Poniocracy Side Stories

by sunnypack

Equine Manual I

Talking to Equines

BEGIN REPORT:

Forced Data Log for Equine Interactions Started: ???/???/??????

ERROR 00004 - Cannot retrieve date, system corrupted.

Log 1: Attempted pseudocode for decision tree I

IF (purple_equine == talks)

IF (Monitor.communication(fun.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(sad.talk) == TRUE)

Abort.Systems

END

IF(Monitor.communication(everything.else) == TRUE)

Stay.Silent

END

Abort.Communication
END

System crashed in 0.0000000000032 second(s).

----

NB: Communication log is priority after multiple failure attempts. Please review.

----

Trial 1: FAILURE OF INTRODUCTION TO ELICIT STANDARD COMPLEMENTARY RESPONSE (See Trial 2)

Trial 2: FAILURE OF COMPLEMENTARY FORCED RESPONSE (See Trial 3)

Trial 3: FAILURE OF HUMOUR (See Trial 4)

Trial 4: FAILURE OF SUBJECT TO EXPRESS REPLY FOR HUMOUR, FORCED CONCLUSION MISSION FAILURE (See Trial 5)

Trial 5: FAILURE TO HEED CONVERSATIONAL TIMING, DIGITAL TIMING NOT PRECISE ENOUGH FOR ORGANIC CONVERSATION. (cont. Trial 6)

Trial 6: SIGNS OF FRUSTRATION FROM SUBJECT EVEN THOUGH DIGITAL TIMING HAS FLOATING-POINT ACCURACY

Conclusions:

Communications with organic lifeforms impossible. Caution, recommend drastic decrease in CPU allocation or overheating likelihood will rise to 120% in two minutes.

END REPORT.

Author's Note:

Resistance is futile.

Comments

[EverfreeSparkle]

Brilliant. Absolutely brillaint.

[bailey_chap]

I've decided to convert this into some sort of C language, because I can:

#include <CAI.h> //Capsule Artificle Intelligence
#include <equine-manual.h>
#include <equine-database.h>
#include <commint.h> //Communications Interface

#include "communicative-identifiers.c"
#include "laws-of-robotics.c"

int talks=false;
int contact=false;
str sentence=0 ;

void CheckForTalking(){
if(sentence -= 0){
contact = true;
if(TFCI == true){
talks = true;
}
}
}

void loop(){
if(contact == true){
if(talks == true){
if(TFCI(comm.fun) == true){
terminate(all);
}else if (TFCI(comm.sad) == true){
terminate(all);
}else{
respond(silence);
}
}else{
CheckForTalking();
}
if(millis > 5000){
terminate(all);
}
}

One issue I came across was the inability to add correct spacing, I have put it in to the quote, not sure if it translates well, though.