavy sigh and shook her head, covering her face with a hoof. "Look, Ron. I know the sudden news is...well, a surprise. But won't you reconsider this?"

I brought myself to a halt and turned to stare at Raven. True, what I had said to Celestia a few minutes ago wasn't really the best choice of words (especially towards royalty), but I really was freaking out. I swear when freaking out, man. Who doesn't? And besides, there was nothing left to reconsider; my mind is already made up. I'm getting out of this place first thing tomorrow morning; the last train left an hour ago, anyway.

"I'm sorry, Raven. But I wasn't really planning on being someone's servant." The two of us were currently on our way to the royal kitchens; I just realized how hungry I was. Who knew that walking and standing around can build up such an appetite? At least I get to try some alien delicacies before I leave tomorrow.

"But Princess Celestia needs your help." Yeah, and I need food; now that the initial shock is gone, my stomach just wouldn't stop growling like a lion. Or is it a tiger? A whale maybe?

"As much as I would like to help her, Raven. This is just something I'd rather not get involved in."

"But---"

My stomach let loose another loud growl. Definitely a tiger.

"Look, can we just get some food? I'm really starving here."

Raven closed her mouth and nodded (very slowly, for some reason). The remainder of our journey to the kitchen continued in silence. Well, except for the occasional stomach call.

"The kitchens are just around this...corner." Raven suddenly stopped in her tracks; I nearly bumped into her rump. Why did we stop? What's going on?

"Raven?"

Raven lifted a hoof and pointed it in front of her. I looked over to where she was pointing; there was a small crowd of what I believe to be the kitchen staff of the castle; they were all huddled up together, with their butts against a door which clearly led to the kitchen (also because there was gold plaque which have the word 'KITCHENS' written on it), they were all covering their muzzles with their hooves. Did someone fart? Must be a huge one.

We approached the staff. I sincerely hope it was nothing serious; think about all the food in there, just waiting to be devoured by my jaws. Do they have pizza by any chance? I wish they do. I could really go for some pizza right now.

"What's going on here?" I'll just stand here next to Raven and let her do the talking. Don't want to be rude now, right? Take my advice, if you want free food, never ever insult the chefs making the food. Unless you want spit in your soup. Besides, I'm just a guest; I have no power over these ponies.

"Luna's guards, ma'am." said one of the chefs, muzzle still covered. "They're performing the Punishment in there."

Someone screamed from behind the door; it was high-pitched, girly, and downright terrifying. The chef and the rest of his crew shuddered; one of the staff covered her ears, shaking in fear. "Now is not the best time to be here, ma'am." Another scream.

Is someone being butchered in there? Just what kind of punishment these ponies do?

"Who's getting punished?" Raven asked. Man, even I'm feeling a bit unnerved by the screaming; her expression was just plain blank, like she didn't care or something. Maybe it's because she's already used to it?

"Grim Reaper, ma'am."

Grim? The Grim? Her full name is Grim fucking Reaper? What kind of parents name their child Grim Reaper? Is the father called Scythe and the mother called Death? Wow, talk about weird names, dude. And I thought Earth has it rough (I thought I had it rough). The more you know, folks. The more you know.

"I see," Raven gave her glasses a push, and she turned around to look at me. "Well, Ron. It would seem that the kitchens is currently...occupied." The screaming continued.

No shit, Sherlock.

"Is she going to be alright?" I'm beginning to worry about the poor guard in there.

"She'll live."

The screams did nothing to help convince me. Wait...didn't Grim say she was going to have to eat something for the punishment? That explains the kitchens as the venue...but the screaming? Is she being forced to eat something disgusting? Now that I come to think of it, this sort of punishment seems pretty...tame? It can't be all that bad. Even I have eaten disgusting foods before (not willingly, mind you), like spit soup, for example.

"Can't we help her?" I wonder why I asked that question. But something just didn't felt right within me; I was growing rather fond of the screaming guard; mainly due to how adorable she looked when begging...I really got to go and get my head examined.

"Are you saying you're willing to help Grim eat...that?" The chef that had spoken earlier gave me a look of admiration mixed with fear (mostly fear, though).

"It can't be that bad---"

The entire kitchen staff flinched and grimaced at my words, even Raven took a step back, who gave me a frown. "Er...right?" Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"You're a brave one, sir." the chef said, bowing his head towards me. "Nopony, in the history of Equestria, has ever dared to eat that so willingly." he proceeded to grab my hand, shaking it. "You're willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of another? Admirable."

I wished I had kept my mouth shut. Maybe I still can escape. "I-I didn't say anything about sacrificing myself, I mean, is there any other way to help her?"

The crew shook their heads. "Eat you must. Save her, you will." One of the staff said.

"Open the door! We must not delay this brave soul's determination to save the condemned!"

Before I knew what was going on, I was suddenly grabbed by several pairs of hooves and was thrown into the royal kitchens against my will.

* * * * * *

The sound of clicking behind me told me that the door was locked; I was trapped in the kitchen. Not really a bad place to be trapped in, considering.

I dusted myself off, staring around. The royal kitchens were huge, it was like three huge kitchens combined into one. A kitchen of this size was definitely needed, no doubt, judging from the sheer amount of occupants that were already living in the castle.

The royal kitchens were clean, neat, and tidy: pots and pans of different sizes could be found hanging from the walls, fresh ingredients, such as vegetables, were all nicely organized and stored properly, there were several large refrigerators too, placed side by side each other, keeping it's contents within it chilled.

I was immediately greeted by a familiar and pleasant aroma, one that I was accustomed to back home, from during my travels to Southeast Asia. It smelled sweet, strong, and orgasmic. I knew what it was straight away, and to be honest, surprised, that Equestria even has it here. After all, this was something that could only be found back on Earth. Unless, of course, I was mistaken.

"Who goes there?" I heard someone called out in front of me.

Before I could answer, Grim suddenly head-butted me straight in the chest, causing me to lose my balance, to which I stumbled and fell.

"You came for me!" Grim cried happily, giving me a bone-crushing hug. "Please tell me you are here to help me escape."

I couldn't answer; my breath was gone and I was already losing oxygen. Even my vision got all blurry. Luckily, Grim noticed this and let me go, blushing as she did so.

"Sorry." she said in a sheepish tone.

"D---" I sucked in a huge breath of life-giving oxygen "---Don't w-worry about it." I managed to say. "But no, I'm not here to help you escape."

Grim ears drooped and went flat. "No...nonono!" She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me violently. "You are my only hope! You have to save me!" she suddenly let me go and covered her face, sobbing a little. "I don't want to die."

I couldn't help but chuckle at Grim's antics. If her punishment is what I think it is...let's just say we'll be fine.

"Don't worry, Grim. I may not be here to help you escape, but I am here to save you."

* * * * * *

"You are sure about this?"

I nodded my head. "Sure as I'll ever be."

The three guards (minus Grim) all stared at me with baffled expression painted all over their faces. Grim had explained to them of why I was here; I will be taking over Grim's place; I will go through with the punishment in her stead.

"You are really sure about this?" the guard in the middle asked. They were all clad in armour the same as Grim. "Nopony has ever dared to eat this so willingly." he gave his two pals a look. "Nopony." they all whispered together.

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I'm one hundred percent sure about this, dude."

"Dude?" the guard raised an eyebrow at me.

"Sorry. I mean, I'm ready." Grim stood beside me, giving me the occasional glance of worry. I looked at her and gave her a smile. I would've winked too, but that might cause some complications.

"Very well then, sir." The guard pulled out a silver serving platter with a lid on top of it. Pointless, really. Since I already know what was in it. This is going be a piece of cake; the easiest punishment in the history of punishments; not to mention it would help fill my belly too.

I stared at the guard, who had his hoof placed on top of the lid's handle, and nodded at him. The guard lifted the lid, backing away as he did so.

My time has come; it was time to eat, my dear friends, for I am very hungry, but do not worry, do not fret, for this is a food of which I love, it's a fruit, really. But a damn good one. I closed my eyes, and took one final sniff, before reopening them to gaze upon the delicious looking du---

Whoa, whoa, whoa! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?

"What the hell is this?"

The guard gave me a look. "That's the punishment, sir." he placed the lid on to one side. "You're punishment."

"Bu...But I thought the punishment was going to be a durian?"

Grim poked me on the side. "What are you talking about?" she asked, tilting her head to one side, confused.

"When I came in here I smelled durian; since not everyone can take the taste and smell of it, I thought for sure that the durian was going to be the punishment you were supposed to eat."

Grim and the other guards laughed loudly at this. "Are you kidding me?" Grim said, smiling. "The Night Guards love durians! It's one of the best fruits I have ever tasted from the Everfree Forest!"

"That means..." The realization hit me like a truck travelling at five thousand miles per second.

"We were eating a few durians, moments before starting the punishment." Grim pointed a hoof behind her, and, sure enough, there were a bunch of empty durian husks lying messily on the kitchen floor; it's delicious contents already eaten and digested.

Oh, God no. What have I done?

"So...no durians?" I asked, my lips trembling with fear.

Grim shook her head. "Nope."

I am so dead. I am so fucking dead.

"S-so...w-what is that?" I pointed a shaking finger at the two round, tiny abominations that lay in front of me.

Grim shuddered and stood behind me. Now I know why she was so scared. Now I know why the kitchen staff were all freaked out. Now I know WHY no one in the history of Equestria has ever dared to eat this so willingly. I am so dead. Dead, I tell you.

"T-Those..." Grim whispered, grabbing tightly onto my shirt. "Those are manticore testicles."

Author's Notes:

Here's the next chapter folks! Glad I found the time to get this chapter done; I really want to share this story with all of you! Anyway, I hope you all had fun reading this chapter and fic. Stay tuned for the next chapter!

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

Oh. My. Glob.

Balls. Huge, disgusting, slimy-looking balls.

Of all the things that could've been on this silver platter, why the fuck does it have to be fucking balls?!

Princess Luna has some serious issues, man. Seriously. Forcing your subordinates to eat freaking balls because of insubordination? What kind of punishment is this, man? How sick must you be to be able to come up with such horrendous ideas?

No one, and I mean no one, aliens or humans, should eat balls because of failing to follow their superior's orders. It ain't right. It ain't safe. And it sure as fuck ain't healthy. Damn. Luna is one fucked up princess, man.

But, even with that already being said, I probably won't be in this mess in the first place if only I've kept my big fat mouth shut. I should've just left Grim here to her fate. I should've just left with Raven and headed straight for my room. I should've ignored the unrelenting rumbling and growling coming from my stomach.

But noooooo, I just had to go and be the hero. I just had to go and throw myself into the dragon's fiery mouth. Big mistake, Ron. Big, big mistake. Stupid Ron. Dumb Ron. Idiotic Ron.

Why did I even bother in the first place? I was going to leave Equestria the very next day, anyway, so why did I opened my mouth? Why did I asked that question? Why did hearing Grim crying and pleading for help made me wanted to help her? So many questions, questions that might be left unanswered for some time.

Forget the questions. There are other thing that require my immediate attention. Like those freaking balls sitting right in front of me. I can't possibly eat those monsters; I might seriously die of disgust and sheer terror. I wouldn't eat those (let alone touch them) even if they gave me fifty bucks. I might consider if it were a hundred thou---

No, no, no! No amount of money would make me interested in eating alien ballsacks.

Maybe I could still get out of this; I could make up an excuse---tell them that I'm feeling ill or something. Or maybe tell them that I'm allergic to big balls.

Wait, wait, wait. That sounded wrong. So wrong. Let me rephrase that. What I meant to say was---

"Is something wrong?" one of the guards asked me, staring.

Oh no, my good sir, everything's just fine and dan--- OF COURSE SOMETHING'S WRONG! Do you not see the huge balls in front of you? Are you so oblivious to the fact that there is two, gigantic alien balls right in front of your eyeballs? DO YOU NOT SEE THEM BALLS, MOTH---

"Not really." I told the guard, trying as hard as I can to keep my composure---which was already slipping away, as you can already tell. "Is just that...I wasn't expecting...that." I pointed at the monstrosity with a trembling finger.

"Well, we weren't expecting somepony to actually offer themselves to help eat...that" The three guards in front of me all shuddered together. I shuddered too. Who wouldn't?

Grim poked me on the thigh. "Are you okay?" she asked me, with a worried expression.

No, Grim. I am most certainly NOT okay. No sane being would be okay in situations like this.

"I won't be once I swallow those balls." Grim went bright red in the cheeks. One of the guards cocked an eyebrow at me.

Oh my God. Fucking phrasing, man! I smacked my forehead. "S-sorry. What I meant was---"

"I-I know what you mean!" she squeaked, hiding her tomato face. "I understand you perfectly." she whispered.

Swallow those balls...what was I thinking?

"So...er...any tips?"

Grim glanced at me. "Tips?"

"You know..." I motioned at the...exotic food that was sitting on the silver platter with my hand. "is there anything I should know or do before eating that?" Like getting real drunk? 'Cause that might actually help me with my predicament, you know. But, then again, I haven't really touched the bottle for more than two years now. Don't want to throw those two years out the window now, right? It's gonna be a real waste.

"Don't defy the Princess's orders ever again." said one of the guards, to which his other two buddies nodded their heads together in agreement.

Thank you, Captain Obvious! That is one fucking good tip right there! I shall remember it...for the rest of my life.

"...anything else?" I asked, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at them.

"Don't think about it; just do it, and get it over with."

"Don't chew. The taste is very, very nasty."

"I heard Doomsday telling the others that adding honey might tame the overwhelming taste a bit---never really heard what happened after that, though."

"The honey does nothing. Night Watch tried it once; she went out of action for an entire moon."

"Really? Night Watch tried that?"

"Yea---"

I shook my head and turned to look at Grim. "Any advice?" I asked her instead, maybe she could offer me some sage advice. Some real advice.

Grim only shrugged at me, "There's nothing to tell." she said, giving her neck a little rub. "This was supposed to be my first time."

Great. Just my fudging luck. A virgin. Well, I guess I'm one now too. Can't complain.

"Nevertheless, it's my first time too." I said, glancing at the demonic abominations. "What do you think I should do?"

Grim stared at me with her golden-coloured eyes---I can't read her facial expression. Was it concern, or confusion? I can't really tell. Ponies can be hard to read at times.

"You're really going to do this for me?" Grim asked all of a sudden, grabbing onto my hand with her hoof. "Why?" she asked me.

Babe, if I knew the answer myself, I wouldn't be standing here right now, musing and asking myself the exact same question, too.

"I dunno..." I told her slowly. "I just...wanted to I guess." That was before I discovered the manticore cojones, however. Now I just wanted to run away from this place; to put as much distance between me and the balls of nastiness.

I felt Grim's grip tighten on my hand. "That's really brave of you, you know that?" she said, giving me a smile. "And kinda sweet." she added softly.

