Chapter LXXVI – Heal Thyself
Twilight hadn’t slept a wink.
Her conversation with Count Mistlock had proved itself crucial, fateful even, but had also taken the very notion of rest from her mind, right from the moment when he had uttered his terrible words to when Twilight had found herself again in her room, and on.
She wouldn’t ever consider herself paranoid. She was prone to overreacting, yes, and painfully so, and she was panicky sometimes, especially when things were too unpredictable for her liking, but her being actually jittery at every sound and motion? Fearing the smallest shifts in the world around her? No, that really wasn’t a part of who Twilight was, and yet the urge to check every and all the nearby shadows, expecting somepony hiding in them, had followed her with incredible persistence, on the way from the herame to her chambers.
Midnight had, of course, spotted her nervousness, but had asked only briefly about it, still occupied with the matters in his own head. For the better, Twilight thought, as letting him know that the Count had revealed that Lord Azure Mist was willing to take such drastic, unthinkable measures wouldn’t have helped in an way.
Twilight had to first consider what was to be done in such a situation. She had been expecting the mare to make a move for some time now, of course, but she had thought…
Actually, Twilight had no idea what she had thought. One of the first things she had ever learnt about Azure Mist had been regarding her taking absolutely abhorrent steps against her own son and his love. If the mare was capable of that, then surely she could do much, much worse! Why hadn’t Twilight been considering that more?!
At least that question was easy to answer for her. It was very much because, for all the shortcomings of ponies Twilight had met in her life, she was always trying to focus on what was good and noble about them. Surely even a mare like the haspadre of Mist Family was a worthwhile creature and had virtuous qualities, she simply… She was making very, very poor choices.
Despite Twilight’s better judgment, however, the very sight of Rowan Berry, who had returned from her night of studying, had caused a shiver to rattle Twilight’s spine so potently that even her wings had unfurled just a little. She hadn’t really shared as much as a courteous exchange with the operative about her night, excusing herself to her chamber citing tiredness… and then locking herself tight in it.
And so Twilight’s day had passed on worrying, pacing the room, attempting to organize all the chaotic thoughts in her mind. Then trying to finally get some sleep, in which she had failed miserably at first. Yet even her time of would-be rest had been nothing but a draining mess of anxiety, one that made her look as miserable on the outside as she was feeling on the inside.
Thankfully, Twilight had gathered just enough determination to actually make herself somewhat presentable, as her entourage already had had the doubtful pleasure of seeing her with an absolute mess of a mane before. Unfortunately, Twilight was certain that the bags under her eyes were most visible, and arcane trickery couldn’t really fix such an issue.
And so, when she finally decided to share a meal with her companions, although mostly by staring at her plate as she didn’t really have the appetite, her looks and demeanor were destined to serve as a conversation starter.
“Is… something the matter, hwalba knaze?” Rowan Berry asked not long after they had begun dining. “You haven’t really touched your fruit.”
Whether the healer knew it or not, the very question, coming from her as a servant of Azure Mist, made Twilight frown against her will, rending any attempts at hiding her worries all but impossible. Count Mistlock’s words were still rattling her brain, particularly those about not waking up from a slumber, thanks to the very healer at the table. The mare had used one of her remedies on Twilight already, that had been even brought up to Midnight at some point and…
No, this was not the time for such terrible thinking. “I… have something on my mind, yes,” Twilight still admitted, and the tone of her voice didn’t help alleviate any concerns. She wasn’t going to be lying about the matter, however, perhaps only omitting certain information, for the right reasons.
Midnight put down his orange before ever deciding to bite into it, then leaned in just a little, mindful of the few bandages still on him. His eyes were keen and concerned alike.
“What is wrong? Anything we could do to help?” he inquired, not bothering to hide the care in his voice, using the fact that even Rowan Berry had looked more focused on Twilight’s well-being rather than the forbidden relationship over these past few nights.
Besides, Twilight very much needed to hear such concern voiced. She had to know that somepony around her had her best interest in mind. Her safety and happiness were everything to Midnight, after all.
She felt her eyes widen at the thought. Because… Did that make her beloved also threatened by Azure Mist?! If she was to target her, wouldn’t anypony tasked to do it have to go through Midnight, would have to take care of him as well?!
“Honored Princess?” her beloved stallion’s voice grabbed her attention. The fact that it did was obviously an immediate relief to him. “Kirwe, I was about to smash the table! I honestly thought you were grasped by that prokleyita ca… cato…”
“Catatonia,” the healer helped him, but Midnight didn’t seem to care too much.
“That you were losing it again! What’s happening?!”
The healer supported this fervent question with a nod, even ready to stand up and check Twilight’s vital signs, just to be absolutely sure. Her focus was quite a sight, with intensity of both a healer and an agent, though the latter was again causing Twilight a shiver.
No. No, no, she had to get a grip. She had to explain herself and then return to functioning as normal, or at least, cautiously normal. Even with her knowing that one of the local leaders had decided to turn to extreme measures for whatever, wrong reason, for there definitely wasn’t a good one for those.
“Something is bothering me, yes,” Twilight revealed, keeping an eye on both of her companions and collecting her thoughts as she was speaking. “Let us just say for now that I have been doing some thinking, one that might or might have not robbed me of sleep almost entirely this passing day.”
