Not What Was Wanted
Naruto's enthusiastic cry was cut off as his mouth was invaded by a sudden influx of pond water. Struggling against the sudden surge of panic he managed to find purchase for his feet on the muddy ground, and push himself to shore. He flopped down on the grass beside the heavily disturbed pond, dimly noticing his fox mask float over to join him on the side of the pond, pushed up to him on a wave caused by his thrashing.
His contract was wrecked, he knew without looking, not that it mattered, he could draw a new one. His clothing was in an even worse state than it was before, now muddy and wet and scummy from the pond. Worst of all he felt overwhelmingly tired, perhaps using all of his chakra was a bad idea. Oh well he thought The grass is comfy enough. And with that last coherent thought, Naruto fell into blissful unconsciousness.
O~O~O~O~O~O
The sun rose at precisely 7 am, with day and night controlled by living deities there was no need for daylight savings times or adjustment of schedules. Keeping to one such schedule a pink haired pegasus rose to the sound of singing birds, stretched her wings and legs out, and set about feeding the vast menagerie of animals that inhabited her property. As she fluttered through her home, dropping seeds and veggies for her tiny woodland friends, she found herself humming along to the bird's choice in music. Today it was "Smile smile smile", a song which her pink friend was credited for composing on a whim, and was often caught singing as she paraded through town.
Finishing indoors she headed out back to refill the bird feeders, before tending to the pond to feed the fish. As she neared the water feature in her back yard, however, she noted its state of disarray, worried that some animal from the forest had fallen in she galloped towards it, and caught sight of the most unusual of creatures.
Whatever it was, it was a mess, between dirt and pond weeds, it was tough to make out exactly what the creature looked like. It appeared to be wearing clothing, old and worn and dirty as it was, which caused the pegasus to pause. What sort of non-pony wore clothing? What sort of creature got dressed up just to wander into her back yard?
She crept closer to investigate, letting out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding as the creature gave a small snore, letting her know it wasn't dead. It was small, not only short, probably as tall as Applebloom if it got on all fours, or up to her wings if it stood on hind legs, like a dragon or a diamond dog. It seemed too thin, like some of the animals that she woke up every spring.
Noticing the dirty blonde mane on its head she ruled out 'dragon', although it seemed to have whiskers, which confused her even further. She stopped in her assessment, noticing the mask that was on the shore of the pond next to it. It was dirty, and still wet from the night before, but she could make out the general shape and recognize that it was usually white with red markings.
Sudden realization hit Fluttershy with a gasp, she recognized the mask from old pony-tales she had read as a filly, tales of trickster foxes who would change their shape and play jokes on ponies. The tales cautioned that while the foxes could often seem mean, to those who proved themselves worthy they made wonderful friends. As a filly Fluttershy would often dream of meeting one, finding the concept of any sort of woodland critter alluring, let alone magical ones. Everyone always assured her that kitsune didn't exist though, but what else could this creature be? Pondering for a moment, Fluttershy quickly found the obvious solution, Twilight would surely know.
With a quick look around to ensure the creature would be safe, and a quick prayer that it didn't run off before she returned, she galloped off into town to find her bookworm friend.
O~O~O~O~O
Twilight awoke to rapid pounding on the library door. Slowly opening one bleary eye she cursed her mentor for raising the sun at such an hour. She was up late the night before, as usual, reading a thesis on 'Extra-dimensional Influence on Pre-Nightmare Equestrian Culture'. It was interesting, to say the least, that there was so much evidence to suggest that much of pony culture, from language to cuisine, was influenced by cultures in other dimensions .
Still, she paid for her late night enthusiasm as she trudged down the steps to answer the door. It was an unexpected surprise to find that the source of the racket was a usually timid Fluttershy.
"Twilight," she yelled, as much as Fluttershy could be expected to yell, "You must come quick, I've made a tremendous discovery!" Seeing Twilight's obvious shock, she quickly amended, "I mean, if you aren't busy with anything..."
Twilight took a moment to reboot, "What is it exactly you've found?" She asked, not in the mood to look at another 'rare' example of a brown bunny with white spots, as opposed to the normal white bunny with brown spots.
"It's a kitsune!" she gasped out, her excitement mounting with each moment, until she quite nearly rivaled Pinky on a slow day. "I woke up this morning and found it napping by my pond! It must have fallen in during the night!"
Twilight arched an eyebrow at this. "A kitsune?" A nod from Fluttershy. "You're certain?" Another enthusiastic nod.
"I don't know anything else it could be." This got Twilight's attention, nopony knew more about animals than Fluttershy. With a shrug she turned to gather a few choice books into her saddlebags, and the two set out towards the yellow pegasus' cottage as she tried to describe her find. "It's small and thin like it might not be really healthy. I think it walks on its back legs, like spike. Only it doesn't have scales, or fur, and it wears clothes. But it does have a mane, and whiskers on its face like a fox. And it even had the mask nearby, like the ones they wear in the old pony-tales."
