My Little Pony: Friendship is Absurd

by Lord Seth

Cutie Markless - Part 1

After a mostly unrelated adventure…

“I’m bored,” complained Gilda.

“Gilda,” said Sunset in a measured voice, “we very recently had a giant battle involving the fate of Equestria. How are you bored?”

“You were the one that got to do the actual fighting,” said Gilda. “All I did was record it. Which admittedly wasn’t boring, but I’m still frustrated there was never an opportunity to shoot the guy with a rocket launcher.”

“How many of those do you even have?”

“Enough to make you feel very uncomfortable,” said Gilda.

“Fine then!” snapped Sunset. “Just go on your own big adventure if you want one so much!”

“Maybe I will!” declared Gilda. “I mean, it feels like it’s been half a year since that Tirek incident.”

“I don’t think it’s even been a week,” said Sunset.

“Well, it sure feels like it’s been a long time,” said Gilda.

A ringing sound was suddenly heard. “That’s an obnoxious alarm clock,” said Gilda.

“It’s not an alarm clock; it’s this phone I got,” said Sunset. She pulled out a cell phone and opened it up. “Uh… is this Twilight?”

“Nope!” came Chrysalis’s voice.

Just great, thought Sunset to herself. “Wait, how did you even get this number? At least when that alternate Twilight called me, it was because she was the one who loaned me this phone.”

“Oh, I just looked it up in the phone book,” said Chrysalis.

“Phone books don’t exist in this universe,” said Sunset bluntly.

“What’s your point?” asked Chrysalis.

Life is pain, thought Sunset to herself. “The point is, how in Equestria did you manage to figure out a phone number using something that doesn’t exist? In fact, considering phones don’t exist either, how are you even calling?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised what someone can do with a squirrel, some rope, and a megaphone,” said Chrysalis.

Quickly realizing that this conversation direction was not going to lead anywhere productive, Sunset relented. “Fine. What is it you want?”

“You know how I mentioned I loved ukuleles?” asked Chrysalis.

“Yes?” said Sunset.

“Well, it has nothing to do with that. It’s about that Tree of Whatever.”

“I thought its name was the Tree of Irony… or was it Tree of Harmony? We never did figure that out.”

“Exactly!” said Chrysalis. “Which is why to avoid any confusion, I’ve officially renamed it the Tree of Whatever. So, anyway, it made some kind of map or whatever—to clarify, I mean the ‘or whatever’ in the more colloquial sense, because the name of the map wasn’t the ‘Map or Whatever’ as is the case for the tree—and also some thrones that have the cutie marks of you and your compatriots. I’m guessing it was supposed to go to you, so I’m shipping it over.”

“Why would it end up where you are if it was supposed to go to us?”

“The tree was probably a bit dyslexic,” said Chrysalis. “It’s my understanding that’s a common problem for them.”

“Fine,” said Sunset. “We’ll take the stuff and put it somewhere in the castle.”

“Sounds good!” said Chrysalis. “In the meantime! When we plugged the thing in, it made this big map thing appear and then the cutie marks of you and your acquaintances—except for Gilda, who doesn’t have one and I assume the floating talon represented—appeared over some other place in Equestria. The map must be saying that you lot should all go over there to do something. Or at least I figure that’s it, as I don’t speak map particularly fluently. That correspondence course was a waste of money. The only thing I learned from it was how to say ‘I would like to jump into the water with my pants on.’”

“And why should we go all over there?” asked Sunset.

“What, you don’t think a map connected to a tree knows what’s best?”

“No!” said Sunset. “And I don’t want to go on an adventure anyway! Why not send the Royal Guard to investigate it?”

“They’re less expendable,” said Chrysalis. “Besides, you guys have a track record for dealing with dangerous things and implausibly coming out victorious.”

“Okay then, how about Discord? He’s rather powerful.”

