Strange New Pony, Welcome to Equestria
“P-p...Please... Don't do this...”
A young man in a dark hoodie was against the Wondercolt statue of Canterlot High, the moon shining above just an hour after the sun set. His royal blue hair in disarray and some of it over his face as red covered his right eye.
His leg was locked to the side, unmoving as his hand gripped it, shaking. He looked to the three men around him, one with a bat. This red haired man grinned wide. “Can't have you winning another track record for Canterlot High... Time someone else took the field of glory. Sorry there, Shadow Step, but this is where your legacy ends, and my own begins. You'll be in the hospital for weeks recovering, and even then you won't be up to snuff in a month to stop me from my rightful place.”
Shadow Step, the bleeding young man with a dull dark gray skin, could only groan in pain as his leg refused to move. He had been caught in a jog around the school, training for the track tournament that Friday. Little did he realize that his competition would see fit to use his alone time and practice session to strike and cheat to win. That bat had fractured his leg, but only bad enough to not walk for the next week or two.
Shadow Step looked at his rival, a snarl of pain leaving his lips. “You're cheating to win. That just proves how horrible at running you really are, Jagged Barrel. No honor, no training. Just weak tampering with the results.”
The young runner knew his vision was losing it's edge, due to the blunt force trauma his head took when he got thrown against the statue. His rival snarled and kicked his leg, making Shadow scream in agony. “I'm a better runner than you will ever be! But unlike you, I am willing to do what it takes to win! You're just some showoff who thinks he is better because he has been running all his life like the coward he is! The only reason you are so fast is because you can't stand people stronger than you around you!”
It was all he could do to not make his situation worse, as he kept his leg straight, keeping that stable fracture from twisting. The pain in his leg and the blood from his head increasing to the point he felt faint. Before he passed out, he could hear his rival speak up once more. “And when I take the trophy? Everyone will see how pathetic you are. Weak and small... See ya round, Shamefully Slow.”
Shadow heaved a heavy sigh as the trio finally went their way and let him be. The last of his energy collapsing onto itself and his eyes shut. With a final consciousness, he felt lighter than he ever had before. A swirling energy making his body tingle. He could see a rainbow of colors, just like the hair of his crush who inspired him to take track. With the blurring sight of his arm shrinking shorter, but growing thicker, his mind shut down.
XxX The Crystal Empire XxX
With a startled expression, a white coated stallion with a shield on his flank was erupted from bed by the magical pulse from his wonderful wife. The unicorn with blue mane, Shining Armor himself, looked in surprise as his wife, Princess Cadence, had her magic running full strength in her sleep. “Only one reason that magic would be going, we're being infiltrated!”
It was perfectly logical. Ever since the incident revolving a one Sunset Shimmer a good many moons ago, Cadence had cast a shielding spell with his magic as a catalyst, one that would instantly connect her to any intrusions to the mirror room, be it from the mirror itself, or from anypony dumb enough to try and go to the other world. He didn't hesitate in his next actions, as he cast his strongest shield over his love and ran for the mirror room itself, calling for some of his guard to get to the door and be ready for his word.
As Shining finally came across the door to the mirror, he put his horn to the magical barrier around it, the one locking the room with Cadence's magic. The magic dispelled and he pushed himself in, letting the magic lock him in with whoever was there.
The room itself was dark, not an ounce of light. “Either this Unicorn is smart, or it's an Earth Pony or Pegasus. Either way, guess I need to be the one lighting the room.” He gave a quick jolt to his horn and lightly lit the area with a quick flash. Trained in the Royal Guard, as it's highest captain, he had the ability to take in his entire surroundings in an instant. As the room went dark once more, he hesitated.
He couldn't have seen what he seen, could he? He lit the area with a small light from his horn, heading to the mirror itself. He looked in shock as he seen his first sight was no lie. He lit his horn and got a better look at the one before him.
Shining could make out a broken back leg, and a bleeding head, but otherwise the pony before him was no doubt an Earth pony. With a pitch black coat and a dark blue mane, he was unmoving. With little hesitation he shot a bream of magic inside the room, a beacon to tell Cadence the room was clear of hostile threats.
