Darkness...is it evil or is it good, Neon ask himself is everyday of his immortal life. 'Why do I have it inside of me', Neon thought to himself, questions like these hunted Neon's mind like his dark pass. Neon laid in his bed looking at the ceiling in deep thought, he often did these when he had nothing to do.
"Master?" A voice called from the outside of Neon's large bedroom. "Yeah?" Neon called back, he got out off his bed and headed to the door, as he opened it a little grunt stood in front of him. Neon smiled down at the grunt who was very nervous and afraid that his master was upset at him, Neon keeled down to make the grunt feel less scared and it worked.
"What is it grunt?" Neon said in a calming tone, one that would come down any child, trying not to frightened the alien anymore then he all ready was.
"You got orders to got to a new dimension today." The little alien said in a more happy tone! Happy that his master wasn't mad at him.
Neon had nearly forgot he had to do that, he smiles as he thanks the little alien and tells him he can have the rest of the day off. The little alien squels in enjoyment, as his master goes back into his room to get ready. Neon open his closet which is filled with both weapons and clothes.
"Were is it, were is IT?" He mumbles to himself trying to find his favorite weapon. "There it is." he said as he grabs his huge sword form his close. He then puts on his trench coat full of weapons and heads to his portal room.
He heads into the portal and is teleported to the his desired destination, in this case, Equestria. When he opens his eyes he finds himself on the edge of a forest.
"Weird..." Neon says out loud, he looks around and see's a town to far away, Neon smiles at seeing the town, it meaning there were people in this dimension. But as he gets closer to the town he notices something strange.
"Are those...pony's?" Neon says as he see's a very brightly colored mare walk into town. Neon not knowing what the fuck he just saw had two options, he could stroll into town like nothing was wrong or get to know the thing his was to protect.
Neon decided to play it smart and went with stealth, he ducked his way into a dark alley and watched the ponies, to his surprise they acted like humans did, walking around, talking, living out they're life's. Neon could not help but think this was the weirdest thing ever but he still had a job to do.
Just then he saw a mare with a cream colored coat and a red mane getting mugged right in front of him, he was glad the alley was dark or else the mugger would have seen him.
*Rose pov*
For Rose it was a normal day, wake up, go to work, leave work, wake home, go to sleep, but half way there her day she gets mugged, out of nowhere a stallion runs up to her and try's to take her Saddlebag, she tried to run but the stallion was a unicion and kept pulling her back, right before he could get away a metal chain flew out of the alley way and warped itself around the stallions neck and pulled him into the dark alley, Rose couldn't see what happened in the alley, but after a few seconds her saddlebag landed right in front of her.
she looked down at the saddlebag and then back to the dark alley to see a pair of red and blue glowing eyes peer back at her, she froze with fear, but then she was drawn to the eyes, those eyes, something about them made her move closer to the alley. She could soon see the being that saved her life, it waked on two legs and was very tall and only had fur on its head and face. It also had a strange necklace on its neck.
It wore what looked to be a trench coat and it had hands instead of hooves, it stood twice her size and was looking at her with those eyes....she just stood there wanting to know more about this creature. She walked up to it very slowly as to not scare it away, but it did not move but keeled down to her eye level. She just stared at it wanting to know more.
"Rose!!!!" A voice yield at her, snapping her out of her trance, she looked behind her to see her friend Octavia walking up to her.
"Rose what are you doing in the alley?" she said, Rose turned back around to tell the creature to run, only to find it wasn't there anymore.
"No reason," she lies, but as she turns to leave she see's a necklace on the ground, its The same necklace the creature was wearing, Rose picked it up and placed it in her saddlebag. As she leaves the alley she hopes to see creature again only hoping to know more about it.
End of chapter one.
This is my first story. So cut me some sleck
Let me suggest you get a proofreader. I only read as far as the description, and may I just say... dayum. You have grammatical errors out the wazoo.
And by your short description, you are putting yourself in way over your head if you are doing a multi-crossover as your first story. Start off relatively small, and eventually work your way up to what you expect of this story.
Dayum indeed. Only read about two paragraphs of NEON OPHEN, and you need some serious grammatical help, and some pointers. If you want to introduce a character, flow the story to tell the character's story through it; don't put their entire backstory in their own chapter. That just ruins the immersion.
2) Don't delete comments, no matter the flak they bring. Turning your comment section into a boneyard is the fastest way for people to hate you on this site; it shows you are insecure and can't take what people throw at you.
That title offends my editorial skills.
OK I didn't have a proof reader or any help with is thing but I'm open if anyone wants to help.
5627412 Trust me, the chapters hurt even worse. No offense, new writer wolfpile3003
5627320
Not happening. Question, how old are you?
5627419 none taken I suck at this
5627320
No. I'm not going to cut you "sleck".
5627417
Oh look, a handy reply button. Looks something like this: >> in the top right of a comment. Please use it.
5627419
Should I take a look?
5627420 15
5627429 don't care
5627436
Your actual age. Not the age you want to be. I don't believe someone that is older then me has this level of grammar skills.
5627434 Probably not. You guys can give up on this kid if you want, but I think if I could clean up his grammar and shit, this could at least be a decent story for a first-timer
Oh dear.
This is a mess.
5627429
But you'll cut him some slack right?
5627444 I'm 15 years old going 16 this month why in the world would I lie about my age
5627446 look this is my first story and I'm new to this
5627446 that comment and your profile pic just... yes.
5627455 what about my pic?
5627445
Adequate, not decent. A decent first published story would be mine. And alright, I'll just have some fun with mi amigos in the comments then.
5627460 No, this comment: 5627446 , alng with his profile pic
5627452
Because you're grammar was horrible and I've known people who have done it before.
5627465 I don't know how to take that
5627453 Read before you write.
It'll give you a good idea of what level of quality FiMFiction users expect. We do have standards, after all.
5627466 ohhhh wow that does match
5627470
Don't take it as a compliment or an insult. I'm widely known to be blunt.
5627475 T.T well.....OK?
5627477 it OK everyone has they're own opinion
5627438
You need to care about critisism. It's how you improve.
5627484
'Least you're understanding. That's a big thing to have if you want to get better. Props.
5627491 criticism?
5627491 Well said Guardian! I agree!
100%
5627499 props?
5627491
He's talking about the slack part. I think he does want to learn.
5627505
Not many in your position try to understand. You got that I have an opinion. Others would probably block me from that opinion.
5627514 really?
5627520
Yes, it's happened before.
5627516
Right?
5627525 oh....by the way sorry if I come off as a dick or something but my girlfriend who I loved with all my heart cheated on me today... On fucking Valentine's day to.
5627536
I would tell that to Guardian. He doesn't like those kinds of responses.
5627543 oh why just cause or he's that kanda dude
5627543
Tell what?
5627516 you pal can go shove you insult where the sun don't shine
5627554 that I've had a shitty day so fuck off
5627555 what have I done to you?