“I haven’t been able to get ahold of him,” said Chrysalis. “Think of it as a vacation! An unpaid vacation to the middle of nowhere where there might be some kind of sinister danger that could kill you. That’s how most of my vacations tend to end up. Anyway, I have more important things to do than talk to you, like call people and ask if their refrigerator is running.”

“And then tell them to go out and catch it?” deadpanned Sunset.

“Huh?” asked Chrysalis. “No, I’m just doing it because I know how annoying it is when food goes bad due to a broken refrigerator. It’s a public service! And that’s how I keep my approval rating so high!” She hung up.

Sunset sighed. “Well, guess we all have to go on another stupid adventure.”

“You could just say no,” said Gilda.

“Chrysalis would just force draft us into the military again to make us do it,” said Sunset, “and then dump us before we get any chance to take advantage of the health benefits. Might as well skip the frustration. Anyway, I want to get this castle sold off, and that’d be a lot easier if it stays tax free, which not going along with her request would be in danger of revoking.”

“Uh-huh,” said Gilda. “And what’s your pitch to the rest of us to go, given that seems to largely benefit you?”

“Equal ownership in the castle so you’d all benefit from a sale?”

“Sold!” said Gilda. “Though whatever happened to you declaring we should all forget about that alternate universe adventure you went in on? You were just talking about it.”

“I blame that, like many of the annoying things in my life, squarely on Chrysalis,” said Sunset.

And so the group took the train to the middle of nowhere. One might ask why there would be a train leading to the middle of nowhere. But this question was never asked by any of them, and thus there was no opportunity to answer that question, though it did allow for this paragraph to be longer than it really needed to be. The group exited the train when it reached the destination.

“Did you know that all integers from one through nine hundred ninety-nine don’t have the letter ‘a’ in them?” asked Trixie.

“Uh… no?” asked an uncertain Flim.

“Oh, good,” said Trixie. “You guys are always getting annoyed at me for saying things you already know when we arrive somewhere, so I figured I should say something you didn’t know!”

“Makes sense to me!” said Lightning Dust.

Sunset pulled out a map. “So according to the map, we should go… that way. Let’s just get this over with.”

“You were the one who wanted us all to go so desperately,” said Suri as the group started walking.

“Just because I was trying to get you guys to come doesn’t mean I was that particularly fond of it myself,” said Sunset.

“Did you know that E is the most commonly used letter of the alphabet?” asked Trixie.

“This is going to be a long walk,” muttered Suri to herself.

The walk, as it turns out, was actually fairly short. Soon after walking over a nearby bridge they came upon a town.

“I guess this town is where we’re supposed to do whatever it is we’re supposed to do?” asked Flam.

“I hope so,” said Sunset, “because I don’t want to have to search the wilderness for… whatever it is we’re supposed to find. It would sure be useful if that tree’s map had given us more of a hint as to what we’re supposed to do!”

And so the group entered the town. “Well, this place looks boring,” said Gilda. “A bunch of nearly identical houses lined up in a row? With the only exception being the one at the other end, which presumably belongs to the mayor or whoever?”

“Greetings!” said one of the ponies in the town who had an equals sign for a cutie mark as well as an awkward-looking smile. “Welcome to Our Town!”

“Do you happen to know of any kind of major calamities or problems that we could have possibly been sent here to address?” asked Sunset.

“Um… no?” said the pony nervously despite retaining the awkward-looking smile.

“Ugh!” said Sunset. “Look, do you have a leader or something? Maybe they could help.”

“Oh, that would be Starlight Glimmer,” said the pony. “She lives in the house over at the end of the town.”

“I was right!” declared Gilda.

The group then followed the pony to the aforementioned house, passing by various other ponies who had just left their houses to look at the group, all of them with awkward-looking smiles and equal sign cutie marks.

“This place suddenly got really creepy,” muttered Lightning Dust. “Right, Trixie?” Lightning Dust turned to look at Trixie, whose teeth were chattering as she constantly gave paranoid glances in every direction while sweating profusely. “Uh, Trixie?”