He turned to the Guards who were rushing in now, the ones who were quick enough to get there from their stations when he had sounded the alarm. “This pony needs medical attention, NOW! Get Redheart on this now! This leg looks bad!”
The Guards saluted and started pulling the young stallion on the floor to the medical wing. As they did he exited the room. Shining felt his protection bubble around Cadence become empty of it's occupant, and before him flashed his love, teleporting to him.
The Princess of Love huffed, feeling tired from just only waking up. The guards around her bowed before her as she came up to Shining. “Report. What did you find, Shining?”
Shining Armor looked to the Earth Pony now being hoisted on a Guards back to be taken, Cadence seeing this too. As the two looked to each other, he spoke softly. “No clue. The place was empty of anypony but him. Whoever attacked him must have been swift in getting him in there. Either that, or he had escaped to this world from the other. Can't you tell from our spell together if the Mirror was used?”
Cadence nodded and they both went into the room. With a quick spell, she hummed in puzzlement. “Strange... He is the only one this room sensed. Meaning he came through the portal. But I feel it wasn't him who came through on his own... It's like the Portal brought him here on it's own.”
That got her husband's attention. “Wait, you mean the Portal brought him here? The mirror has a will of it's own? Can it just pull Ponies into it?”
Cadence shook her head and turned to her love. “No, Luna told me how this mirror works. It's not sentient... But it is magic. Whoever this stallion is, he was brought here by chance. How is his condition?”
Shining looked back through the door. With a sigh he looked down. “He had a nasty head injury, looked like he lost a fair bit of blood. His leg looks to be the worst of it, but nothing a quick mending spell can't take care of with a night's rest.”
Cadence nodded and stepped beside him. “We'll have to wait 'till he wakes. Let him tell his side of the story... Though we might need to be careful. Remember how Twilight told us of the beings in the other world?”
With a nod he understood perfectly. “Yeah. We need to deal with this situation carefully. Keep any contact to a minimum. Maybe I should keep Redheart in to explain the diagnosis, and I'll be there waiting to get some answers.”
Cadence smiled and nuzzled her love before shaking her head, sighing. “You have no clue how sexy it is when you take charge. But this needs to be delicate. Fluttershy levels of it. One false move, one push too hard, and he might lock up.”
That first comment had Shining blushing a bit. But because of his guard still around, he had to snap out of it. Shining nodded and smiled to his wife. “Then I guess you'll be the one getting some answers. I'll be waiting out the door though.”
It would have been horrible of her to not notice the glint in her husbands eye's, a clear teasing look she loved oh so much. The Princess of Love nodded and giggled a bit. “Then let's get some rest, Shiny. If that bump was as bad as you say, we have a fair amount of time till he wakes up. And I am just about ready to collapse. I was still sleeping when you put that spell up around me.”
Armor wrapped a hoof around his wife and nodded, letting her use him as a crutch to let her easily move back to the bedroom. As he left he turned to his guard. “All Ponies back to stations. The excitement is over, thank you for your quick response. Tell Redheart to inform us upon our waking hours of the patient's condition.”
With a salute, the Guard stormed off with the message to the troops. Cadence had a feeling this was going to be a very exciting few days... But she didn't mind one bit, a little excitement is something they all needed. “Auntie Tia told me take the chaos in brief harmless periods to keep things exciting. Her own rule has her bored enough to play visitor to everywhere she can reach.”
XxX Morning XxX
Shadow Step groaned as he woke up. He felt like his head was going to split open again, but otherwise he didn't feel too bad. “What in the crud happened?” He turned over, but something felt off to him. Like his body wasn't positioned correctly, when he felt it was... sort of.
He opened his eyes, a bright light blinding him for a few seconds before clearing up. It took a moment to notice it was the sun coursing it's way through the window, but what really made him think twice was that no real lights were above him. Just stark white stone and crystal, the sun just lighting the area up brightly.
With a sigh he pulled his arm in front of his face to cover him from the light. He froze, and his eyes snapped open as Shadow Step seen he had no arm, no fingers... he had a foreleg of a pony and a HOOF! His fear sticking into him as he threw his new appendage out and tried to kick away. “WHAT IN THE WORLD!”
