The Everfree forest, home of many dangerous creatures. When one of Twilights spells go wrong the forest quiets down but there is also a new type of beast that dwells in the Everfree, one that roars, has a coat of metal and feet of rubber.
Not a bad premise, but needs refinement; especially on the grounds of weapon terminology. The guys are supposed to be trained soldiers yet they use terms you hear from liberal news media like ‘clip’ and ‘silencer’. When I hear a pro gun guy call a magazine a ‘clip’ or a suppressor a ‘silencer’ I have to Not only that but all those typos and misspelled words... Grammar needs work; and If your gonna work with guns, even in writing, do some homework and learn what is what. The M1 Garand, takes a clip. An AR-15 takes a magazine. I honestly found that to be the biggest mood killer of the story.
8216755 Thanks for the info. I was already planning on going back and redoing the chapters. If you feel like it I could use a little help with the grammar.
8421944 So far... I'M LOVING IT! Its like a fanfiction made just for me! Just kidding you can also share it with others...
ANYWAYS. I'm actually shaking out of exitement and already coming up with how Stones would face Luna like: would he be a badass, would he submit and he would be taken as a prisoner sent to be executed obly to be saved my Tyrock and Jane doing it badassly mind you OR reveal that he and Tyrock are the mane 6's Guardians and how they would react it... THERE ARE JUST SO MANY SCENARIOS POPPING IN MY MIND I CAN'T KEEP UP!!!!!!!!!!
8422181 That is one of the reasons why I am having such a hard time writing the next chapter. I know what I want to go just not how to get there. any ideas?
8422205 Well... I was thinking along the lines of making it neutral. As much as I want to see Stones being badass, he's still human and he did have a VERY long day. Maybe make him fight for a bit then I dunno either Tyrock comes to the rescue OR Stones gors unconcious and is taken to a hospital courtesy of the Princesses THEN Tyrock rescues him making the ponies more curious about them. But either way the point is that they keep their existance hidden... no matter the cost be it they become the enemy of the nation or the nation accepts them.
These are only suggestions, that "I" think would work well but then again its your choice. I hope I don't cause a lot of trouble bu the way.
Writing errors were plentiful in this chapter but ignorable
Can't really start putting all the errors here with my phone....
I hope you'll be able write more and fast
This is addicting to read and the wait is killing me
Please Lulu don't be an asshole and attack him.
7952614 Thanks I will try to fix any you can tell me but thanks for reading.
7602684 I went back through and fixed that.
Ooo a twist
Color me interested
8001092 This wasn't the first time this has happened to them. I will explain a little more about it later in the story but they do have a reason.
8044311 favorite brand of truck and I own the red one and always wanted the black one. How do you like the story so far?
This story is a 9.8 out of 10 I love it
6 weeks without update? Shame on you.
8192732 oooh!
I read the rest, and I have to say, it is a rather well done story, even if there were errors.
Not a bad premise, but needs refinement; especially on the grounds of weapon terminology. The guys are supposed to be trained soldiers yet they use terms you hear from liberal news media like ‘clip’ and ‘silencer’. When I hear a pro gun guy call a magazine a ‘clip’ or a suppressor a ‘silencer’ I have to
Not only that but all those typos and misspelled words... Grammar needs work; and If your gonna work with guns, even in writing, do some homework and learn what is what. The M1 Garand, takes a clip. An AR-15 takes a magazine. I honestly found that to be the biggest mood killer of the story.
8216755
Thanks for the info. I was already planning on going back and redoing the chapters. If you feel like it I could use a little help with the grammar.
more ;3?
8248826
I will try, what do you like about it so far?
8248873
what do you mean portraying the changelings?
along with harem clop.
more :3
When is the next chapter?
8420672
I don't know. This had been the hardest chapter I have written so far.
What do you think of the rest of the story?
8421944 So far... I'M LOVING IT! Its like a fanfiction made just for me! Just kidding you can also share it with others...
ANYWAYS. I'm actually shaking out of exitement and already coming up with how Stones would face Luna like: would he be a badass, would he submit and he would be taken as a prisoner sent to be executed obly to be saved my Tyrock and Jane doing it badassly mind you OR reveal that he and Tyrock are the mane 6's Guardians and how they would react it... THERE ARE JUST SO MANY SCENARIOS POPPING IN MY MIND I CAN'T KEEP UP!!!!!!!!!!
8422181
That is one of the reasons why I am having such a hard time writing the next chapter. I know what I want to go just not how to get there. any ideas?
8422205
Well... I was thinking along the lines of making it neutral. As much as I want to see Stones being badass, he's still human and he did have a VERY long day. Maybe make him fight for a bit then I dunno either Tyrock comes to the rescue OR Stones gors unconcious and is taken to a hospital courtesy of the Princesses THEN Tyrock rescues him making the ponies more curious about them. But either way the point is that they keep their existance hidden... no matter the cost be it they become the enemy of the nation or the nation accepts them.
These are only suggestions, that "I" think would work well but then again its your choice. I hope I don't cause a lot of trouble bu the way.
more
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