“It’s still day… we’re fine… we’re safe…” muttered Trixie nervously as she continued to glance in every direction in a paranoid manner.

“Trixie?” asked Lightning Dust.

“Don’t let them know you’re scared… that’s the ticket…” continued Trixie to herself.

“Uh, okay,” said Lightning Dust.

The pony knocked on the door. “Starlight, we have some new visitors.”

A heliotrope-coated unicorn came out. “Welcome! I am Starlight Glimmer! I’m so pleased to have you here! But who are you?”

“Sunset Shimmer, Suri Polomare, Trixie, Flim and Flam, Lightning Dust, and Gilda,” said Sunset as she pointed to all of them.

“Wait,” said Starlight, “Lightning Dust? Trixie? The authors of Mare Do Well?”

“Indeed!” said Lightning Dust. There was an awkward pause as she looked over at Trixie who was still glancing everywhere in fear. “Uh, Trixie? Is there an issue?”

Trixie pointed a hoof towards Starlight. “You’re not really just a town of zombies that only look like regular ponies during the day, but then at night your true selves are revealed and can turn any of us into similar zombies by touch?” she asked in an alarmed tone.

“Er… no?” said a confused Starlight Glimmer.

“But that’s exactly what a zombie would say!” said Trixie. “And believe me, I don’t want to go through that again!”

“Wait, when did you come across a town of zombies that only looked like regular ponies during the day?” asked Sunset.

“It’s a long story,” said Trixie.

“How long?”

Trixie did some quick calculations. “About 12 minutes, not counting restarts.”

“Never mind,” said Sunset.

Starlight appeared perplexed by this digression but quickly recovered. “How did you hear of our little village?”

“That’s a long story,” said Sunset. “It involves a mystical and possibly dyslexic tree. Believe me, you’ll feel dumber if you hear it.”

“Well,” said Starlight, “however you found us, we’re happy to have anypony who wants to experience true friendship for the first time.”

“What an odd-sounding thing to say,” said Gilda. “Especially with that emphasis.”

“Yeah, it’d be great to experience ‘true friendship,’ unless ‘true friendship’ is just a code word for being a zombie,” muttered Trixie under her breath.

Starlight either ignored or didn’t hear Trixie’s comment. “Around here, we don’t flaunt our special talents because we don’t have any special talents to flaunt.”

“Is that the reason for the lack of cutie marks?” asked Sunset. “Or did you just happen to find a bunch of ponies with that equal sign cutie mark?”

“Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I gave you a tour of the village!” said Starlight.

“Why would we need a tour?” asked Lightning Dust. “It’s so small we already saw the whole thing! What, do you have some kind of underground basement where chocolate is created to show us?”

“I… what?” asked a confused Starlight. “Look, I’ll just start the tour! Let’s go!”

Starlight marched out of the house and the rest followed. An offscreen orchestra started up and the various other ponies in the town began a march.

“Here we go again…” muttered Sunset to herself as Starlight and the rest of the awkwardly smiling ponies started to sing.

”Life is so grand in Our Town
We’re always filled with cheer
We never have to look around
To know that we’re all here!

In Our Town, in Our Town
We don't have to wait
To find out that our destiny
Is just to emulate!”

“Let’s see those big, happy…” Starlight trailed off as she noticed Sunset and the others were paying no attention to them. “What are you doing?” asked Starlight indignantly as the music abruptly ended.

“I got bored so I figured I’d have some fun with this,” said Sunset, pointing to her cell phone. “And the rest of them were curious about it, so they were looking at it. Just go on and finish your song. We’ll get back to you when you’re done with it.”

“Do you know how many rehearsals this took to get right?” demanded Starlight. “You should pay attention to it!”

“Can you just summarize whatever information you wanted to convey without the need for a lengthy song and dance number?” asked Gilda. “It wasn’t even that particularly catchy. I’ve heard better. You’re no ‘Winter Wrap-Up,’ that’s for sure.”

