The Prince Of Love
Shining Armor shuddered against his wife as he heard an iron door slam heavily against its frame. Nestled into the crook of his neck was Princess Cadence—cheeks gaunt and eyes deplorably missing that flicker of life he would have loved to glimpse again.
Another door slammed, this time followed by the hoofsteps of half a dozen ponies.
It was then that Shining knew The King was coming to see them. And he thought he knew why.
“This might be the end of us, my love,” Shining told her delicately. “Only know that whatever happens, my love for you will never falter.”
Tightly shackled in a series of rusted chains, Cadence embraced the stallion as best she could, as a single tear edged down her cheek. Shining never thought their lives would have come to such a grim conclusion.
The door to their cramped cell rushed open and two dark-clad guards entered to stand on both sides of the entryway. The third to enter was the immaculately dressed dark King that had turned the couple’s world into a living Hell a little over a week ago. His long red cape trailed against the dirt covered floor, and he stopped a few paces inward, glaring down at them both with his venomous eyes.
Shining couldn’t read a single thing from Sombra’s nearly blank expression.
“Good afternoon,” Sombra said politely, his low voice reverberating richly off each thick stone wall. “Your time spent in my care has come to an end, I’m afraid. You both tried to usurp me during my rightful return, and because of that I will see that justice is performed. Tonight.”
Shining chin began to tremble. He had known such a day to be coming—it had been a short while since Sombra’s return. But now that he had been well informed of his own execution, he found himself on the verge of breaking down. Although he knew he would stay strong for Cadence. Up until the bitter end.
Shining looked up at the King and spat, “Do with us what you will, you monster. Your return will be short lived—someone will stop you again.”
Sombra chuckled. “I’m sure they will try, Shining. There will always be those that try. But, truthfully, you shouldn’t think of me as terrible as you might. For instance, I’m actually only asking for one of you. And once justice is performed, you will be able to spend the rest of your days freely in my kingdom, to work and to live.”
Shining didn’t believe he could hate the vile creature anymore. Not only was he planning on killing one of them, but then he was going to make the other live out the rest of their life without the other by their side. For Shining, there truly was no other option.
Sombra held out a hoof towards Cadence. “Come, Princess. I cannot promise your punishment will be painless.”
Pushing his wife off of him, Shining slowly got to his hooves, each move causing the stallion to grimace in pain. Once upright, he faced the King and said loudly, “Take me instead! I’d rather die for the mare that I love than live a single hour without her.” He turned to his wife on the floor, both of her shimmering eyes confused and bewildered. “Should you take her from me today, I would never find the strength to go on. So I will take her place, because a life without her in it isn’t a life at all.”
Cadence moaned next to him. “Shining, no! You don’t need to do this!”
“It’s too late, Cadence,” he answered. “I already have. Lead the best life you can.”
King Sombra watched the pair’s heroic display before he eyed Shining cautiously. Taking a step towards him, he said, “Are you sure of your wishes, Shining? Once you take her place, there will be no going back.”
Shining nodded and tried to resolve himself. “I’m sure. The love I feel for her is too strong to live without.”
Sombra narrowed his eyes and took another step closer. With a single hoof, he propped up Shining’s chin and turned his head from side to side. Once he’d found nothing of much interest, he let him go to eye up the rest of him.
The King nodded his approval. “Fine, then. You will do.” Then he spoke to the other guards by the door. “Before nineteen-hundred hours tonight, make sure he is washed and readied and then brought to my bedchamber. Also, as always, make sure my tools are ready. And before I forget…”
Shining’s mouth dropped to his chest and desperately he tried to reason away what had just come out of Sombra’s mouth. “Wait… you said…”
Sombra regarded the startled stallion. “Do you like grapes?” When he didn’t answer, he told his guards, “Grapes will do. Make sure you leave a bowl out.”
With rising dismay, Shining turned to his wife. “Did he say, ‘bedchamber’?”
Cadence, meanwhile, chewed on her tongue as she sat awestruck on the floor.
Shining asked the King tentatively, “Don’t you mean guillotine? Or, I don’t know, death by combat or something of the sort?”
At that, Sombra laughed. “Did you really think I was going to kill one of you? You’re much better to me alive than dead, you know. But that doesn’t mean you won’t go unpunished for the crimes you’ve committed against me.” A small grin found his face. “Although I am surprised you’d offer yourself, Shining. But I’ll take what I can get, though.”
Shining turned to his wife. “Cadence… umm… maybe now would be a good time to return the favor and volunteer yourself in my stead? Before I jumped in for you, I had expected to either be killed or tortured. Something other than what I think he’s referring to.”
Cadence put a hoof to her mouth. “But Shining, I don’t want to ruin that beautiful speech you made for me. You were sacrificing yourself for me, remember?”
A faint sweat started to form on his brow as nervousness entered his voice. “Oh, I remember what I said, Cadence! It wasn’t all that long ago, you know! Yet Sombra used the very precise words ‘bed’ and ‘chamber,’ meaning it’s like a normal bedroom but a whole lot bigger. And full of beds, Cadence! And now he’s invited me there! To his room of beds!”
Cadence blushed and tried to hide her mouth under her hooves. “Maybe he only wants to build a pillow fort with you? And maybe have you read a book to him?”
