Pegasus Feathers

by Vanilla Mocha

Cakes and Shakes

After their first day of school, the three fillies Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom trotted down the rocky, dirt road of Ponyville from the school building to Sugarcube Corner to have a snack.

"I can't believe that new gray-red pony." Apple Bloom said.

"What do you mean?" Sweetie asked, her high pitched voice cracking.

"She's all quiet, and just kind of looks around. Never really says a word. Except to Ms. Cheerilee, of course. But besides that, she says nothing." Apple Bloom thought it was odd.

"We were in school, Apple Bloom. We are supposed to be quiet." Sweetie Belle said.

"Yeah, but I was her partner today. Remember? We couldn't be a group of three. You two were partners for the algebra paper, and I was partnered up with her. She just sat there and creeped me out by staring into my soul." Apple Bloom hissed.

"She's probably just shy. I was shy at first." Sweetie Belle said.

"Maybe. What do you think, Scoots?" Apple Bloom asked her feathered friend.

"Wha- what?" Scootaloo asked.

"Stop daydreaming, Scootaloo." Apple Bloom said.

"Lookie-lookie! We're here!" Sweetie Belle yelled, jumping up and down.

The three fillies got in line behind Lyra, who was behind Bon Bon, who was behind Derpy, who was behind a white pegasus with light blonde hair. She was wearing the same purple outfit as the new filly at school earlier.

"Why, thank you ever so much!" She said turning around and frolicing out the door into the busy little tony of Ponyville.

Derpy didn't take long- just the usual was ordered for her. A six pack of Lemon Surprise Muffins. Bon Bon bought some candy, and Lyra got some cupcakes. Finally the Cutie Mark Crusaders got a turn.

"And what would you three little ponies like?" Mrs. Cake asked them.

"I'll take a Medium Strawberry Shake please." Apple Bloom said.

"I'll take a shake too, but can it be vanilla?" Sweetie asked.

"Why, sure dear! What would you like, Scootaloo?" Mrs. Cake asked.

Scootaloo wasn't paying attention. She was more focused on Mr. Cake; he was hanging a sign in the window. He had also put a smaller one on the counter. Help Wanted it read.

"Oh, sorry! I'll take a chocolate shake. But, about that help wanted..." Scootaloo began.

"It's just part time, for just the afternoons." Mrs. Cake said, opening the cash register.

Scootaloo tilted her head, and squinted her eyes. The three fillies got their shakes and sat down. Maybe I should get a job. Maybe I'll get my cutie mark. she thought, drinking her shake.

Author's Note:

Second chapter! Comment below what you think will happen next.

Comments

[Vanilla Mocha]

I think Derpy will come back and buy more muffins. LOL

[FoolRegnant]

the three fillies Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom

The three fillies is redundant, we know the CMCs are all female.

"I can't believe that new gray-red pony." Apple Bloom said.

Still not a Southern accent. Now let's get into the meat of the problem. Apple Bloom's irrational hatred for 'Anime Battle Cry' is entirely OOC. Apple Bloom was unafraid of Zecora and wanted to canonically meet her. She has nothing against a pony who acts shy and silent, especially when she knows Fluttershy. Apple Bloom would want to make friends with 'Anime Battle Cry', not just start hating her.

busy little tony

I presume this should be 'busy little town'.

Scootaloo tilted her head, and squinted her eyes. The three fillies got their shakes and sat down. Maybe I should get a job. Maybe I'll get my cutie mark. she thought, drinking her shake.

Scoots would never think like this. She would possibly think, hey let's all be Cutie Mark Crusader Baker Assistants. She would not think 'Hey, this is something I would do on my own. Maybe I can get my cutie mark without my two best friends.' Now, setting this up as foreshadowing and then giving her a good reason to take the job several chapters later, sure, that's all good. At this point, it's just too rushed to feel natural.

On to the next chapter!

[Blu_Ray]

5214203 (I do apologize for the typo. You're right about it saying town.) And with Scootaloo's job decision, it's true that the CMC are getting older, and they are starting to think of themselves now. It doesn't mean that it'll happen, but I think that at least one member of the CMC need to have some kind of personal hobby, or in this case, job.

[GrandMaster Soul]

I don't really have much to say about this chapter other than slow it down. It's really short and sort of rushes through things.

Derpy didn't take long- just the usual was ordered for her. A six pack of Lemon Surprise Muffins. Bon Bon bought some candy, and Lyra got some cupcakes.

That is unnecessary exposition. Unless of course what those mares bought to eat becomes relevant to the story later on down the line.