“And that one’s Equuleus. It means ‘the foal.’” Twilight pointed out a dim grouping of five stars. Rainbow shifted next to her, her wing tickling Twilight’s belly. The two were curled up together on the shore of the Highland Reservoir.
“It doesn’t look like a foal to me,” Dash murmured into her neck.
“You didn’t even look,” Twilight accused, grinning as she did.
“The last five didn’t look like anything either.” Dash’s breath tickled her.
“Well, then maybe we should head on back to Ponyville,” Twilight suggested. “It’s getting late, Rainbow, and I’m getting a little cold anyway.”
Dash’s mane slid along her neck as she lifted her head, raising goose bumps that had nothing to do with the temperature. “The lake needs a few more minutes to melt. I’m supposed to stay to make sure everything goes smoothly.”
That unique lightning scent filled her nose as Rainbow settled back into place. Twilight smiled as Dash’s mane tickled the bottom of her chin. Something soft and warm slid over her flank. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Rainbow’s feathers fan and then settle into place around her.
A minute or more passed in silence.
“Twilight,” Dash said, “thanks for staying out here with me. You didn’t have to.”
Twilight rolled in place and slid her head back to make eye contact, smiling. “There isn’t any place I’d rather be.” On sudden impulse she pressed in close, her lips meeting Rainbow’s.
Dash’s lips were firm and a little slick. Tentatively, she extended her tongue, brushing it against the inside of Rainbow’s mouth. It was a little shocking when Dash’s own rushed to meet hers, sliding over and under it. She tried to qualify the sensation, but the pegasus in her embrace demanded too much attention.
Their lips parted after a moment. She could still taste Dash, tangy and slightly sweet, with a little hint of–
“Are you...” Dash interrupted her thoughts. “You’re taking notes, aren’t you!”
“Sorry, Rainbow.” She blushed and grinned. She would have looked away, but at some point Rainbow had seized her head.
“Then pay close attention.” Dash flashed one of her signature smirks before thrusting forward and locking her own lips to Twilight’s.
The End
Oh god D:
What will you think now? D: D:
/I both love and hate this part
Its the ending I expected! I also imagine that Twilight will drop her notes rather quickly here.
Great story kits!
Taking notes?! Dayumn, Twi's still trying to learn new things.... That sounds wrong. Anyway, Great story man!
Great story, with a nice wrap up. I liked how dash acted in this one a put the pieces together without anyone's help, its a refreshing change from the norm.
So I just took this entire story in over the course of a single day. All I have to say is excellent work, my friend
Yea that was really well written. I really enjoyed the ending as well, good job!
And, cue the 1812 Overture.
Yay! This story was awesome. You should be proud of yourself for making everybody (including me) happy (and probably squee a bit too).
This was a really well written story! I'm really glad you continued it after the big reveal- some fics I've read pretty much stop short. It was nice to see the two together afterwards.
Woah, very nicely done, Dash!
Perfect. Simply perfect.
I'm almost sad to see the story end, but I suppose there shall be others.
Still, this story is one of my favorites, and will remain so still I stop reading fanfiction [Like that will ever happen...]
This. Was. AWESOME. Really endearing but a bit cloppy at the end, but still fking great
Oh my!
This is relevant to my interests
But I sad now
In a good, smiley face flat hair pinkie way
Who am I kidding.
WHY DID IT HAVE TO EEEND?!
Very Very Very good story please do write more i'll be sure to keep and eye out for new stories
Woot! for Dash. That's how you don't overreact to someone messing up. Way to go, Dash. This story was adorable. Glad I got to read it. Thanks for writing it, and send a thanks to Cloudy for who recommended this story.
Aaaand NOW I'm sure this is one of my top five. Heck, for convincing me that TwiDash is best ship, I'm keeping this story as my favorite pure Romance MLP story I have ever read. Congrats!
Oh, and Twilight? Dash? Get a room, you two!
I think... I want more. MORE
Hm, i can see why you love and hate this chapter. I think this should have been the one where you mix Twilight´s and Rainbow´s POV from the previous chapters where we had mostly seen them one by one. And describe it a bit more, for example it´s really good that Twi is the one who goes first for the kiss (!!!) but then it´s feels like we miss out how RD first reacts to that sudden kiss, how her thoughts stop, her heart increases beatings, her blood boils, her cheeks heats up, her wings feel a jolt through every feather, how she first taste Twi, her marefriends tongue, and then dives in for more, getting more dominant, craving for whatever Twi taste like (which we also didn´t got any description, it´s just RD taste), breaking off the kiss, being for one second in pony heaven (or something similar), then seeing Twi taking notes of the kiss and calling her out. Jump to Twi POV, jump to RD POV, jump to TWi POV and so on.
