Habeas Corpus - Part 2
The
CONVERSION
►Bureau
═════════════════════════════════════
Shattered Worlds
Habeas Corpus
Part 2
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An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Midnight Shadow
As he trotted through the barred revolving door, Joss stuck his hand out in the reader. It buzzed angrily and refused to move, so he wiped his palm and tried again. It buzzed again. He kicked the reader, it dinged and a green light shone briefly. Then an automated voice spoke up, "Joss Hayes, fined one credit for damage to Waitan-Yatami propertly." The door revolved neatly, almost taking his foot off at the ankle.
"Fuck!"
Ding! "Attention Joss Hayes, your happiness quotient is now twenty eight percent. Teddy the Tell-Me Bear has been delivered to your desk. You are required to hug Teddy for a minimum of ten percent of working hours. Any drop in productivity will be docked from your wages. Rental of Teddy the Tell-Me Bear is free. Integrity, caring for you."
"Oh for fuck's sake, my fucking happiness fucking quotient has nothing the fuck to do with my fucking language! Utter Bullshit!"
Ding!
"Fuuuu-ine. Gosh." Beaten and broken, Joss trotted to his desk and sat down in the squeaky green chair. The cover was ripped to reveal the ratty orange stuffing, the arms didn't extend and the recliner was broken. But it was his. His, also, was the computer. It barely responded to voice commands, not that he was allowed to talk loudly in the cubicle farm, and the keyboard stuck on the letter 'e'. It was the best computer he'd ever owned.
Also on his desk was a large brown bear. It was leaning against the brown dividing wall, pretending to drink from his coffee cup. At least, he hoped it was pretending. Those things didn't really drink, did they?
It perked up when it saw him sit down and swivel, "Hi there! I'm Teddy the Tell-Me Bear! Are you my new friend?"
Joss sighed heavily, "No."
"Haha, you're funny!" The voice was chirpy and cheerful, and very, very irritating. "I know lots and lots of games, new friend, but do you know my favourite game of all?"
"Is it 'shhh'?" asked Joss.
"Ooh, how do you play 'shhh'?" The bear clapped its paws together gleefully. They squeaked.
Joss raised an eyebrow, "The first one to make a noise loses. Ready? Set? Go!"
The bear put its paws to its muzzle and was silent for all of ten seconds before it started jumping up and down. In an explosion of glee, it shouted, "I lose!" before leaping for Joss and hugging him for all it was worth.
"Gee, want to go again?" Joss asked, hopefully.
The bear shook its head, "Uh uh. I want to play my favourite game now!"
Joss sighed, heartily, "And what is that?"
"Hugging! The one who hugs the most, wins!"
"I hate my life," Joss said, as the bear hugged him even harder.
"Well that's no fun!" Teddy replied, "I think you'll find a hug makes everything all better!"
"Kill me now." Joss dead-panned. He face-palmed at the distant ding! of the computer.
"You know, bad-bad thoughts are often caused by meanie-meanies, and they can be scared away by talking with a friend. I'm your friend, Joss, do you want to talk to me about it?"
"No."
"I'm a good listener."
"Do I have to? Are you going to keep on at me until I do?"
The bear tilted its head and smiled, softly, "No, I won't, but I will keep on hugging you and being your friend. It's okay, I won't tell anybody if you hug me back, even just a little."
Joss grit his teeth, his sentence was mandatory hugging until the computer saw his happiness quotient was above forty five percent. "Maybe you can sit on my lap while I work, okay?"
"Oh boy! Do I get to use the mouse?"
"No!"
"Can I set the wallpaper?"
"No!"
"Just a little?"
"No!"
***
Joss sipped his coffee-substitute. Tastes just like coffee should taste! went the adverts on his threevee. Joss begged to differ, but at least it was hot. Ish. Well okay, it was lukewarm and tasted like piss, but it kept him awake. Mainly because if he felt sleepy, he'd have to drink more. Teddy had been helping all morning which meant it'd been a very, very long morning.