Rowan Berry looked at her with a knowing eye. “That… would explain a lot. You are a bit ‘jittery’, I believe the word is, hwalba knaze,” she judged, not even realizing how close she was. “I hope whatever caused this bout of loss of sleep wasn’t connected to… that episode from two nights ago?”
“No, no, no, I am perfectly alright in that way,” Twilight assured, wanting to leave no space for doubt. “I would have told you immediately, I wouldn’t be hiding anything that vital to my health.”
Rowan Berry looked simultaneously convinced and glad, her voice gaining some warmth. “That’s good, and don’t fear to do so. I have managed to converse with my caste colleagues yesternight. They suggested a number of treatments, if anything close to your episode would be happening again. Of course, I was discreet and didn’t mention that I had specifically you in mind, hwalba knaze.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” Twilight replied with a smile. She didn’t want to change the topic entirely, but decided to present a question first. “I understand that you had a productive night, then? You seem genuinely happy about spending time with the other healers.”
“Lupuli yi Iug u Waesper are believed to be the most skillful and well-versed in our land, it is a joy to see their dedication to our kin, and share in their findings,” Rowan Berry replied, showing clear pride to be a part of the same caste and occupation. “The many herbs which can be found on the edges of the Dalli, as well as gathered and acquired from other Rodini, are studied with such meticulous precision here… I feel most inspired after yesternight.”
“I can definitely see that, that’s wonderful!” Twilight told the operative, earning herself a smile. A genuine smile.
“I’M Inspired, yes. Effective, hopefully, as well,” the other mare told her, then lifted her hoof, her expression getting serious again. “But I am not the most important pony here. What’s been troubling you so much, hwalba knaze, that your day turned out so terrible?”
Midnight leaned in even more, hoping to hear her answer with no less focus. It was such a pity it couldn’t be a straightforward one.
“I’m afraid that I will need to sour the mood, as I was doing some thinking about… well, our situation,” Twilight said, pointing at the two of her companions. “A… A thought began plaguing me, one that I definitely need to come to terms with, or dismiss, or anything, but it cannot simply continue to bother me.”
She wasn’t sure who among the two looked more concerned, but the batponies were definitely waiting for any more details she could grant them.
“I have for the longest of times been considering the organization of your lands, your castes, your individual duties in your society,” Twilight spoke, trying to find a correct explanation and a way of approaching her worries, including the Count’s warning. “I know that obeying orders and instructions is vital in your culture, as everypony has to have their place, work for the good of others, do their part. Noctraliya has no place for stragglers.”
Midnight actually chuckled under his breath. “You’ve already spent too much time with the Overseer General, it looks like.”
Twilight only shrugged. “I admit, that sounded just like him, but witnessing all the hard work of your owocellatani did broaden my perspective. My outlook on your situation changed, I feel, also when it comes to them having a special place in your society, but also the individual responsibility of each batpony in the grand scheme of things.”
“I think that’s a crucial thing to understand, actually, hwalba knaze,” Rowan Berry told her, nodding. “I would say that, in comparison, there might be more… room in Equestria? Space for everypony to make certain choices without the pressure of responsibility? Not that I would want to suggest there isn’t any out there, but we usually view your society as more… uhm… disorganized.”
“I understand, Rowan Berry, I can see the glaring difference,” Twilight told her, grasping the comparison, even if she was not so keen on simply accepting the opinion. “But what suddenly made me think was… With such a great amount of expectations, upon each and every noctral, what is the general consensus on duty?”
“If… by that word you mean ‘agreement’, then I get that part of the question,” Midnight replied, glancing at Rowan Berry, “but I do not really understand what you would mean by it. We all are, from our foalhood, taught that following our obligations, in whatever form, is absolutely crucial.”
“That I can definitely tell,” Twilight admitted, as the sense of responsibility was permeating throughout the whole country. “But I began worrying when it came to…”
She caught herself on what to say. She couldn’t be transparent, but she also wanted to avoid a lie. If there wasn’t a good way of her voicing the problem herself, then perhaps she could let her companions say it instead, and grant her an answer after all.
“What happens if somepony disobeys?”
“That… depends on who would that be, and whose order would we be talking about,” Rowan Berry logically pointed out, and the fact that she had said those words rang in Twilight’s ears even louder as the healer continued. “Usually you are expected to do what you are required to do by the station you occupy, and by your supervisors’ orders, without protest. Usually even without question, as well, unless it is a matter that requires discussing, like a complicated undertaking or a task which needs precise instructions.” The mare rubbed her chin, thinking on what to add for a moment. “There is also the major difference between doing something badly, due to a mistake or lack of skill, and saying you just won’t do it.”
Midnight again chuckled to himself. “You saw the canes, Twilight… Sparkle,” he forced himself to say, giving a tired look to Rowan Berry, even though she didn’t pay attention that time. “Disobedience is measured in strikes, I would say. But it really depends, as Yazembe Acine said. When it comes to… ‘obstinacy’…?”
“Yes, that’s a word,” Twilight assured her beloved.