The couple turned to the King, who viewed Shining gravely. “We can build a pillow fort if you wish, but what happens inside its cushy walls will be far too loud and cumbersome to read through.”
On the verge of choking on air, Shining spun to his wife again. “You hear that, Cadence! Remember, he also used the word ‘tools’ earlier! As in he’s bringing tools with him! What the hell does that even mean?”
Cadence’s whole head was nearly hidden behind her legs. “Maybe he needs your help fixing his bed, so he’s bringing some tools along?”
“Fix his bed?” Shining screamed. “What? After he’s done breaking it in two using me as the hammer?” He ran a frazzled hoof through his mane. “Cadence? Darling? Light of my life! You really need to back me up on this and take one for the team here! Just say the words, ‘I volunteer in his stead.’ It’s super easy! You got this! I know you can do it!”
Cadence stared at him innocently. “But I’m the Princess of Love, Shining.”
“You’re right! You are! So what better job for the Princess of Love, right?”
She shook her head. “The Princess of Love would never cheat on her husband, no matter the circumstance.”
Shining blanched and turned to Sombra, who only shrugged in reply.
He screamed back at her, “So you don’t consider this cheating?”
Cadence thought for a moment. “I… don’t think so.” She asked the rest of the room, “Is it?”
Everyone shrugged in unison.
Not completely comprehending just how he’d gotten himself into such a precarious position, Shining collapsed against the floor as his chains rattled noisily. Cadence scooted next to him.
She patted his head reassuringly. “I’m sure he’ll be very gentle, Shining.”
Sombra shook his head. “No, I won’t. I really won’t. It might not seem like it, but I’m a very passionate stallion.”
Shining whimpered and couldn’t look anyone in the eyes.
Cadence held his head. “Just think of it like this, Shining. You do this one little thing and then we’re free to go. And I promise not to look at you any differently once it’s over. How does that sound, sweetie?”
For close to minute, Shining pondered a great many things to say to his beloved. Eventually, he settled upon, “Shut up, please.” And then she did.
***
“And then what happened, Grandpa?”
Little Pebble sat on his grandfather’s lap and waited patiently for the elderly earth pony to conclude the story. It was one he’d already heard many times by now, but he enjoyed each new telling all the same.
Grandpa Boulder played with his wispy beard. “Then later that night, after spending many and many arduous hours getting to know that special stallion better, our great King Sombra found that wonderful source of love he had been silently searching for all his life.”
Pebble asked excitedly, “You mean when he found the Prince of Love?”
“Yes, my young one. Although he wasn’t always called that.” He paused to remember longingly. “And from that lone night began Sombra’s peaceful reign over the Crystal Empire, where ponies were once again happy and blissful, and where slavery was no more. And for ninety-six years—until the terrible passing of the Prince of Love, that was—it remained as such. But sadly, King Sombra has vowed never to grow close to another again.”
Pebble nodded. “That’s really sad, Grandpa. Did you ever meet the Prince of Love?”
He held up a hoof. “I will tell you he was a stallion of the regular class. By Sombra’s side he held an opulent throne, but I don’t believe I’d ever once seen him sit in it—or sit in any chair for that matter. And only a single time did I ever get the pleasure of meeting him, and when I did, he told me a piece of advice that I knew I’d cherish forever.”
“And what was that?”
“Don’t volunteer for anything.”
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Kudos to you for an excellently silly story. I am kind of curious as to what happened to Cadance though.
Cadance? Cadence? Bah, doesn't matter.
7 likes and only 3 views... Hax. I call hax
Butt Butt.
"Reads title" hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
"Reads descripstion and tags" OH FUCK NO!
5494151 What what?
But I think the better question is how it seems as though you read and comment on every story on the site? How many of you are there?
I really wasn't expecting much from this story, but that was actually pretty funny. Well done.
Snrk. Wise advice.
I have to admit, even for a one shot, it ain't that bad. It was funny and it had a good twist in the end.
Even though if I were writing this, I would have giving it a little more depth, but for what we got, it's pretty good.
So anyways, have a thumbs up.
5497460 I tried to make it as short as possible basically to get to the payoff that people were more than likely expecting, but I agree that it could have been more detailed. (Which is odd, because on my other account, I tend to write far, far too long.) Then again I only had about four butt jokes in store, so once they were over...
Thanks for reading and for commenting!
It's a trap!
I feel like the story kind of petered out towards the end, as if it had built up the joke so much but then had no idea where to go with it, so it just sort of stumbles around a little before abruptly finishing. I think a far better punchline would be to reveal that what Sombra planned to do something completely different (and more innocuous) than what everything was indicating.
5493963
She has to/gets to watch.
Am I a terrible person for laughing at this story?
I think the answer is yes.
5502834
not if it was made for comedic purposes.
5497014
I'm pretty sure that Seether00 is legion.
I could hear Sining's fear inside my mind, it frightened me too
And I am going to hell.
I am so glad I didn't have to turn three shades of red reading what could have been written.
And to you, author, I feel as though you portray King Sobra's character with such suave....
Somehow, I think he's actually... the opposite.
Good job, though.
Do we need some adults?