Huh, what do you know, my heart suddenly skipped a beat after hearing her say that. Strange.

Still won't make me feel any less scared than before, though. Balls are, and forever will be, balls. And they're gonna ruin my night. Or life. Or both. Badly. Very badly. Extremely badly. You get the idea.

"...thanks?" A compliment is a compliment, I suppose. I don't get it very often, anyway. Might as well enjoy it while I'm still alive. Life can be so funny at times, don't you agree?

Grim let go of my hand. "Well, good luck!" she backed away and gave me a nudge with her head, pushing me closer to my doom food. "Best if you eat it while its still fresh."

"Fresh?" Those balls look raw to me. "Are these even cooked?"

Everyone in the kitchen, except me, shook their heads. "You have to eat it raw." Grim whispered, hiding behind me, as if expecting the balls to suddenly pounce at her at any given moment.

"You can't be serious." You can't be fucking serious, mate. Raw? Where did they even get these balls, anyway? Do they keep a buttload of these testicles in one of the fridges? I gotta ask them, just to be sure. "These can't still be fresh." I asked the guards in front of me, pointing a finger at the silver platter. "I mean, didn't you just bring them out from one of the fridges?"

The three guards all looked at each other. "No, sir." the one on the left said, taking a step forward. "The kitchen's head chef has specifically requested that we don't keep any of it inside the fridges."

"So you bought it from a butchery or something?" Man, what a life that must be; chopping off manticore balls.

"There are no butcheries in Canterlot, let alone Equestria." Grim said from behind me, poking her head out. "Ponies don't exactly eat meat, you know." she gave me a frowny face.

"The nearest butchery is hundreds and hundreds of miles away; the Empire are the ones that has all the butcheries." said the guard on the right.

I gave them all a look. "If ponies don't eat meat, then why is that here?" I asked. "Why are you eating this? Shouldn't the punishment be more...meatless?" Like, maybe replace this with vegetables, perhaps?

"We're not exactly ponies, sir."

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You all look like ponies to me." Or did the meaning of the word 'ponies' changed without me realizing?

Grim stepped out from behind me, "We're bat ponies; same species, but with fangs and a desire for meat." she said, giving me a huge grin. One glance at her mouth was enough to tell me that she was telling the truth; she got fangs. Two, very sharp fangs. Like Dracula. But more on the adorable side.

Wait, doesn't that mean that these guards are cannibals? Do they eat their fellow ponies whenever they get hungry for sweet, tender, and juicy pony meat? What the fu---

"No, we don't eat other ponies." Grim said, staring at me. The expression on my face probably told her what I was thinking.

"But then...how do you...?"

"We hunt." the four guards said together, almost with pride. "Whenever we get bored of eating hay, we leave this castle and set out on a hunt for meat." Grim added.

I never thought I'd see the day where ponies would be eating meat. That would also explain the wings they have. Man. The ponies of Equestria are really, really weird, dude.

Oh, shit. That could also only mean one thing. If they didn't buy these balls from a butchery, then...

"S-So w-wait, what you're t-trying to s-say is tha---" Oh, God no. Please don't let it be true.

"Yes, sir. We got those straight from the source." said the guard standing in the middle, his hoof pointed at the manticore testicles.

* * * * * *

Opening my eyes, I found myself standing in front of an abandon, old, derelict looking house. The house seems rather familiar, but I can't quite name it. Is it my house? No, that can't be right. I don't remember ever living in such a place. But then why does this place strike me as familiar?

No, no. I'm just overthinking this. Never, in my entire life, had I ever stayed in a house like this. Period.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be? I mean...wait...the house...it's no longer here. Just a ruined building now.

Are you really sure?

Yes! I'm one-hundred percent positive! That house meant nothing to me. I have no memories, nor any sort of recollection of that place. It's alien to me. All of it.

Why are you denying it?

What are you talking about? I'm not denying anything!

You know this place. Yet you refuse to remember.

Bullshit. I don't...I don't remember...wait...

Do you see it?

...yes...it's small but, I can see it clearly.

What do you see? Tell me.

I see...my home? This house...this house is my home. And there are two people standing at the doorway...is that...are those my parents? Mom? Dad?

What else do you see?

This house...it never looked like this. No, it wasn't like this at all. But then...why?

Why what?

Why does my home looked so...what happened? My parents...they disappeared. They're gone. Where did they go? Mom? Dad?

Where did they go?

Hot...why am I feeling hot all of a sudden? This heat...it's really hot...burning...melting...where are my parents? What's going on? Why is my house burning? Where are my mom and dad? Where have they gone?

Gone where?

Gone...they've gone...somewhere far...somewhere far away...to a place which I can never hope to reach...

They're dead.

And it's all my fault.

* * * * * *

What a dream.

Opening my eyes, I found myself lying on a bed---and quite a huge one too. I blinked my eyes and tried to get a good look at my surroundings; judging by the decorations and furnitures, I'm inside a room---a bedroom. Maybe it's the guest room Raven told me about?

There was a soft scent dangling in the room. It smelled like...some sort of flower, maybe? The aroma wasn't strong nor was it overwhelming. In fact, it was rather pleasant and soothing. A scent that I wouldn't mind having in my own room, back on Earth. Maybe I should ask one of the guards what scent is being used in this room.

Speaking of rooms, this one is huge too. I must say, for a guest room, this room is insanely spacious. But why all the midnight-blue and black decor? The wallpapers, the floor, even the bed; all black and blue. Like a bad bruise. It almost felt like the room was going through an eternal night mode; never to see the sun's beautiful light ever again.

But never mind that now. I'm more bothered by the dream I just had. That house I saw...it felt familiar. Really familiar. If only I could remember more...about the house, about those two people...my parents...?

And that voice that kept talking to me. Call me crazy, but...I was almost certain that that was Luna's voice, speaking to me in my dream. But that can't be true, can it? I mean...I know dreams can be weird, but this...this is just beyond that. It almost felt like she was there with me. Both of us, together in my dream. Not as part of my subconscious. But really, really there.

No. Ponies can't really be there in your dreams with you. Earth or Equestrian. It's just not possible...right?

Well, maybe except for one; Raven had mentioned it to me; what if the title 'Princess of the Night' wasn't just a title? What if Luna really can visit you in your dreams, as the Princess of the Night?

Nah...I'm thinking way too deep into this. All Raven said was that Luna raises the Moon. That's it. I'm just thinking too much.

But then why was she there? Why dream of her?

I sat up on the bed, and gave my eyes a rub. The room was dimly illuminated by small lamps hanging on the wall. I was alone in the room. All alone. Just me, and my quiet thoughts, alone inside this roo---

Now wait just a minute here...how on earth did I ended up here, in this room, anyway? What happened after I ate the balls? Why can't I remember anything? My head's feeling all fuzzy and hazy inside; obscured, blurred, and confused.

I peeled away the soft blanket that was covering me, and got out the bed. I was still fully dressed---socks and shoes included. Might as well check the room out; could be a hint or clue on how I ended up here.

Though the room was dimly lit, I could see the entire room without any problems. But there wasn't much to see in the room, anyway. It looked almost ordinary. Simple, but rather elegant. A little dark, but still, quite nice. A bookshelf could be found leaning against the wall next to a solid, ornate wooden door, filled with heavy-looking books. There was also a wardr---

Whoa! Hold the phone! Where the hell is my luggage? Where's my stuff? Did the freaking guards forget to bring them up here? Aside from the clothes that I had on, there was nothing else in the room that belonged to me. Nothing! Talk about bad service. I hope and pray to the powerful Almighty that my luggage weren't left lying around in the castle's courtyard somewhere. I knew I should've seen it to the very end.

I needed to leave the room immediately. My belongings could've been thrown out, for all I know. I must find my stuff! Some thief could be digging through my stuff right this very instant, content and satisfied with his haul. I'm gonna have a word with Raven when I find her, maybe Celestia, if I'm brave enough.

As my hand reached for the door kno--- what the fuck? There is no knob! It's just a door without a door handle, man! The carpenters of Equestria are reeealllyy lacking in something here; like a fucking door handle.

How the hell was I supposed to get out now? Wait...what if...what if this wasn't a guest room at all? What if this was a...torture room?

No, wait, that won't make much sense. Why else would they put a bed here? Why make this room all comfy-looking? I didn't spot any torture tools lying around the room; my limbs are still intact too, with all my fingers and toes. Looks like I haven't been tortured...yet. Maybe there's a hidden switch somewhere around here; one pull and SWOOSH! Instant torture room right in front of you.

I should really stop watching those movies about torturing and torture rooms. It's messing up my mind. Besides, ponies aren't capable of doing such things...right?

RIGHT?

"Greetings."

"ARRRGGGHHH! NOOOOOOO! LEAVE ME ALONE, SATAN!" I screamed like a little girl, covering my eyes with my hands. "THE POWER OF CH---"

"Ron!" Before I could lower my hands, I felt someone grabbed onto my leg.

Of course, that only made me panic even more.

"NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO PLAY A GAME!" I yelled, once more, voice high like a sweet, innocent, little girl. "NO GAMES, JIGS---"

"RON!" shouted the demon, calling my name once again. "IT'S ME, RAVEN!"

* * * * * *

"I wasn't scared." I lied, trying to save whatever pride and dignity I had left. Raven only giggled, patting me gently on the head with her hoof.

"There, there. No need to act so big and brave. We're here to protect you." Raven joked at me, trying her darndest not to burst out laughing. The heat in my cheeks only spiked to another million degrees higher. She's treating me like a little kid, spooked by the monsters hiding under his bed.

The petting felt nice though.

After I managed to calm down from my episode, the three of us were now seated on the bedroom floor together. Of course, we would had sat on chairs or benches if there were any in here; the bed was a possible candidate, too. But that would make the entire scene look awkward. And weird.

"The way you screamed was really adorable." Grim laughed, joining Raven and giving my head a little rub.

Lord, kill me now. Smite me this instant, for I am shamed, humiliated, and laughed at. I've broken one of the rules in the Manly Man's Guide to Maximum Manly Manliness: Rule#256: Never. Ever. Scream like a little bitch.

I'm sorry Manly Man. I have failed you. Terribly so.

"No monsters will get you here." Raven giggled.

"We're here now, aren't we? You'll be safe with us." Grim chortled.

Any more of this treatment from the two mares would only make me melt into a pool of shameness.

The petting is nice though.

"Just drop it, okay?" I said, edging away from their approaching hooves. "I was just...I was just..." I had to face the the truth; no words would save me from this humiliation. I just gotta suck it up, and deal with it.

A few more minutes of giggling and petting went by before the two of them finally relented. I was sad that the petting had to stop, but at least they aren't making fun of me any more.

"So." I started. "What happened? How did I ended up here?"

Raven and Grim exchanged looks. "You mean you don't remember?" Grim asked, her bat wings neatly folded to her sides.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

Raven sighed. "We thought you were dead."

Grim nodded. "I was so scared. I thought you were a goner."

"We all did."

"Was it really that bad?" I asked.

They both nodded their heads at me. "So very, very bad." Grim said.

I hesitated; I was unsure on whether or not to ask for more details, or just let it slide.

"Go on." I chose the former.

"Well..." Grim opened her mouth, but shut it almost instantly. "I'd rather not say." she whispered.

"Oh, come on!" I pleaded. "I need to know what happened; you guys are acting like as if someone died or something."

"After you ate...those? We were pretty sure it almost did happen."

I smacked my forehead. Not knowing felt even worse than not wanting to know.

"Maybe another time, Ron." Raven said, unfazed. "We'll tell you the entire thing once you are feeling...better." she stifled a giggle, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Besides, you have another guest waiting to speak with you." she added, suddenly getting up. Grim did the same.

"Another guest? Who?" I stood up as well; my butt and legs was starting to get numb anyway. Besides, it didn't felt right to be the only one seated.

Raven and Grim backed away from me, standing on either side of the door. "She'll be here soon." Raven said.

"She who?"

Before either of them could answer my question, the door in front of me suddenly glowed and opened. Now I know how to open these handleless doors---with fucking magic. Do I look like a bespectacled kid with a freaking magic wand? I can't use magic! I'm freaking human. A manaless human.

Anyway, standing right in front of me was none other than the---

"Greetings, human." Luna greeted me, entering the room. "It's about time we had a chat, don't you agree?"

Author's Notes:

Aaaaaaannndddd there you have it, the next chapter! Took me quite a while to get this one finished. Was really busy with work and stuff. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Stay tuned for the next one!

Welcome To My House

"Leave us."

Raven and Grim both bowed to Princess Luna. I wondered if I should do the same. I wouldn't want to make the princess think I'm being disrespectful now, right? She might blast me away with her insanely powerful voice that can cause untold destruction if not used properly within the recommended volume settings.

But I stood my ground. My body wasn't exactly in the mood to bow, regardless of whoever or whatever that stood before me. I could still taste the after-taste of the--- well, you know what I mean. I can't believe I actually managed to eat those...things and still live to talk about it the very same day. Most normal people would've probably be on their way towards the ER in an ambulance. Guess I'm not normal then.

I can't help but feel my heart sink all the way down to my butt as I watched Raven and Grim leave the room. I didn't want them to go. Why? Well obviously, for one thing, if things go south with the almighty Princess of the Night here, I'd most definitely need some bodyguards to ensure that I don't get obliterated into a million pieces. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a million pieces of yourself? I most certainly don't. But I sure as fuck ain't gonna try and find out.

Second, Raven and Grim are pretty nice to hang around with. They're not so bad, once you get the chance to know them properly. And did I mention how nice it is to be petted by them? It's probably the most comforting thing to have ever happen to me, except for that one time I got a free coupon to a massage at the nearest spa. But that's another story for another time...meh, maybe never.

Anyway, as the door in front of me slowly closed, I caught a glimpse of Grim waving at me. Was it a wave meaning good luck? Or a wave meaning good-bye? None of the two sounds good. They both leave ominous feelings inside my already trembling body. Maybe Ol' Luna here is going to give me a thrashing. A thrashing so bad that my body can't even be recognized any more. Even the greatest coroners on Earth will be dumbfounded, their fancy gadgets and tools will be useless in aiding their investigation. I bet even Caine and his team will be stumped.

Right, I'm getting a little way off track here. My two guardians are now officially gone, I'm left alone with a princess that might want to murder me (at least, I think so), and my only way out of this room is either by jumping out the window behind me or take my already low chances and escape using the door in front of me. Which is, of course, blocked by an all-powerful princess pony. I'll just stand here, thank you very much.

What did she say she wanted to do with me again? Chat? Is she cereal? Maybe she wants to personally send me outta here. You know, to get the last laugh or something like that. Celestia did say she hates us humans. But, wait...that can't be right either, the letter she sent demanded me to be her slave did it not? Oh...oh crap.