“So, obstinacy in not doing what you are required to do, especially if it would have far-reaching consequences to the community, well, that is a matter for a censeor, as that is treated like a crime,” he told her, with Rowan Berry’s nodding in agreement. “Some time in the lower mines, were work is not a question of somepony’s whim, can usually teach anypony more reason…”
Twilight didn’t feel particularly pleased about the sterner tone coming from Midnight, nor the punishment and what it entailed, but she could at least try and understand where it was coming from.
“I take it those aren’t common occurrences,” she pressed the topic a little bit more, finding Rowan Berry answering that time.
“Not to anypony who had it explained to them properly why every work is valuable, and every contribution matters. Bogine granted us our talents and a place in the world, so it is both worthy in Ipeyi eyes, and respected in our community, to do your part properly, however small or grand,” she explained, her voice filled with piety.
Twilight bit her lip just a little, deciding to push her luck. “What if you… strongly disagree with what you are told to do?”
The healer’s expression showed mostly confusion, while Midnight pondered for a breath before asking back.
“Disagree… in what way? I’m not sure I get what you mean.”
“What if you think that what you are told to do by your superior is… wrong? Morally wrong, I mean.”
“Ah,” the stallion grasped her point, his brow furrowing a little. “Well, you should hope that duties which are being assigned to you are right and just. But the more important matter in such circumstances…” He paused briefly, though Twilight wasn’t sure whether it was to add strength to the expression or to show that he used it properly that time.“… would be following one’s obligation. That should be our instinctual response. Especially from me. I’m a wampir, and a Nocferratan,” Midnight admitted, though something about his tone wasn’t as stern as he maybe had hoped.
“I am who I am, myself,” Rowan Berry pointed out, the grim melody of her voice revealing everything she meant. “Duty comes first. It must come first. Especially when one takes a special oath, connected with their station.”
“Like you had to, I understand,” Twilight replied, of course having in mind the clandestine role that the mare opposite was playing.
And witnessing that Rowan Berry wasn’t in any way going to hide that fact, quite the opposite, she was being remarkably open about it. Still, a shadow passed through her gaze before she spoke again. “Indeed. I must remember what I promised, and who I am serving. Bogine, Rodine, haspadre…” she enumerated, with great reverence.
Twilight recognized the importance of these words, and Midnight nodded meaningfully too. Unfortunately, Rowan Berry’s conviction didn’t spell anything positive for the moment, not that Twilight could blame anypony in this situation. Ponies like the healer were destined for the bleakest of tasks, some could say. That required the right mindset and approach, sometimes involving hanging desperately onto a creed and loyalty, even against one’s preferences. Though Twilight doubted that her brother, for example, would ever go as far as what the occultani were about, but she reminded herself that Shining Armor had also spoken about his duties with the same amount of conviction.
She hoped he was doing well.
Rowan Berry wasn’t finished, however, putting her hooves before herself, as if to both strengthen her point and create some distance altogether. “One cannot banish completely certain… how to express it, ‘qualms’ I think the term is here. But when one has to choose, duty should be chosen. Remaining obedient, no matter the cost, is a virtue of a kind. Bogine knows our hearts and our desires… That we sometimes have to battle them, even suppress them because we are required to do our duty… Who but Neskaza Lunee… can understand that plight?”
“That sounds almost like She, herself, has to perform duties like that,” Twilight commented, intrigued by the notion.
“Does any mother enjoy seeing a foal in pain?” Midnight replied, with a poetic note to his voice. “But for our souls to be purified before joining her in Argentee, she has to both placate Sewira Solee and endure seeing us judged when She is doing so. Sometimes for these very choices we had to make in our lives.”
This wasn’t perhaps the exact example Twilight would think of, but her beloved was speaking with belief that could be convincing by itself. Besides, it presented a curious point.
“So obedience can also be a form of showing one’s dedication to Bogine, then?” she asked aloud, earning nods from both of the batponies before Rowan Berry responded.
“You know that our Rodine, hwalba knaze, is known for our subterfuge and intrigues. I won’t claim otherwise. I think my approach is also founded on how we tend to perceive and worship Neskaza Lunee… She is Our Mother, who guides us through Her intricate designs. She, in some ways, is the greatest of planners, inspirations from Her lead us to exactly where we need to be. Her ways are mysterious, and Her thoughts beyond mortal comprehension.”
“So, one’s path through life is both foreseen by her, and accordingly designed, to serve in these boundless plans of hers?” Twilight asked, hoping she understood the aspect of the Goddess that the Mists emphasized the most. Rowan Berry’s smile told her that she grasped it, but the next question would have to foul that happy expression. “But what if the order one is to follow appears directly against Her will?”
There was a moment of silence, before Midnight broke it with, an amused sigh of all things. “I see you are really giving yourself some true, mental exercising,” he judged, and Twilight couldn’t just deny it.
“I sometimes have that, yes. But it is bothering me so much I need to work through it somehow. I know you two could give me the perspective I need.”
Rowan Berry, considering the extremely tense expression which manifested on her muzzle, thought very deeply before speaking up. “If something would clearly go against the will of Bogine, then… well, then one would be forced to make a plea against one’s duty. However, for that to happen…”
“A very, very rare scenario, I’d say,” Midnight also tried to add his point to the discussion. “When I received the order to be at your side, I knew it to be in accordance with Uaia Mateu plan, whether I could ever grasp the full extent of it or not. One very seldom receives their instructions from Bogine directly!” he added, with a dosage of pride.