Starlight growled. “Fine! All our cutie marks are the same because we’re all equal and no one competes or is superior in everything, and thus there’s also no strife or or arguments. Everything is perfect!”

“Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” said Sunset. “Would’ve been much quicker.”

Starlight’s eye twitched. “Anyway,” she said in a strained voice, “what brought you here in the first place?”

“We got what seemed to be some kind of warning there was some kind of problem here, so we came over to see if we could stop it,” said Sunset. “But everything seems fine here. I mean, outside of the creepy smiles and the forced musical number and the questionable philosophy and the–”

“Have you considered perhaps that you might have been sent here so we could help you?” interrupted Starlight. “After all, no pony has ever come here and wanted to leave.”

“How would anypony come here anyway?” asked Lightning Dust. “You’re in the middle of nowhere! It’s not like anypony would stumble upon this place randomly.”

“Well–” started Starlight.

“By the way, what’s the name of this town anyway?” asked Flam.

“Oh, it’s just Our Town,” said Starlight.

“Yes, but what’s the name of your town?” asked Flam.

“I already told you. It’s Our Town.”

“But we already know it’s your town,” said Flim.

“No,” said Starlight, “of course it’s not your town. Our Town.”

“Yes, obviously it’s your town and not our town!”

“No, it’s Our Town, not your town.”

“Again, obviously, but you’re not answering the question! What is the name of this town?” asked a confused and frustrated Flim. “I’m so confused.”

“I think she’s saying the name of the town is ‘Our Town,’” said Suri.

“Yes!” said Starlight. “Finally somepony gets it.”

“Darn it, you ruined the gag, Suri,” said Trixie. “I was actually enjoying that.”

Starlight put on a clearly forced smile. “Well, whether you stay or not is entirely your choice. Please enjoy our little corner of Equestria. Double Diamond, please help our guests with whatever they might need.”

“Of course,” said another pony, presumably the Double Diamond mentioned in the previous paragraph but who shall disappear from the narrative entirely after the current paragraph concludes.

“Well,” said Starlight to herself as she walked off, “this will certainly provide a boost to our little community. Once Lightning Dust and Trixie have joined us, they’ll be sure to have Mare Do Well give up her cutie mark, so the rest of Equestria will finally understand what we’re trying to accomplish!”

---

“I’m just saying,” said Trixie as the group wandered around, “when it’s close to sunset, we should be on the outskirts of the village so that if they do turn out to be zombies, we can skedaddle right away.”

“Trixie, you have to get over this ridiculous zombie obsession,” said Gilda.

“Hey! It was a very traumatic experience!” said Trixie. “I saw things!”

“Trixie’s zombie paranoia aside,” said Suri, “does anypony have any idea where the big mysterious problem that we’re supposed to solve is? Because… what is that?!”

“What is what?” asked Flam.

Suri pointed to a building outside of which were very poorly made cloaks on racks.

“Welcome!” said a stallion in front of them. “Care to sample some local fashion? We’ve got cloaks this month!”

“Are you kidding?” asked Suri. “These things are a crime against fashion! The sewing pattern is completely off! And furthermore…”

“Eep!” said the stallion as Suri continued on her tirade. “Okay! I surrender!” He ran back into the building.

“I don’t know why you had to be so rude,” said Flim. “After all, these are just budget shirts, as can be seen on this price tag…” Flam paused as he read the price tag. “Wait, they cost that much?! What a rip-off! Even I haven’t overcharged this much on anything!”

“I think I might have, though,” said Flam. “I can’t remember. Were you with me during that whole rutabaga thing?”

“Look, none of this is getting us any closer to figuring out what it is we’re supposed to be doing here!” said Sunset. “I assume the Tree of Whatever wouldn’t have sent us here for nothing!”

“Maybe it was malfunctioning?” suggested Trixie.

“Maybe it was just pranking us?” said Lightning Dust.