She's not here to get rid of me. She's here to get me. Celestia must have told her dear sweet sister I was planning to leave, so she quickly came to make sure that I remained. No matter what. Luna is gonna use some sort of possession voodoo magic on me isn't she? The moment I let my guard down, she's gonna throw on a thick, heavy choker around my neck, rigged with explosives no doubt. You know what that does right? Any attempts of escape and...BOOM! Next stop, Sleepy Hollow! If I somehow mysteriously managed to be alive, I might start looking for career opportunities there.

Wait...she...she doesn't really have that sort of things hidden away somewhere, right? I mean...that's...that's not possible in a world such as this, right? Their technology have yet to advance to the next stage yet. I must be over thinking this. I always do. I have nothing to worry about, right?

RIGHT? OH. FUCK. NO.

"What is your name, human?"

I jumped. Hearing her speak all of a sudden actually made me jump. Man, I'm such a wimp. Maybe it's the fear bubbling within me.

"Ron." Crap, I forgot to add 'your greatness' at the end of my sentence. That's five points scratched off my book.

Luna raised one of her eyebrows at me, as if questioning my answer. Was my voice not clear enough? Did my vocal chords fail to enter your eardrums, oh, dark and gloomy one?

"Ron?" she repeated my answer, with her raised eyebrow hanging up in the air (no, not really). "That is all?" she took a step forward, with her wings spread wide open. She shouldn't let her wings out like that. I mean, the room isn't exactly a penthouse suite, oh, crowned one. I might accidentally get a mouthful of her feathers in my mouth and eyes.

"Well?" Luna asked again, taking yet another step forward. "Is 'Ron' all that there is to your name?" her voice sounded ---no, is--- stone cold. Like unmoving ice, unlike her radiant sister of the morning sunshine or whatever. I swear, her voice is so cold, I could feel the shivers going through all over my body.

Almost as if by instinct, my foot automatically took a step backwards. Even my heart is starting to pound; am I'm being intimidated? Do I feel intimidated? Well ---if only to satisfy your need for an answer--- then, yes! I do feel intimidated. I mean, just look at the situation I'm in. Here I am, inside a room alone with a princess who might as well be a ticking time bomb; who knows when she's gonna blow her crown.

At this point, I'd rather be locked up in a room filled with fire-breathing, meat-loving, man-eating dragons. Fucking dragons, man. You don't want to mess with 'em. Unless your stuck with the Princess of the Night --- a princess that loves to punish her subjects by making them eat manticore cojones! Even dragons don't do that sort of thing.

The princess was still staring at me; it seems that she wouldn't be content until I answered her question. But I've been getting this particular question for an entire day. Can't I get a break? I couldn't stop myself; I sighed --- and a loud one, mind you. Why do they all want to know my full name? Isn't 'Ron' simple and easy?

"It's Rondelle D'oignon, your highness." I told her with an annoyed tone. I know I should be more respectful and stuff when facing royalty and all that. But, to be honest, I'm really not in the mood to go through with this 'full name' thing another time. Don't get me wrong; being here with Luna in this room is making me nervous, worried even. But I just want to get the question done and over with.

"Is something the matter?"

Her question caught me by surprise. I glanced at Luna. Somehow, for a fraction of a second, she sounded concerned, unlike the previous tone of absolute coldness. Pfft, yeah right, as if my soon-to-be slave driver will be interested in the lowly concerns and worries of a human slave. My brain must be going numb.

But she was, strangely enough. She had folded back her wings, and her expression seemed to have soften a little. The look she was giving me looked rather mixed --- like a combination of stone and cotton candy. In layman's terms: she seems to be concerned, but wanted her intimidation to remain. In kid's terms: Luna seems to be having trouble showing her true feelings. I mean, the look on her face kinda says it all. The corners of her mouth were twitching. Like she was fighting back some urge attempting to escape.

Make sense? No? I'm not good at explaining this sort of thing, but I can kinda...sense it, like that kid in that one movie --- except it wasn't about the dead, just...feelings. I can sort of sense what she's feeling. I feel it in my bones. I swear it by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin.

But never mind that. I see an opportunity headed my way; if I'm right, and Luna is feeling concerned, I can use this to my advantage. I will appeal to this "concerned" side of hers, maybe it will make her rethink about her decision of her wanting me to remain as her slave. Who knows, I might luck out and be set free. Better to take the risk than to have not taken it at all.

"It's nothing, your highness." I lied (just a little). "It's just...I've been getting that question ever since I stepped into this world of yours." A sudden itch came popping from the back of my head, sending my hand flying straight to the source. "I guess, I was getting tired of it." I quickly stole a glance in her direction. I needed to make sure that she's not putting up a front. Last thing I'd want is to find out I've been wasting my breath.

"My apologies, then. I hope I have not offended you in any way."

What?

What the huh?

WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?

"E-e-excuse m-me?" My ears must be full of earwax. So full of wax that it caused me to misheard what Luna said. Yeah, that's right. That must be it. I'll be sure to remember to clean them once I have the time. With big-ass q-tips the size of elephants. One huge turn around each ear and voilà! Cleaner ears for better hearing!

Did the Princess of the Night just said what I think she said? She apologized? To moi? That was certainly not what I was expecting to hear coming out of Luna's lips. First of all, none of the things I've seen and heard about her adds up. Isn't she like, supposed to be super demonic and stuff? I mean, if you're the one who suggested using manticore testicles as a form of punishment because of disobedience, I'm pretty sure that counts as being demonic in my book.

And second --- and I blame my stupidity for only just realizing it now --- since when did the princess have a concerned side? From the sabotaged letter which was sent to Earth and all the way to our first meeting in the throne room, it seems to me that Luna is anything but concerned. None of her actions and gestures spells out the word for me; I just don't see it.

And last, but certainly not the least. Let's say, just for a moment, that I was completely wrong about her. That all my thoughts and all my opinions about her are all biased and one-sided. Let's pretend for a moment that the princess is indeed concerned about my well being as a human. THEN WHY IN THE MOTHER OF FUCK WOULD SHE DEMAND A SLAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN? Wouldn't it be much better to have just asked for a representative from Earth instead? Why go through all the trouble? What was she thinking?

"Excuse me."

None of this make any sense. Was Grim and Raven playing a prank on me? Am I being punk'd by them? Was this all just a big set-up for the biggest prank ever done in history ever?

"Excuse me, Ro---"

No, no, no. This is just a plot, an evil plot plotted by Luna herself. And the plot is beginning to thicken and harden like the snot up my nose.

"E-excuse me, hey---"

Maybe all of this is just some poor, terrible writing to a story I somehow managed to get myself sucked into. I mean, if the current situation is the final destination the story is going for then, I must say...I'm not really impressed. And I'm already an easy-to-impress kinda guy. I get excited over chickens crossing the road, man.

"RON!"

As the sound of my name being shouted reach my delicate ears, a huge gust of wind suddenly blew straight into my face. The force of the sudden wind was so strong my face felt like it was going to get peeled off at any given moment. My eardrums vibrated so strongly that my head started to spin like crazy. The room I was in was shaking and rumbling like there was some sort of intense orgy going on between rhinoceroses and elephants.

Then, just like a snap of my finger, it all ended. It all stopped. No more wind. No more humping rhinos (not literally, sheesh).

I blinked...and blinked a few more times as I tried to figure out what in the world just happened.

Was the princess calling my name? I think she was, but where did the wind came from? Oh wait, of course, how could have I forgot? Luna has this insanely powerful voice, no? And to have use it in such close proximity...I'm lucky her almighty voice did not send me flying out the window.

"...on...Ro..." Luna seems to be calling out to me. I gave my eyes a quick rub and glanced in her direction.

"...n...R..."

"WHAT?" I said to Luna. Or did I yell? Did my voice even function properly as it should? I can't tell, I can't hear a damn thing right now. My ears are still ringing like mad. Like a madman with an extremely unhealthy obsession over bells and tubs of jelly.

I saw her mouth opening and closing a few times, but heard nothing coming from it. Oh no, am I going deaf? Am I going to lose my ability to hear?

Luna moved her mouth again, but still, I heard nothing. I gave a few taps on both my ears. A fruitless attempt, I know. But I wanted to see--- hmm, well, hear the tapping on my ears. Because if I can hear it, then that right there will be my semblance of hope. Hope that my ears were still in one piece, that is.

I made a few quick gestures and motions at the confused princess staring at me. Hopefully, she will understand that I'm currently unable to hear anything for the time being. I would tell her with my own voice, but, I rather not be yelling this late at night, especially not after what happened.

She nodded.

* * * * *

"Again, I am deeply sorry for what just happened, Ron."

I swatted away her apology with a casual wave of my hand. "Don't worry about it, your highness." I told her, as I picked up the books that had fallen of the bookshelf. "I get blasted by sudden gusts of wind all the time." I was lying of course, but I don't want to upset the princess. "I'm used to it." No, I am most certainly not, mate.

Luna stared at me, but said nothing more on the topic. She was already done with the tidying up of her end of the room we were in. Which was pretty obvious, obviously. I mean, she's got magic on her side. Powerful princess magic, mind you. The kind where even pretty flowers can be turned into murderous killers with a single flick from her horn. Neat.

With just a single swish and swoosh from her horn she had already got more than half of the room cleaned up before I could even pick up the first book lying on the floor. Talk about being incompetent; I feel so freaking useless just by being in the same room with her. It's pretty amazing what one could do with such skills at their disposal. If I have real magic like hers, I'd run for the position of SUPREME RULER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD (not a real available title, mind you).

It kinda makes you think though. If Luna is able to complete such menial tasks ---such as the one I'm currently occupied with--- with such ease. Why demand for a slave? And why a human being? Surely, with such conveniences already available, there is no need for my employment (forced labour) to begin with, right?

I placed the stack of books I have in my hand back into the bookshelf one by one. My eyes scanned the titles of the books as I tried with the best of my abilities to arrange them properly: 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Maul Them'. Huh...that title alone sure explains a lot about the whole testicle incident.

'A Hitch-hiker's Guide to Equestria'. That sure sounds familiar, except that it almost has nothing to do with Equestria.

'A Tourney of Thrones'. The front cover for this is pretty simple, just a dragon and an empty throne just below the book's title.

'Princess of the Flies'. And the list goes on and on. Man, the titles for these books sure are weird. Was the authors for these books high on something when they were planning the title for their work? But still...I keep getting this nagging feeling that all these books remind me of something back home. Like it all felt strangely...familiar.

"Does this collection of books interest you?"

I jumped. Accidentally dropping one particularly large black book on to my foot. I swore as quietly as I could as I tried to ignore the pain erupting from my big toe. I wish I would stop jumping from all those sudden voices that seemed to be always coming up from behind me. I'm such a pussy. Manly Man, please forgive my pussiness.

I turned around and noticed that Luna was standing beside me, her face uninterested at the event that befell upon me and my toe mere seconds ago. Instead, she was quietly looking at the bookshelf in front of us. Gazing at it, actually. As if she was in some sort of deep thought. Perhaps she was just annoyed by the way how I've arranged the books.

"They are certainly...er...different from what I'd normally read back on Earth, your highness." Using the word 'different' was already an understatement. Bat-shit weird is more like it.

For just a fraction of a millisecond, an expression of annoyance painted itself on Luna's face. "You are allowed to call me by my given name, Ron." she said casually to me, her eyes still fixated on the bookshelf. "There is no need for us to be so formal when we are unaccompanied by my subjects."

And risk dying? Hell to the NO. "I wouldn't want to sound presumptuous, your highness." Man, I do not want to sound like anything at all in front of her royalness, thank you very much.

Luna suddenly let out a huff and turned to face me. "Stop calling me 'your highness'!" she said with a stomp of her hoof, a frown forming on her face. "Why won't you call me by my name like with what you did with my sister?" she asked me, taking a step forward towards my direction. Her questioning eyes glaring deep into my confused ones. Is she...mad at me for not calling her...Luna?

I have to be honest here, that reaction from her surprised me a tad bit. It seems a little odd to see Luna here getting all frustrated over something like how I address her. Does she not enjoy being treated like royalty? Does she not appreciate the politeness I'm offering on bended knee? Does she not love the feeling of staring down at those more worthless than her? Does she not find the thought of having her own personal human slave all to herself stimulating?

Okay, that last part was really unnecessary. But still, you get what I'm trying to tell, no? As of this moment, the princess in front of me is acting exactly like nothing of what I believed her to be. Well, most of it anyway. I have yet to confirm the 'being a spoiled little brat' part.

Luna was still waiting for my response. What should I do? How should I counter that question of hers? Should I try to give her my reasons of not wanting to call her by her name, or do as I've been told to do?

Well, I going to have to go for the latter, obviously. Technically speaking, I am her slave now, aren't I? Best I start obeying all her commands and demands now if I want to be an exemplary slave.

"Very well then, your---" Luna glared at me. "---er...Luna." I cleared my throat, and swallowed my saliva. "There, I've said it. Are you sure is okay...er...Luna?" Please be okay. Oh, lordy lordy! Please be okay.

It was. Luna nodded her head and gave me a smil---

BOOM! KABLOOOM! W-What is this?! What is this feeling that is suddenly rushing and spreading throughout my entire body?! It's as if I've just been electrocuted by lightning! The energy from that bolt is sending waves and waves of pulses and signals towards my brain! Like some sort of coded message! Is that it? Is the feeling I'm feeling trying to tell me something? What is it, brain?! Crack the code and tell me all of it's secrets! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, OH FEELING OF MIN---

Oh.

Now I know what is this feeling I'm feeling.

Luna blinked her eyes and cocked her head to one side, her adorable smile still planted gorgeously on her mesmerizing face.

"Are you okay?" she asked, while my heart skipped a million beats per second.

Nope.

Author's Notes:

Kept you waiting, huh?

Where Hast Thou Gone?

"Ron, wake up."

I groaned loudly, putting in as many doses of annoyance and hatred as I could within the groan itself. The last thing I wanted to do at this moment was to go through the tiresome motion of opening my eyelids. I was not about to roll over to one side and give up without putting up a fight. To even imagine allowing the light to pierce through my quiet and soothing darkness was plain blasphemy. No way, no how. It ain't happening. Not for anything.

"Ron, wake up this instant."

That voice just won't give up. Why must it bother me in my time of peace? In my time of solitude and laziness? Can't a guy sleep wherever and whenever he wants too? Is not like I was harming anyone with my non-disruptive sleeping. I only ask to be given the chance to properly rest my eyes. Especially on times such as the one I'm currently experiencing.

And trust me. You definitely gonna want that sleep. For sleep is the only thing that will keep your sanity in check.