“Whoa there! Calm yourself, sir, everything's ok!” Shadow step turned to see a pony in in white, a white coat around it and a nurse cap on it's head. The voice was clearly female, though. Not only that, he seen her side near her tail had a cross and something on it that made him wonder what kind of tattoo she would agree to have put on her like that.
The nurse came up to him. “Sir, do you remember how you came to be here? What is your name?”
Shadow just looked around. Everything seemed in place, except the fact he was in a high class hospital, nothing at all like the Canterlot High Clinic. “Wh-Where am I?”
The nurse smiled. “At least you can talk. I am Nurse Redheart. Welcome to the Crystal Empire.”
The young runner groaned as he held his head with his hoof, which felt rather strange considering it was a HOOF! He looked around him again. “Crystal Empire? Where is that?... Wait, wait! Did you.. just.. TALK!?!?”
Nurse Redheart blinked but nodded. Before she could speak up, another voice cut through from the door. “Yes, we did. I suppose I should explain some things... Nurse, you may leave now.” The young white mare nodded and started off.
Shadow Step could hardly make out the other voice, the one behind it was behind the curtain surrounding the bed a bit. Didn't take long, as a pink mare came up, her wings shuffling and her horn glowing, the glow also around the curtain to open it a fair bit.
To say Shadow was stunned, was to understate things. First, a pony... now, a pony with a horn AND wings? Where did he end up! The taller mare smiled at him a bit. “My name is Princess Cadence. It is an honor to meet you. I suppose we should start with your name?”
He could hardly believe this. Ponies, talking ponies. And not only that, he himself BECAME one? If it weren't for his leg being broken, he'd have ran off... Wait, why didn't his leg hurt? He looked to what used to be his broken leg, only to find his whole body was pony indeed... and that his leg was fixed.
The Princess was patient, but not one for silence. “This is pretty new to you, not surprising actually. If you are worried about your back leg, don't fret. We have mended the bones, and they have been healed. As has your head injury, though I suspect without proper knowledge on how long you were bleeding, we cannot fathom if there was any brain damage.”
Even though he felt fine, he did have a stinging headache. He looked to the Princess, and seen her staring at him stoically. “I.. Don't know. Last thing I remember was... bright lights. I saw a rainbow of color, then passed out.”
Cadence nodded. “That was you going through the Portal. I suppose you want to know what I am talking about?”
Shadow nodded a bit, still trying to gather his thoughts. Cadence walked a little closer. “You see, there is a.. magic... linking your world, and this world. This magic is from a Mirror, or what it is for us. Every thirty moons, the portal opens, allowing passage between worlds. Kind of like a doorway, but one that lets you go through dimensions, rather than rooms.”
This was getting really weird... But then again, he had to admit, Magic was at least somewhat understandable. That incident with Sunset Shimmer a year ago had taken a toll on everyone. He looked up at Cadence. “I'm.. a pony?”
Cadence blinked at that. She kind of expected him to go crazy for magic... “Well, to put it bluntly, yes. You... don't seem to mind the magic bit here?”
Shadow nickered a bit, but he caught his mouth and looked at his hoof. With a sigh he looked down. “This girl back in my world. Well, I guess two. One was there for awhile. Her name was Sunset Shimmer. One day another girl decided to challenge her for being the Fall Formal Princess. The night of the dance, this strange.. thing happened. She and these two guys with her suddenly changed, and they could do weird magic.”
Cadence had forgotten about that. Twilight had told her of the time spent there. Guess magic was no secret to them now. “And this other filly?”
The young racer looked confused a bit before just going with it. Different world, different talking species, different word play. “I guess. She and five of her friends stopped the mind control magic thing Shimmer did. She was from another world too, Princess there as well I think I heard. She left a good while ago.”
That got the Princess of Love to notice who he was meaning. “Twilight Sparkle. She is a Pony. Shimmer took her crown, and had taken it to your world, where Twilight had chased to get it back. She returned in time before the portal closed again. But the bigger question remains. Who are you?”
The now stallion had his thoughts in order. He was in the world of that other girl with magic, the one who went back. He was a Pony, and he was healed. This was a bit much to take in, and he had to ask himself... Why did they heal him? Why was he even here? How could he have even used the portal if he wasn't even conscious?