“Maybe Chrysalis misinterpreted the whole thing, deliberately or accidentally, and sent us to the wrong place?” speculated Gilda.

Sunset sighed. “Great. So we might actually be spending all this time for nothing at all?”

“Well, there’s obviously something wrong here if they’re selling outfits at that kind of price,” said Suri. “At least make them look good, even if they’re actually really poorly made. That way you can sell low quality outfits for high prices. But nopony would fall for it if you go to this extreme!” Suri noticed the others were staring at her. “Not that, um, I’ve ever deliberately made low quality outfits that just happened to look good and sold them at inflated prices.”

“That sounds like exactly the kind of thing you’d do,” said Gilda.

“Well, I never!” said Suri in a put-upon voice. “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something so nasty. Next you’ll be saying that I price gouge.”

At this statement, the others rolled their eyes. However, Trixie’s eyes rolled back so hard that Gilda had to smack her on the back of the head to send them back into place. “Thanks for that,” she muttered.

“Is there any food?” asked Flim. “I am feeling hungry. I just hope the food is better than the clothes.”

One jump cut later…

“I think the food might be even worse than the clothes,” said Flam as he spat the muffin out. “Bleh.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” said Suri. “But it’s still pretty bad.”

“So!” said Sugar Belle, the pony that had prepared the muffins. “What did you think?”

“I think it was one of the most disgusting bits of food I’ve ever eaten in my life,” said Gilda.

“Now, that’s not fair, Gilda,” said Suri. “It’s still better than that time Trixie made cupcakes.”

“Hey!” said Trixie. “I take offense to that!”

“You’re saying those cupcakes were good?” asked Suri.

“Well, no,” said Trixie. “But I still take offense to that!”

“Well, I admit I’m not a very good baker,” said Sugar Belle. “But I’m confused. A moment ago it sounded like you were disagreeing, and now it sounds like you’re… agreeing.”

“Part of the settlement for that whole mess was for me to have to admit my cupcakes were terrible whenever it’s brought up,” said Trixie.

“I’m still having a hard time understanding,” said Sugar Belle. “Different talents lead to different opinions, which leads to bitterness and misery. So… why aren’t you bitter and…?”

“Hey!” said Sunset. “I’ll have you know my bitterness and misery has nothing at all to do with these guys having different opinions. It has to do with them being annoying! Although, now that I think of it, most of the bitterness and misery in my life as of late has come from guys other than these six…”

“Wait, so you are bitter and miserable?”

“I think ‘pessimistic and annoyed’ is a more apt description of Sunset,” said Flam.

“Okay, this whole thing is stupid now,” said Sunset. “We’ve seen really bad clothes and eaten really bad food. Is the issue with this town lack of competition that thus leads to a stagnant economy and subpar products? Because that could be fixed by bringing in some new businesses to provide an impetus to improve the products.”

Everyone stared at Sunset in confusion.

“Look, I’m just trying to brainstorm here!” she said in exasperation. “But, whatever. Maybe it’s related to the missing cutie marks.”

“Well,” said Sugar Belle nervously, “maybe you could come downstairs soon? And we could talk?” She left.

“I guess we might as well?” said Flim. “Maybe she’s got some super great item to sell.”

“Like edible food, perhaps,” said Gilda.

And so the group went into the basement to find Sugar Belle.

“So why did you want us to come down here?” asked Sunset.

“Is it to sell a diamond?” asked Suri. “Because I love diamonds. As long as I’m buying them at a cheap cost.”

“So you can sell them at an inflated cost,” said Lightning Dust.

“It’s the cost of doing business!”

“To answer the question,” said Sugar Belle, “it’s so nopony can see what is about to happen.”

Two other ponies with creepy smiles who shall be referred to as Party Favor and Night Glider for simplicity walked into the room and approached the group. The group looked fearfully at them until they remembered they had actual combat skills, but shortly before they used any of them, the other ponies suddenly perked up into cheerfulness.