"But Monica was only five minutes late! You can't write her up for that!"
"Shush, Teddy! It was the last straw, I've been working her case for over a month and she is always late."
"Oh you meanie! What do we do when we spot a meanie? We sing to it!"
"Oh no, no, anything bu-"
"You're a big meanie! Go a-way! You're a big meanie, don't stay to-day!"
"Please stop-"
"I'm not a meanie and I want to say, let's be friends so we all can play!"
"Are you finished?" Joss glared at the bear who was sitting next to his mouse-hand.
"Nope! Just click 'cancel' and you'll feel all better."
"What?!"
"Go on, she's only late because her kid's been sick. She stays later to work all the time!"
"That's..." Joss scowled. He was a shop steward, which meant he was supposed to look after the welfare of the workers under his aegis, even if they were just reds and oranges. His workers' code of ethics even stated, right there at the top, that he had a duty to his fellow man. Teddy was right, even if he'd been taught to err on the side of the company. He grumbled and growled, and clicked the cancel button. He re-wrote the writeup - flexible working hours permitted, as long as the worker in question worked five percent overtime with no extra pay. He clicked send. Then he leaned back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head. Teddy leaped onto his lap and hugged him.
"You did a good deed! Shall we sing the happiness song now?"
Joss tossed back the remainder of his synth-coffee and shuddered, "Can I please stick with just hugging?"
"Yay hugs!"
***
Joss headed for the coffee machine, massaging his temples. The coffee machine was a big silvery beast that spat out hot brown liquid of various shades and temperatures. It was supposed to be serviced regularly, but said servicing didn't seem to do much good. Refill the non-dairy milk-powder substitute, refill the low-calorie sweetener, refill the coffee substitute, refill the chocolate substitute. Check water and other nozzles for blockages. Lather, rinse, repeat. Unfortunately, Joss thought to himself, the damned red sector twopers barely cared enough to turn the key that unlocked it and sent it into service mode, and they likely wouldn't if the machine didn't have a sensor to make sure they did. It didn't do anything else because that was too expensive for even orange sector machines. Fucking company would skimp on even...
"Oh hell no."
"Pull out the drawer, give a little shake, put in some more for coffee it can make!" The pony was humming to herself as she worked. When her lips were full of coffee-machine trays and ingredients, she hummed. When they weren't, she sang.
"What are you-"
"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry sir! I'll just... sorry! I'm... I'm Rosey from herd one-one-three-five-nine! Pleased to... oh! I'm not allowed to talk-"
"It's... it's okay. Just when is my daaa-" Joss winced, looking around, "-arn coffee going to be ready?"
Rosey, a light red pony with a purple mane and tail, whimpered and her ears flicked back. She looked left and right and turned swiftly back to the machine.
"Hey, it's... I just..." Joss scowled. Stupid pony was playing dumb.
"Shir?" asked another voice, strangely muffled as if it were speaking through an object. Joss turned to see another pony who had just backed out of the toilets. He was a cream coloured stallion with dark brown mane and tail. He put the toilet brush down into a holder and indicated with his head that Joss should come closer. "Please don't report us," the pony said.
"Why would I-"
"We're sorry, we're not supposed to talk to humans. It's all my fault! Please don't write us up!"
Joss looked from Cream to Pink and back. The stallion had a pleading look in his eyes, the mare was close to bursting into tears, for all she was attempting to look industrious. He sighed and deflated, "I'm the shop steward." He winced as he saw them both visibly flinch, "I'll... I'll say what good jobs you two are doing, is that okay?"
"Please don't," Cream said, "we're trying to... start a family."
Joss blinked, "Uh, you know, she... and they... to you..?" he indicated at the hind quarters of the stallion, where certain attributes weren't.
The cream-coloured stallion leaned closer, "Sir, we haven't got much left. All I have is her. All she has is me, and hope. They... hurt her, when they made her. She finds it hard to remember things, sometimes." the stallion tapped his forehead. Joss didn't understand, until he looked carefully back at the pink mare who'd called herself 'Rosey'. Then he understood very clearly. The lump on her forehead, well-hidden by her mane... Joss swallowed, the bad taste in his mouth far worse than the coffee.