"Ron. Wake. Up. Now." The voice was getting much louder, sharper, and sterner than ever before. It even sounder closer, too. It almost sounded as if whoever was the one speaking was just standing right next to---

"Ow!" The sudden pain in my shoulder caused my eyes to shoot wide open. The force that was generated from my eye-opening technique was so powerful it may have even sent my eyeballs flying out of their sockets (which, fortunately for me, did not). I immediately stood up from my seat soon after, the impact of my butt bumping into the chair sent it crashing down on to the patterned floor below me with a bang.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I said, hastily rubbing the reddening lump that was forming upon my shoulder. I turned my head around to face the culprit ---who was Raven--- and shot daggers in her direction. "Was it really necessary to pinch me that hard?" I asked her, as I blew gentle winds on to the red mountain with my lips. How did she pinch me, anyway? Raven is a pony for crying out loud! She has hooves, not fingers!

"Well, Ron." Raven said, taking several steps back. "The pinching would have been unnecessary if it wasn't for your constant inability to stay focused and awake during lessons."

I shrugged at her. "Hey, don't blame the student, blame the teacher, I always say." I said with a proud nod.

I managed to dodge the life-ending hoof that came flying my way. Obviously, Raven was not impressed with my choice of words. "Hey, hey! I'm just kidding, Raven!"

"Well, I'm not." Raven said with an irritated huff, turning away and trotting back to the large wooden table in front of me, which was laden with huge-ass books and used scrolls. "I hope you have not forgotten that it was you who wanted lessons in Equestrian lore, Ron. Not me. I am here solely because you wanted me to educate you." She glared at me. "And I take my lessons seriously. I would at least expect my students to do the same."

Sheesh. Sounds more like an obsession to me. I would do best to constantly remind myself to never ask Raven to give me lessons ever again.

I sighed and nodded. "I know, Raven." I said. "And I know I should be paying more attention to what you're trying to pump into my empty head." I scratched the back of my neck. "It's just that...my head keeps drifting off, you know?" Mostly to places no one will ever dare to set foot in to, of course. And to a certain majestic royalty pony figure.

Raven answered me with a puzzled look on her face. "Drifting off?" she asked, readjusting her glasses with a push from her hoof. "To sleep?"

"W-what? No, no, not that." How am I going to explain this to her without being blunt? It has been two days since my first official nose-to-snout meeting with the all powerful Princess Luna, and I still have yet to see her since that night. It was almost as if she had simply disappeared into thin air right after our brief interaction with each other.

And that was it. I did not receive any sudden summons, any surprise torturous torturing, or any other night time visits after our first meeting; nothing happened after that night. I woke up the following morning in the same room I was placed in, except this time, my luggage had already been brought in. It was as if whoever placed my luggage there knew I was planning to remain in Canterlot Castle a little longer.

Which brings us to the next thing that is bugging my brains out: I'm still unsure whether or not the slave contract was already in effect. I'm not bound in chains, for one thing, nor am I being whipped by a hairy handler, so, I guess that's one good sign I could confide in at the moment. I just hope I didn't jinx it in anyway by thinking about it... 'cause that sure as hell ain't gonna make my day any brighter.

Oh yeah, and there's also the fact where I can't stop thinking about Luna for some reason. Constantly, I mean. All the time. Flashbacks of her smile keep popping up in my brain, which then proceeded to remain there until lord knows when. I can't make them go away. They just stay there in my brain like flies hanging out on a pile of brown doo-doo hanging out a donkey's butt hole.

That was disgusting. I apologize for using such vulgar language.

Well, I guess you could say that I just wanted to see Luna again. But I wonder if asking Raven about it will be a good idea. Maybe I should try asking Grim, I mean she does work directly for Luna, right?

"Ron?" I blinked my eyes and glanced over at Raven, who was waving her hoof at me. I must have spaced out for a moment there. That would explain why Raven was trying to get my attention.

"Sorry." I guess I should put all the asking and explaining on hold for the moment. At least for now. Or never, who knows. I'm a shy guy.

Raven gave me a disappointed frown, shaking her head slowly from side-to-side. "Did you just went into one of your 'drifting off' moments again?" she asked with a click of her tongue.

"Urm...yeah." I quickly showed her one of my best apologetic smiles. "Sorry about that, Raven."

"Well I hope you don't drift off so often." Raven said, ignoring my smile. "If you spend so much time in your head thinking about pointless things instead of focusing on what is presented in front of you, you'd never be able to learn anything useful." Her horn started to glow as she spoke, covering several of the books on the table with her magical aura. "Some might also say you enjoy spending much of your time by yourself. Left all alone with your thoughts and nothing else."

"You're saying it like I'm some sort of incurable introvert." I said, as I watched her levitate the books back into their respective places on the bookshelves behind her.

"That's not what introvert means, Ron." Raven said, covering her face with a hoof. What did I say? Isn't that what introvert means? Actually, no. I'm not even sure myself. I should probably consult the aid of a dictionary later. A big one.

"Look, I can see quite clearly that you already have lost interest in our lessons for today." Raven said, making her way back towards me. She's not going to try and slap me again is she?

"Was it that obvious?" I asked.

"Oh, yes." Raven said, her eyes rolling at me. "I can tell by the loud snore you let loose fifteen minutes ago."

"But it's like the crack of dawn, Raven." I whined, squinting my eyes at her. "I haven't woken up so early since my days back in high school."

"It's nine in the morning." Raven said. "You should be grateful that I even have the time to give you lessons; Princess Celestia is a very busy princess, and she needs my expertise in organizing, planning and helping out with her already packed day-to-day schedule." Raven gave her glasses a push up her snout. "If it wasn't for the princess agreeing to your request, I wouldn't even dream of abandoning her to deal with her schedule alone. I am, after all, her personal assistant."

"Alright, alright, I get it." I raised both my hands in the air in mock surrender. "I'm sorry, Raven. I really am. I didn't mean to drag you out here just to waste your time." In truth, upon realizing that I have nothing to do in such a huge castle (until or if Luna calls for me, that is), I needed an activity of some sort to kill the time. Or, at least, to do something that will benefit me in some way. "I promise I will pay more attention in our next lesson." I said, flashing another one of my apologetic grins at Raven. "Forgive me for what happened?"

Raven nodded, giggling. "Apology accepted, Ron." she said with a smile of her own. "Now, I honestly believe we are already done here. So, if you don't mind, I really need to get back to Princess Celestia as swiftly as possible."

I nodded my head. There was no point in dragging time anyway. No longer was I in the mood for another lecture on how the land of Equestria was founded. I was already struggling with remembering the names of Equestria's founders. All the studying and memorizing Raven puts me through feels even worse than during my time at college.

Raven gave me a wave with her hoof and headed for the tall wooden doors behind her. "I'll see you around, Ron. If you have nothing else to do for the rest of the day, I highly suggest you use that time to do more studying."

"Oh, sure." I said, rolling my eyes. "I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my day reading old scrolls and dusty tomes about ponies who no longer exists." I didn't even bother to hide my sarcasm. "I shall be in the library should you decide to find me."

It was Raven's turn to roll her eyes. "Your enthusiasm astounds me, Ron." she said with a flat tone.

And with that said, she left the room, leaving nothing behind except me and a huge load of old dusty books.

* * * * * *

It's hard to believe how one simple smile from a princess can change one's decision about leaving. Two days ago, hours before midnight, I was already dead set on leaving Canterlot Castle as soon as I got the chance the following day. But, like they say in novels and movies, due to a strange twist of fate, and some undesired bizarre food sampling, my original plan did not came to be.

Instead, I woke up the following morning feeling eager to help out with whatever it is a princess needs helping with. Pretty strange, eh? Especially since my former title of "Human Representative" will be changed into "SLAVE FOR LIFE". Not really a good way for motivating unmotivated chumps, I can tell you that.

"I mean, it's already been two days since our first meeting in my room." I said, as I paced around the comforts of my recently acquired quarters. "It just doesn't make any sense, Grim."

Grim let out a loud yawn in my direction, slowly pulling out her scaly looking helmet from her head. "So?" she asked sleepily, as if what I just said was as boring and unimportant like the plot in a porno video.

"So? So, Grim, why hasn't anything happened yet? Why am I being left alone and abandoned like kittens in a cardboard box during a thunderstorm?"

"You have a very weird way of describing things, Ron." Grim said, frowning at me, setting her helmet down on my bed. "Does your kind always do that sort of thing back on Earth?"

"Well, yes, only the heartless ones though, bu--- Hey, wait a minute! Don't go changing the subject, Grim."

Grim only giggled back at me, giving her short pale violet-coloured mane a shake. "Ease up, Ron." she said, ruffling her mane with her hoof. "I don't understand why you're so worked up about t-t-this." she said while stifling another loud yawn. How sleepy could she get, anyway?

"I-I'm not worked up." I said quickly, crossing my arms together. "I just find the whole thing strange is all." Using the word "strange" kinda feels like an understatement. But, I wasn't about to let Grim know that.

Grim stared at me with a raised eyebrow. "Uh-huh, sure." I guess she doesn't believe me. Why would she believe me? Even a little kid would be able to see through my bullshit. "Not worked up, huh?"

"Nope. Not at all."

Grim said nothing, but she did roll her eyes at me. So much eye-rolling in one morning, dude. "If you say so, Ron." she finally said, with yet another yawn. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Shouldn't you be back in your own room?" I asked, eyeing the bat pony's grey fur as I sat down on my bed. "You look like you could use some rest." Or a long sleep maybe, like hibernation or something. Do the ponies here hibernate? No, wait. That's stupid. Of course they don't. But I bet some of them could sleep for days. Months even. I guess.

"Well...about that." Grim got a sudden interest with the floor beneath our legs, for she wasn't looking at me when she spoke. And she said the words rather slowly, mind you. "You see, I have a teeny little request..." she lifted her head and stared at me with her golden-coloured eyes. "There is something I want you to do to me."

"Oh." I said with a shrug. "What is it that yo---"

Oh.

OH.

"W-wait, w-what?"

Grim gave me a strange looking smile and slowly approached me and my bed, stripping off whatever armour she has left on from her body. Really slowly, and in a strangely suggestive manner. Oh, boy. I feel weird.

"G-G-Grim?" I quickly picked up her helmet which was next to me and placed it on my lap. The helmet would act as a safety precaution to whatever it is she was planning. And as something else.

"I have been wanting to try this for a looong time, Ron." Grim whispered. Pieces of her amour were laid about all over my room's floor. I closed my eyes and covered them with one of my hands, the other gripping tight on to the helmet on my lap. For I knew, perfectly well, that Grim no longer has any amour on her. And that could only mean one thing, my friends.

Now, before you start whining, I know the ponies here are already naked by default. But when you find yourself in a room with a somewhat adorable looking female bat pony who suddenly starts stripping and whispering at you, you'd feel differently. You will. Especially if you're easily sensitive in some areas.

"G-Grim, wait. I-I don't think I'm ready for this." I said, with my eyes still covered and shut.

"Don't worry, Ron. You'd get used to it once we're done." She was getting closer now. I could hear her. I struggled to push myself all the way back with only my legs. Unfortunately for me though, there was a wall behind me. I was trapped. Cornered in my own bed like a mouse. And the cat was Grim.

"B-But...it's still m-morning, Grim!" I reasoned. "C-Can't we d-do this during the night?"

"N...No." Was she...was she panting? She sure sounds like she was. Heavily. "I. Need. It. Now!"

Wow. Just. Wow. What have I gotten myself into? I opened my eyes, daring myself to take a peek at Grim.

She was standing right next to my bed. Staring at me with eyes I could not explain. Like a deep hunger. Or was it lust?

"Open your eyes." I felt a gentle nudge on my hand holding the helmet. "And get rid of the helmet, Ron." Grim whispered softly, nudging my hand even harder with her head. "It's getting in our way. I won't be able to get into a comfortable position if the helmet's there, you know."

Oh, man. What am I supposed to do? I've never gotten one of those from a female pony before, dude. Not that I ever fantasize about it or anything, mind you. Wait, what am I thinking? This isn't the time to be thinking about stuff like that. It's wrong. Very, very wrong. Well...at least, that's what I think.

Grim lost her patience. Before I could even begin to protest, she yanked the helmet away with her hoof, leaving me exposed. I threw my hands out, making a desperate attempt to reclaim the helmet, but alas, my friends, I failed miserably.

Time seemed to slow down to a crawl as I watched the helmet clattered to the floor. That was the signal; Grim got me right where she wanted me to be. My heart raced to unfathomable speeds as Grim slowly pulled herself up on to my bed. We were barely inches away from each other. I was at her mercy.

Grim gave me a rather seductive wink and leaned forward. Our faces were so close to each other I could feel her warm breath spreading across my nose. Gulping down my saliva down my dry throat, I braced myself for whatever it is that was going to happen between us and my bed.

"Ron." Grim's voice almost sounded sexy.

"Y-Yes?" I could already feel beads of nervous sweat forming across my forehead.

"Do as exactly as I say, okay?"

I couldn't reply. I was petrified, yet at the same time strangely intrigued with Grim's sudden advances. A part of me wanted to bolt for the door and make an epic escape. The other part? Well...let's just say he's interested.

I nodded. I wonder if she'd be able to hear the massive pounding coming from my heart.

Grim smiled at me. Our lips were so close I could almost... well, you know what I mean.

"Give me your hand."

* * * * * *

"Oh, yes! YES!"

This has got to be the weirdest thing I have ever been requested to do so far. By a bat-pony, I mean. Or by anyone ever for that matter.

"Harder, Ron! HARDER!"

I just couldn't believe what I was doing. Do the rest of the humans here get asked to do the same thing as well? What about the poor saps that got sent to live with the dragons? Do they ask the humans to do the same thing as well? Man, if that were true...I feel sorry for them. Fucking dragons, man. You don't want to mess with fucking dragons.

"Don't stop, Ron! Don't stop for ANYTHING!"

Anyway...a few minutes ago, I almost believed that the both of us were going to do something we're really really going to regret. But this? She went through all that just for something like this? Not that I'm complaining or anything. I mean, the entire scene itself could have played out quite differently. With a very sticky ending...if you catch my drift.

"I love you, Ron! I LOVE YOU!"

I rolled my eyes. "This is getting ridiculous, Grim." I stopped my hands. "You know, you could've just asked for this normally." I shook my head and let out a loud sigh. "You almost had me thinking about something else, you know."

Grim pushed herself up from my lap and glared at me. "Less talking. More back and ear scratching. NOW." she demanded.

"No."

Grim looked at me as if I've just slapped her. "No?"

"No." I have to show this pony what's what. Because why, you ask? Why 'cause right now, I have the power; my fingers have the ability to tame this wild majestic creature rested upon my lap. "No more scratching until you promise me you'll stop shouting."

"But I couldn't help myself. It just feels so gooood." Grim said, stretching her hooves and laying back down on top of my lap. "You have no idea how good this feels."

