As the first rays of dawn shined through the blinds of the window, they landed upon a pony sleeping in her bed, her breathing light upon the ears of any that would come into the room. The sun rays revealed the azure coat on the muzzle of the slumbering mare, her face bearing a passive expression to any who would lay their eyes upon it. While the mare’s face showed a tranquil sleep, in reality, it was far from it. When the light of the sun reached the pony’s forehead, it revealed the bandages that covered the top of head except for the azure horn poking out. While one could hear the dripping from the IV drip, the unicorn’s forelegs laid over the white clean covers, showing the left foreleg with the IV's needle injected into. Moments later, the sunlight reached the unicorn’s eyes, causing the pony to stir.
The azure unicorn began to crack her eyes open, her mouth opening to let out a soft yawn. As she started to raise her right foreleg to block out the light shining, she felt a sharp jarring pain from the top of her head. This caused her to flinch, closing her eyes shut as her hoof instead reached to the source of her pain. Rubbing the spot, she felt the bandages covering her head, realization suddenly striking her as her mind processed the bandage’s presence. Opening her eyes once more, with her right foreleg now shading her aquamarine eyes, the unicorn began to take note of the white, sterile room she was currently in.
“Whe… where am I?” she wondered out loud in a soft voice, confusion appearing on her face as she observed the strange surroundings. Her eyes laid upon her left foreleg, spotting the needle currently inserted in it. For a moment, she dumbly stared at the needle, until realization struck her, causing her eyes to widen. Her breathing started to quicken as her eyes traced the plastic tube connected to the needle up to the IV drip itself. Panic began to rise in the mare as she placed a hoof at the needle. Ready to yank it out, she was interrupted by the door opening. A white earth pony with a pink mane walked in, wearing a cap on her head with a red cross symbol on it that was the same symbol being displayed on her flank as well. She originally entered the room with a calm expression that quickly turned to shock as she saw the azure unicorn about to pull out the IV needle.
“Wait! Stop! Don’t pull that out!” the earth pony shrieked in surprise as she rushed over to the unicorn. The mare had froze in her tracks at the sudden outburst, her eyes locking onto the pony. The white pony grabbed onto the unicorn’s forearm with her hoofs, gently moving it away as she said, “The needle is there for your health miss, you don’t want to take it out until you’re all better.”
At first, the unicorn stared at the newcomer before gently shaking her head with her eyes closed. Opening them again as she looked at the mare once more as she asked, “Who… who are you? Where am I? And… what do you mean till I‘m all better?” while she laid her foreleg against the covers once more, her face expressing confusion of the current situation.
The earth pony released a sigh of relief as she replied, “I’m Nurse Redheart, and you’re at the Ponyville Hospital. You were recently admitted when you were discovered outside the Everfree Forest with your mane soaked in blood. Fortunately, the wound on your head wasn’t too serious, though you seem to have lost quite a lot of blood before we were able to patch you up. Because of that, you’ve been sleeping for a couple days now.”
The unicorn continued to look at the nurse with confusion. As her mind processed what she had just been told, her eyes soon drifted to the bed as she muttered to herself, “Ponyville… hospital… Everfree?”
The nurse Redheart tilted her head at the mutterings of the unicorn, asking, “Can you explain what happened to you, miss….” leaving the last word hanging as a hint to the unicorn.
Her eyes shifting back to the nurse, the unicorn replied, “My name is Sapphire, Sapphire Rain. And…” as she suddenly stopped talking, her aquamarine eyes slowly glazed over, like she had suddenly got lost in her own mind. Redheart tilted her head in confusion at the pause, her mouth about to open when the unicorn suddenly shook her head again. She brought her hoof to her head and began to shake the wound, “Sorry… I just… I just don’t remember… my memories… its like… there’s a haze…” the mare said, her eyes staring down at her covers.
"While the injury wasn't serious... we were hoping there wasn't any mental trauma associated with it..." Redheart responded with a saddened look as she walked over to Sapphire, placing a hoof on her shoulder to help her relax. "Don't worry. You're in safe hooves now, and you'll be back up on your own soon enough. In the meantime, since you have been sleeping for quite a while, would you like something to eat?"