While he beamed, Rowan Berry looked to the side with a strange, dour expression. The difference between the ponies was great, indeed, and Twilight was more than willing to make an educated guess what the operative thought of. Unless…
No, this wasn’t the time to expect the worst.
“What’s wrong, Rowan Berry?”
The irony of her asking that of the healer couldn’t be lost on anypony present. The mare glanced at Midnight, biting her lip. She must have found only cold curiosity in his gaze, considering her expression falling a little more still. Then, the healer locked gazes with Twilight, and the connection, lasting for a good while, served as a conversation by itself. The former was trying to discern how much she could safely say, and whether she even wanted to do so. While the latter was willing to give her the free choice in the matter.
“I…” Rowan Berry finally spoke. “I recognize that, now that you know that I am an occultane, you must ask yourself how far have I ever gone in my service to hwalba haspadre Blenkyita a Rodine Opar…” The healer was constantly giving Midnight glances, as if expecting whatever retaliation was coming her way. Twilight had no idea why, however, only that it was affecting the mare opposite greatly. “I… I haven’t gone as far as many believe.”
That sentence didn’t make much sense to Twilight at the start, though Midnight’s reaction could serve her as a hint…
“You’re lying.”
… if it wasn’t for the crudeness of his tone.
Rowan Berry accepted it, fiddling with her front hooves, her eyes now escaping to the side constantly. “I have been accused of that many times, it doesn’t really bother me anymore.”
Twilight was going to berate Midnight, but the healer’s voice grasped her attention instead. “Does it not?”
The mare didn’t reply, still not searching for eye contact. It was as worrying as actually granting Twilight a glimmer of hope. If Rowan Berry was clearly showing qualms about something, than perhaps her being given a terrible order that could have resulted in ‘going too far’ would give her a pause, at least. Giving Twilight the time she could need.
For the moment, however, the healer was dealing with that instinctual question. “I… I am used to it. Though, perhaps, I am not fond of constantly being thought of as just a liar,” Rowan Berry admitted, with a sour smirk. “There are things I mean, things I believe in, not all about me is just being an operative, dealing in falsehoods and lies. Yes, I am good at them, but… that’s not all that there is to me.”
Twilight believed she understood the mare’s plight, though Midnight wasn’t as kind about it as her. Actually, he seemed mostly focused on satisfying his curiosity.
“You would claim that you haven’t gone too far…” he said, measuring his words and his tone. “But we know what Lord Azure Mist is capable of. You are, without a doubt, as close to her as possible,” he additionally pointed out, his voice sounding most certain. “Wouldn’t you be, then, responsible for dealing w—”
“No,” the healer immediately replied, even before Midnight managed to finish his question. “I have caused enough misery, without wanting to do so. You should realize this.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight interjected. “I feel like I don’t have the right context, maybe…?”
Midnight looked at her, than at the healer, as if he had for a moment forgotten that his love was sitting right next to him. “I… was making an educated guess,” he told Twilight, leaning back a little, though a note of sudden tension was audible in his voice, as if he was berating himself. “Lord Azure Mist has a reputation, I was wondering if Yazembe Acine would perhaps be the ‘good’ haspadrea hoof in certain matters.”
Rowan Berry wore a singular expression of worry, tension and guilt. Twilight didn’t have to think for long to consider the ‘why’. Count Mistlock had warned, and she, herself, had felt the effects of one of the healer’s extracts… Say that the mare opposite were to use her knowledge and experience to deal with certain, problematic situations for Azure Mist. It would make sense, definitely. Even—
“Harmony,” Twilight gasped, causing the batponies to quickly look at her, as if something terrible were to happen. “Sorry, I just…” She gestured for the both to calm down, before she focused on the healer. “I… just considered that I have heard certain rumors regarding the Mountain of Mist. And you are an occultane, so…”
Rowan Berry just looked at her, saying nothing. The mare’s gaze was indiscernible, for it was so rich in emotions Twilight couldn’t really make out anything of it. Was she admitting to something, or strenuously denying it? Both at the same time?
Whatever it was, it immediately disappeared the moment Midnight opened his mouth. “I think we can safely say…” He spread his forelegs wide. “… that we have had a unique conversation tonight. Unrepeatable, I’d even say.”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Twilight admitted. She, perhaps, wasn’t feeling entirely relieved after it, but she definitely felt like she understood a little more about her companions, Rowan Berry especially. “Thank you for sharing with me. Things are just so different in Equestria…”
“Actually,” the healer spoke, her gaze filled with her own curiosity, “mind if I ask you something, hwalba knaze?”
“Oh? No, not at all. Ask, please.”
“I was wondering, you also have such an exotic outlook on some things, from our perspective…” she began, noticeably nervous as she was choosing her words. “You don’t, for example, have religion. I’ve heard you exclaiming this ‘Harmony’, but that seems to me more an ‘ideology’ than a deity. How does… I mean…”
Twilight wasn’t sure what was causing Rowan Berry this unease, but she was happy to address it. “Speak plainly, don’t worry.”
“How does one receive forgiveness among the sunponies?”
Now that question surprised Twilight a lot, to the point where she actually had to ask for an explanation. “Receive forgiveness… from whom? Others, or…?”