This fic had never been about one girl who gets together with another of the Mane 6 like most fics, it had always been about two mares who slowly and suddenly at the same time discovers their feelings for eachother over a misunderstanding, a date and a realization and lots and lots of thoughts and interaction between them and their friends.
Your last chapter thus feels one-sided and unfinished cause it kinda leaves out one of the POVs we grew accustomed to and loved it as much as the other one (really good that you didn´t make one of them suck and the other awesome. It was kinda boths faults, Twi for not realizing that RD didn´t got it was an experiement and RD for not listening and believing it was real. The whole follow-up after that point was one heck of an emotional rollercaster ride. I loved every second of it.).
If i continue with the rollercaster as example, then maybe the ending does feel a bit *flat* (not bad, heavens no, just not up and down and left and right as the rest of the story aka the rollercaster). It was rather straight-forward with no surprises nor real suspense. Maybe the ending can never be anything but a slow drive outta an awesome ride of the greatest rollercaster of love, but maybe, just maybe, it would have been more interesting if we had seen and read both POVs to this kiss, this sitting besides each other at night with the stars as their only witness and their thoughts about themselves, their relationship and maybe the future as what might come now that they´re together/love each other (nice that you included that with the princess, very very very sad that you left out Twilight Sparkle parents and Brother/his wife. I´m sure Twilight would write them/tell them as fast as she did with the princess, so i was a bit disappointed not to see that mentioned at all.....)~
I still love the ending you have chosed. But if you love/hate it at the same time then that means something inside knows that this chapter is missing something, something you might have forgotten, something you had hold important till now but not included it for whatever reason and left out, something that´s just a feeling that this could be more and that you haven´t give it 120% of awesomness as RD would say.
If you wanna give it a try at home and rewrite it (with RD POV included, Twi parents/bro letter/mention added, something else, etc) then you could do so and talk over it with your editors. If you got somehow a hate, nah too strong of a word, a bad feeling of this chapter then they probably too have similar feelings. Maybe you guys can make this ending even cooler and more emotionaler to be more content with how it ended and give us readers an even better chapter to finish the fic with.
Hope i wasn´t ranting or didn´t made any sense here.
Every time I looked away you updated. You're mad! Mad I say!
Though it was a very enjoyable read
Hah! I'm so glad that the whole expected betrayal just... didn't exist. It feels more true to the nature of the characters, and the obvious () attraction between them.
Loved it! "You're taking notes, aren't you!?"
Twilight taking notes... Ya don't say!
I like the whole story. You managed to firmly hold my attention throughout. I also like how you made Twilight not care about the kiss, and only do it because she wanted to. At least, that's what I thought Twilight was doing.
Great fic! Now that it's done I can send it to my friends!
I'M SO SAD THAT IT'S OVER!
Also, you handled the reveal perfectly, absolutely no questions asked or allowed. In hindsight, it's rather obvious that Dash would see it this way. Just brilliant, really.
Anyway, I'm completely beside myself that it's over. Perhaps because of how quickly it began and ended? Never let it be said that speedy updates are a bad thing, but I may need to reread the story to get the full effect of it. The pacing of the story itself is perfection, and yet it's almost as if I feel I rushed myself in reading it, and that maybe I should try again and take my time. /sage!nod/
Whenever you get around to writing something else, I'll be there. Watching you.
Always.
Watching.
/ominous laughter/
~SatoshiKyu
p.s., I think this is the first time I've ever seen a lengthily chaptered fic like this one be completed while it was still being featured. I'd look into it, if I were you; you may well have set a record.
I really hope that you do more TwiDash Fics. That is my favorite Pair
gyazo.com/eee4e8402d6d8cf6396d16d8afa06670.png?1335451661
I WISH I COULD THUMB THIS UP ONE HUNDRED TIMES.
In all honesty though, this was a phenomenal fic. Never stop writing Kits!
Best day ever!
Claps claps claps claps.
*applause**cheering* yay!
Having updates done at a quick pace is a nice change of, well, pace from some stories which can dragon on due to a lack of updates. I should know best: I'm that kind of author (when I work up enough steam to write, that is!).