As Sapphire looked up at the nurse, a rumbling noise arose from her stomach, causing her to smile sheepishly as she said, "Umm... if its not too much of a burden on anypony..."
Redheart simply gave the mare a kind smile as she answered, "It's not a burden at all. You’re at a hospital, where we take care of those that need it, so there's no need for that kind of thinking. Just stay there while I go pick up a meal for you, as well as inform Doctor Horse that you're awake now." With that, the nurse exited the room, leaving the unicorn to her thoughts as she looked out the blinds to comprehend her current situation.
Minutes later, Nurse Redheart began to walk in with a tray of food balanced on her back followed by a unicorn stallion with a cream caramel coat and a brown mane while wearing a doctor's coat. Redheart gently placed the tray within Sapphire's reach as the unicorn went wide-eyed at the sight of the meal which consisted of a few apples, a daisy sandwich, and a glass of milk. The unicorn approached the bed from the side opposite of Redheart as a clipboard engulfed in a cyan aura came near his face as he said, "Hello Miss Rain, my name is Doctor Horse, and I'll be your doctor during your stay here. From our medical analysis, your diagnosis is that you're suffering from a head injury that resulted in you having what appears to be retrograde amnesia, and you're also suffer—" before he was interrupted by Sapphire lighting up her horn in an aquamarine aura that also engulfed the food, bringing the apples and sandwich to her muzzle as she gorged on them. Doctor Horse just raised an eyebrow as he continued, "—suffering from malnutrition. However, by tomorrow, your wound should be healed up and you'll be healthy enough to leave if you so choose to. However, since you're suffering from amnesia, you are welcome to stay here for a few more days to recover."
After Sapphire guzzled down the milk, she spotted the looks of the two other ponies, blushing as she allowed her magic to put down the glass on the tray. She then gave both ponies a sheepish look before looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought before saying, "Well... it's nice of you to offer, but I think I would be fine leaving tomorrow if I recover by then as you say."
The stallion raised both eyebrows at Sapphire's response, levitating the clipboard over to her as he replied, "While I would recommend for you to stay a few more days in case your memories come back, you might recover them faster if you’re out and about again with more sights that could possibly be familiar to you. I just need you to sign your signature on some paperwork and we can leave you to your rest."
Sapphire simply stared at the clipboard with a puzzled expression before looking at the doctor as she asked, "Signature? Paperwork? What’s that?"
"Wha... a signature is your hoofwritten name and the paperwork is on the clipboard. Can you not see it?" Doctor Horse answered, blinking in surprise at the unexpected response.
"Oh... I can see it... but... umm... what am I supposed to do with them? And what do you mean by hoofwritten?" Sapphire replied, her face still displaying confusion.
Both the nurse and the doctor just stared at the unicorn, their jaws dropping at her question. Within a moment, the nurse shook her head as she regained her composure before asking, "Umm... Miss Rain... do you happen to... know how to read?" The unicorn mare gave a shake of her head, causing the other two ponies to widen their eyes in shock, the both of them looking at each other with expressions of concern.
"Well... this is... unusual... but don't you worry Miss Rain, we can take care of your paperwork due to the... current circumstances. For now, we’ll leave you to your rest as promised while we contact the town hall to find your records so we can locate your next of kin. Now if you’ll excuse us Miss Rain, we'll take our leave for now, but do not be afraid to call for any help from the staff," Doctor Horse said as he began to walk to the door, taking the floating clipboard with him as Nurse Redheart took the tray onto her back again before following the doctor out. As the door closed, Sapphire just stared at it for a moment before giving a shrug as she shifted into a comfortable position in her bed. She soon closed her eyes, soon drifting back to the peaceful embrace of sleep.
As the two ponies walked down the hallway away from Sapphire's room, Nurse Redheart looked at the stallion as she asked, "What are we going to do about Miss Rain, doctor? We never had a patient of her age that couldn't read. Wouldn't it be unwise to let her leave tomorrow?"
