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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A double update!? Awesome!
Things are definitely moving forward now. Shadow and Spree have just about worked out the issues with their herd. All that's left is for them to have their talk with Jerry and that should be all wrapped up.
I'm also really curious to see what's going to happen during Jerry's visit to the Storm King's domain. Hopefully he'll be able to secure some powerful allies while he's there. Since it looks like the Necromancer and his army are going to be a far greater threat then anything Dainn has thown at him.
Speaking of that disgusting King. It's so great to know that his death is almost upon him. For some reason I'm thinking that the mystery mare that the Eyes of Fate made the deal with was Ditzy.
I don't want to be an asshole, even more so given the dedication it takes to keep updating a story for 3 years, but you could really do with an editor. I've only read some of the first chapter and jumped around a bit and I saw
a lot of simple mistakes that an editor could help you avoid. It's mostly just words used in the wrong tense (I.E. using present tense when talking about past events) or the wrong form of a verb (for example in the paragraph qouted in Kanna's comment.
9556445
It should be 'maybe it just assumed', 'Jerry glanced', 'as his jeweled left arm absorbed it', 'they grabbed the sphere' and 'noting most wore (or were wearing) black collars and some wore red ones(or collars).'
From what I've seen you make this kind of mistake a lot. This could happen if you rewrite sections often or if you just type it out as it pops into your head. I really think this story would benefit from an editor. And to end on a more positive note after my litte rant: your writing is actually pretty good and as far as I have seen you don't really make a lot of spelling mistakes.
TL:DR
An editor would probably be a big help but either way its impressive to see someone stick with a story for this long.
10150849
eh, its alright. you're not really a asshole as you are right. a editor could help...but they would have to work with two writers as me and my pal Riddle been making this story and there's still a lot more we have left to reveal. Plus, I'm rather stubborn when it comes to stories. I try to make sure I at least update them now and then. Granted some of my other stories are...left unfilled, mostly due to writing blocks. or intrests. maybe a combination of two. Anyway, thanks for the slight praise, since while this story isn't fully 'clean' with mistakes? at least its readable and people get the idea of the story and messages in it.
10150851
There's two people writing this story? That's pretty uncommon. If you two enjoy writing this and others enjoy reading it then I wish you (two) well. I'll take my bitching elsewhere.
10150865
heh yeah, it said in the description its co-written. But I hope you enjoy the story as it is. Even if its not perfect-- its still enjoyable to read.
Wonderful! I really enjoyed this chapter and am extremely excited for the next.
So, is it Storm King airship-stealing time for Jerry next chapter, or will that be coming later?
Actually, next chapter, before everything else, having Jerry find Spike and returning him to Twilight would be nice. It's about time that Jerry reunites a family again, and who knows, maybe Twilight will finally start visiting Jerry and perhaps even become his next concubine at some point. Either way, it's about time that Jerry makes one last run into Equestria before closing the gates until further notice, and what better outcome would there be than having Jerry come across Spike during that trip? Also, I love this story. I just wish it was updated more often than only once every three months.
On second thought in regards to the Eyes of Fate, I'm starting to want him to not be killed off after all. He's kinda like Deadpool because you made it so that he's aware of his role as a character. This makes him seem more enjoyable as a character and less like a scourge.
So before I start this I just wanna say, I'm super psyched to read this. In my personal opinion the best story's on this site are the dark HiE ones. Sadly a lot of the good ones have been abandoned with no explanation and the creators seemingly dissapear off the face of the earth without much (if any) updates. Now the fact that this has an impressive word count and is still being updated has me giddy as all heck. I'm gonna binge read this bad boy and probably finish in a few days. Super looking forward to this one.
Bro this a thiccass story.
10150875
Okay, my main man, I was just wanting to ask if the next chapter will be up soon, as it's been over 3 months now, which is about, from what I have seen, about time for the next upload.