"Hi girls~" Pinkie greeted as we continued up the hill, where the rest of the mane six were preparing a picnic as I saw. When I saw Twilight, even though she doesn't like it, I bowed down (or at least tried to.)
"Hey Pinkie! Who's the new filly?" Rainbow asked. Pinkie told them how she found me and Twilight responded first.
"Are you sure she's safe to befriend? Her story sounds suspicious." Twilight told the rest as I looked around. From on top of the hill, the scenery was beautiful. The grass was green and soft, sprinkled with colorful flowers. Well I saw Pinkie and her friends talking, I started to help them lay down the red and white checkered mat for their picnic.
Suddenly, Applejack approached me cautiously, before asking," Where are you from?" I told her I could not remember, getting a suspicious look from Twilight. Then the farmer asked, "Do you remember any of your friends? Or your parents?" I shook my head.
"I guess all I can remember is my name." I told her. Twilight, I could tell was really getting suspicious of me. I guess AJ was too, as she kept asking me questions about my background. Rarity started trying to stop Applejack, saying that enough was enough and that I had nothing to hide. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie nodded their heads in agreement, and Fluttershy managed to smile at me, making me that little bit more comfortable.
"You can't judge a book by it's cover, Twilight. Let her join in and will let it snowball itself from there." I heard the shy pegasus tell the friendship princess. Twilight nodded understandingly (is that a word?) and told AJ to stop and that they should just continue the picnic as planned.
"Oh... umm... I ...did not... bring extra for... Amy." Fluttershy stuttered. Applejack said that she did not bring an extra either.
"Just use a food duplication spell." Twilight said as her horn glowed and an exact same sandwich appeared. She did it with a few more of the food and wanted to lay out the mat when she realized I had already did it. We ate cheerfully after that, even though I felt Twilight's eyes on me the whole time.
After the food, we packed up and Twilight recommended reading at her library while Pinkie wanted to play the New Super Mare-rio (Mario? Mareio? Get it? ) Sisters on the Wii (help me think of a pony styled version of Wii). Rarity and Fluttershy sided Twilight well I sided Pinkie. Applejack joined me. I never knew AJ would be interested with games like Mario- or in this case- Mareio.
"Rainbow, it's all on you now." Rarity reminded RD. She was in dilemma; should she go with Twilight to read the new Daring Do book? Or Pinkie to play her game? In the end, she trotted next to Rarity. So we went to the library, where Spike was.
Twilight explained the presence of me while the rest grabbed a book and started reading. Interested, I took the first Daring Do book and started reading. It was like reading at school, the words were not to hard either. I was so obsessed with the book I did not realize that the rest were placing their books back onto the shelves half an hour later.
"Amy! Put your book back! We're going to the fields to play tag!" Pinkie called out. I got up from the couch and placed the book where I found it, before walking to where the rest were.
"Spike, you coming?" Applejack asked, Spike shook his head and said he has to clean the library. AJ nodded her head and we went straight out the door.
"Pinkie, how am I going to play tag when I can't even trot properly?" I asked the bouncing pink mare. She told me I had to 'feel it' as an instinct and winked at me. I blinked, confused.
We reached the field where Rainbow tapped me on the shoulder, "Tag! Your it!" She laughed and ran away. I tried to tag someone but they already ran away. I thought about something, my horse back riding training when I was back home. If I could ride a trotting and running horse, why can't I be one? Without much thought, I started trotting and slowly moved on to running and galloping.
"Feel the rhythm in you, Amy!" I heard Pinkie yell. I started to get use to using four legs, and of course started chasing them.
"Tag! Your it!" I tapped the unsuspecting Fluttershy, before galloping away.
After forty five minutes of tag, Rainbow Dash, panting and exhausted, suggested, " Let's play a few rounds of hide and seek!" We went to town square, where Pinkie raised a hoof and said she would be the seeker.
"20...19...18..." She counted as we ran away, looking for a hiding place. Not familiar with the surroundings, I trotted along the streets, hoping to find a hiding place. "Ready or not, here I come!" I heard Pinkie's voice echo in my ear. I galloped at full speed, finding myself at... the Ponyville school? It would have to do, I thought and hid behind the building.
"FOUND YOU!" Pinkie laughed.
"How'd you find me so quickly?" I asked, shocked.
"I saw your pink and lavender tail as I opened my eyes!" She explained. I face hooved. We made our way to fine the other ponies, which we eventually did, and since I was the first to be found, I was the seeker.