Oh, believe you me, I think I do, sister. I started scratching the back of Grim's fluffy ears, which caused her to moan loudly.

"Grim." I said. "Seriously. The whole castle is going to hear you." I gently pinched one of her ears to show how serious I was. "Either you learn how to keep your moaning and yelling under control, or this whole thing is over."

"Mmm...sorry, Ron." Grim apologized softly, her eyes slowly shutting. "I'll try my best not to---" another loud moan suddenly escaped her lips as my fingers ran further down her ears. "---let my voice out."

"Grim..."

The bat-pony only grinned at me. "Sorry." she said, and covered her muzzle with one of her hooves. I highly doubt that was going to work. I mean, with the amount of volume she's using every time I hit a sweet spot? It's going to take more than just a single hoof to block out that much noise. Just saying.

I must admit, though. I was rather curious as to where Grim heard about this "magical feeling" she couldn't stop yelling about just moments ago. I find it hard to believe that something as normal as scratching could have such a profound effect on the ponies of Equestria. Or maybe it's just Grim.

"Why were you so eager on trying this out?" I asked, my curiosity piqued. I moved my hand down to Grim's back and gave that soft fur of hers a strong rubbing. "Can't you ponies do this kind of things yourselves?"

Grim turned her head and frowned at me. "Do we look like dogs to you, Ron?" she asked, her tone filled with seriousness. "In case you haven't noticed, we have hooves for crying out loud! And a hoof isn't really the most suitable tool you'd want to use to give yourself a scratch on the back, Ron."

"Why not?"

Grim groaned. "Seriously, Ron?" She raised her left hoof and shoved it under my nose. "Take a look for yourself."

Truth be told, I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be looking at. I mean, you could already plainly see that her hoof has a flat surface---

Wait, hold on. Now that I'm looking at it this closely, I think I can kinda understand what she meant by her saying that a hoof wasn't exactly the best tool for the job. I guess I can't really blame her for wanting to use my hands. It's only fair, I suppose.

Hmm, if I were the one stuck with using a hoof instead of my already given fingers and nails, I might actually head out and search for something more suitable. Like a fork. Several of them.

"Right." I said. "I now clearly understand why my fingers would be a much better substitute instead of hooves."

"Good." Grim said. "Now would you please just keep doing what you were doing?"

* * * * * *

Fifteen minutes of vigorous scratching later, Grim finally hopped off from my bed. She couldn't stop herself from grinning like an adorable idiot and there was a certain bounce to her steps as she trotted around my room, picking up the pieces from her armour with her mouth.

"That was simply the best." Grim said cheerily, putting back on her armour in front of me. "We have do this again."

"No. Way." Grim got pretty damn demanding further down the scratch session; instead of muffled moans and screams of pleasure, she barked commands at me such as "Do it rougher!" and "Stronger! Harder, Ron!" even. And she kept calling me a "fucking wuss" whenever I disagreed to put more strength into my scratching. A wuss, I tells ya! Where on earth did she learn that sort of language? Grim's sudden change of personality really caught me off guard, dude.

"But, Ron..."

"No." Babe, if you want these fingers of mine to work their magic, you got to earn that right, baby. "Not after what just happened."

"I didn't really meant what I said, Ron." Grim said, batting her eyelids at me, sliding on one of her hoof guards (I think that's what their called) "I was just sooo lost in the heat of the moment, I couldn't control myself."

That would probably explain why I have a certain damp patch on one side of my pants but...I guess that's another question for another time. "Uh-huh, sure." I said nothing else as Grim continued to get dressed.

"You still owe me an explanation for wanting me to scratch you, Grim." I said as Grim spread and stretched her bat-like wings.

Grim frowned at me, folding back her wings to her sides. "I said I will tell you the rest of that part later." She picked up her helmet from the side of my bed. "Don't be so impatient." She gave one last look around my room before heading for the door. "Look, thanks for everything. I really enjoyed it. But, I gotta head back to the barracks now."

Then you probably should have just headed there instead of coming to my room. "See you around then, Grim." I said, giving her a wave. I feel like a hooker for some reason, being used and all that stuff. Thrown to one side of the street and forgotten forever. Never to be seen or heard from again.

Grim only smiled in return and was about to open the door when--- "Oh, that reminds me, Ron." She stopped and turned around.

"What?"

"I have a message for you from Princess Luna."

A message? What, is Grim going to pass me a letter or something?

Never mind that, I'm more interested in that message from Luna. Finally, some long awaited news! I have been dying to see her again, and it would actually be nice to know where and what she has been doing for the past two days. I wonder what the message is about, though. Perhaps she has forgotten all about the slave deal and only today did she came to remember it.

Nah.

"What's the message?" I asked, standing up from my bed. I won't lie. I'm feeling a little edgy. And I feel like getting a banana, if that makes any sense.

Grim cleared her throat. "Ron, meet me tonight, after midnight, in the royal gardens. Alone."

Author's Notes:

You, Me, and the Moon (Part One)

Oh.

It's you...hello.

No, no, it's not that I'm not pleased to see you or anything, it's just that...I've been doing some thinking you see.

Some pretty deep thinking. Kinda like the ones where you'll sit in one place for hours, doing nothing but thinking, and thinking, and thinking a little bit more.

That's what I've been doing for the past hour. Thinking. About certain stuff. Well...one stuff in particular.

You see, ever since Grim left I've just been sitting here on my bed. Staring at the ceiling. Not because there was anything interesting hanging on the ceiling, no. It just kinda feels like the sort of place to look at when you wanna do some contemplating. Isn't that what most people do when they want to think? That's what I think at least.

Anyway, before you start judging, hear me out on this one theory I'm starting to believe in; it might sound crazy, but it might just be crazy enough to actually work.

I think...no, I know I got the power.

Seriously. I truly, deeply believe that I got the power. The power that gifts me with this godly ability to bend the very wills of ponies to do as I command. Whatever I command; be it a silly request or a serious demand. I just need to ask, and they will obey me without question or doubt clouding their little minds.

And all I need to give in return is a little scratch behind their ears, and a little tender rubbing on their backs. That alone will quickly turn them into jelly. And into my minions.

Sometimes, it is the most simplest and most commonest of actions that makes other matters go your way. And it was about dang time things finally started going my way. Who would have guessed that the ponies of Equestria were so weak, so vulnerable to human fingers? Who would have knew that by using the ancient techniques of fingering one would be able to...to...er...um...

Wait, wait...the way that went sounded so terribly wrong. Let me try it again, would you please? I shall rethink and rephrase my sentence momentarily.

Scratching. There you go. Scratching, that's what I meant. Not the ones you'd normally hear in abandoned haunted houses or in an underground rap battle. Well, I'm not entirely sure what sort of scratchings are those, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? You do know what kind of scratching I'm talking about, right?

But, alas, with great power, comes great responsibility. I need to make sure that I do not abuse my new found powers, for they may further corrupt my slowly corrupting mind. I also need to take extra care and precautions over my fingers. For they are the ones that will help secure my place in Canterlot Castle. Well, not really, no. It's not like I do have a place here in the first place; I'm just a slave, remember? I'm just thinking out loud here. Don't mind me. I like to fantasize and daydream about all sorts of queer situations and putting myself in them. Forget everything I just said, please.

But I'm not lying about this "power" though. After that rather steamy rendezvous with Grim in my bedroom, I'm starting to believe that it just might be possible to get a few things my way by bribing the ponies with scratches and rubs--- judging by Grim's responses and reactions an hour ago. Or at least, make things much more tolerable here. Like being allowed to have more syrup for my pancakes during breakfast. The chefs down in the kitchens can be rather stingy about it, despite the near endless supply they probably have stored up inside somewhere within the castle's walls.

Now, now, I'm not complaining about my life here in Canterlot Castle. It's only been like what, two days? Not as nearly as enough days to start passing judgements just yet. But is it really too much to ask for more syrup for my pancakes? Seriously. I'll make a mental note to remind myself to try bribing one of the chefs tomorrow morning.

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is that I'm curious as to how far I could go with just by scratching and rubbing. Grim wanted it pretty bad, to the point of begging, I might add. If my hypothesis is correct, I might be able to ask for something in return for my services. That doesn't sound like a bad deal, right? More of a trade, really. We'll just have to try and find out how truly desperate this ponies are. How badly do they want the chance and opportunity to personally taste my "skills" first-hand?

I need to perform a test. And I know who'd be the perfect specimen for this experiment.

Let's just hope she's as open-minded about this as I am.

* * * * * *

So, here I am, standing in front of the entrance to the throne room. The two guards standing on either side of the huge entrance glared at me with their usual guard-like-glare, with shiny white spears held tightly in their hooves (how do they do that?). I would share a friendly smile with them, but they don't seem that eager to move their lips. Do guards always have to look so pissed?

"Good morning!"

The guards said nothing. I swear I could hear my own voice echoing down the hall. Couldn't they at least blink or something? Or do anything else besides glaring at me? It's kinda unsettling.

"Beautiful morning isn't it?"

Silence. Of course it's silence. These guards sure don't like making small talk. I wonder what sort of topics these guards enjoy. Maybe I can get a conversation going if I hit the correct one. Well...if they even have any that is.

No point in just standing here though. "I'm just...er...gonna slip right in there, if you two don't mind."

That got them to talk. I haven't even got the chance to move a single inch when all of a sudden they brought down their spears to form a cross right in front of my face, blocking my only way into the throne room. To where my specimen is. My test subject. My lab rat.

"State your purpose." the guard on my left said. His friend did not speak, but he sure loves glaring at me with narrowed eyes through his helmet, which was covering up most of their faces.

"I'm looking for Raven." I told my inquisitor. "I have...things I wish to discuss with her." I took a bold step forward, but that made the guards shove their spears closer to my face. The guard on my right growled menacingly, baring his teeth.

"The princess and her royal assistant are not to be disturbed during the morning council." said the non-growling guard.

"Morning council? What's that."

"Every morning, Princess Celestia uses several hours of her time to meet with her loyal subjects. They come from all over the kingdom, and those that come before her ask for advice, guidance, or aid from her highness."

"Sounds pretty tiring."

"You have no idea." the guard nodded. "But her highness has never failed to find the time for her subjects, despite having other pressing matters of her own to deal with." the guard gave me an annoyed look. "And that is why I will not allow you entry into the throne room. The princess cares deeply for all her subjects, and what little time her highness has for them is precious, and must not be interrupted because of silly matters such as yours."

Wow, this guy sure can talk. And here I thought he just like being the strong, silent type. He does have a point. But, then again, so do I. You just gotta flex some of that influence, if you know what I mean.

"But I'm here as the princess's guest." Seriously. I am the only human in this castle. Surely by now the entire castle should know who I am. Or at least, have heard of me. "You must have heard of me." I refuse to believe otherwise.

"We know. And we have as well." the guard replied, unmoving. "But that does not give you the right to do whatever you want and go wherever you please." his buddy beside him huffed loudly. "Although, I must admit that you are a being of immense courage and bravery."

I gave them both a confused look. What was he talking about? Immense courage and bravery? Moi? Did I perform some sort of heroic act here in Equestria that I wasn't fully aware about? No, that can't be right. It's only been two days, and I do not own a magical mystical sword yet. Nor have I receive any heroic quest from any desperate kings.

"Word of your fearlessness has spread across the entire castle." the guard continued, blatantly ignoring my facial expression. "Some here in the castle call you a legend." the guard on the right snorted rudely beside me, as if he did not share that sentiment.

"W-wait what?" There must be some sort of mistake; I don't recall having doing anything that warrants such compliments. "I-I don't understand what you're talking about." Did it happen when I was asleep, maybe? That would probably explain some of it. But I don't think I have a history of sleepwalking and doing legend-worthy stuff at the same time.

Both of the guards lifted their eyebrows. "You are Ron the Human, are you not?"

"I am." I said slowly.

"Were you not the one who saved Grim of the Night's Guard from her cruel punishment?"

I smacked my forehead. "Oh, poopie-sticks."

* * * * * *

"Wait, wait, wait. So you just went into the kitchens without even knowing what was being served as the punishment? Are you mad?"

I sighed. "Is not like I wanted to; I got forced inside by the chefs. But when I was inside the smell that hung about made me think that it was going to be a food that I was used to eating back on Earth." I pinched the bridge of my nose, shaking my head back and forth as I thought back on that horrible, horrible day. "I thought I had it in the bag." I admitted sadly.

Sword, the guard who was on my left, laughed loudly. "Ha! I guess you thought wrong din't you?" he gave his friend a nudge on the shoulder. "Can you believe it, Shield? He actually thought it was going to be a durian! A smelly durian! Ha!" Sword pulled his helmet off and placed it on the floor, wiping away the sweat that has appeared on his forehead.

Do ponies even sweat? Wait, what am I talking about, of course they do. I have Grim to thank for that, for she is the one that blessed me with that pointless knowledge only moments ago.

Shield, the guard who was on my right, chuckled inaudibly with his free hoof covering his mouth, but said nothing else. But I could see it in his eyes that he was pitying me. Or was it something else? Feeling sorry for me perhaps?

"Oh, boy." Sword panted, clutching his chest and taking in a few deep breaths. "I haven't had a laugh like this in a long time." Shield nodded in agreement, still chuckling. "And to think that there are actually ponies here calling you a legend!" Sword roared himself back into laughter again, much louder than before. "A legend indeed!"

I groaned loudly. I can't believe I'm being laughed at by a bunch of Royal Guards. Not that I mind their sudden change of personality, no. But do they really need to be so loud? Didn't Sword just said a few moments ago that the princess was having some sort of important meet and greet with her beloved subjects? Laughing at the top of your voice is sure to be the last bit of action one should be doing right now. It isn't wise.

"I get it, it's funny as hell---"

"You bet it is!" Sword roared, dropping his spear on the floor. "I-I mean, I've heard all sort of stories that are downright hilarious---" he stopped himself briefly and quickly took a deep breath. "---but seriously!" he panted. "This...this one takes the cake!"

Sword pauses for a moment, panting and breathing heavily at the same time. The silence was a much appreciated welcome, but not two seconds have passed us when the guard suddenly started laughing again, clutching his sides. All sense of dignity and duty forgotten completely.

If this guard doesn't stop laughing any time soon, he just might actually die from laughter. Last thing I'd want right now is being the cause of a pony's death.

I gave Shield a look and jerked my head in his friend's direction. If Shield is as smart as I think he is he just might get the hint that maybe it was about time he put a stop to his friend's unyielding laughter. He didn't laughed as long as Sword did and he most certainly didn't laugh half as loud as his pal. He wasn't laughing any more too, so I'm quite sure he did not find my story as amusing as his friend does.

Shield stared at me, his face confused, as his eyes followed the direction to where my head was jerking at. One brief look at Sword was more than enough for Shield to get the message. He answered me with a silent nod and approached his buddy.