"I w-won't say anything."
"Thank you."
Joss watched until the pair moved off. Then he made coffee. Then he sat, and cried. A soft little paw tugged at his trousers until he lifted the bear up. Then he cried into the bear.
"It's what I'm here for, you know." the bear said softly, "Sometimes, keeping a secret is good. I keep secrets for my friends, I'm a Tell-Me Bear. You can tell me everything."
"Sometimes," Joss said, "I wonder what I'm doing. I'm supposed to help those workers, but... I kinda haven't."
"You helped Monica. Can you do that some more? It would make you happier, and making you happy makes me happy!"
Joss sipped his allegedly-coffee, twiddling his mug in his fingers, "I guess I could. As long as they deserve it, right?"
***
Joss tapped at his computer, "Okay, Teddy, here's one. The company is accusing him of stealing!"
"Stealing is bad! You shouldn't help a thief!"
"He's accused of... stealing toilet-paper?" Joss tapped on the keyboard some more, and words flowed up his screen. Six rolls of premium, platinum-grade toilet paper. Joss whistled under his breath; the stuff they had in the staff toilets was... terrible. It came in one long sheet, was practically see-through and rubbed his cheeks raw. And that was on a good day. He dimly remembered the insult to lavatory supplies that were staples in Orange and Red sectors. Next to that, the platinum-grade toilet paper was heaven.
"No, no," Joss head-tilted, "this isn't right. He was given the paper, and then... then they asked for it back? Some sort of failed employee offer? Well that's hardly fair! He was given it! He used it! He should have it!"
"When you see a wrong, you should do right! Two wrongs don't make a right Joss!"
Joss nodded, for once feeling... almost good. Almost recognizable as a human being. "I'll set up a meeting with H.R and Legal right away! To think they were going to fire him!"
***
The room was spacious and brightly lit. Two bailiffs stood at the doors, three judges were in the dock, and Joss and his 'client' Malcolm were on one side of the room. The sector chief Dunbarr was on the other. Dunbarr was a well-dressed man in an authentic suit. He had to be... well, he was blue sector at least. His hair was immaculate, his shoes were shiny - and real leather! - and he had a real briefcase. He even had an antique watch on his wrist.
None of that would matter, though, Joss thought to himself. The rule of law was everywhere, just and true. Justice, he reminded himself, was blind. It paid no attention to creed nor colour.
With the privatization of the police and legal systems, companies like Integrity hired their own legal counsel and police force. It made everything much simpler and quicker. Joss was in high spirits as he stood up behind the desk. Malcolm stood up too. Malcolm was a red sector twoper. He'd been with the company for three years, a loyal worker, never late. He'd been given six whole rolls of premium toilet paper as a present - in fact, Joss discovered, thousands of workers had, before being recalled almost a week later. Malcolm's case was just the first, seeing as his surname was double-A 'Aarne'. Joss was in, now, on the ground floor. Championing the rights of his fellow man, making the world just that little bit better.
He was also just about ready to shit bricks.
"S-so you see, sir, it w-was a gift given in good faith and used as such. He can't give it back... not at least in the same condition it was given in." Joss cracked a smile. It lasted just about as long as the proverbial snowball in Hades.
"So, Mister Hayes, you are telling us that Mister Aarne, here, is unable to return the stolen property that belongs to Integrity Waste Reclamation?"
Joss' face fell, "Uh... but i-it's wrong! Y-you gave it-"
"My client Dunbarr would like to remind the court that he fully owned up to the mistake of accidentally giving ineligible workers access to a promotional program, it is entirely accidental that he was on holiday at the time and was unable to issue the recall. He has been docked one day's full pay, and we see it as unnecessary to further traumatise Mister Dunbarr."
"But-" Joss stood up, slamming his hands down on the table.