In any event, congratulations on writing such a wonderful tale! You know that I already adore this story, but I'm going to reiterate my adulation: I adore this story! Of course, there's nothing wrong with ending with just a hint of sauce. But the last chapter---the final one, not the epilogue---really got me when Celestia received Twilight's letter. That truly brought the story full circle, I think. It hinted at the promise of the relationship while maintaining the melancholic tone. So, in some ways, it isn't simply a "and the all lived happily ever after" conclusion. It feels more satisfying.
I look forward to seeing your future work!
I dated a chick who had to take notes on everything like this before.
Back before I was a bitter old man.
An absolutely beautiful ending to an absolutely phenomenal story!
Well done my good sir!
cdn.overclock.net/5/50/5082f7ea_Slow-Clap.gif
An even better epilogue. Very tastefully done. RD won't do halfways.
Wow i have to say that nicely done and i better endding than the first one :
499220 I believe this sums up what you and I shall do in the future...
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ah, i do always love and hate the end of a particularly good story. it truly was a treat to read this, one i was actually needing to help my spirits a bit. for that, sincerely,
Thank You.
now perhaps you could switch to another pairing of the mane 6? i've recently seen some Flutterpie images, and i must say the idea intrigues me. Ah! you could make it a continuation of this story! that way we could get some more twidash as well.
of course these are just suggestions, to indulge or ignore at your discretion. At any rate, i can't wait to see what else you come up with.
until next time, my friend.
haha great endingdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png
Such a great story you have here - particularly like how you made the kiss, the whole raison d'etre for Twilight dating Dash - an afterthought once Twilight and RD had realised there was more to it than a mere 'experiment'.
Fully enjoyed this tale. Bravo on writing something so awesome mademoiselle.
That little bit of logic about why Rainbow wasn't mad made so much sense
Also a love you for this ending and cry a thousand tears because it the end. Hope you continue to write more awesome things
I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I loved it alot, found myself reading the end of the last chapter going "Where's the kiss!! " then read this and was
Overall I think you did an excellent job, although I was surprised at how you played out Rainbow's reaction towards Twilight leaving, I kinda expected and wanted more drama. But none the less, I thought it was amazing! Great job!
498728 Good choice. WITH CANNONS!
499007
I can agree with this. The Epilogue felt largely "rushed" with less of an emotional impact, id est we didn't see any insight to their kiss besides them enjoying it Though, I suppose it's to be expected with an Epilogue: we're only given a hint as to how successful their relationship was. I'd say it served its purpose, definitely. With my preference stepping in, I certainly would have enjoyed seeing a more personal connection between the two.
That being said, I'd have to say this is the best romance fiction I've ever read So well-structured and descriptive.
There was a bit of repetition with certain words, but nothing that was "srsly-you-can't-think-of-any-other-word-to-use???"
Like I said with my previous comment, you maintained the characterization perfectly, gave the story a very organized approach (what with the exposition, rising action, et cetera [not many people actually use that layout anymore ]), and it was a very easy-to-read without sacrificing imagery. If I were your professor, I'd give you an "A" Definitely going to look into any other pieces you release!
Tell your editors I said "Good job" as well Not many people realize how important editors are to the flow of the story
Aww what a sweet ending
At the same time I'm sad that it had to end, looking forward to any other stories you plan on writing.
Were all sad this ended, but these stories are episode quality, and just what we need while we wait for season 3. Great job, take this:
I can't favorite and like this enough. Marvelous story, and fantastic writing and delivery! I think anypony would be hard pressed to find a better twilight-rainbow story, or any other story of this kind. Thanks a billion, kits!
Great ending though you seemed a bit rushed maybe you could have dash walk twi home say goodbye then twi coulda went to her study and check off number 25 but other than that this is one of the best fics i have read recently
ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh
BEST STORY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
i Thought it was really really good, funny, and kinda tragic towards the end but still awesome glad it ended happily
Yes, just.
YES.
I love this and oh my god moar.
Yes, i dont believe a fluttershy "yay" could ever do this justice. Ive spent the past two nights slowly reading this... and, well now I dont know what to do next?! Yes, I know theyre are more twidash ships out there, but I doubt any I will read in the future will stand as great as this! Thanks for this fantastic story and all of the joy it brought to everypony. But i must now weap because its OVER FOREVER