Will be a critique here: "Wen I past the light I was blind by the sudden change of luminosity that I didn’t see the ground and by the impact knock me out cold." Forgot the h in When
"Wen I woke up my head felt like a watermelon about to explode so I assumed that I took the fall head first. Slightly in daze I analysed my surrounding." Forgot the h in When again, and analysed has a 'z' analyzed.
Now instead of repeatedly telling you about the spelling errors, I'll put some work onto the actual writing itself. (Not the grammar)
Refrain from using parenthesis unless you really need to. Ex: "After a couple minutes the (lion bat thing) lost the interest in me and walk away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up (painfully) with the help of a stick that was close to my face." Corrected (at least better) "After a couple of minutes, the lion bat thing lost interest in me, and walked away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up painfully with the help of a stick which laid near my face." If you wanted to keep the parenthesis, and the structure of the sentences, then I'll try and make one.
"After a couple of minutes, it (the lion bat thing) lost interest in me, and walked away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up (painfully) with the help of a stick that was close to my face."
It's up to you to change that part. It was just weird to have parenthesis used in those areas. Pretty cool though, I'm a sucker for HiE's. Congrats on your first FIMFiction story! Hope it goes well for you like how it has for me!
Fave and liked. Swell just swell and I hope that you improve on this as Thunder Seethe said. This like all the others are full of potential but I think you kind of took it a little to fast and didn't take time to explain some of the events fully like when he just fell. Either way this was great but just needs some improving and with that said good luck with your first fic!
Good start to a story ... Only one problem you seam to think that most Canadians are French ... Hence the " I'm Canadian not English Canadian" actually your just a Canadian that speaks French witch is pretty much just Quebec the rest of the country is primarily English... So for your proper term your a French Canadian who is bad at English witch is the countries primary language.
JAZZ HANDS! ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘
Will be a critique here:
"Wen I past the light I was blind by the sudden change of luminosity that I didn’t see the ground and by the impact knock me out cold." Forgot the h in When
"Wen I woke up my head felt like a watermelon about to explode so I assumed that I took the fall head first. Slightly in daze I analysed my surrounding."
Forgot the h in When again, and analysed has a 'z' analyzed.
Now instead of repeatedly telling you about the spelling errors, I'll put some work onto the actual writing itself. (Not the grammar)
Refrain from using parenthesis unless you really need to.
Ex:
"After a couple minutes the (lion bat thing) lost the interest in me and walk away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up (painfully) with the help of a stick that was close to my face."
Corrected (at least better)
"After a couple of minutes, the lion bat thing lost interest in me, and walked away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up painfully with the help of a stick which laid near my face." If you wanted to keep the parenthesis, and the structure of the sentences, then I'll try and make one.
"After a couple of minutes, it (the lion bat thing) lost interest in me, and walked away. Happy that I was alive, I managed to get up (painfully) with the help of a stick that was close to my face."
It's up to you to change that part. It was just weird to have parenthesis used in those areas. Pretty cool though, I'm a sucker for HiE's. Congrats on your first FIMFiction story! Hope it goes well for you like how it has for me!
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1irn7PgeY1qko1rio1_400.jpg
Fave and liked. Swell just swell and I hope that you improve on this as Thunder Seethe said. This like all the others are full of potential but I think you kind of took it a little to fast and didn't take time to explain some of the events fully like when he just fell. Either way this was great but just needs some improving and with that said good luck with your first fic!
Pretty Good.
thank you all for the support
By what the words say it seem to be taking afterward it happened as it was a memory. That is a good idea by the way. And still nice first story.
That's very interesting. I'm ignoring the errors cause, I'm guilty of 'em too. I just wrote my 1st story today so I'm still confused on my own behalf
Do you need a proof-reader?
no thank you but I happy that you offer to help. thanks for like and favoriting my story
I liked it!
Good start to a story ... Only one problem you seam to think that most Canadians are French ... Hence the " I'm Canadian not English Canadian" actually your just a Canadian that speaks French witch is pretty much just Quebec the rest of the country is primarily English... So for your proper term your a French Canadian who is bad at English witch is the countries primary language.
French canadian? Your not one of those fools that Support the quebec sovereignty movement? Those guys are assholes
dude, i mean this in the nicest of ways, but did you proofread this even once? or have a fellow brony proofread it?