"And," the defence for Dunbarr smoothly continued, "Mister Dunbarr would like to remind the court that he has saved the company approximately twenty million credits by shifting the workload onto more suitable backs and freed up approximately three thousand workers for retraining!"
"Ah, that is excellent news," the judge presiding said, banging a gavel, "I hereby award Mister Dunbarr five million credits for a job well done."
"Wait what?"
"And as for Mister Aarne, the court finds him delinquent, and summarily fired."
"You can't do that!" Joss shouted, but it made no difference.
"Integrity Waste Reclamation is the sole provider for the family of Mister Aarne. Mister Aarne will be unable to make rental payment in thirteen days, as the mandatory minimum for re-employment is fourteen days, Mister Aarne is at fault. He will therefore be indebted to the company for damages, for the price of the items stolen, for rent, food, housing, maintenance, healthcare and hypernet access. Under the Workers Charter, Mister Aarne is hereby sentenced to mandatory, permanent work re-assignment."
Joss fell back in his chair. There was only one work position that was permanent, and that was ponification. He felt weak at the knees, " What about his family?"
"Oh, my, yes."
Joss breathed a sigh of relief. They would reconsider, they would-
"As Mister Aarne is the sole provider, and all said facilities are owned, managed and operated by Waita-Yatami or one of its subsidiaries, we find the defendant's family in debt to Waitan-Yatami. As such, we subject them to mandatory, permanent work re-assignment."
Joss fish-mouthed. Everything had gone wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this! "Wait, you can't do that! Stop! The company- I'll tell! You can't do this!"
The judge sat upright in his chair, "Am I under the impression, Mister Hayes, that you will be lodging a formal complaint against this court's actions?"
"You're damn right I will! You can't do this! It's his fault!" Joss pointed a finger at Dunbarr, who looked boredly at his watch.
"Mister Dunbarr is a valued member of Waitan-Yatami, who has just saved Integrity Waste Reclamation millions of credits, Mister Hayes."
Joss slumped, "By selling out its workers and their families, isn't that right? That's why. You don't need to pay newfoals, do you?"
"Quite."
"You admit it?" Joss was dumbfounded.
"Indeed. And by working against the company in such a seditious and evil manner, you have now forfeited any rights to employment."
"But it's not right!"
"It's entirely right, Mister Hayes. Your client is unable to repay what he stole, so he owes the company. His family is unable to pay what they owe, so they owe the company. You, on the other hand, openly admit to sedition and treason. Take them away! Take them all away! We no longer need shop stewards. All shop stewards are hereby relieved of their duties and are ordered to report for mandatory, permanent work re-assignment. They cannot pay their dues, so the company is forced to take what it is owed by any means necessary. Be thankful, Mister Hayes, that the punishment for sedition is ponification rather than hanging."
"B-but... you have no right!"
"I think you find, we do. Take him away!"
The gavel was banged with finality.
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Wow, sucks to be him...
looking forward to what comes next Midnight
You betrayed the law....
I AM THE LAW *bangs gavel*
Waitan-Yatami...
Weyland-Yutani...
529682
Since I'm the only one who has used 'misanthropic' I'll go ahead and I assume this is directed at me, as vain as that is. I think that there was an error in communication on my part in the identifying the difference between my feelings toward the story as a whole, my feelings toward the character(s) in the story, and my personal state of mind upon reading the story. Using the word 'misanthropic' itself seems a faux pas in hindsight given the as it's one of the biggest complaints about the CB universe in general.
529323
I thought about your comment and checked a mirror, but it was just the same handsome bastard that's always there.
530602 That's what I thought when I read that.
530655
Don't feel singled out, Vortex - there are about five or six people who regularly level the charge of 'misanthropic' at the entirety of the TCB genre. There is always a uniform five to six thumbs down with every TCB story published that appear within the first hour. I strongly suspect that it is the same people.