“Are you really the authors of Mare Do Well?” asked Party Favor asked Lightning Dust.

“I love your cutie mark!” said Sugar Belle as she grabbed Trixie. “Erm, in a completely platonic way,” she hastily added after getting a perturbed look.

“How are you friends with different cutie marks?” asked Night Glider.

“Ooh, this one’s also good!” said Sugar Belle as she pointed to Sunset’s before pointing to Lightning Dust and adding, “And this one! I’d love to have my special talent back even for just a day. Make something besides these disgusting muffins…”

“Wait,” said Trixie, “so you called us into the basement so you could become fangirls over our cutie marks?”

“Pretty much,” said Sugar Belle.

“Then why did you say ‘so nopony can see what is about to happen’ in such a sinister-sounding way?”

“Hrm, I suppose it did sound rather odd in retrospect,” mused Sugar Belle.

“But, how are you friends with different cutie marks?” repeated Night Glider. “Doesn’t it cause you to end up hating each other?”

“I don’t think ‘friends’ is the proper–” started Sunset.

“Just go with it,” whispered Flim to Sunset.

“Uh, sure!” said Sunset as she switched tacks. “Friends is the right word! We are friendly friends! The friendliest friendly friends who were ever friendly, and we share the friendliest friendly friendship!”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” said Night Glider.

“Maybe you just didn’t understand it,” said Sunset.

“No, I’m pretty sure it didn’t answer my question.”

“Um… er… well, us being different individuals allowed our own individual talents to combine in order to defeat Tirek and save Equestria.”

“Oh, so you all worked together to do that publicity stunt?” asked Night Glider.

“Um… publicity stunt?” said Sunset.

“Yeah! That was actually really cool to watch! Great special effects!”

“Er… yeah, totally great special effects,” said Lightning Dust. “Let’s get back to–”

“Speaking of Mare Do Well!” said Sugar Belle. “Are Carapace and her ever going to get together?”

“Or will she be with Dr. Film?” asked Night Glider. “Because I always thought even before he became a sort of good guy, they had great chemistry.”

“No way!” said Party Favor. “Didn’t you see the crossover with Power Ponies? Dr. Film and Mane-iac are a way better couple. Mare Do Well should be with that male version of herself from that alternate universe!”

As the three continued arguing, Lightning Dust sighed heavily. “Great. They’re not only fangirls for cutie marks; they’re also shippers.”

“Wait a minute!” said Night Glider in the middle of the argument. “We don’t have to argue! They can tell us!” She turned to Lightning Dust and Trixie. “So! Who will she end up with in the end? It’s Carapace, right? Tell me it’s Carapace.”

“Uh,” said Lightning Dust, “well, we didn’t really plan to introduce any real romantic elements into the story outside of the occasional joke. That would unduly change its tone, plus I don’t think either of us are good at writing romance.”

“Awwwww,” the three said in disappointment.

“Okay, enough about Mare Do Well,” said Sunset. “I really do need to know, how does anypony remove somepony’s cutie mark to begin with?”

“Oh, that?” said Sugar Belle. “Starlight Glimmer uses the Staff of Sameness to take away your Cutie Mark and puts it on a cavern wall. Which we can visit in order to remind ourselves of the heartache of a life with special talents.”

“That makes absolutely no sense, but whatever, let’s just visit it,” said Sunset.

---

“I’m delighted to learn you’re interested in our cutie mark vault,” said Starlight as she led the group along. “We hope someday every pony in Equestria will make a pilgrimage here to our little village to have theirs removed too, and our message of perfectly equal friendship can finally spread across the land.”

“Well, it might work as a tourist spot, I guess,” said Suri after they had arrived.

“And here is the Staff of Sameness!” said Starlight as she showed them the staff. “It was one of the great mage Meadowbrook’s nine enchanted items. We are incredibly fortunate to have it here. This is–”

“Wait, I thought Meadowbrook only had eight enchanted items,” said Sunset. “And I don’t think any of them were a staff.”