And smacked his friend square in the jaw with his armoured hoof.

* * * * * *

Pretty hardcore, I must say.

As Sword lay knocked out on the floor underneath my feet --- with a huge grin and swollen left cheek --- I couldn't help but wonder if this was a common thing between the two of them. I didn't say anything as Shield grabbed Sword's fallen spear and quietly placed the spear in a standing position, letting it lean against the wall behind him.

"Thanks." I said, though I wasn't sure if Shield would actually respond.

He nodded his helmeted head.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked. Sword was knocked out pretty good. Maybe too good. I think this wasn't Shield first time knocking his friend out.

Shield gave me a look that said "I do this all the time." Along with a shrug that said "He'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

"G-great..." I said with a nod. I didn't know how else to respond to that answer. "Must be pretty rough on you, huh?"

The guard nodded again silently. Not really a fan of talking, this one. But at least he's responding.

As the seconds went on I felt that the situation was getting more and more awkward. We have been doing nothing except standing here in front of the grand entrance, silently staring back at each other. Though no longer as aggressively as before.

I needed to break the slowly engulfing silence. "I don't suppose I can go in?" I cautiously asked, finally returning back to the whole point of me being here in the first place. "I mean...we practically buds now, right?" A nervous chuckle left my throat. "You gonna let me in?"

Shield said nothing, but cocked his head to one side as if thinking about what I just said. Unfortunately, his shook his head, his helmet silently following his head's every movement.

"Oh, come on..." I groaned. "Why still can't I go in?"

Shield pointed at the door behind me. Strangely enough, I get what he was trying to say.

"The important meeting with the subjects." I sighed. "Right."

Shield nodded contentedly. Obviously, he was satisfied with the way he managed to handle the situation all by himself. Must be feeling pretty good about himself. Yeah right. There is definitely nothing good to feel about. All he did was deny my only way in to see Raven.

But I wasn't about to give up. I didn't come all the way here just to be scolded, educated, and laughed at for no reason. I wanted results and god-damn it I will get them! No matter what it takes!

Purely for scientific purposes, of course. Not because I was dying to see her or anything. Pfft. Shut up.

"Ten minutes." I bargained, standing straight and puffing my chest out. "Just give me ten minutes in there and I'll be out of your mane faster than you can say fahrvergnügen."

Shield stared blankly at me. Poor choice of words, maybe?

"Please?"

He shook his head.

"Seven minutes!"

He shook his head.

"Five minutes?"

He shook his head.

"Four?"

He shook his head.

"Ah, Shield, you're breaking my balls here. You're breaking my balls, Shield."

He shook his head.

It was quite clear that my outstanding bargaining skills would not be able to penetrate Shield's...well...shield. I was running out of options. Now that I think about it. There wasn't really that much options to begin with.

Well, I could just turn and leave. No big deal. It wasn't as if the balance of the entire universe depended solely on me testing out my idea. But I want to know! I need to know! It has become a nagging thought and feeling that will never ever leave my brain unless I deal with it. It's like a thorn. In the brain!

I'm thirsty. Thirsty for knowledge. And the only way that thirst will ever be sated is if I test my theory out.

Obsessive, I know. It's hard, man. Shut up.

My gaze falls onto the guard standing in front of me. We both stared at each other for a while.

...

I know what I must do.

It is during times like this, is where a man has to make do with what he has been given.

And I've been given a test subject. Not the most favourable one, but it's better than nothing.

"You know..."

I took a step forward, advancing towards Shield. He looks at me with a cautioned glare. But it only lasted a second.

"If I couldn't test it on Raven..."

I lifted both my hands, and wiggled all my fingers at the guard, who was backing up against the door. Positively terrified. I honestly didn't expect that my wiggling fingers would actually scare him, but I'm gonna go with it. I wiggled them even harder, trying my best to make them look like menacing sausages.

...

Just menacing.

Shield was gripping hard onto his spear, but he seems to have forgotten on how to use it. The sudden sight of wiggling fingers must have gave him quite a surprise. Perhaps not all ponies are used to the sight of hands just yet. I can use this to my advantage.

I was getting closer, and closer. I wanted to let out an evil laugh, just for the sake of it. But I might get murdered right on the spot by every guard within earshot. It's kinda weird that Shield wasn't getting up and bucking me right in the groin with his planet-destroying hooves. He sure looked like he was about to just minutes ago.

Now he looks like jelly. All jiggly and shit.

"You're gonna have to do, dude." I breathed. Most of Shield's body armour was covering him. Which would make it tough for my fingers to dig through. The helmet, on the other hand, would be easy to nick from his head, which would then allow me free access to his ears and head; a good spot to start with the experiment.

The perfect chance.

The perfect plan.

"Get ready." I whispered.

Without another warning, I lunged at Shield, making a swipe for his helmet. The guard squeaked and released his spear, letting it fall to the side onto his partner's knocked out body. He quickly tried to protect his helmet by covering his head with his hooves. But I was much faster. Just before his front hooves could even reach his snout, I grabbed tightly onto the helmet and pulled with all my might, freeing the helmet from its wearer.

"Prepare yourself, Shield!" I cried triumphantly, throwing his helmet to one side. It didn't really matter if anyone hears us any more. This was too good a chance to let go. And I need to make the best of it. I turned my head back to face the helmet-less guard and with a roar that went "OORRRAAAAA!" I extended both my arms in his direction---

Only to quickly pull them both back to my side. For before my hands could even touch the guard, I saw something that I never would have expected coming from a Royal Guard of Canterlot Castle (with the exception of Grim, but she's a special case); The Royal Guards that always stood diligently in front of doors and entrances. The Royal Guards that swore to serve and protect their beloved princesses and kingdom. The Royal Guards that are said to be brave and strong and having asses harder than steel.

What did I saw, you ask?

Tears.

Tears flowed mercilessly down Shield's cheek and face. The scene before me broke my heart almost instantly. I only wanted to test out my idea; I never meant to make anyone cry. Seeing this grown dude fighting back his tears right in front of me is pathetic. So much so to the point that I wonder if I should bend down to comfort him.

Well...I can't just leave him down there now, can I? That will be inhumane of me; a man must own up to his mistakes, regardless of what that mistake may be.

The guard covered his face with his hoof, hiding his face from view. Yeah, it's best if I comfort him. I'm starting to feel guilty. Which is the exact feeling I should be feeling, mind you.

After refilling my lungs with a deep breath, I inch closer to the sniffling guard and got down on one knee. "S-Shield?" I call out, slowly and carefully reaching out for his shoulder with my hand. Being this close, I got a better look at my poor victim; his coat was not the usual paper-white colour like all the other Royal Guards I saw, but instead a very pale, very light yellow colour. His mane a shining bright red colour, like blood. Not the scary kind, if that make any sense.

I also found it rather odd that this guard has his mane tied up into a ponytail but...I'm getting off track here.

I gave my head a little shake and pulled my attention back onto Shield. "I'm so sorry, man. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I just..." I want to continue, but I was unsure whether or not my next words would do more harm than good. It's a risk I'm not sure I want to take.

"I'm so sorry, dude." I repeated. "I'm really, really sorry for what I did." My hand is close to his shoulder now, just silently hovering above him. "Please stop crying?" I gently place my hand on Shield's shoulder. I expected a reaction, but he didn't flinch at my touch, so I took that as a good sign.

I heard Shield sniffle one more time before he lifted his head to glance at me, with leftover tears still swimming down the pony's face---

And...I immediately lost the rest of my sentence.

"Y-you...you're a..." I don't believe this. "I...I didn't..." How did I not realize it sooner? I mean, not that I could. But still...

Shield blinked at me with watery eyes and slowly rubbed her face with her hoof.

Yes, you heard me right. Her.

Her.

HER.

And just at that exact moment, like some sort of sick turn of events, the huge doors in front of me swung inwards. The doors opened with such strength I felt the wind around me being forcefully sucked towards it, like a huge vacuum cleaner. I'm not even kidding. I'm dead serious. I let go of Shield's shoulder and looked up towards the doors.

I gasped. Loudly. Like an idiot out of air. For the pony walking out the door was the last being on Earth that I wanted to see right now, especially during a time such as this; me, bended over a crying guard while the other remained unconscious on the castle floor. A lot of explaining will need to be explained, that's for sure.

But she's also the one I'm dying to see the most.

I stare at her with my jaw hanging wide open, like a moron.

And she greeted my stare with a stare of her own, her own mouth wide open as well.

I can't believe it's her.

Luna.

Author's Notes:

You, Me, and the Moon (Part Two)

The stare-off between me and Luna lasted for at least another full minute before she said anything at all. It was a good thing too. Any longer than that then our jaws would have extended so far down it might touch the cold marble floor beneath us.

"Wha--- what is the meaning of this?" The stupefaction in her voice couldn't be anymore clearer.

"Uh..." My speechlessness was pretty obvious as well.

This is bad. Like, really bad. How on earth am I going to explain to Luna what just occurred here? I can't just up and tell her that I came up with this crazy idea about scratching and bribing and how I wanted to test it on a 'willing' subject--- badly. So badly to the point that I was even ready to test out my theory (forcefully) on the first poor soul who I came across--- who's also currently shaking beneath me.

Oh, did I mention that the poor soul's a guard? A royal guard, mind you. A female royal guard. To tears! I made a guard cry! Oh, and right--- I must not forget about that knocked out pony beside us too.

I know it might be a little too late to think of the consequences now, but I wonder if such a distasteful act on the royal guards of Canterlot Castle is considered a crime (it most probably is). Is there maybe a law clearly stating that should anyone make a royal guard cry, they will be punished immediately without trial? Am I going to face the wrath of the Equestrian judicial system, if at all?

Perhaps I'd get thrown into their royal prison, where the foods are unpalatable and the toilets always get clogged up with god knows what? Or maybe a punishment even more worse than imprisonment? Like, oh, I don't know, banishing me to the Sun, perhaps? Or having me transform into a stone statue? Or maybe I'd be force to listen to their worse song ever for the rest of my life, until the day I croak?

I still can't believe I made a royal guard cry. From wiggling my fingers, for crying out loud! How can anyone be afraid of freaking fingers?

Then again, how was I supposed to know that ponies would be scared poopless at human fingers? Grim sure as hell didn't show any signs of terror. I mean, sure, if use properly, they can be use to do all sorts of things: pointing at things, flicking at things, gesturing at things, indicating at things, flipping the bird at thin---

A quick note to self: ponies (some) are afraid of human fingers. If this knowledge were to be ever exploited by the wrong people, well, I wonder what would become of Equestria. Maybe this world will be taken over by us humans? Will we launch an invasion, armed with nothing but our appendages?

Can you imagine it though, invading an entire world with no weapons? No machine guns, no tanks, nor any weapons of mass destruction. All we need to do is wiggle our fingers at every pony we could find, and --- just like taking candy from a baby --- Equestria will be ours.

Finger wiggling could very well be the most effective strategy ever used in an all out invasion.

And the most ridiculous.

It will fail, of course, because of the one thing Equestria have that we don't; Dragons. Fucking dragons, dude.

Right, getting off track here.

Anyway...

Luna's eyes went from the knocked-out Sword to the still whimpering Shield, who was trembling on the ground, her helmet laid forgotten on the ground behind me. When Luna's eyes met mine, I froze. Like an ice-cube. I could not tell if that glare meant I was about to get punished or slaughtered.

"Rise." Luna said to Shield, who got up almost immediately, quickly drying her face with the back of her hoof. "Him as well." Luna added, gesturing at Sword with her wing.

Shield gave the Princess a silent but shaky salute and grabbed her helmet and spear as she passed me, making her way towards Sword. I could still see tiny streams of tears flowing down one side of her face, and she wobbled a little as she stepped in front of Sword. She gave him a swift kick to to the sides.

Sword jumped back to life as the kick connected, neighing loudly. His butt greeted us as he faced the opposite direction. He raised his hoof to the side of his head and he shouted stupidly at the empty hallway: "G-good evening, your highness! I w-w-wasn't sleeping at all! J-just resting the eyes a little!" Luna clicked her tongue disapprovingly beside me.

The Princess wasn't amused.

Not.

One.

Bit.

Shield shook her head and delivered another well placed kick--- this time, to Sword's leg. The formerly knocked out guard spun around like a top, spotted me and Luna, and instantly dropped to his knees, bowing down deeply at the Princess.

"A-a thousand a-apologies, y-your highness!" he said (probably trembling from fear, I'd wager). "I apologise for daring to show such a disgraceful display in your presence." Sword's eyes stayed glued to the floor as he spoke. Perhaps he was afraid Luna might zap him with her eyes if he dared to look up. I wouldn't be surprised if she really could though, considering.

"Now, explain yourselves." she demanded, coldly, staring at both Sword and Shield. "What. Happened?"

The duo could only stare back at each other --- loss for words, no doubt. My eye caught Shield shooting pleading glances in my direction. I think she's trying to tell me something. Could she be asking for my help, perhaps? But how can I possibly help? Maybe she wants me to explain the whole thing to Luna? I'm not really an exemplary choice, but, then again, I am the reason why we're stuck in this mess to begin with.

I turned to look at Luna. "Uh... perhaps I could---"

"Silence."

"Yes, ma'am." Well, can't say I didn't try, right? I glanced back at Shield and gave her an apologetic shrug. Sorry guys, but it seems you guys will have to handle this situation on your own.

Wonder why she won't let me speak though.

* * * * * *

Luna's nostrils flared when she spoke.

"You were incapacitated by your comrade-in-arms because you were laughing?" There was no mistaking the anger and bewilderment in her voice. Luna's pissed, dude. At least, I think she is. "With a single hit?"

Sword and Shield both hung their heads in shame. "Y-yes, your highness."

Luna turned to stare at me, but dropped her stare a few seconds later. "How could a single hit take you out?" she demanded. "Your level of training should only be a level lower compared to that of our military force." (Ah-ha! So the ponies do have a military!) "You were trained to combat foes, protect lives, and serving your kingdom, were you not?"

"Y-yes, your highness."

"Then why?" Luna asked, stepping forward. "Why was it possible for you to be taken out with just a single smack to the muzzle?"

Sword struggled with his words. "I...well...because...er..."

"You disappoint me." Luna said harshly, her eyes narrowing. "I thought you were trained better than that. If you can be taken out with just a single blow, how can we, the Rulers of Equestria --- the very same rulers you swore an oath to serve and protect with your very lives --- depend on you?"

Sword immediately fell to his knees. "Please forgive me, your highness!" he begged, going as low as he could. "I made a mistake of allowing myself to be distracted for a second and---"

"Excuses." Damn, Luna. Talk about being harsh. "If it were the enemy, your mistake for letting your guard down could very well be the end of your own life. It may even cause others to lose theirs."