“You don’t have Bogine, not in the way we understand it,” the healer spoke further, her tempo increasing just a little, as if she was desperately trying to push the words out before it was too late. “Yes, She resides among you, it is Her choice, alongside her Sister Goddess, but do you… You don’t ask Her to forgive you, don’t pray that She does not avert Her holy gaze from you, if you have done something terrible, so how… who grants you that forgiveness? When do you know that…? When do you let go of the pain?”
There was something so honest about Rowan Berry’s words that even Midnight looked moved by them. At least, there was a change in him, as he even leaned forward a little, gazing directly at the healer.
In the meantime, Twilight focused on answering, at least as much as she understood the operative’s perturbation.
“I don’t think I can speak as an authority on all things regarding moral dilemmas and difficult choices in life… and mistakes. But, we all make those, we all have to face them. I’ve made mistakes, many, I believe. Have I hurt ponies even though I have tried my best? Of that I am certain, there is no way of avoiding that. I know, I know,” Twilight found herself adding, with a chuckle, “you will think that Equestria is this idyllic place where we use and abuse the Gifts we were given, and find our life without issues due to that. In comparison to Noctraliya, with the toil you face and the choices you have to make? Things might seem that way. But we have our issues, our problems… our mistakes.
“I don’t know if I can simply answer you, Rowan Berry, as I would be the last pony to suddenly claim having an answer like that,” Twilight continued, allowing a smile to bloom on her lips. “But through my life, my duties as the Princess of Friendship, I certainly learnt one thing – that, often enough, it is we, who are causing ourselves the worst sort of pain. We hold to it, at some point due to simply having gotten used to it. That does not mean that we can just absolve ourselves of our mistakes, but it is always our choice to start making things better. We take step after step, however hard, because moving away from the things one did is not necessarily an easy thing to do. But, like every journey, we need to push on, if we ever hope to reach our destination.”
The healer wore an expression betraying deep thought as she considered Twilight’s words. She looked at Midnight briefly, who also appeared like he was ruminating on this wisdom which had just been revealed, not that Twilight would proudly name it as such. She was just saying what felt right to her.
Rowan Berry finally sighed, then hissed briefly, rubbing her temple. “Things never just fix themselves on their own, do they? Pieces don’t fall into place in a way that would spare us from having to face the challenges before us.”
“Medicine can sometimes be sour, but without it, will a pony make a recovery?” Twilight presented a question, causing the other mare to chuckle.
“From a little scratch, maybe, not from a fatal ailment.”
“I think there lies the answer. And, if I might,” Twilight decided to add, however problematic this comparison could become, “an old wound, an ancient, festering problem, well… it can get even worse when nothing is done about it. I am here, now, wishing to do my part, to began the healing process between Noctraliya and Equestria…”
Her words didn’t fall on deaf ears, especially as Midnight let out a hiss, shaking his head. “There’s insight in this, ab Bogine. Somepony could say that us just… staying between our peaks and dwelling on the past didn’t get us far.” Rowan Berry opened her mouth to interject, but Midnight was faster. “Very well, didn’t get us further than we could have otherwise been…”
That did stop the healer, as she looked ready to begrudgingly agree with that point. Still, she bit her lower lip a little, then again turned to Twilight.
“Sometimes one bears scars so thick, it is hard to consider that one can even move again without them bleeding and tearing…”
Twilight pondered for a while, leaning against her hoof. “I… wonder how often that is an actual issue, and how much we tell ourselves that we cannot do certain things, because they could hurt us further. Of course, there are times when being mindful is prudent… but if we never take the step, then… where will that leave us?”
Twilight wouldn’t consider herself very philosophical, especially since she mostly found her calling in acquiring knowledge that had practical application, like in the case of her magical studies. But… she felt surprised that her argumentation seemed convincing not only to her, but the ponies opposite her too. At least, that’s what she would consider happening, since Rowan Berry was staring ahead with this deep, distant stare, which was in a strange way corresponding with Midnight’s, though their gazes crossed only in passing.
Still, Twilight’s beloved decided to speak up finally. There was something… frantic about his expression. “You… I mean, I think…” he tried to get the words out at first, then he hissed. Loudly and madly. “Nye, how does this work?!”
His sudden eruption made both the mares lean back in shock, and though Midnight recognized that, he didn’t do anything about it.
“I just…! Kirwe, this is why I don’t sleep at day, why would all of this be so easy?!” he protested, though his very expression suggested he wasn’t sure what exactly was he objecting to, only that he simply had to let this outrage out in some way. “If you have done something, something terrible, you deserve punishment for it! That’s it! Eksatu! It cannot be that… that one can just say a few words, make a few gestures, and suddenly everything is forgiven! It doesn’t work like that!”
“Who says it doesn’t?” Twilight replied with a provocative question, though trying to sound calm enough to make Midnight lower his tone. “Things can be forgiven, even if not forgotten. Sometimes a small, open gesture is the first, best step to assure that. And why would we deserve the harshest of judgments if we are showing that we see where we have erred, and we wish to fix it? Maybe with something very little at first, for we don’t have the strength to do more… but wouldn’t that be a great way to start?”
“But… but there must be the right judgment, the right chastisement! Always! One way or another,” Midnight stated firmly. “Isn’t that just justice?!”