The more she described the creature the more perplexed Twilight became, unable to picture in her mind anything from her books that fit the description. The fact that it walked on its hind legs alone ruled out most species she could think of, even spike would eventually grow into being quadrupedal given time.
Soon enough they reached the cottage and went right around back to the pond, and sure enough the strange creature lay there snoozing away like Rainbow Dash on a summer afternoon. Twilight took a moment to look it over, finding it exactly the way Fluttershy described, right down to the muddy mask a few feet away. "Should we move it inside do you think?" Twilight suggested, already running through the steps she had read for identifying wildlife.
"Maybe... Um maybe we should... Um wake it up?" Fluttershy seemed quite nervous at the prospect. What if it got angry at being woken up? What if she blew her chance at befriending a real live kitsune?
"Hmm, I suppose if it really is sentient that would be the simplest way to find out what it is. The clothing suggests it should be able to answer questions." Twilight nodded to herself, Occam's Razor after all.
With Fluttershy cowering behind her, Twilight stretched a hoof out to nudge the creature awake.
O~O~O~O~O
Naruto stirred to the feeling of something nudging him, already dreams of befriending fierce dragon summons and becoming the youngest Hokage at the age of 6 were vanishing into a morning fog. He could hear voices nearby, perhaps the morning librarian had found him? They likely wouldn't be as gentle as whoever was poking him was.
Come to think of it, the voices sounded rather young, and rather feminine. Chancing opening his eyes he quickly squinted them shut once more, as bright morning sunlight poured down upon him. He definitely wasn't inside anymore, Duh he thought I'm laying on grass, and the wind is blowing on me. With a quick reprimand for not being 'ninja' enough he opened his eyes again and sat up.
The world around him was certainly not the world he knew. He had spent his life in Konoha, and had grown accustom to trees, but the ones before him, while presenting an intimidating forest, were just too small to exist in the land of fire. Above him was a clear blue sky, with perfect little clouds that hung still despite the wind. Around him was an abundance of wildlife, seemingly uncaring that a human lay among them. And behind him was a picturesque little cottage straight from a fairytale.
"Are you okay?" A girl's voice asked, presumably the one who woke him up. Perhaps it was whatever he summoned? He brimmed with energy at the prospect. Did it work? Did I get something cool? Like a dragon? Or a Tiger? He turned around quickly towards the sound of the voice.
"Yeah, I'm-" He never finished his sentence, all thought was cut off and replaced by the urge to leap ten feet in the air yelling "Horse!"
The urge overtook him, despite how 'un-ninja' it might be, and he screamed, and leapt, and fell right towards the pond once more. He never quite made it, instead being caught by some unseen force, and gently lowered back to ground by his possible summon. He groaned inwardly at that, his super awesome ninja summon was a horse, a tiny, purple horse. Still, they wouldn't be his summon if he blew his shot at befriending them, and it was better to have a summon than to not have one. Even if it was girly right?
Interestingly enough, "How did you do that?" Was the thing his brain decided to fixate on, despite all the questions that buzzed through his head. This produced a slight giggle from the horse in front of him.
"Have you never seen unicorn magic before?" Twilight asked, trying her best to appear harmless, realizing how much she startled it before.
"Unicorn." Naruto blinked a few times and stared into space for a moment. Magical Talking Purple Unicorns. My summon is Magical Talking Purple Unicorns. "No, I have never seen unicorn magic." He answered after a moment, just now noticing there was another horse attempting to hide behind the purple one. This one was yellow, with pink hair that reminded him of that little girl he had protected from bullies. He smiled at that memory before noticing. "You have wings."
"Oh um... Yes... I am... um... I'm a pegasus pony." She stepped out from behind her friend, head angled away from him and partially hiding behind her hair. She seemed terrified, as if any sudden movement on his part might scare her away.
"So there's different types of... ponies?" He ventured, thinking perhaps a contract might be worthwhile after all, flying was pretty cool, and magic seemed like it could be useful.
"Yes, the three most common are unicorns, like myself who can do magic." She demonstrated by levitating his mask over to him. Definitely useful he thought to himself. "Pegasus ponies who can fly and manipulate the weather." Admittedly, also very cool. "And earth ponies, which have neither a horn or wings, but are really strong."
Naruto sat pondering this for a moment, girly-ness aside, they might be useful summons, and they seemed nice enough. At the moment he might sign the contract just to have them as friends. There's a thought... I've never really had friends.
"If you don't mind us asking... we've never seen anything like you..." The purple one ventured.
Naruto's eyes shot open, and he hopped to his feet, putting his fox mask on in the process. The pegasus darted back a few feet startled, and he inwardly winced at that. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm going to be the next Hokage!" He cried, striking what he thought was a very cool pose.
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
1,044 users online
351 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ok, I like this story. I can not wait for more.
Very interesting.
I look forward to reading more of this.
do go on
Let's see where this goes forward to, eh?
Ohhhh please do go on
wow i was just thinking about a 'what if' story about naruto getting his hands on a pony summon contract and then i find this!
i look forward to reading more, and seeing the reactions of the Naruto universe to ponies!
The story-line is childish, the premise is excessively cute, and the actions and interactions between the characters are somewhat silly...
