Poniocracy Side Stories

by sunnypack

Celestia Drunk Texts... If She Could Use A Phone

Chapter 1: This is actually the second time Celestia got drunk. Both times were unintentional.

Discord felt the phone vibrate. He didn’t want to pick it up, but he had to.

“Yes,” he groaned. It was hard to get enough force into his voice when his lungs were squashed in the position he held on the couch. It didn’t help that there were several ponies on top of him.

“Disssssssssssssscooooooooooooo,” came the slurred voice from the other end. It didn’t sound right, that wasn’t Celestia.

“Twilight?!” he gasped, gaping in shock.

“Yesssshhhh?”

“Why are yo– are you drunk?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

“Oh for pony’s sake–can you get Celestia on the phone?” Discord demanded.

He heard a stumble a clatter and a mumbled apology and a very drunken sounding ‘here’.

“Helllooooooooooo?”

“Goodness Celestia, how do you expect me to be the Lord of Chaos if you keep making it yourself!”

“I looooovvvee youuuuuu!”

“You love everypony.”

“But you’re shoo oooollldd.”

“Thank you for the compliment.”

“I meeean it. You’reee reallllly oooold–” there was a pause “–like me!”

“Celestia you better drink some water or try that purging spell.”

There was a hiccup.

“Okies!” she called back. For a moment Discord waited, then a realisation struck him. Quickly he spoke into the phone.

“Actually–” he began, but it was too late. There were sounds of drunken stumbling, the clatter of the phone as it hit the ground and a drunken belch. Discord heard a ‘hey Princess, whatcha doin’?’ before an explosion abruptly cut off the connection.

Discord lay there listening to the static filter through the receiver.

“Buck it,” he growled, from under all the sleeping ponies. “I’ll deal with it in the morning.”

Author's Note:

I like to be sarcastic in real life, but I don't think that translates well in writing.

Reading my story will make you less bored. It's true I tested it on myself, sample size one, statistical power infinite.

Comments

[CommanderBigMac]

I want more of this story