“Isn’t there place for mercy as well?”
He wanted to reply, but found himself unable to utter a word. Anypony could tell, without any difficulty, that he was going through a sudden turmoil, though Twilight believe she knew the reason. Considering what she had learnt of the timing of Dusk Stream’s demise, all that he was saying about the right ‘punishment’ fit in place. Midnight was definitely carrying a lot of guilt, one that he was only slowly shedding, despite Twilight’s efforts. And, more importantly, his own efforts.
How she would love to speak even softer to him at that moment, call to him gently and lovingly, to let him know that everything was going to be alright. That he just needed to let go of some things, say them aloud, to perhaps finally start properly healing.
“Iae ecuse…”
A muttered sentence from Rowan Berry grasped Twilight’s attention. Especially since this wasn’t but a polite way of summoning it, to excuse herself or to ask for something. No, the healer was looking straight at Midnight, her coral eyes fixed on him so strongly Twilight doubted whether the mare could see anything else about the chamber.
And… what had she just said? ‘I’m sorry’?
The stallion met the operative’s gaze, though his expression had less surprise and more determination in it than anything else. His upper lip twitched, threatening to reveal his fangs.
“I… i tue myisle to bid dosit…?” he muttered, shaking his head as if in disbelief.
“Nye. Ale iae myisle to bid benu initum…”
Twilight tried to understand what this exchange was about, but it was cut short by Midnight standing up in a practiced, if sudden fashion, his chair scraping the stone floor with a jarring sound.
“I… Now I have a lot to think about, Honored Princess,” he declared, his expression tensed no less than his voice. “I hope I can be excused.”
“Yes, of course, it’s not like we will have…”
Twilight wanted to say more, but Midnight only gave her a nod and decided to leave in the middle of her sentence, closing the doors behind him with just enough control to avoid a slam.
“… any sightseeing… tonight…” Twilight still finished what she wanted to say, then sighed loudly.
Rowan Berry, for all of her own issues over their relationship, luckily understood her perturbation. At least, her words seemed to suggest that. “Don’t worry, hwalba knaze. It looks like we all have matters to think about deeply. Sometimes it shows… more vividly.”
“I suppose so, yes,” Twilight agreed, and the irony of being left alone with the pony that might have been one of the center pieces of her initial deliberations was not lost on her. “Would you like to say something to me as well, Rowan Berry? As I understand, you were apologizing to Midnight Wind.”
The healer’s eyes locked on Twilight, before the mare inhaled deeply, holding the breath in for a good while. “As much as I have to for being here as a spy, hwalba knaze…” she said, a healthy dose of regret in her voice. “I think any sort of harsh words or threats, or Bogine znate what other things I have said, unfortunately come with the assignment…”
Twilight actually smiled. “It’s an exotic perspective, but I am here, trying to understand it,” she claimed, now causing the healer to giggle just a little, as she managed to turn the mare’s words on her. “Can I offer you more of my honesty? Unreasonable amount of it, perhaps?”
“Oh? Please, if you so desire.”
“I’m glad that we have achieved some measure of sympathy between us so far, Rowan Berry,” Twilight admitted, finding those words remarkable easy to say.
“Ha. Apparently we have, tac, though I wouldn’t press the matter, hwalba knaze. And, no, that is not a warning,” the healer immediately clarified, though nothing about her voice would suggest it having been the case in the first place. “There are just… matters in which we are bound to disagree, I feel, no matter the attempts we might undertake,” she judged, and it was rather refreshing for Twilight to receive such openness in return.
“Well, liking or even but respecting another pony does not mean agreeing with everything they say or do, or believe in,” Twilight retorted, with a kind smile on her lips. “Sometimes it is actually about disagreeing, often and strongly, but as long as it is going in a productive direction!”
“There is wisdom in that,” Rowan Berry admitted, and not reluctantly. “Do not think, hwalba knaze, that when one visits other lupuli matters are always discussed in hushed tones and constant nodding.”
“You wouldn’t find me doubting that, Rowan Berry, I’ve had my share of Equestrian academia,” Twilight admitted, her thoughts returning to her studies. Yes, she was Princess Celestia’s protégé, but that didn’t make her impervious to conflicting ideas, high expectations and omnipresent criticism. “I think that, even though we are placed at the opposite ends of a certain chessboard, though I don’t really want to believe that, we will be able to continue showing basic respect to one another.”
Twilight bit the side of her tongue. Not as much out of tension, but a touch of shame instead. Yes, she truly believed in what she was saying, but she also hoped that she could have, with such a sentence, convince Rowan Berry to… well, to at least give her a head start, if she was going to receive an order from her Lord to act, and act strongly.
The healer, for her part, looked at Twilight with some regret, but also a lot of gratitude. “I must confess, hwalba knaze, that…” The pause froze the blood in Twilight’s veins, but the following words thawed it with equal speed. “… while I still have my reservations and having expressed my distrust… If you are representing what is best about Ekwestriya, then I do understand how come you have been granted the blessing from Neskaza Lunee… a-as much as I can dare to say that I grasp Uaia Mateyi plans.”
“Do you think that perhaps I do?” Twilight told the mare back, trying not to giggle. “Sometimes it is only about being the right pony, in the right place, at the right time. It is me this time around.”