Most readers seem to be able to bridge the world-gap and accept the alien worldview that in a cosmos where it is possible to change species, it could be necessary, pleasant, or even good. But there is a small group that are essentially cheerleaders for the Great Naked Ape, and they will brook no talk of that ape's failings... even within a story that at the same time describes the virtues of human characters within it. It seems to be a hot-button to say anything true - at all - about Man's proclivities within their earshot.
Some of us in the TCB group, meaning me, mostly, have become overly sensitized to these annoying, unfounded attacks, and feel driven to slap the little parasprites down for being unable to hear even the smallest word against their favorite mammal. For me, it's like dealing with fanatical cat-lovers who go nuts if one merely suggests that cats, as lone, isolated predators, can be just a little bit murdery and incapable of the full range of social behaviors shown by more social animal species. They can't hear that kitties are still pretty or nice or fun, all they hear is that they are pointlessly vicious, which they are, sometimes, and go apeshit from that point.
I am the first to say a person can be wonderful, marvelous, the best. But I am also clear on what people, what the human species as a whole is, does, and has done. And I can imagine better.
The inevitable result of imagining something better is that the original pales by comparison, and may even be seen to be a bit shabby. That is the natural result of dreaming beyond what is. I do not consider it misanthropic to admit Mankind's failings, which are beyond legion.
Curious. Anyone note how the AIs seem to be conspiring to improve humanity's behaviour? The house AI is using negative reinforcement to encourage politeness and a more pleasant disposition, although it isn't terribly effective. The bear is encouraging kindness and sympathy, although it backfired terrifyingly.
Hmmmm.
531784 Let's throw some more paranoia fuel on this fire: What if that didn't backfire? What if the people who still have some shred of decency and kindness, who might work to improve things for their fellow man if they ever attain some degree of power, are being weeded out and given hooves before that can ever happen?
Looks like we're getting a pony's eye view from here on out. I wonder what's taken the place of the conversion dream...
530602 Unintentional, but apt. Darn you, subconscious!
531871
531784
Oh, you noticed that, huh?
531628
I'm having far more fun than I should doing this deliciously dystopian universe where thumbs still reign supreme. See the noble works of the great ape...
I am, of course, enjoying hamming it up in the comments, too.
Not sure if I sure I should read this, mostly because I have trouble standing negativity about the human race and how bad and smelly and evil we are. If this fic isn't that, then I apologize
EDIT: Oh ho ho ho man. This fic is glorious. The sadist in me is laughing at what these idjits are doing to themselves. Baka humans, you could've had peace. Tracked.
532319
If they give you a bit part, make the best of it -- chew the scenery like fodder.
531871 That's something I was "hmmmm"ing about. The idea of a society that has adapted to route altruism and empathy into a state of oblivion is a rather disturbing one. It would have to be the dominion of quite clever psychopaths, and I have difficulty believing it would be stable for more than a few generations. Still, I think I've shed a kilogram or two of sleep for having considered any of this.
532395
Well, I'm having a lot of fun with the characters and the setting. Truthfully, I'm weaving a dark, dark world here where humans are in control of everything. Ponies lost. No more rainbows and kittens. What they do have now though, is a captive, docile workforce of non-human sentient sapiences at their disposal.
If that doesn't bring out both the worst and the best of humanity, then I don't know what will.
This whole little tale is sarcasm writ large about corporate life and the screwings over that really do happen. I'll get to the better half of humanity later. Probably. And that doesn't automatically mean ponies! Every dog (or pony) has his day, so before we can get to the Scarlet Pimpernel, we have to wade through les miserables.
Oh... my goddess, this story is just becoming increasingly awesome. I am serious. This is freaking powerful stuff, with astonishing details and an incredible world.
I figured, when this started, 'that's really nice, taking that world concept and doing anything with it, Midnight is being nice to me.' No. No that is not the case here. This is Midnight taking a concept, making it his own, and powerfully executing it in a way that is blowing the roof off of my mind. DAMN. Now I am all like 'why the fuck didn't I do this myself, this is better than I imagined! Shit!'... well too late, sucker, because Middy's done gone and showed you how STEAK IS DONE!