And, god help me, I really like it so far.
It's entertaining, well paced, and flows smoothly. Some of the dialogue comes across as a bit awkward... but Naruto always did come across that way in the show and the comics. His thought processes are believably those of a six year old boy, and his attitude shows through, well.
You'll want to italicize his thoughts, by the way. Or do something to visually set them apart from the narration, since this is done in third person. Other than that and the occasional typo/formatting error, neither of which are common enough to detract from immersion, the story is fairly well written.
While it's too early to truly judge the quality of the plot, there's a lot of potential in this idea, and I'm very curious to see where it goes. Good on you! Keep at it and I hope to see more from you soon.
A Twilight Sparkle Summon? Canon!Naruto would be jealous.
SO you have a good start to this story and I'm interested to see where it goes. One thing that you should probably think of doing is to rough out a general timeline as Naruto is a ridiculously long and convoluted storyline, if you already haven't. Even if it only goes to the chunin exam or even the wave mission it will help you keep the pacing steady and consistent. You also will have less of a chance of getting yourself off on a tangent that you didn't intend to go on. Don't be afraid to do some character development as while it might slow the plot it will help in the long run by investing readers in your characters and their fates.
Invictus is right you should do something to help readers understand what are thoughts and what aren't.
OK you get me tracking it and I want the next update. So you did a good job and the story is showing promise. Just make sure to take the time you need to make each chapter the best you can, don't feel like you need to stamp them out at some insane pace. Even if we are all waiting eagerly for the next chapter.
Okay i normally hate Naruto, but im really digging this. You earned a star and a book from a naruto-hater, congratulations
Well this would be my first croos over I read, from the day I joined the ranks of MLP: Fim, and well I must admit that for the first two chapters is quite interesting (although I say I hate Naruto-_-no me wrong, what I hate is that it is stupidly long the series). But I must admit what you did in your introduction, I like, and was one of the main reasons I'm writing this comment, the big question is if naruto-_-acceptance, our beloved ponies.
Almost forgot, do not put much filling you like maybe some but not others.
Hola saludos de Perú, perdona si mi ingles es algo tosco pero, no hablo ingles.
Bien este vendría ser mi primer croos over que leo, desde del día que me uní a las filas de MLP: Fim, y bueno debo admitir que para estos dos primeros capítulos es bastante interesante, (aunque te digo odio a naruto -_- no me mal interpretes, lo que odio es que es estúpidamente larga la serie). Pero debo admitirlo lo que has hecho en tu introducción me agrado, y fue una de las principales razones que estoy escribiendo este comentario, la pregunta del millón es si naruto -_- aceptara, a nuestras amadas ponis.
A casi olvido, no pongas tanto relleno quizás algunos les guste pero a otros no.
When I saw this idea, I admit that I didn't have high hopes for it. But having given it a chance I confess that you're done a good job so far.
Something that I no doubt foresee coming as a nasty shock to both Naruto and our favorite ponies is the reality to being a Shinobi. Killing someone is going to be something of an issue all round.
Keep up the good work.
What the hell?
I just clicked the next button 20 minutes ago and it only showed 2 chapters on that page! How in the hay did 2 jump to 8?
...I think I need to start reading the stuff I put on new tabs when I open them...
hahaha Naruto is a complete idiot!
My one complaint (and it is a minor one at that) is that naruto, being a ninja, is assumably from an oriental culture. Unicorns however, have (to my knowledge) never been known to exist in oriental mythology, and therefore he should not have known what a unicorn was.... That's it, really.
Good story so far. =3
A naruto/MLP crossover that doesn't make me want to slit my own throat? Color me impressed. Tracking.
I prefer a world with ponies that are atleast one foot taller than me. I think that's wierd.
HEY, they aren't speaking in Japanese so why would he tell them his name was Uzumaki Naruto when it's supposed to be the other way around?
he said his name wrong at the end there
and you forgot his most famous line
BELIEVE IT!!!!!
Brony Naruto!
First thing that spang into my mind was madara V.S Fluttershy.
705991 glad im not the only one
1801167 think he was using the Japanese setup for his name... though since its in English it might be confusing.
It's sapient! Not sentient, sapient! I used to make the same mistake all the time as well, but now that I know how it's supposed to be I get really pissed off when others make that mistake! Just like when I was eleven and found out titanium is far from the strongest metal on earth...
3486261 SOME PEOPLE SAY SENTIENT IS RIGHT, AND OTHERS SAY SAPIENT! IM SO CONFUSED!!! D:>
Hey bury give me a bump I'm your 800th like /)
3773968 Sapience is right: >Click here for info on Sapience<
3486261 Don't get pissed of at poeple for confusing it, after all some of the greatest series of the sci-fi genres had mistaken it as well, since the 50s no less , causing sentience to become the most spread and generally accepted term for what SHOULD have been 'sapience' instead. Even Star Trek had it all wrong.
Surprisingly enough, we just learned about Occam's razor in philosophy class.
Only two chapters in and I’m a little disappointed this story was never finished