"Yes, your highness!" Sword cried, still bowed. "I swear, such an incident will never happen again!"

"See that it doesn't." Luna said, turning her head to look at Shield. "And you --- why were you trembling on the ground like an entrapped mouse, surrounded by a vicious predator?"

Shield took a few steps back, as if Luna's very presence alone was strong enough to push her back. Shield looked very timid without her helmet on, I must say.

Now that I got a better look at her, she's actually rather cute, too. I never did notice the pink bow that was resting on the back of her head, securing her ponytail. She has a soft expression on her face --- not something I would expect to find from a bunch of hardened royal guards, really. Most of the guards I've already met have faces stiffer than any statue.

Shield remained silent, her eyes not meeting anyone's, not answering Luna's question. Her face was no longer damp from the tears, but there was still fear in her eyes --- this time, however, not because of my fingers. But...

She sure is taking her sweet time to come up with an explanation for the Princess. Is Luna really that terrifying as the stories I've heard about her? Is she so scary, as the rumours say, that even standing before her can make you lose your tongue--- turn you mute? Whatever the reason may be, I just hope Shield isn't planning on dragging the whole thing out by saying nothing.

Now that I think about it --- can Shield even talk? I've heard her laugh, sure, but that hardly counts, right? I've also heard her sniffle, but that doesn't really prove anything. I need to hear her speak actual words--- words that are comprehensible, words like: sausages, bananas, or Worcestershire sauce.

"Well?" Luna pressured. I'm pretty sure she won't stop asking until she get's an answer. "The guards that surrounds both in and outside Canterlot Castle are well known to be stoic, brave, and intimidating." she raised an eyebrow at Shield. "None of which I saw when I stepped outside, mere moments ago."

But Shield's lips stayed tight and sealed. Did she swallow glue or something? Sword gave his partner a worried glance. No doubt he must be wondering why on earth Shield was staying silent. Let's not forget while being questioned by the Princess of the Night, no less.

Luna stared at Shield, with one of her eyebrows raised, then turned her head towards me. Our eyes met for a moment, but it was not the kind of moment that made you felt welcomed or comfortable, oh no. It was one of those moments where you just know that you fucked things up pretty badly.

If you are still wondering how I've managed to fudge things up, stick around and you just might be able to find out soon enough.

"What did you do?" Luna asked me, her voice stern. "Is the reason for her silence caused by you?" she pointed at Shield, who backed away even more, as if she was just poked by something long and hot. "Just what sort of unbridled nonsense did you do to make a well-trained guard to tremble like a leaf?"

Oh, so now I can talk?

All right, first of all --- true, it might had been a tad bit unbridled. But I wouldn't really call it nonsense, per say, more like scientific research. But there is no way I'm going to tell her that straight to her face.

Secondly, I'm also pretty sure part of Shield's trembling and silence is cause by the ever great presence of our beloved ruler of the night --- who's most probably oblivious to the whole thing, but, pointing that out too, may get me gutted and roasted like a pig. With an apple jammed into my mouth. And seasoning.

Still, the whole thing is my fault to begin with (except Sword, he had it coming). I must take the blame for this --- Shield is the victim here, not the culprit. I must tell Luna the truth and only the truth. Honesty is the best policy, I always say...even if it might get you murdered.

Wait, what am I talking about, shouldn't it already be clear to everyone--- especially Luna --- that this was my fault to begin with? So why was she demanding an explanation from Sword and Shield first, and not me? I should had been the first one to be questioned. I should be the one getting scolded.

Not them. Not the guards. And most definitely not Shield. She just got spooked because she wasn't accustomed to having a human in the castle. Probably. She's just not used to seeing humans yet--- what with our different anatomy, beliefs, and customs and all that. Fear of the unknown, dude, ever heard of it? You can't blame someone for being afraid of something they don't understand.

I feel so pathetic and dumb right now. I should have said something from the very moment Luna came out the throne room. I should have defended Shield. She did nothing wrong. She doesn't deserve this. If anything, she's suffering the most. I got carried away and went and did something horrible.

Now's my chance to do what's right. To right what had been wronged.

I must be brave, and accept the consequences that comes with my actions. Like that saying my dear old Dad loves to say: if you are ready to shoot a gun you must also be ready to accept the recoil. If you are ready to bang a woman, you must also be ready to---

Sorry, that's another saying my Dad shared with me. Let's just forget about that one.

Now's my chance.

Be a man.

Do the right thing.

I don't really want to, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Why? Because you're a MAN. I'm a man. And a man who knows he's a man is a manly man.

Chapter Twenty-four, page one-hundred and sixteen, paragraph four, excerpted from the awesome book: A Manly Man's Guide to Maximum Manly Manliness.

Here I go.

"I --- er --- well --- um --- what --- what I'm trying to say is --- er ---"

Way to go Ron. Why don't give yourself a high-five to the face as hard as you can while you're at it.

Luna gave me a look like I was some sort of disgusting bug. "What is it then?"

Damn it. All I wanted was an opportunity to properly talk to her. To try and see what's what with the Princess of the Night. Things were starting to go so well, too. She even gave me a smile the night before, dag nab it! We could have been best buds or something.

But noooooo. Ron had to go and fudge it all up by coming up with some stupid experiment. Ron had to go and choose today, of all days, to try and test it out. See what you had done, Ron. Look at the scene before you. Are you happy with how things worked out? Are you satisfied with whatever it is you wanted to accomplish?

There goes my reputation, straight down the drain. My hard earned points with the Princess will be washed away like when you flush away your hard work in the little boy's room --- out of sight, out of mind. Luna will no doubt think of me differently now (not really sure if she ever did, really).

What was I thinking, dude? Why did I even came up with such a stupid idea?

Luna and the two guards were staring at me as I came to my senses and looked around. My sudden, inner monologue with myself must had lasted longer than I thought, judging by their facial expressions: Shield was giving me a worried look. Sword's was a confused stare. As for Luna, well, what else would it be if not a speak-mortal-or-else glare?

Well, what's done is done. Can't turn back, and definitely no running away now (not that I plan to, are you crazy?). No point moping about it, either. Let's just get this over with. Dragging this out any longer than necessary will not benefit me in the slightest.

Hopefully, my sentence building is back to optimal performance. Can't afford to have another glitch in the system.

"All right."

So far so good.

I took a deep breath before continuing. "Here's what went down."

* * * * * *

"And I expect to find the floors to be shining when I come to inspect it."

Sword and Shield saluted at their Princess. "Yes, your highness." Sword said, putting his hoof down. "We will make sure that the hallways are all spotless and sparkling like the night's stars."

Luna nodded her head. "I expect nothing less. Do not disappoint me."

The two guards saluted once more and left, leaving me and Luna standing in front of the throne room's doors alone together. Shield turned to give one last glance at me before hurrying to catch up with Sword.

"That was... awfully nice of you." I blurted out before realising what I just said.

"Is it?" Luna asked, turning to look at me. "Then you must be a fool to believe that cleaning the castle's hallways to be a simple task." she glanced down the hallway with a small frown. "The hallways in this castle are vast in numbers. Asking only two to clean them will take up much of their time, and energy." She turned her head back towards me. "How could this be considered...nice?"

"What? No, I don't mean it like that."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "I do not follow you."

"I thought you were going to punish them more...severely." Like have them swallow balls or something.

"And what purpose will that serve?" she questioned as she walked down the opposite side of the hallway, beckoning me to follow her. "They did nothing wrong; it was you, Ron, that caused this."

"Then why---"

"They may not had played a role in this entire incident, Ron, but they still failed to perform the one important thing they're supposed to do."

"Guarding?"

"Yes. Although neither my sister or I forbid the guards to talk or mingle with each other or visitors, that does not mean they can allow it to get out of hoof." Luna said with a serious tone. "If such an act of folly is able to cause such chaos, then how --- I ask you, how can the kingdom --- how can I, rely on them when we need them the most? "

"So you're asking them to polish the whole place because...?"

"To serve as a reminder."

To never fuck around. Right, got it.

Confused that I'm still alive? So am I. What happened was, a few minutes ago, I was explaining to Luna about the whole thing that went down: the idea I had (I never mention where the inspiration came from, though), the hypothesis I created, the experiment I wanted to try, and finally, the fruits of my labour (rotten fruits, more likely).

After I was finished with my explaining, I honestly expected to find myself murdered right there on the spot. I expected Luna to rise in a cloud of roaring thunders and electrifying lightning. I expected her to smite me with her powerful hooves of doom. I expected her to yell at me, to scold me with the ferocity of a dragon.

But she didn't. She merely nodded her head, told Sword and Shield that they're being punished for inappropriate behaviour by sentencing them to clean all the hallways within the castle, and that was it. Nothing else really. No gushing blood, no violent deaths, no sadistic laughter. Nothing.

She took it better than how I imagined it to be.

So, here we are, walking down the hallway, chatting as if nothing happened. I won't say I'm not glad how things turned out. Something's still bothering me though.

"Am I going to be punished?" I asked.

Luna said nothing as we continued down the hallway. The morning sun's rays greeted my face as I past one of the many windows; I dunno how much time had passed since the incident in front of the throne room, but, if I were to guess, it would be time for morning tea in a few minutes. That's what my belly was telling me, anyway.

The Princess came to a sudden halt. We were standing in front of another pair of giant wooden doors. Where does it lead to, however, I cannot say for sure.

"I cannot pass judgement on you, Ron." Luna finally said with her head slightly tilted to one side. "You just arrived, and you still have yet to accustom yourself to how we ponies live here in Equestria. True, what you did was silly, but it does not count as something that deserves punishment."

"But I made a guard cry."

"And? You did not know yourself what would happen did you not?"

I shook my head.

"A royal guard may have shed tears because of what you did, but that only proves that they have feelings, such as you and I." Luna continued. "Your curiosity of how we ponies react to your kind certainly took you to try rather... interesting methods."

I could only smile back sheepishly.

"I will not ask where you got the imagination for committing such an act. Although I must remind you to never attempt such a thing ever again." She looked at me pointedly. "I would rather not have guards fainting and screaming in terror because of your... fingers." she gave a quick glance at my hands as she finished her sentence. Her eyes curious.

I nodded my head. I'm lucky enough to be even standing here talking to Luna. Once is more than enough, dude. I'm not going to do anything of the sort ever again. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, ma'am."

Luna stared at me wide-eyed. "There is no need to go to such extreme measures, Ron."

"What?"

"What you just said--- why would you stick a needle in your eye?" Luna asked. "Would that not be painful?"

"What--- no! I'm not going to really stick a needle in my eye, Luna!"

"But you said---"

"It's just something we human's say to show that we are being truthful and sincere." I explained, chuckling like a little boy. "It's a very old saying --- what I meant when I said that is just to tell you that I will keep my promise to never do that experiment ever again."

She blinked at me. "Then why not just simply say 'I promise'?"

Cause I wanted to be articulate, duh. "Never mind. I promise, Luna. I swear to never even think about the whole thing ever again."

Luna gave me a satisfied nod. "Splendid." she said with a smile. "That reminds me; your human saying--- it almost sounds exactly like a pinkie promise."

"A pinky promise?"

"Pinkie" Luna said.

"Never heard of it."

"Not yet, perhaps. This promise, however, is very, very special."

"What's so special about it?"

"I can not really explain it. But I do know that you must never break a pinkie promise." She stared at me with serious eyeballs. "Never."

Right. "How does it go?"

Luna placed a hoof against her lips, seemingly trying to recall what the contents were for the so-called 'Pinkie Promise'. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

What do you know, she wasn't kidding. "Huh, it does sounds a little like our saying."

"And it sounds less painful as well."

I highly doubt that, sister. A cupcake in the eye? Goddamn, can you imagine pressing a huge wad of cream and icing straight at your eyeball? "It sounds weirder than my version, though."

"Everypony is entitled to their own opinion, Ron." Luna turned around and placed a hoof on the giant door in front of us. "Now, this is where I must leave you; I will be returning to my chambers for a well deserved slumber." She did looked a little drowsy. Must be tough when you're the Princess of the Night.

"Sure." I said. "Rest well, your highness."

"Mmhmm." she mumbled with an adorable yawn. "And it's Luna. Luna will do just fine."

Luna pushed the doors open. Now I can tell you where these doors lead to: a garden. Not as huge as the other one I saw, but still, rather big, dude. There were two guards standing guard just beyond the doors. They stood fast and saluted when they saw Luna.

I waved good-bye at the Princess as she stepped out to spread her magnificent blue wings. She paused however, turning around to look at me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Before I leave you--- did you receive my message?"

I stood at attention. "Yes, ma'am. I got it from Grim."

"And you have memorise the contents of said message?"

I nodded my head. "Every word."

"Good. Do not be late, Ron."

And with one powerful flap from her wings, she rose up, up into the air and flew off into the morning sky.

Well, that went better than expected. Very odd, though. There was no hint of hostility while I was talking with her. Was Celestia really telling the truth when she said her sister hated humans? I certainly did not receive any vibes of hatefulness while walking down the hallway with her. I'm feeling so confused right now. And hungry.

Guess I'll find out more later tonight.

Author's Notes:

Been a long time since I typed anything, really (I blame Overwatch). Thank you for all for supporting this story, and thank you for being patient for the next chapter! Hope you folks will enjoy this one!

You, Me, and the Moon (Part Three)

Before I knew it, night was already upon me.

There was still about half an hour left before midnight. My heart was racing and I was feeling nervous for some reason. I guess being called out by a princess could do that to you. It's not everyday you'd get the chance to spend some time with royalty in the middle of the night, right? How often does that happen anyway? Especially to someone like me?

Seeing that there wasn't much point to remain in my room any longer, I decided to leave early. Besides, I needed time to get to the royal gardens. I wasn't exactly well-versed with all the corners and passageways found within the stone walls of Canterlot Castle. The last thing I would want is to be late for my date with Luna.

As I gave my room one last glance before closing the handleless door behind me, I wondered what tonight's little rendezvous with the princess was going to be about. I never really gave it any thought before, but, now that I was, it only occurred to me that Luna's message didn't exactly mention the reason why she wanted to meet up with me.

It could just be about anything, really. Maybe she just wanted to hang out? To have a nice, proper chat with the human? Whatever her reason may be, I personally see it as a great opportunity to get to know the princess better--- an opportunity for the both of us to get to know each other better. Celestia did ask me to befriend her sister, and what better way to do that if not by hanging out and chatting with each other?

Getting to the royal gardens should be simple enough. There were plenty of guards standing around to ask for directions, and most of them were kind enough to point me down the correct path. I tried going off on my own for about five minutes before realising that I had past a certain hallway twice in a row. Or was it four times?