I am jaw-droppingly impressed. The world, the clock, the teddy, the doing good going wrong, the inevitable ponification... you are surprising me at every turn, exciting me with every paragraph - this. Is. Good. Really good.
Oh, and if you were to take this all the way. Sweet Luna's Left Hoof... there's unhappy ponies yearning for better, the head of a screaming goddess in a box, and a whole, gouged-out planet of excitement to explore. I am on edge just to see what you do next. I should have take this scenario more seriously. Wow.
You have totally won me over.
This effin rocks.
Damned bureaucrat, no matter what kind of stories you're in, you still a dickhead
And I was kind of suspicious they stuffed somepony inside that teddy bear
Weird theme you got here, but it was an enjoyable read nevertheless.
But somewhere... Tia's head is still screaming
Have I said how much I like Dystopian fics? Because I do.
Unfortunately, as someone who has worked for big name companies in the past, this is probably a pretty accurate look at what the legal system would look like if it were fully privatized...
woo hoo! more!
Joss Hayes, Ace Atter- ow wait nevermind.
''As he trotted through the barred revolving door, Joss...''
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT.
Humans trot now?
533679 Actually yes, they do. It's a bit of a euphemism, but I'm using it deliberately. Technically, a walk is a two-legged trot - or it has been said as such. Don't quote me on that, but it's fun to think of it like that.
533841 Ah.
On another note: finished reading the chapter... Man it sucks to be him. Who to blame.... I KNOW! TEDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
533861 Teddy! You got some 'splainin ta doooo!
534047 Permanent Re-Assignment for all shop stewards? *Shakes fists into the air and yells* TEDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so a corperation rules the world, ponies are slaves, and the main character just got fired? i laughed then I was mad at myself...
531628
Oh dear. Sorry Chat, I've mentioned it a few times before (and was predictably ignored), and I'm sorry for putting this in a story comment, but you literally ooze misanthropy. Recently I've only been seeing pure hate for mankind emanating from your direction. And it hurts, because hate should have no place in this fandom.
Now, let's just take a step back. I admit to not following the TCB stories very closely, but I really haven't spotted any of these attacks you purport. On the contrary, I've seen you complaining about a story that dared to not protray their humans in a negative light. Huh?
Please don't see this as an insult. It's not. I enjoyed your earlier stories. But lately? Your stories and comments, they make me sad.
Notice how I neither deny nor approve anything you said about humanity? That's intentional. If you wish to discuss it, I'd be genuinely happy to have a chat, though!
(No, I am not one of those people who be hatin' on your TCB. Really!)
Sorry for off-topic. :(
Second post. Here we go. Why does nobody do anything? I understand that everything they ingest and everything they own is probably laced with drugs that could do who knows what in the blink of an eye and monitor everything that you do, also taking action, respectively, but why does nobody do anything? These humans think they're so much above the generated ponies, but in truth, they're all... Pigs to the slaughter, shall I put it? From what was gather beforehand, the ponies supposedly spoke another language entirely. The two who he met early in his day were speaking English, and were told to never speak to humans. What is this shit? Social control? And you higher ups dare convict them of treason? Hell, the ponies don't even know what they've been put through! What they are put through on a daily basis! Okay, I have to either slow down or cut this rant, because I've started to literally twitch with anger. Dear author, if you take the time to read my ill mannered attempts at contact, please to elaborate for me. I'm either very confused, or very right. If needed, send me contact info. Skype, Steam, make a Chatzy room, I don't care. I just want to be able to reach through this dimensional barrier and rip these evil souls a new one, give these poor abused souls a new start at redemption. Hell, with the way I'm putting this, I'm no better than they are. See what I was talking about on Ch1?
Ah, thus is life in a libertarian paradise. ¡Vote libertarian! ¡A vote for libertarian is a vote for free ponification, free lobotomy, and for males, a free gelding!
SWEAT CELESTIA!!! just imagine if ace attorney was like this. You lose the case and every thing gets flipped and you end up getting pacification i would say to the judge. Can i get hung in stead?