• Published 18th Apr 2015
  • 1,827 Views, 19 Comments

mann vs Equestria - Szalhi



A full scale war is bound on Equestria. Luna is sure they won't win this time. Celestia has a plan. She's hired nine mercenary creatures called humans to fight for them. They have a good reputation. But maybe, they're a bit crazy.

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2 Colourful wonderland?

The team arrived at Ponyville where they hopped off the train.

“Oh that took freaking ages, what’s with the lack of vehicles around here?” Scout complained as he stepped onto the station platform. “It’s like they have some technology, but they also don’t.”

“Once I set up a teleporter here, than we won’t have to worry about that,” Engineer replied in an attempt to make scout feel better. Engineer had previousy built a teleporter in Canterlot and was planning to use it as a fast travel system.

“Scout, do you ever think you can go slow? Or does everything go into slow motion?” Spy said as he pulled out a cigarette. “You probably hear me in slow motion right now.”

“Go to hell spy,” Scout replied flipping the bird. “I am perfectly capable of going slow.”

“We have no time for random non-sense. They told us to go find a crystalline castle,” Medic said looking over the contract. “Which sounds pretty stupid.”

“Does it happen to look like a tree? Because I’d never think I’d be this drunk,” Demoman replied looking where no one else was. Right over there, was a crystalline structure. Yes, it sounded stupid, but the whole concept seemed stupid as well.

“That looks god damn expensive,” Engineer commented as he compared it to how much it would cost back home.

They started to walk towards the castle. Pyro seemed to be engulfed with the world around him, that he didn’t care about the logic of a crystalline castle. Spy walked up and he knocked on the front door. He would’ve thought it would be more guarded, back at their previous location, it was heavily guarded.

“Do you think they’re home?” Heavy asked quietly.

“Twilight, when you said that we’re getting mercenaries to help Equestria, were you just playing around with us?” A voice said from behind them. They all turned around and looked as six ponies came walking down. They kept walking a bit before noticing the presence. The Elements of Harmony, or as they would know the, six regular ponies.

“Who the buck are they?” Rainbow Dash said as she stopped and pointed at them. Twilight resumed walking and stopped slightly in front of them.

“Rainbow Dash is right, who are you?” Twilight asked.

“We happen to be the Mercenaries you were just talking about. And we seek the attention of the owners of this castle,” Soldier blurted out.

“All of you must be the nine Celestia told me about. I’ve never seen creatures like you up close.”

“You must be stupid, we’ve seen tons of you up close and that’s not even here!” Demoman shouted out.

Soldier grabbed demoman and chucked him back. “This is not an alternate dimension. You will shut up, and take it!”

The Demoman stumbled back. At that time, the door to the castle opened and a purple dragon walked out.

“Twilight, you out here? I think I heard you out he…” Spike said. He paused near the end as soon as he saw the mercenaries standing before him. “Who are these guys?”

“These, are the humans that are going to be helping us in the war,” Twilight explained.

“You don’t believe in the whole war stuff do you?” Spike asked with annoyance.

“It’s not fake, it’s a real event that’s upcoming. We just don’t know when! Would Celestia ever lie to us?”

“I just don’t see why we need, those things.,” Spike said pointing to the group.

“They had the highest reputation out of all mercenaries we’ve seen. They also said something about getting away from their old jobs.”
“Oh, you mean staying around the administrator and her bullshit?” Scout blurted out. “I mean, she’s the only real way to get to, y’know. But that’s over now.”
“Who?”
“You don’t need to know,” Spy concluded.

“Question!” Soldier announced.

“Yes?” Twilight answered.

“Are we going to stand out her all day talking about Scout’s relationship status, or are we going to do real stuff?”

“You know, I kind of changed my mind, I wouldn’t mind talking all about scout hmm,” Spy exaggerated.

“Oh, no, no, no!” Scout exclaimed. “We are not talking about that ever again!”

“Well, if we’re not going to be talking about Scout and his ugh, past relationships, I want to introduce you all to my friends,” Twilight requested. “But first, you know how you were supposed to get a fortress here right?”

“You didn’t forget did you?” Soldier asked concerned.

“Oh, no. I didn’t forget, in fact, we can go now.”


They all arrived at the fortress. It wasn’t complete, but it was pretty well in progress. Engineer was stunned at its state considering the time between them going and arriving here. But he decided not to question it.

“This, is the most handsome fortress I’ve ever seen!” Soldier complimented.

“It make baby look like mouse,” Heavy said.

“Well it isn’t finished yet, there’s a lot of sections to be put in, but that shouldn’t really take long at all. All the important stuff should be done by now,” Twilight explained.

“Twilight.”

“Yes Spike?”

“Can I get a fortress?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

“I’m going to be handing over all control to you guys. I request you come to the caste tomorrow,” Twilight said handing keys to all of them.

“Twilight, can I stay here and look over the fortress?”

“That’s not my problem,” Twilight said walking off. “It’s your fault if you die.”

“This could give me a nice view over the land,” Sniper said.

“You’re too late to compliment it from the outside,” Scout mocked.

“Oh, Piss.”


All ten of them had entered the fortress. It looked amazing, but at the same time, it still felt nostalgic, with the design resembling the previous fortresses. The size left lots of space, and in any chance of full invasion, this could be last standoff. It also meant Engineer had a large space to build and Sniper had a long range.

“So ugh, where do we start?” Scout said slowly walking around the courtyard. “I mean, It’s kind of awkward having ponies hear building.”

There were several ponies around constructing unfinished parts of the fortress. Scout wasn’t exactly used to having ponies around and having them this close and probably for the next week or so was weird to him. Even weirder than going to Ponyville.

“Yeeeaaah, I’m not sure if I want to spoils myself just yet, Medic announced.

“So, ugh, you like fire right?” Spike asked Pyro.

Pyro responded with a couple of muffles and grunts, which Spike could actually understand.

“Cool man.”

“Oh fuck this,” Demoman said running into the explosive chambers. All the rest started to go to their respective destinations as well.

Author's Note:

No action yet. Pfft, who needs action straight off?