The Everfree forest, home of many dangerous creatures. When one of Twilights spells go wrong the forest quiets down but there is also a new type of beast that dwells in the Everfree, one that roars, has a coat of metal and feet of rubber.
5921875 I like the idea behind it but there are.... major flaws, grammer included, and I dont think this is the read for me. I would still continue and write for youself. I tend to write stories(or at least the rough draft) and give some of my peers a chance to run through them. I hope this, and no one else, discourages your flow and look forward to your inprovement.
5975962 Both. I would love to point them out but my phone hates to copy and paste. I would recommend finding a editor and proof reader if possible. Your discriptions could be in depth a bit more as well.
5979595 I offered no ill-will. Like before, I just seen some flaws. The other guy just judged and left. Also, he was a major dick. I look forward to the story and possibly revisions in the future.
This chapter needs to be cleaned up, badly. If you feel the need to tell the readers to P.M. you for an explanation, there is a problem. Also, try to stay with a single tense. You switch between past tense and present tense pretty often.
5921875 I like the idea behind it but there are.... major flaws, grammer included, and I dont think this is the read for me. I would still continue and write for youself. I tend to write stories(or at least the rough draft) and give some of my peers a chance to run through them. I hope this, and no one else, discourages your flow and look forward to your inprovement.
-Your Artifical Alicorn, SilentStorm.
5975954 in what chapter?
5975962 Both. I would love to point them out but my phone hates to copy and paste. I would recommend finding a editor and proof reader if possible. Your discriptions could be in depth a bit more as well.
5975978 whats weird is I have a editor and I have used him on the first chapter.
5975978 also if you could like the story that would help
5976003 I already did. I would tell him , or her, to pick up the slack. But as I said before, love the idea.
5976012 I hope you will continue to read the story as I go along with it.
5976027 I will put it under my Read later. Look forward to it.
5976314 cool
5978105 glad you think so.
5978105 and tell the council that ill be watching them.
5979595 I offered no ill-will. Like before, I just seen some flaws. The other guy just judged and left. Also, he was a major dick. I look forward to the story and possibly revisions in the future.
P.S the bit about the horses. priceless
The image at the end of the chapter's broken.
This chapter needs to be cleaned up, badly. If you feel the need to tell the readers to P.M. you for an explanation, there is a problem. Also, try to stay with a single tense. You switch between past tense and present tense pretty often.