That final thought gripped his heart, and his face registered fear. He looked to the princess who was patiently waiting on his answer. “You took me from my world didn't you? You brought me here! I couldn't have used that portal, I was knocked out! Why bring me here!”
That took Cadence back a bit, the sudden outburst had not been expected. Well, it had, but not like this. She expected fear instantly, not this harsh behavior so late. “And here I thought I explained everything correctly.” “I didn't bring you here, the portal opened on it's own, and you fell in. I don't know how or why, unless someone else threw you here.”
“LIES!” He kicked back and fell out of bed, groaning as his body hit the crystal flooring. He looked cared as Cadence came around to the other side, and Redheart came in the door with a white colored pony with a horn and blue mane. It was Shining armor, and he had his horn lit. With fear, remembering magic like that on the head of Shimmer from that dance, he felt the need to RUN!
What happened next shocked him. Huge marks on the floor came to life, a random pattern it seemed, but then went into a set straight shot to the door, a weird lining all around the marks pathway. In his soul, in his heart, his body was YELLING to run, and he just jumped up, pushing on all four hooves and jumping between Redheart and Cadence, slamming his hooves on the markings on the floor.
In the split second it took for him to start running, he felt right at home in his body. His muscles obeyed him, even when in a pony body. He just made a mad sprint, following the marks on the floor, hoof to hoof, mark to mark, and raced out of the room.
What he didn't realize, however, was his speed. Shining had his magic sleeve along Shadow's tail, ready to pull, but the young Stallion had shifted between the two mares by him and out the door in a rush that made even the Wonderbolts look slow. Shining could only gawk for a second at the speed of an Earth pony who was not a pony in the first place.
He shook from his thoughts and ran for it, Cadence and Redheart giving chase as well. Sadly, even turning into a long hallway with only one way to go and one turn at the end, they could only look in shock and awe that Shadow managed to turn that turn the second they came around the corner.
Shining was impressed now, but also a little fearful. “If that is something those other beings can do, then this is a disaster WAITING to happen!” The trio, and the guards that couldn't magically stop, or get close to catching with speed, that stallion, were hot in pursuit. The palace was high off the ground, and where the runner seemed to be heading was nowhere near the stairwell down.
As the group got to the next guard, he was just standing by the window in shock. Shining and Cadence looked out the window to see the dark colored stallion race outside the very border of the city. The guard stammered as his eyes were wide pinpricks. “H-he stumbled out. Slid along the side of the castle... Th-the pony is unbelievable! J-just slid down, a-and hit the g-ground without stopping! Didn't m-miss a beat and ran off!”
Shining turned to his guards. “All Pegasi, get to the skies and fly fast! Don't let that pony get awa-”
“Belay that!”
Shining looked to his wife and she was calm. She just spoke softly. “He's of no threat to us, we shouldn't hunt him down like a criminal, Shining.”
Shining knew this game. He wanted to protect, Cadence wanted the bits to fall in place themselves. He loved her carefree attitude, but this was a whole new threat. “He has some kind of magic, he ran off with a speed even half our Pegasi can't do without flying clear skies! That's unnatural!”
Cadence turned to her husband. “And he hasn't harmed any of us! He could have tackled us and hit us in that room, or slapped a guard on his way out, maybe take somepony as hostage! He just ran, he's SCARED Shiny!”
That was the first volley. They had an agreement. Three attempts each, to persuade. Shining knew his wife was stubborn, but if the one who wanted action proclaimed a good enough point, no matter how bad the other two, then they would get to make the call. He thought this one was too easy. “All the more reason to catch him! Who knows what can happen! He's going out into the wild out there, who knows what kind of trouble he will run into!”
Yeah, that was too easy, so it didn't work. The Princess glared at her husband. “All that's out that way is snow and mountains. True, that direction may lead him to Foal Mountain, but that's two days! We need the Wonderbolts, not our guards, to find him. We need to put in a request, not go half-hooved into the blue.”
Shining winced at that. She had a point, the best option was calling in the best fliers to search. He didn't give up though. He had one more round of ammo. “Did you SEE how fast he was? He might make a two day trip in ten hours! Who knows how long till he reaches Canterlot! He might make it before we send out a team, and get in trouble!”