But even with the detailed instructions from the guards, I kept on getting the feeling that I was going to be late--- and very lost. The latter became true, as the realisation slowly dawned itself upon me after asking the same guard the same question some five minutes ago. Was I walking around in circles? The guard certainly thought so. He clicked his tongue at me when he saw my mug, and looked like he was about to scream in my face if I dared to ask him for directions to the royal gardens again.

There were no clocks hanging around the castle's walls, so it was next to impossible to know how much time I had left before the meet-up with Luna. I didn't had my watch with me, either, so that didn't help much to improve the situation, too. I would've asked for the time from the guards, but, I decided against it.

As I made my way down yet another familiar looking hallway for what I believed could've been the third time in a row, I spotted Sword and Shield at the far end of the hall. They were both carrying buckets of soapy water on their sides and they were both armed with wooden mops and old rags. Luna wasn't kidding when she told me that cleaning every single hallway in Canterlot Castle wasn't going to be easy; it's nearly midnight and they're still at it!

Sword looked up at me as I approached the both of them, a brown rag hanging around his neck. He wiped his brow with his hoof and let out a tired sigh. I waved at him as I got closer. He gave Shield a nudge on the elbow to get her attention and pointed at me with a dirty hoof.

"Aren't you guys finished yet?" I asked. Shield turned around to glance at me. I tried to greet her with a wave but she quickly looked away before I could do anything.

Sword shook his head at me. "We're only left with this one, thank Celestia." he said with a happy but exhausted tone. "After we're done, I'm never touching a mop ever again. My body is aching all over, my hooves smell of soap and floor wax, and I feel like my eyelids just might shut themselves at any given second."

"I never knew that there will be that many hallways."

"Neither did I." said Sword, giving his body a stretch. "I never really cared, to be honest." he sighed. "Wish I did."

"Did Luna came down to check on you guys like she said she would?"

Sword shook his head. "Never saw the princess herself--- but she did send her guards to check up on our progress."

"The entire time?"

"Just every few hours or so." Sword replied. "In fact---" he jabbed his hoof behind his shoulder. "---that's one of them right there."

My eyes followed where his hoof was pointing and, sure enough, one of Luna's guard was there standing... guard. I was surprised that I never even noticed the guard's presence before. It was as if the guard was never there to begin with. Even though the hallway I was in was pretty well lit, Luna's guard would have remain invisible to me if it were not for Sword.

"He's been hiding there for the past hour now." said Sword with a roll of his eyes. "Been keeping his eyes glued onto our backs ever since he arrived, as if he's scared we might suddenly drop our mops and disappear without a trace." He scoffed.

I stared at the guard as Sword talked. His yellow eyes with slit pupils were exactly like Grim's. This guard eyes, however, had neither the warmth or cheekiness found within Grim's. His looked deadly, alert, and extremely dangerous.

The guard's eyes suddenly shifted and I found myself having an unscheduled stare-off competition with him. Goosebumps instantly surrounded my entire body when his eye's pierced mine, and I had the unyielding feeling that he doesn't like me at all. Not one bit.

"Where are you headed at this hour, anyway?" Sword asked, staring at me curiously, leaning on his mop. "Isn't it pretty late to be out for a walk? Unless, you're doing it because it's a tradition or ritual you humans perform back in your world."

Coming back to my senses, I laughed at Sword's comment, dropping my stare and thoughts of Luna's staring guard. "No, Sword. There ain't any ritual of the sort. Besides, taking a walk in the middle of the night isn't exactly the sort of thing most humans would do." Which is true, mind you. Especially where I come from. Going out in the middle of the night would and always mean either two things: Either because of your job, or, because it's for your job. If you catch my meaning.

Sword just stared at me, his face giving away his confusion. "I'm headed for the royal gardens, actually." I said quickly. "Princess Luna wishes to speak with me."

Sword's eyes widened. "The princess is looking for you?" Shield turned around to look at us.

I nodded my head. "Yeah. I think she wants to have a chat with me." Seeing that I had a chance, I tried giving Shield a little wave, but she quickly turned back around and continued with her mopping. Right there and then it became rather clear to me that she was avoiding me on purpose. Was she mad for what I did? Could be. I mean, I would. Considering.

"A chat with the princess?" Sword said with an astonished gasp. "Why?"

I shrugged back at him. "Heck if I know." I would also like to know why. I was practically dying from curiosity. "Guess I will find out when I see her."

"You hear that, Shield? He's off to have a chat with the princess!" Sword gave Shield a hard nudge on the side--- which made her jump--- which also made her drop her mop with a loud THACK! onto the marble floor. "Sorry about that, partner." he apologised with a sheepish grin.

Shield just gave Sword an annoyed look before bending down to grab her fallen tool. I instantly moved forward, as I wanted to give her a hand--- and maybe to also give myself an excuse to talk to her face to face.

But so eager was I in wanting to help Shield I nearly snatched the mop right off her hooves. I reached for the mop so fast out heads bumped into each other on my way down. Turns out even without her helmet, a pony's head can be nearly as solid and hard as stone. Or perhaps like steel?

I cursed silently as my head throbbed from the impact. The mop that was in my grip fell back once more onto the floor. Blinking my eyes, I looked up, wanting to apologise, and saw Shield's own eyes staring right back at me. I'm not even talking like at a proper staring distance; we were so close to each other my nose was literally touching the tip of her muzzle.

"Hi." I said awkwardly. At the time, that was the first and only thing that came into my mind. I wanted to back off, to put myself in a more suitable distance, but, strangely enough, I wasn't able to. It was like she was a magnet, and I was a piece of iron that was easily attracted to her.

Shield blushed, which caught me by surprise, considering how she seemed to deliberately ignore my first two attempts at saying hello. Before I could say anything else, she pulled herself back, picked up the mop that was next to me, and hastily turned her body away from me. I was disappointed at first, as I thought I may have been wrong to think that that brief moment we had could be like a small step forward in the proper direction.

That was, of course, until she suddenly stopped to glance back at me.

With her mop in hoof and her red ponytail mane resting behind her neck, Shield gave me a tiny smile before uttering very softly:

"Hello."

She's adorable.

Sword seemed to be irritated by everything that had transpired, for he kept on poking me on the shoulder during the duration of which my eyes rested on Shield's retreating back. I stood back up, dusted my knees and looked at Sword with a furrowed brow.

"What." I said irritably, looking at him in the eye.

"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?" Sword said with his eyebrows raised.

That was when I slapped my forehead with the force and strength of a speeding elephant. "Crap! You're right!" My eyes darted around the hallway, but quickly stopped as I remembered there weren't any clocks around to tell me the time.

"Er...any chance you have a watch with you?"

* * * * * *

I wondered if stupidity was inherited or obtained. The reason why I was asking myself that question was because I was late for the date. Like by ten minutes. How did I not realise my lateness was beyond me.

Some of you might be thinking "Oh, it's only ten minutes--- it's not like the world's going to end!" or something closely resembling that sentence. But, let me tell you, it is never wise to leave a lady waiting. Especially if that lady's an alien (pony, in this case) princess that can kill you with sheer intimidation alone.

Fortunately for me, Sword was there to point me in the correct direction. I was even more fortunate than I was before because as it turns out, the royal gardens was just right at the end of the hall I found Sword and Shield in.

One could only imagine how dumb a person must be to have not notice that sooner. Then again, it wasn't as if the entrance to the royal gardens was adorned with pressed flowers and neon signs saying "Royal Gardens This Way!".

There were no guards standing at the doorway. Which was surprising, considering that almost every other door in the castle I've passed will at least have a single guard. I stepped into the gardens, expecting to see at least one of Luna's guards on the other end of the doors, but, there were none to prove me right.

The royal gardens really stood up to its name. Describing the place as simply being beautiful would be a grand understatement, and a mockery. It was magnificent, mesmerising, and marvellous.

What instantly caught me off guard were the flowers. Flowers of every kind were planted there. Flowers which, strangely enough, can be found back on Earth as well. I may not be a botanist, but there were a few flowers which I could recognise: Baby’s Breath, Bleeding Hearts, Cornflowers, Irises, Lilacs, Roses, Tulips, and Windflowers, just to name a few.

There were no walls surrounding the gardens, just neatly trimmed hedges which only reached up to my elbows. Marble benches and chairs can be found every few feet or so inside the gardens, which would be useful in case your legs get tired. There were small square tables too, which were also made of marble. Probably for the ponies to play chess?

As I went deeper into the gardens, I scanned around the area to see if I could spot Luna. The royal gardens was huge. Huger than what I expected. But since I could see the door which I came in from, I wasn't worried of getting lost. In the distance, I spotted a rotunda which I guessed was sitting directly in the middle of the entire garden. Setting that as a point of interest, I made it my goal to reach there.

I stared up into the open sky above me, where I was greeted by countless stars, shining brightly in the night's sky. The moon was full that night, and its glow plus the stars were more than enough to illuminate the gardens. And my path. Though it was past midnight, I felt very warm and fuzzy, like I was wrapped up in a blanket that just came out the dryer.

The flowers that decorated the gardens were getting fewer and fewer as I got closer and closer towards the rotunda. A large variety of hedge sculptures took their place instead: there were the usual ones like circles, and squares, and triangles. Then there were the weird ones where a bunch of shapes get mashed together, creating puzzling and distasteful objects which somehow managed to get called "Art".

There were sculptures of ponies as well, mostly in the form of the princesses they worship. Some depicted them as standing figures of gracefulness and beauty, while others portrayed them with their wings spread wide open, probably meant to describe them as powerful and unstoppable. Kinda unsettling, now that I think about it.

As I passed the hedge sculptures and ever more closer towards the rotunda, marble statues invaded the vista; these statues were no joke, some stood at eight to nine feet tall, including their respective plinths. Each of them were carved with such care and detail I just had to stop and stare at a few of them with my mouth wide open.

The statues were the regular ones one would find in a royal garden (I guess). There were a few which were just plain old ponies, without the manes and tails, bald and naked. Then there were carved statues of the royal guards; these were carved with extreme detail; from the armour they wear, to the sharp, vigilant eyes they possess. It almost felt like I was staring at the real live ones standing in the castle.

I never really was a fan of statues, the last one I remember seeing way back when was just a huge naked dude with his genitals hanging. You could say I never really knew how to appreciate them. But the statues in the royal gardens--- they showcased a certain beauty to it. I cannot really explain the feeling--- they just kinda leave you in awe.

But the one statue that really caught my eye was the one standing directly in front of the rotunda. Eighteen feet tall, and wider than two of any of the other statues combined, it was clearly the main statue inside the gardens. The main attraction you might say.

It was a statue of the two royal princesses, Celestia and Luna. They stood side by side on top of their plinth, their wings outstretched, with their rocky heads staring skywards at different directions; Celestia's head was pointed towards the east, while Luna's was at the west. Whatever significance it was meant to show or tell me, I can't really say. Like I said--- I just don't get statues.

But the statue was breathtaking, nevertheless. Though colourless and dull, the attention to detail never failed to amaze me. These ponies really know how to create works of art. Using nothing but their hooves! And tools of course.

Underneath the princesses stony hooves, plastered on the front side of the plinth was a gold plaque:

Princess Celestia & Princess Luna
Rulers of Equestria
Bringers of the Sun and Moon
Guardians of the Kingdom
Advocates of Peace
May They Live Long and Prosper

I rubbed my eyes, as the last part reminded me of something familiar. But just as I was about to re-read the plaque, someone interrupted me.

"You're late!"

It was Grim. She approached me from behind the statue, glaring at me with a disapproving look. She must've noticed me staring at the statue from the rotunda.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing back up straight.

"My job." Grim said, rolling her eyes, as if the answer couldn't be anymore obvious than it already was. "You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago!"

"I got lost."

Grim smacked her forehead. "Really?"

I nodded my head. "Yup." I tilted my head to look behind her. "Is she mad?"

"I don't know." Grim said, nervously looking behind her. "I can't really tell what her highness is thinking at times. And I'm supposed to be her personal guard!"

"I'm pretty sure we'll know if she's mad."

"Never mind that, come on! We've wasted enough time standing here!"

Grabbing me by the hand, Grim pulled me, escorting me towards the rotunda like a mother and her child.

"I guess it was luck that brought me to the rotunda." I said as we headed for the building. Grim turned around to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, no one told me where to meet up. I just made a shot in the dark and decided to head this way."

Grim suddenly stopped in her tracks, again, slapping her forehead as she does so. "Oh, shoot! I totally forgot to tell you about that."

"You what?"

"It's all your fault you made me forgot about it!" she cried, giving me a frown.

"Me? What did I do?" I immediately cracked my brain to figure out when and what I did to make Grim forget such an important information. Do you know how much time I would have saved if she told me about the exact meeting place earlier? If I knew about this earlier, I wouldn't have been walking around staring at flowers and statues.

"It's must be because of this morning!" she said. Even under the moonlight, I could tell she was blushing.

"This morning?" I repeated, looking her in the eye. "What happened this morn--- oh." Oh indeed. "I...uh...I-I see what you mean."

We stood there in silence for a while. "Well, you were the one who wanted it in the first place." I argued. "It's not my fault you got lost in the...er... heatof the moment."

Grim said nothing and continued walking, her hoof still pulling on to my hand. "I liked it." she whispered, the words barely reaching my ears.

"Oh." was the only thing I could say.

"Anyway!" she said. "What's in the past, stays in the past, right?" she glanced at me. "You wouldn't mind not mentioning this to the princess, right?" she asked hopefully. "We wouldn't want her highness to know that I accidentally forgot to tell you where to find her, right?"

I stared at her. "Why? Are you afraid of eating something nasty again?"

"I am!" she cried. "But..." she gave me a small smile. "At least I know you'd be there to save me."

"No." I said bluntly. "Never again."

"But...you promised!"

"I most certainly did not!"

We continued arguing all the way towards the rotunda. I gave the rotunda a look as we stopped in front of it. The building was large, but only large enough for maybe five to six people. Five tall marble columns supported the dome that was atop it. On the tip of the dome, stood a small statue of a winged horse (yes, yes I know it is most definitely a pony, or pegasus or whatever it is you call them).

The whole structure was made of white marble, and it shined with such radiance under the moon and stars it looked like as if someone just finished waxing the whole place moments ago. I couldn't clearly see the interior of the rotunda just then, but I could see that it was illuminated from the inside with candle lamps, hung on the side of each available column.

Grim gave me a nudge with her head. I did not even realised she had let go of my hand and gotten behind me.

"Get in there, Ron!" she said, nudging me even more. "Do not keep her highness waiting!"

Allowing myself to be pushed, I stepped into the rotunda, looking around me as I did. The first thing I did was to scan for Luna, which really wasn't all that hard. For she was just standing directly in front of me, glaring at me with a frown on her face.

"You're late."

Author's Notes:

That was the next chapter folks! I tried using a more different writing method for this chapter. I wanted to see how this style fairs compared to the one I'm normally used to. Hope you folks find it much more tolerable!