“Well, you should have paid more attention in school,” said Starlight. “Anyway, as I was saying–”

“No, I’m also pretty sure there were only eight,” said Trixie, “and that none of them were the Staff of Sameness. Let me see if I can remember them. The first was the Rod of Trap Detection, right?”

“I thought that belonged to Starswirl,” said Sunset.

“Wasn’t that the Rod of Invincibility?”

“It doesn’t matter!” said Starlight. “As I was saying–”

“Was Meadowbrook the one with the Mystical Dictionary o’ Mysticalness?” asked Trixie.

“No, that was the Magical Dictionary o’ Magicalness,” said Sunset. “And I don’t think it was Meadowbrook.”

“Shut up!” screamed Starlight. “I was in the middle of explaining something!”

“Well, somepony’s grumpy today,” said Flam.

“You know what? Forget the explanation! Just tell me how the topic of the vault came up.”

“Oh, I just asked,” said Sunset. “I was trying to figure out the mechanics of how this worked. Also, there were a few ponies who seemed to miss their marks. But seriously, I don’t think Meadowbrook had a Staff of Sameness. That thing doesn’t even look like a staff, more like a wooden tuning fork.”

“More importantly!” said Flim. “Any chance it’s for sale?”

“No,” said Starlight, “it’s not. So, are you ready to lose your cutie marks?”

“Not particularly,” said Flam.

“Oh, I think I can change your minds,” said Starlight. “Or rather… we can change your minds.”

Everyone looked around. “Who is ‘we’?” asked Gilda.

“Ugh!” said Starlight. “Guys! We rehearsed this! Grab them!”

A number of ponies with weird smiles all came into cavern and surrounded the group.

“Aaah!” screamed Trixie. “I was right! You’re going to turn us into zombies!”

“No, I’m not!” snapped Starlight. “I’m going to show you how much better life is without cutie marks.” Starlight used the staff to quickly remove the cutie marks of Flim, Flam, Sunset, Suri, Trixie, and Lightning Dust one by one and transfer them onto the wall, leaving the six all slightly grayer and groaning.

“Ha!” said Gilda. “I have no cutie mark! You can’t take me out like that!”

Starlight whacked Gilda in the head with the staff instead.

“That works,” muttered Gilda before falling unconscious.

“I don’t blame you for what you tried to do here today,” said Starlight. “You’ve spent your whole lives thinking those marks are a good thing.”

“So if we didn’t like cutie marks, you wouldn’t have blamed us?” asked Suri. “What kind of sense does that make?”

“Shut up,” said Starlight. “Anyway, we’ll teach you just how much better life can be without your cutie marks!”

“You know, I just realized,” said Trixie, “if my life were a film, this would be a really great place to flash up a ‘To Be Continued…’ note, don’t you think?”

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Alternate universe story where Sunset Shimmer, Trixie, Flim & Flam, Suri, Lightning Dust, and Gilda are the main characters.

Does this mean that the mane six act as antagonists?

[Hopeful_Ink_Hoof]

I bet Gilda's faking just so she doesn't have to save the day.

[Razzy]

Laughed a lot reading this chapter. They're all still as delightfully sociopathic as ever.

7625415 Not exactly, at least it's not a rule. At least one does appear as an antagonist for a bit... Sort of. It's complicated.

[F14m3rz]

“Uh,” said Lightning Dust, “well, we didn’t really plan to introduce any real romantic elements into the story outside of the occasional joke. That would unduly change its tone, plus I don’t think either of us are good at writing romance.”

Oh hey, just like with Blea-
*SMASH!*
Darn it, I hit the Fan Berserk Button again.

[Luminous Rose]

“No, that was the Magical Dictionary o’ Magicalness ,” said Subset. “And I don’t think it was Meadowbrook.”

Subset? I think u mean SUNSET.

[Lord Seth]

8952471

Fixed.