Pegasus Feathers

by Vanilla Mocha

The Welcoming

Apple Bloom sat at her wooden school desk. Nervousness flowed through her like a sickening chill, as she knew that she would be facing detention in about five minutes with Irothrust. For two hours she would have to waste with the mysterious caped pony. The young earth pony slumped in her chair, her eyes watching the second hand on the teacher's clock slowly tick, as if time itself wanted to torture her. Apple Bloom looked over at Irothrust. The pony sat in her seat, head on her desk. Her bright hazel eyes didn't blink; she seemed to be focusing on whatever was going on outside the window. Her hood on the black, silky cape was down, and her ears were turned back behind her facing Apple Bloom. The earth pony turned to avoid looking at Irothrust. Turning to her left, she found comfort in her new friend Loviatar.

"Alright. Class dismissed! Err, Apple Bloom, Irothrust... remember. You're serving detention today." Ms. Cheerilee said, not wanting to draw too much attention to the ponies.

"Apple Bloom! Remember, my party is tomorrow, so don't miss it! It'll be at Sugarcube Corner!" Loviatar reminded her friend as she flew out the door.

"See ya there!" The yellow filly replied, waving her front hoof.

"Alright... let's see." Ms. Cheerilee mumbled as the rest of the students left the one-room school. "We need a cleaner playground... would you two mind? You know, I do have math papers if you'd rather do tha-"

"Yes! Let me clean. It's better than being in this stuffy room with her." Apple Bloom said, glancing at Irothrust with a disgusted look on her face.

"Apple Bloom, now, don't act like that! You're already in detention; you don't want to end up being suspended... do you?" Ms. Cheerilee rhetorically asked. Apple Bloom sank lower in her chair, her front legs folded over her chest.

"Irothrust, would you like to be outside cleaning the playground, or would you rather do math? I would choose, but, I feel that you two can be very mature.excelent Now prove it, and do whichever assignment you chose with maturity." Ms. Cheerilee said, walking back to her desk.

"I will also go outside... and clean." Irothrust said. Though her monotone voice was quiet, in the
small room it seemed to be louder than it really was. Apple Bloom had groaned at Irothrust's decision, but by the teacher's look on her face, she knew that it was better to keep her thoughts to herself.

After about an hour through, Irothrust sat down her equipment and slowly approached Apple Bloom. "Hello."

"What do you want?" The country pony asked, not bothering to make eye contact.

"I must... confirm... something. Loviatar invited you to a... 'party'?" Irothrust's husky voice asked with curiosity.

"Yeah. Why'd you wanna know?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Err... you see... well... I can't really tell anypony. I... uh... it's private business." Irothrust said, backing away from Bloom.

"You're a thief and a hypocrite! Seriously, girl! Don't be asking me my business if you will not tell me yours!"

"I wish I could tell you, really- but I could get hurt if I do."

"And you don't think ya hurt me when you stole me seeds and knocked me out?"

"I was not trying to! There was no other way to-"

"You could have asked me!"

"I could not... I am not allowed to." Irothrust's eyes began to tear up as she remembered what happened between her and another pony a long time ago.

"What do you mean? What sick home did you grow up in where they teach you horrible things like that!?"

"I didn't have a home!"

"So that's your excuse?"

"No. That's my reason. I must fend for myself; I can't tell anypony why I take things- it's a part of my... uh... family type thing that I am a part of. I shouldn't be telling you these things- I swore not to."

Apple Bloom chuckled sarcastically. "Nice story. But seriously, I don't believe you at all. Now, if you'd excuse me, I have to git back to work. We are serving detention after all."

"Just do not go to that party. It's bad news, Apple Bloom. I know you do not believe me, but I fear you may be hurt like I was a long time ago." Irothrust turned around, and walked away into the schoolyard.

---

The next day at noon...

Already at Loviatar's birthday party, ponies were hanging out and having fun. Sweetie Belle sat nervously in a corner as Loviatar, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon gossiped about Ryon and Scootaloo.

"So, like, my brother is totally in love with that disabled pegasus. Trust me, if he was here and not with his new friends Snaps and Snells or whatever their names are, they'd probably be sharing a milkshake or something." Loviatar rolled her eyes as she finished her statement.

"Why would he fall for her? I mean, I know they're both blank-flanks, but seriously, he needs higher standards." Diamond Tiara commented.

"A few days ago when I was talking to him during recess he told me about how he and Scootaloo worked here together. He told me this hilarious story about when he accidentally-"

"Silver, we don't care about what they do. We care about how they make us look." Diamond Tiara cut in.

"Oh... sorry. Uh, I'll go get some punch. Be right back." Silver Spoon lied. She walked towards Sweetie Belle and sat down.

"Hey. How's it goin'?" The earth pony asked.

"Nervous... scared. What about you?"

"Unwanted. Hey... I know I used to bully you and everything, and that you might not trust me, but... wanna be my friend?"

A knock was suddenly heard at the front doors of Sugarcube Corner. Mr. Cake trotted to open it, to see if they were on the party's guest list.

"Yes! There you are. Come right in, Apple Bloom."

Author's Note:

Like he was for Blu_Ray, Wonder was an excellent editor for me!

And yes, the action, suspicion, and total awesomeness begins next chapter!

Comments

[HapHazred]

I've finished reviewing the first eight chapters of Pegasus Feathers. For the moment I'm rejecting it, but it's a pretty close call.

My issue was mostly due to a lack of depth when explaining things, like what each character is feeling, doing, what the atmosphere is like, that sort of thing. I'm afraid that due to it being a bit of a vague problem, my review isn't all that clear, but I hope it may provide at least some reason.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, and if you ever go over the story again, and try to fix things somehow, please give me a shout, and I'll gladly give it a second look.

[Vanilla Mocha]

5640728 I'm sorry that I haven't been very clear in my story, but it is also a mystery-ish type genre as well, so I have kept some things secretive. It is all going to be explained, and currently I have done a lot of that. Thank you for reviewing my story.

[HapHazred]

5641447 I meant in the sense what each character is thinking... there's so little we see in the story about their environment, their reactions, their feelings, their thoughts... the trio of new ponies are introduced and we get a look at their appearance, but it took a whole load of deduction and several chapters later for me to get a decent impression of them, if that makes sense (and if it doesn't, that's probably my bad: I'm not the most eloquent of guys)

This may get fixed in later chapters (which would, in all fairness, make sense since it's a first story, and there's always improvement) but for the first few chapters especially there's a lot that's holding the story back, and that's why I made my decision.

If you do try to go back and fix it, please give me a call. I've not got anything against reviewing it again if changes have been made.

[Vanilla Mocha]

5641855 Thank you again.