I'm out. Dust is destroying himself and I don't want to be around to see it.

i don't know why, but i like it... more plz

If I was to say one thing . . .
. . . it's GET A BETTER COVER!

The story is great, characters great, and the art on the front is actually pretty good. But it takes it a little bit down because it's pen and paper. Makes it seem a little bit amateurish. You know what I mean?

5017543
To be fair, I only had about a half hour to do it. And maybe it's just me, but I do tend to like B&W drawings. I think it stands out moreso than the hordes of stolen, borrowed, cropped, and mangled artwork people use (never mind the inevitably bad ponycreator OC selfies). I dunno. Feel free to suggest something, I guess.

Could have been a bit more trauma around it.

Then again you did fast forward the 2 weeks in which he probably had to deal with stuff and have an identity crisis hinted by the dream..

5017636
Ha! See, after the last chapter I was actually considering PMing you and asking your opinion about whether it was all getting too dark or not. I have plans to take this story a bit darker before it turns upwards. I wasn't sure if I should actually go for it, but you know, I think I just might.
And in response, you're sorta right, but there's also some fairly major split-personality stuff going on with him at this point. I didn't want to point it out too explicitly, but yeah, he's pretty damn messed up.

5017633
Well, I realize now that I'm running out of plot real estate here, as I've probably only got another two or three chapters of story left. But I'm considering adding a few interstitial chapters of nothing but plotless clop encounters, so feel free. I never know what might be the next thing I write, after all.

5017573
Fair, fair. It's a good drawing, and it's not the B&W that's the problem, it's the materials. Like it's not as professional as it could be.
And time is not an issue. You could post half of the story and then post cover art to go with it. There's a one-shot that didn't get cover-art until a reader decided to draw one for it a couple of months later.

I'm thinking of two options here:
1) Find an artist online (probably a pony artist, at least someone who takes commissions), go to them, and say something along the lines of, "Hey there, I'm writing this story, and I have this drawing, but it's only on pen & paper. Could I commission you to draw it digitally for me, B&W? Thanks!" The style of the original might change based on the artist, but hey, that's why you're choosing.
OR
2) Do it yourself! If you have—or are willing to get—the technology, do it. Every artist uses something different. If you don't have anything, ask around, especially if art is something you'd be interested going into.

5017713
A person dealing with trauma through a personality split, driving him into paranoia and an ultimate showdown between the two that could happen in an abstract landscape? The vision of everyone's battle against their own inner demons, their hopes and dreams versus the reality that tries to extinguish them?

In MY clopfic? Dude, take all the moneyz, just keep on doing what you're doing

5018695
I back the idea of some kind of "solution" for High Society. I feel like there's a need for some kind of resolution for that event, for the reader's sake.

EDIT: 2ND ONE CLOP-WISE YES YES ALL MY YES

This is pretty hot m8

5018695
While I would have to split the timeline into three parts (Nintendo much?) to use all of these suggestions, they're all pretty damn good. You doubled a few ideas I had that I wasn't sure if I could fit or not, and I actually laughed out loud at a couple.

And for the record, they would be added back in between previous chapters.

I think I can see the future. One of the teachers is gonna find the card, aren't they? Oh, embarrassment all around! Not sure, just guessing.
Impressive work, meine Kolleginnen und Autor, very impressive.

5021578
Vielen dank! As good as that idea is, it would play havok with one of my main points in the finale, so I'll have to Joss that guess right off the bat. I love it when my readers try to guess, though. Ahhh, audience engagement...
/feelsgoodman.jpg

5021664
Hey, do you have an editor or proofreader?

5021719
I do not. I write in Word, do a spot check and pick up about 90% of what I mess up as I write. I usually wait at least two or three days before I post, because I always end up rewriting sentences and such the next day. Granted, this story is being written MUCH faster than anything I'm used to doing.
I only use GDocs for the uploader feature so I can get it on here. Usually one or two more sweeps through before I publish, but that's the long and short of it.

5021793
It was just something that came to mind, reading comments over. I know a lot of writers strongly recommend that even if you are amazing and spelling and grammar or whatever, that you bring along a editor/proofreader to read over, make edits, and if you have someone like 5020543, make plot suggestions on where the story could go. It doesn't seem like it's too helpful for you when the comments are made halfway through the story, instead of during the beginning brainstorming when it could have been more beneficial.

5021916
I have worked in the past with editors and prewriters, sometimes to the point of having three different people reading over each chapter. For this instance, and (if I'm being honest) to preserve my identity, I decided to see what I could do on my own.

5021939
Sneaky author removed the trigger warning. Very naughty

EDIT: Oh, correction, just moved. Welp, at least it's there. I'd still recommend posting something in the story description, as people tend to be bitchy about not being forewarned and yada yada yada.

5022019
I was bad, this is true. It's my compromise between warning and spoilers. Hate those infernal things. :\

5022059
Yeah, I know that feel, same thing with tags really. Sometimes you wanna be misleading for that witty punchline. Still, people are whiney

I'm hoping that Dust doesn't lose himself. I hope there's a happy ending as well (to the story, heh - obviously there was just two happy endings). ;) Also, just from the reading that I've done regarding how stories are created, those that seem to just "happen" because the characters take over and tell it themselves - those are the good ones. And this is a good one.

Okay, Here is one thing I just need to get out.
I like this story, I think its great and your writing style is amazing.
But I cannot help but think about how this story just couldnt happen in my head. Why do I say that? Because I have observed that often, people´s headcanons of Equestria seems to very much mirror their Country´s.
And In my country, College is Free, So is University, and Personal Prostitution is Legal...
Soo...
The story would kinda not have begun, and even if it would, The horrid scene would in theory have quickly evolved into a "GUARDS SAVE ME!" And so on...

Damn why do I feel like such a stick in the mud?

Anyhows, Massive Applause, and reading on!

What, here? Now? In the—what a minute, what are you even doing in the engineering building to begin with?

Tiny slip-up.

Also, is there a reason why you almost always use a double space when starting a new sentence? (Wich is even more curious since some sentences only start with 1 space...)