• Member Since 6th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 21st, 2016

Durzo Blunt

one of the devils many sons, named insanity, but changed his name do to rebellious nature


In this story there will be a group of characters named "oricles".
Oricles are my own version of a supersoilder that are made to protect demiontions from tearing each other apart. They are both magicly and scientifcly enhance. They are both artificial beings and mythical beings. To be a oricles first you have had to done something really good or really bad in your life. When you die you are given a chance of redemption by fighting your way to get your soul back (basically you have to do dark souls in real life). When you reach your soul after god knows how long you are made into a oricle. your hair will turn white and your eyes will change to red and blue.then comes the enchantments and enhancements (they will hurt like hell) after its all said and done you will be a oricle. Then the gods will send you to a sertain dimension that you will protect. So pretty much oricles are peacekeepers. If you have any qeustons please ask me

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 100 )
Comment posted by Theponycipher deleted Feb 15th, 2015

Want corrections?
(Do not say yes if you think you cannot accept people telling you to learn.)

Comment posted by SuperGiantRobot deleted Feb 15th, 2015

This is my first story. So cut me some sleck

Let me suggest you get a proofreader. I only read as far as the description, and may I just say... dayum. You have grammatical errors out the wazoo.
And by your short description, you are putting yourself in way over your head if you are doing a multi-crossover as your first story. Start off relatively small, and eventually work your way up to what you expect of this story.

Dayum indeed. Only read about two paragraphs of NEON OPHEN, and you need some serious grammatical help, and some pointers. If you want to introduce a character, flow the story to tell the character's story through it; don't put their entire backstory in their own chapter. That just ruins the immersion.
2) Don't delete comments, no matter the flak they bring. Turning your comment section into a boneyard is the fastest way for people to hate you on this site; it shows you are insecure and can't take what people throw at you.

That title offends my editorial skills.

OK I didn't have a proof reader or any help with is thing but I'm open if anyone wants to help.

5627412 Trust me, the chapters hurt even worse. No offense, new writer wolfpile3003


Not happening. Question, how old are you?


So cut me some sleck

No. I'm not going to cut you "sleck".


Oh look, a handy reply button. Looks something like this: >> in the top right of a comment. Please use it.


Your actual age. Not the age you want to be. I don't believe someone that is older then me has this level of grammar skills.

5627434 Probably not. You guys can give up on this kid if you want, but I think if I could clean up his grammar and shit, this could at least be a decent story for a first-timer

Oh dear.

This is a mess.


But you'll cut him some slack right?:trollestia:

5627444 I'm 15 years old going 16 this month why in the world would I lie about my age

5627446 look this is my first story and I'm new to this

5627446 that comment and your profile pic just... yes.


Adequate, not decent. A decent first published story would be mine. And alright, I'll just have some fun with mi amigos in the comments then.

5627460 No, this comment: 5627446 , alng with his profile pic


Because you're grammar was horrible and I've known people who have done it before.

5627465 I don't know how to take that:rainbowhuh:

5627453 Read before you write.

It'll give you a good idea of what level of quality FiMFiction users expect. We do have standards, after all.


Don't take it as a compliment or an insult. I'm widely known to be blunt.

5627477 it OK everyone has they're own opinion


You need to care about critisism. It's how you improve.


'Least you're understanding. That's a big thing to have if you want to get better. Props.

5627491 Well said Guardian! I agree!



He's talking about the slack part. I think he does want to learn.


Not many in your position try to understand. You got that I have an opinion. Others would probably block me from that opinion.

Comment posted by The Guardian and Friends deleted Oct 16th, 2015

:applecry:5627525 oh....by the way sorry if I come off as a dick or something but my girlfriend who I loved with all my heart cheated on me today... On fucking Valentine's day to.


I would tell that to Guardian. He doesn't like those kinds of responses.

5627543 oh why just cause or he's that kanda dude

5627516 you pal can go shove you insult where the sun don't shine

Comment posted by BikerPon3 deleted Oct 16th, 2015

5627554 that I've had a shitty day so fuck off

Login or register to comment