“Ah, but one cannot say that our Bogine hopes Her plans come to fruition by chance,” Rowan Berry said in return. “She is there, at the right place and time, watching over her faithful, providing aid, inspiration, sometimes even a blessing for we all to see.”
Twilight didn’t really know how to reply, as the healer’s tone carried with itself both seriousness… and a touch of sympathy. Genuine sympathy.
And Twilight hoped it wasn’t just a silly thought from her.
Luna hadn’t slept a wink. Through the day, through the evening…
Actually, she wasn’t sure what time it even was, as the dull buzz and the steady, artificial light of the hospital’s corridor was the only illumination she had known for all this time. It was... unnatural, it was constant and upsetting, but she had been enduring it anyway. She had to.
She was sitting almost perfectly still, with her head down, right by the entrance to the operating theater. By the wide, strangely fateful doors, beyond which…
The thought couldn’t even form properly in her head. She knew what it was, but her mind was rejecting it, unable to cope with the magnitude of the thought.
More important, Luna felt, she just felt what was happening on the other side of this strange, almost mystical barrier, where ponies of incredible talent were doing a great battle against Fate itself. A fight the more troubling and the more complicated, for it had been going on for this entire time, from the moment even before she had arrived at the hospital. And she had been notified of what had happened right as she had been preparing for her daily rest.
Again, how long had it been? Was it so deep into the next night? Luna couldn’t tell. She had asked Celestia to deal with her usual duties for the time being. Tia had understood, of course, not yet having forgotten how to raise the Moon, so Luna was content to lean on her sister in this trying time.
For... For she couldn’t lean on another at the moment.
“Your Majesty…?”
Despite her constant, anxious waiting, Luna didn’t even feel tired. She was just... there.
In some ways it reminded her of her time spent locked away. Hunger, thirst, exhaustion, they hadn’t really mattered, nothing mattered. During those thousand years, it had been just Luna and her anger, resentment, inferiority. The Nightmare, its terrible whims and volatile emotions.
But right now? There was just her and... and the fear. Even that terrible power which had seduced her all that time ago had nothing on this sweeping, petrifying feeling, holding her entire being in its cold grasp. The dreadful anticipation for the absolute worst of news to come, as… as nothing about what she had heard so far spelled a sudden turn of events, despite the doctors’ most valiant attempts.
From time to time her head would snap up, with a painful pang in her neck, as a loud clink, a peculiar, loud beep, a sudden shift, or anything else would resound from within the theater, on the other side of that strange gate of life and death right next Luna. And it had already happened a number of times that a nurse or two had galloped in and out of the room, their expressions focused and pensive.
And their lips sealed tight, which was the most terrifying thing Luna had so far witnessed.
“Your Majesty…”
That particular time, it was the gentle voice of a colorful mezzo-soprano which somehow managed to awake her from her, watchful and fearful alike, stupor.
Luna managed to gather just enough focus to tear away from her transfixing restlessness to look at Elegy. The actress had been loyally sitting with her for the best part of the day and evening now, allowed to remain even as the corridor closest to this operating room was closed off due to safety concerns.
“Yes, Elegy?”
Luna found herself astonished at how hoarse and grating her own voice sounded. Had it always been this somber?
Especially in comparison with the beautiful tones from the unicorn. “Should I bring you something to eat, perhaps? Or at least a drink? You haven’t really...”
“No.”
Elegy might have nodded at the answer, recognizing it, but persisted anyway. “You haven’t really had anything this whole time, Your Majesty…” she spoke in the softest of whispers. “I understand your plight, it emanates from you, reaches deep into my core. Yet such disquietude must not bring you harm, Your Majesty, you cannot allow it—”
Luna raised her hoof. Usually such audacity and tenacity against her wishes would cause her to frown, but the actress’ tone was doing wonders to quell her displeasure. Besides, the mare was asking out of loyalty and genuine care, and that was not something to chastise.
Luna stared into Elegy’s orchid eyes, hoping her gaze would convince the unicorn to leave her be and let her focus on... on remaining, on preserving herself from going insane with grief and uncertainty.
“Thank you, Elegy, I appreciate the thought. Yet I really don’t feel like anything.”
There was more truth to those words than Luna anticipated.
“As you wish, Your Majesty,” the actress relented, though her own gaze was filled with undeniable worry. For Luna, naturally, but also for…
Doors had just creaked somewhere and Luna’s reaction was immediate, her head snapping as if compelled. Although, the noise came from the other side of the corridor, behind which a patrol of the Royal Guard was stationed. The head of a familiar, armored pony appeared, looking into the passageway cautiously.
Elegy stood up, with grace that even her tiredness couldn’t dispel, her raven black mane reflecting the strange, hospital lights like volcanic glass.
“I do beg your pardon, Your Majesty, I shall but converse briefly with Brass Plaque…”
Luna stopped her with a small gesture of her hoof. If her terrible paralysis had already been broken, even if briefly, she could at least use the fact in a worthwhile way, before terrible thoughts would drown her for hours to come.
“Let him approach, we can all converse for a moment…”
The unicorn, relieved that Luna showed at least that much awareness of the world around her, quickly summoned the pegasus with a graceful, almost practiced wave. The officer wasted no time to trot closer to the pair.