"20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ready or not, here I come!" I yelled as I made my way to look for the others.
"Wow, they are good hiders." I told myself, I haven't found a single one yet. Suddenly, I saw a streak of rainbow in the sky. Rainbow Dash! I followed the streak and it led me to... the apple family farm? I heard soft giggles near the barn and galloped there. I opened the large barn door with a hoof and noticed the mane six. "Found all of you!" I laughed.
"What took you so long? We're making dinner! A barbecue! Yummy!" Pinkie's voiced chorus. I looked over her shoulder and indeed, Twilight was setting up a barbecue. I realized the time, we've been playing all day I never realized how late it was, or how hungry I am. I looked at the table, filled with hay, grass... all foods that a pony would like and... gems? I turned around and saw Spike lighting up the grill, before placing a sapphire there.
I walked to him and asked, "You can grill those?" as my eyes looked over at the gem.
"Yep!" He replied. I got a small hooveful of wheat and placed it on the grill.
"Mmm... crispy!" I heard Pinkie say as she crunched on a cooked bacon. Wait. BACON?
"Pinkie! Your a pony! How are you eating bacon?!" I asked her.
"Ponies eat meat as well you know." She replied, before taking another bite. I glanced back at the table, and sure enough, there were also ham, bacon, hot dogs...
Pinkie suddenly announced, " Hey! Since nopony knows Amy yet, why not throw her a 'Welcome To Ponyville' party?!"
"Yeah!" The rest agreed. I laughed and said, "Thanks Pinkie, but that won't be..."
"HOW CAN A PARTY NOT BE NECESSARY?!!" She yelled. I giggled and just played along with it.
After dinner, we said our good byes and parted, with me returning with Pinkie to sugarcube corner. The cakes were already asleep, and we headed upstairs. I entered the guest room and said a quick goodnight to Pinkie, before going to sleep.
At Twilight's~~
"Dear Celestia (She made her call her only by the first name ever since Twilight became a princess),
Today I learnt that I should not judge a book by it's cover, as Pinkie brought a new filly to join us today. She says that the new filly, Amy, had hit her head and had lost her memory, she only remembered her name, and was found by Pinkie late at night, unconscious near the street. She could not even remember how to walk! I did find this suspicious, but after a day with her, it is clear she is now one of us, as a friend.
Princess Twilight Sparkle."
New Chapter! but its not done. no worry 'Shy, im working on it.
YOU BETTER!
I'm not scared of Fluttershy... I'm not scared...
Finish it!
I will! Just not now!
Also, recommendation: don't publish a chapter until it's done and an editor has looked over it.
Lesson time with Europa!
Ending Quotation Marks.
1. When you end quotation, and then you say how it was said (Stuff like 'she said', 'grumbled' or 'he barked out'.) then you use a comma and lowercase the next word after the quotations. Like so.
2. When you end quotation, and then you just go on, then you use a period and uppercase the next word after the quotations. Like so.
3. Things like '?' '!' or '...' override the comma/period rule, and the names of people/places override the uppercase/lowercase rule. Like so.
4955361 ok. Tks!
Compared to your first story, this is light years ahead in terms of quality. While still no where near as perfect, it's still a decent start. Now, your biggest problems are pacing, and telling not showing. While yes, sometimes it's better to tell and not show, but most times, like when your character meets the mane six, we want to know what happened, instead of summarizing it in a sentence (I'm looking at you Shyamalan). We need to see how the character is feeling. Also, your next biggest problems would be pacing, and clichés. For pacing, you need to flesh out these scenes a lot more, and get us used to and invested in the enviornment, as well as the characters. No ones going to be interested in a scene that's only a couple of sentences long. Now for the clichés, we've all seen this before, where a character turns into a human, meets the mane six, and befriends them with ease (also, see pacing). While it's in Pinkies character to do this, the rest shouldn't be that easy to befriend, especially Applejack and Twilight (and to an extent, Fluttershy), which puts you dangerously close to Mary Sue territory. You do avert this by making it hard for your Author Avatar to fly, which I commend you on.
I can help edit this for you and make suggestions if you'd like. Be warned though, I started college a week ago (freshmen), so it won't be a response right away, and not during the weekends (I work).
That was a long chapter...
I lied. I didn't upvote the story.
4958444 lol i dont know if that s a good thing