Doctor Horse sighed as he replied, "This is certainly an unknown situation we have here. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get into contact with her relatives after we send a message to the town hall of her presence and her current state so they can pick her up and take care of her."
"But doctor, what if... she doesn't have any relatives? Since she can't read, that means she's uneducated. Wouldn't her family see to her receiving an education? " Redheart asked.
Doctor Horse stopped walking after hearing that question, closing his eyes as he took in a deep breath, concentrating on the problem on hoof. "If that.. complication does come around... we’ll have to find somepony willing to take care of her in the meantime. Having her outside the hospital may still help her regain her memories faster... but... for a mare of her age to not know how to read implies that... 'something' happened to her to prevent her from receiving a proper education. For now, we’ll just have to contact the town hall and hope for the best." he answered before continuing his walk. The nurse followed as they both began to ponder on what could cause Sapphire's situation.
I think you meant to say "began to crack her eyes open"
There were a few other little errors, that's just first I noticed that felt off to me. To be fair I've noticed several other authors make tense mistakes as well, I'm assuming you're intending for past tense, but a bit of this chapter (and maybe others as well) seems to be written in present tense.
did you mean Everfree Forest?
I think one of those is supposed to be the doc's mane color. Maybe you should find a proofreader, and maybe an editor. Here's a group that was created to help with proofreading, also you should practice some self-check exercises. One good self-exercise is coming back to read what you have posted, it'll help you spot any possible errors to fix once you find them.
Typo or autocorrect? The world may never know...
This amnesia thing is oddly specific; why let her know how to speak if she cant read? Cognition is a huge mental element that you're letting go here, and her using magic is cementing this. I'm not complaining, really, i'm just a little confused at the inconsistency of what you're doing with you're story and a major element, and I'm rather worried about how this will be paced because of this. My comment is rather late and won't affect future chapters as it is, but you're first few chapters are supposed to hook people in: convince them this is worth reading. I'm going to still give this my 3 chapter rule, but only because I kind of like the route you're taking this. Sorry If I've offended you in any way; know that this is your story, after all.
I'm surprised the doctors didnt connect her illiteracy to her amnesia
7600988 you don't lose basic things like reading or writing I believe
Couple of grammatical errors, such as using the word 'forearm' instead of 'foreleg'. You also switch tenses once in a while, so you might wish to go back and reread the chapter to edit a little bit. So far, I like this. Not all fics can catch my interest, but this one has done so. I shall continue onward.
Oh, and I believe you meant to name him Doctor Hoarse, not Horse (otherwise it would be the single most unimaginative name for a character I have ever heard.
Wow, what a start!
Not gonna lie, the amnesiac route is normally somehing i'd consider a bit overused. But that was really strong start, you pulled that off well.
Now i'm looking forward to reading this tale more.
Needs a "have", I believe.
7060371 uh you know that reading is a learned skill, amnesia can wipe learned skills away as while the muscle memory is there, the actual knowledge isn't thus you can forget how to read or ride a bike talking is much harder as more beings make some form of communication after all
Poor Sapphire...I hope she gets well....
7763046
ya you typically dont but isn't this a tale of a "pony".
(i put it in quotes because she could also have been something else before)
[quote]The nurse Redheart tilted her head at the mutterings of the unicorn, asking, “Can you explain what happened to you, miss….” leaving the last word hanging as a hint to the unicorn.That... Something about irks me. I don't know what though. It could just be after writing so much dialogue I grew a habit of always checking to make sure I have a comma before and or after addressing someone's name directly. Though it's technically correct because first, it's not in dialogue, and second "The nurse, Redheart," would make it unique, but the problem is, it isn't unique. If it were unique, it would be like there was only one nurse in the world.
But because withholding the comma doesn't make it unique, and because there is multiple nurses, it isn't unique. If it was with a comma, it would be saying that as if it was unique, but the problem is, it's not unique and not true.
Ugh, my mind... Maybe I should have paid a bit more attention in my language class. But then again, my language class isn't teaching how to write a story with dialogue and all. Or at least, I haven't found a way to apply it to my story.
Even so, it irks me when I have a habit of checking when it comes to dialogue.