The Princess was ready for that one. Shining could only groan as he seen the glint in his wife's eyes. “He's HURT! He isn't recovered yet, how in all of Equestria can somepony who suffered a severe head injury travel that far in their condition, no matter how fast? He will have to stop at some point, and not anywhere near Ponyville or Canterlot! We need to call the Wonderbolts!”
That came to an end quick. With a huff and a stern nod he accepted that. He had to admit, he was just freaking out over an intruder from the other side. He wasn't thinking that clearly. Still, Shining knew two things. That pony was bucking FAST, and he still wasn't from here. That made him a danger if somehow this mind blowing speed was going to prove the worst for Equestria. “On it, love. But make sure the Guard is ready. We might need to send him back tonight.”
The Princess conceded and nodded. “Of course. Now go, Shiny, get that rescue team set up, and tell Celestia the news. She will want to hear about this.” With order set, Shining ran off to get the letter written out and sent. Cadence could only look out into the distance. “I have a feeling he won't be leaving tonight.”
XxX Sunset, Sweet Apple Acres XxX
Applejack was just finishing her rounds. She tended to keep an eye on everything. Ever since Big Mac had given in to her wanting him to work less, she needed to make sure he couldn't say she did a bad job just to get back into it. He kept getting hurt, and that was mostly from the Everfree.
The forest itself was a good ten minutes trot to and fro, but even with Fluttershy having a keen eye on it where she lived, sometimes things like Timberwolves attacked. She was not about to let her big brother take one more hit and have his body take a triple digit number of attacks.
As she went after the last patrol and set up the timber stones, thanks to Twilight of course, she sighed and looked out to the field. “Not ah single one fer months, Bro. Guess we got lucky. Still, why do ah have this tingle in the back of mah neck?”
She would always get this feeling when something was coming through the farm. It's how she knew Rainbow Dash would be sleeping, or when Zecora came to visit, and not to mention any dangerous happenings around town.
As Applejack was halfway through the Orchard to get to the house, she seen a shadow come up along the hills of the farm. She narrowed her eyes on it, but couldn't make out too much from this distance. Seeing as the figure stopped, she started slowly coming closer.
Shadow Step was exhausted. He had ran through the cold, easily enough coming through and seeing a mountain with a castle in the distance. Though, with huge dragons in the mountains he was heading for, he had to take a detour. Unable to find a way up the mountain with the castle, he had found it harder knowing his body was growing tired.
Dragons on his tail had kept him on the run for at least a few hours, and he had finally gotten away. Though what was worse, was he had hid in the forest a good ways away. The forest was dark, and had many creatures in it. As he went deeper, he got lost and found deadly wolves and deadlier insects, the strangest things. For all day, he had ran for his survival. He managed to get out of the forest, but somehow managed to find the one place that seemed the most peaceful out of everywhere. An Apple Farm.
Sure, he had reservations about being anywhere, thinking anypony was on his tail giving chase from that city made of crystals. As his body started to exhaust every ounce of his strength, and the marks on the ground he had been following slowing down to a trot, he had known safety for the first time since his mad dash from the palace of the pink princess. He found the marks stop dead, and he himself stopped when no more were ahead of him.
He had to thank whatever stars gave him passage. Even through the forest, it led him through safely. Whatever the marks were, they were there for him. His way of being the fastest he needed to be. Before he could rest, however, he seen the lantern light coming over the hill beside him.
Applejack came up to see a dark coat and blue mane, a Stallion with what looked like a winged hoof speeding by for a cutie mark. That made her check his back, but what confused her more was he was just a simple Earth pony. “What in tarnation are ya doin' on mah farm? It's almost time for shut-eye and these tree's haven't been harvested yet. Who in the hay are ya, and what in Equestria brought you here?”
As the farmpony got closer, she seen him a little better now. She gasped, the lantern hitting the ground with a soft thud, thankfully padded on the bottom, and seen his rugged dirty coat, the bruised leg, and the bandages on his head. “Sugarcube, are ya a'right? Did'ja get attacked by some timber's comin' out of the forest?”
Shadow could only breath in ragged breathes. His mind still stinging horribly, his body finally feeling the fatigue of the day long sprint, Adrenaline cutting short and turning his body into a cold lump of flesh barely standing on it's own.
He didn't even know what to say to the silhouetted pony, who he thought looked awfully familiar. He didn't even know what to do. Then a mark beside him appeared, one of a pony body, as if he slumped to the ground. “Oh... Right.... Sleep...” With that, he let his mind and body just rest. With a small sigh his body slumped to the ground, hitting the mark perfectly as he fell into a faint. He could barely hear the galloping hooves beside him, and the calling of his condition by the farmpony before, before his world went completely silent and dark.
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This has my interest.
Yah this fic dose have my intrist to
[url=youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oH1rOL5hB9s]]heh
But seriously this story seems..... average nothing that hooks me in or seems different from other HiE stories.
Google reverse image search works like a charm.
Cover art is by Ninja-8004, here.
4941481
THANKS! Now i can properly give them the credit for such an amazing picture 
. OH and i hope you enjoy the story. 
I was hoping the mc was Peyton manning
Intrigued...I'll favorite for now, for tracking purposes. I'm hopeful for this one.
The writing is a bit odd, as are the character's decisions. Not bad, just not what I'm used to.
Also, I'm calling BS in running from the Crystal Empire to Ponyville before sunset. Any map of Equestria can tell you that much.
Oh hey. This looks kind of interesting, an earth pony HiE from the EqG verse with no really inherent strengths and not used to his new pony body—
...welp, this was fun while it lasted.
Being a state qualifier as a freshman, I hope not to have a bias opinion of this story. But it is pretty good, sorta rough around the edges but interesting. And was the guy sprint or distance?
Keep it up
4941277 It's pretty meh
4942073 i looked one up, and trust me i know normally that is impossible, and i even have cadence and shining expressing such. but the question isn't did i not understand the distance.... the question is... why did i have him run such so fast?
4942302 The guy is track, period. Racing is part of who he is. you'll understand him a bit better next chapter.
I remember using this OC name near a year ago when I started Fimfic.
4942830 He's clearly Sanic.
Is he Sonic or something? Cause going from the C.E. to Ponyville in one day is pretty damn fast.
4943569
4943555
Sonic never came to mind when i did this. How he is so fast and why will come later. just know that the fact he went so far so fast is a part of this story.
4943914 My mistake, he's Shadow.
But seriously, good start, this story goes to my favorite list.
Really? Jagged Barrel's solution to Shadow Step's running is to beat the crap out of him, by himself (rather than with hired goons) on school property? Why that's a BRILLIANT plan! Surely he won't get expelled and barred from repeating once Shadow Step reports him to authorities! Naaa, that'd never happen!
How exactly did Jagged Barrel plan for this to be successful with Shadow Step still alive and well and able to report everything that happened?
The ONLY reason Jagged might get away with this is due to the fact that Shadow disappeared. However given he's got a bloody bat and everyone knew he had a grudge, what's to stop them from investigating Jagged causing Shadow to become a missing person?
Honestly as far as openers go, that's pretty bad and is very hard to believe.
Shining Armor immediately thinks it's an enemy infiltration rather than someone simply coming through the mirror? Isn't that jumping the gun a bit?
Shadow Step, being brand new to a pony body, is able to out-run most pegasi and supposedly the wonderbolts? I find that hard to believe.
Also hard to believe: Being able to run from the Crystal Empire to Sweet Apple Acres without stopping? That's a biiiig stretch. Especially considering that Ponyville is south of Canterlot, and the Crystal empire is in the far north. Did he just run completely around Canterhorn mountain?
Interesting idea using the Canterlot High portal to bring someone over to Equestria, but I find it all a bit hard to believe
4945025 I'll admit.... Not my greatest opening. Didn't think THAT far through.... in fact, originally, i had it for 3 days before the race. might've been better. and in case you didn't think this one out like i didn't, jagged is a jock who thinks he is superior. He's no sunset shimmer. he wouldn't have thought this all through.
in case you dont know the phoenix wright series, it's kind of easy to make evidence either disappear if you've got the time and will to do so. cracks in testimonies and such will gladly generate the truth, but you get my point here, he'd have hidden the bat given the amount of time.
Shining jumping the gun? the first time the mirrior became a portal for someone, shimmer took the element of magic and nearly took control of the human world, like he would ever really consider friendly negotiations during nighttime uses. besides, with a hurt pony, he quickly changed his tune.... least till shadow ran off with such speed.
OK, most Pegasi, normal ones, or armored ones, aren't exactly the fastest out there. i mean we have blatant examples of varied speed. from NORMAL pegasi, not just flutters and bulk. His speed is key to the story, so just wait till i introduce explinations on that. However, i do not see, or remember, supposing his speed on the ground surpassing the wonderbolts. I had cadence wanting the wonderbolts to catch him. thats it.
do you watch a lot of people playing lots of horror games, or play them yourself? cause game mechanics dont work here. there is no five second sprint... Shadow was scared, after what happened with shimmer, seeing magic starting up, as if aimed at him, he took off. i dont give a crud what you think, he ain't staying there. He'd be running, as fast as he could. and then, if you didnt read this part, having a dragon chase you, you'd not be stopping either... then consider the everfree... yeah, he'd not stop till he was absolutely safe. i have no idea what canterhorn mountain is... that's the mountain which canterlot is on?
Here's the route. Straight south to the mountains east of canterlot, dragon chases him south of canterlot westbound to the forest, he goes southwest to hide but is chased by deadly creatures, then comes up north to apple acres. there, happy?
OC romance?
So far so good looking forwards to more
An OC with super speed. A lot is hinging on your explanation of his power. It will determine if hes a good character with an awesome ability or another Marry Sue for the pile.
Ok I'm not in the habit of down voting, there seems to be honest effort here and I want to see you improve. That said I got bored and couldn't read anymore. My biggest problem is the magical running. I guess it makes sense that he'd be special, idolizing Dash and all but it was at this point my interest died. I kind of thought his injury would have some more lasting effect, a slow painful rehabilitation, or something more than Magiced away. Some minor nic pics, that led to the loss of interest was the interactions between charecters. Stereotypical bad guy's motives were bland, Shinings response was a bit overly dramatic, the suspense is kind of bla if we alredy know what the reveal is. Cadence... well I didn't see too much wrong, just her dialog with Shining was a bit of an Info dump.
Maybe I'll try finish the chapter later, I do hope you'll do better.
4946351 he's a mary sue.
4948064
I've seen self insert alicorns with chaos magic that were actually interesting so I know it can be done. Granted theres only like 1 for every 10^10^128 but they are out there so lets give the story a few more chapters.
4948151 all i ever ask my audience, here or on FF.net, is to give my story a few chapters, if i make it that long, thank you for at least giving me a chance. I'll try not to dissapoint.
4943914
How can sonic not come to mind? blue maine (ok admittedly less blue than sonic) and super fast. and sonic didn't come to mind?
4948576 oh, believe me, when everyone started saying something of sonic, i was confused, looked into it... and trust me, yeah i see it now. but what i meant was, sonic didn't come to mind when i made him.
4948583
ok!
4948064
He's bridging dangerously close as of this chapter.
Well, this isn't exactly terrible, but a lot of the setup is ridiculously contrived. He just so happens to get beat up in front of the statue (yeah, because that makes sense and isn't at all unbelievable), and then since the story needs him to be in Ponyville he, out of freaking nowhere, runs off and makes it there in no time at all. Ignoring how he could get there that quickly, why did he run off? There's no explanation given as to why he would do that. He just does. It's like you realized that having him believe in a sensible manner would mean he'd stay and get looked at in the Crystal Empire, so the story suddenly gave him an idiot ball to correct the mistake. Completely ignoring how the Mane 6 would obviously be called in to help considering, you know, every last one of them knows of the portal and Twilight had even been to the other side. In other words they could have helped.
The idea is interesting, but the actions of the characters are breaking my SoD. Honestly one of the only good things I can say so far is that the writing isn't that bad and the characters we've seen so far seem pretty in-character. Good job with that.
4949187 i'll admit, i may have jumped the gun on ponyville. but the facts remain. even if they are sublte. the guy gets pulled through a portal, can you blame him for thinking this weird world might have pulled him in against his will?
As for being beaten up in front of the statue, as i said with another comment. Jagged is an idiot jock, all he knows is that he wants to win, regardless of the consequences. like he'd even THINK about the portal. heck, who keeps track, after a year, of the portal opening if they are not some sort of leader? Luna and Celestia would, and i am pretty sure the Mane Six, or at least their human versions, would keep an eye on the time. most, especially idiots, not just jocks but snips and snials to boot, wouldn't even give the portal a second thought on opening. besides, weirder stuff has happened, in real life to boot.
4949233
At the how long you can do a chapter?
4949438 how long till next chapter? Varies, really. I have several stories on my plate, and with moving around and all sorts of junk, it may take me a fair bit, but i can guarantee another chapter within the month. at least one, hopefully two.
I gotta admit, this boy can run. I'd probably die from extreme exhaustion, or be layed out for the next few days.
But it makes no sense. He fell through the portal because he was pretty much leaning all of his weight against it when it opened. Also, even if I did think it made sense to freak out, that chance went out the window after he seemed shocked, but not ridiculously so, about his situation. Considering what he knows and how he got there, he was actually acting realistic at first. It was only when he suddenly went crazy from out of nowhere that the conflict ball came into play.
I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about how stupid it is for him to think he could attack someone like that completely unprovoked, in a place with a bunch of witnesses, with the person he attacks being someone he was competing against. You could have easily had the guy trip and fall into the portal, or have him injured any other accidental way without needed a convenient plot device.
Wouldn't think twice about an actual magic portal to an entirely different world with many sapient species? You expect anyone to buy the idea that the portal wouldn't have pretty much constant surveillance? Also, weirder stuff has happened? What? It's pretty clear that before this stuff happened the world of EqG was a mundane one like our world. How in the world would anything weirder have happened?
Honestly, I'm just hoping the back story doesn't really become important and just served to get him into Equestria, because at least that way it won't negatively affect the story. Because aside from the plot devices used to get the plot started everything else (especially characterization) seems to be fine.
4949807 to our point of view, him getting there is quite clear. your right.... but would someone who was just attacked, with head trauma, think about that upon the first waking hours of said trauma knocking him out?
if someone hit me upside the head with a bat, and i found myself in equestria, and i really didn't know what the other side had to begin with, just that there was another side, id freak out too 
. Besides, his backstory is a bit complex, to the point im not even done with it yet. I like to get the idea, build up a frame, and let the story flesh itself out. so if you are willing to put up with me a bit, maybe you'll enjoy it a bit more. 
As for surveilence goes, i agree the portal itself would be kind of under watch, but i doubt under too constant of a watch. Remember, the pony side basically has the thing under lock and key, and im pretty sure a constant guard is out of the question. not in the budget for a school....
Regardless of the above argument on the statue.... i do believe i may have made a big mistake here, maybe overthought the plot a bit much. but the oh so cliche "oh he tripped" is a bit out of style.
SO.... if you can think up a better plot to use, that drives him to have head trauma to then lose it later, and effectively bring about where he is at the moment, then by all means, give it to me, credit for such will be given, and we can enjoy a very good story form here on out. 
Can't wait to see his reaction to Dash X3
4950022
Lol, that's gonna be great
I've seen a lot of comments telling you what they thought you did wrong but there's a reason this got featured.
4950642 ....ok, whoa. featured? i dont see myself in a feature box, where at? dont get me wrong, that would be a huge boost to my self esteem as a writer, but even i know this ain't feature material. did it really?
4950669
yeah yesterday, it's how i found the story in the first place
4950679 and im in the popular stories box too......
i might need a day to fix my brain! 
This story intrigues me! Really would like to see where it goes from here! Few minor mistakes here and there but not a bad read. I am especially intrigued by Shadow Step's Running Guide magic. Can't wait to see more!
Okay, I know I already said my part, but I need to throw something else in there...
There is one very, very terrible thing about this story that makes me despise it.
WHERE IT THE REST OF IT DX write it nownownownownownownownow!
That's a joke, btw.
omg i wish i had speed like that then i could have spiky blue hir with blue clothes and call my self sonic the hedgehog
Greatest story EVER
Well now, this is certainly interesting, I think I will keep reading for now.