He saluted Luna, making his motion both precise and mindful, for her sake. Although the clanking of his armor could not really heighten the tension in the whole hospital wing. Everypony had already heard of the pony who had arrived in critical condition.
“Your Lunar Majesty, Elegy,” Brass Plaque greeted them both, his muzzle somber, not to mention also showing great weariness. “I take it that... nothing is yet known.”
“No, Brass Plaque, not yet,” the cornflower unicorn responded, looking cautiously at Luna, as if gauging whether her words wouldn’t worsen the state she was in. “Just yet greater need for patience. Any news on your end, then, perchance? I understand that the Royal Guard is already hard at work on what happened.”
“With all of its might, yes. I was allowed to join you here, despite being one of the witnesses of the... situation,” the Lieutenant spoke, his firm voice as soft as the place, and Luna’s state, warranted. Yet he lowered his volume even further. “Prince Consort Shining Armor has pledged aid to the case as well, as present within the city, though that is confidential at the moment.”
“I imagine,” Elegy replied, glancing at Luna constantly, wanting to let her know they were both acknowledging her silent participation in the discussion. “Security?”
“The hospital is observed, and guardsponies are posted accordingly. Though without outright presence, minus our ponies right by the door,” Brass Plaque gestured with his head behind him. “But those are easy to explain with the presence of Her Lunar Majesty,” he added, bowing his head sharply towards Luna. “However, we cannot be too cautious.”
She finally decided to speak up, again finding her voice different than she could remember, almost… meek. “I take it that Wobble Wink is giving the place a wide berth, but is staying about as well?” she asked, finding just enough concentration to inquire about the other member of the Second Chance who must have been near the premises.
“… if only, Your Majesty,” Brass Plaque replied, with the usual annoyance connected to his colleague. “I am to believe that he set up a little shell game of his not far away, and has already managed to scam some bits from the more gullible passersby… and a few guardsponies,” he reluctantly admitted. “Disgraceful.”
Elegy huffed in indignation, shaking her head. “Is he at least keeping an eye out on things, rather than practicing his little, rigged games of chance?”
“That he is, I actually asked him at an opportune moment,” the Lieutenant admitted, whispering. “News have spread like wildfire, though the official version we are passing on to the media for the moment is suitably imprecise. Not that it made fewer ponies curious about it, though we managed to stop a crowd from forming before the building.”
“Journalists?”
“All major players have been there for hours,” Brass Plaque confirmed, clearly upset. “But we don’t want to hamper the investigation right away by giving them anything for tomorrow’s editions. Everyone’s tight-lipped, I made sure of that personally.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Luna praised him with her tired tone. “However... is anything known so far? Who...”
She wanted to continue, but the thought made her whole being fume. A shiver of anger passed through her, and she wouldn’t be able to contain in with continuing.
Brass Plaque didn’t need more words to understand her question, fortunately. “No. I admit, I am no specialist, but I can recognize a wound’s nature when I see one. I suppose the doctors will tell us more soon. However, whomever was the assailant, we have found preciously little. They must have vanished just before the ponies started bursting from their homes...”
“Speaking of which...” Elegy wanted to ask, but the pegasus shook his head.
“Nopony understands what happened, no,” he replied to the unasked question. “Ponies gossip, but nopony worth their salt will say anything loudly enough to garner attention.”
Luna furrowed her brow, suddenly feeling out of the loop, as the modern expression went. “What are you talking about, Brass Plaque?”
The officer took a deep breath and explained, mindful of his volume. “I don’t know the specifics, as this is clearly beyond my grasp of the Royal Advisor’s abilities, but... You do know the ‘connection’ that is placed upon the members of the Second Chance, Your Lunar Majesty?”
“ ‘Connection’?” Luna blinked, even more confused. Or was it her exhaustion finally manifesting?
Elegy nodded, calmly elucidating further. “Master Moonwarden has an arcane imprint on the members of our group, so that he knows if we are nearby, can communicate with us without the use of spoken word... and discipline us, if it would be found prudent.”
“Oh...”
Yes, Luna finally remembered it all. Honestly, she tried not to think of that aspect of her agents’ duties, believing that they were willing to work hard in her service for other reasons than the compulsion of mentalism. Nothing said otherwise, after all.
Seeing that she had finally understood what they meant, Brass Plaque continued. “If it is needed, Advisor Moonwarden can invoke that mark, which we agreed to be placed on us. But, from what I understand, he can also form a forced connection with other ponies he meets if the need arises. That is what happened when he was attacked,” he told her as clearly, and silently, as he could. “Apparently, deeming it necessary, he managed to awake half the district and force all the denizens to come to his aid. At least, ponies were repeating that very phrase, ‘coming to his aid’, when asked why they had bolted up from their beds as if there was a bugle call...”
Luna nodded, considering the scenario. “Is this why you were there as well, Lieutenant? I take it you have felt the pull even stronger?”
“Not exactly, Your Lunar Majesty,” he replied, a note of healthy pride suddenly in his tone, though not without a touch of shame as well. “I was tasked to bring the materials we have acquired at various drop points in the city back to the Castle. I did so post haste, but then thought it would be prudent to check whether Advisor Moonwarden made it safely to his residence.”
Elegy gracefully lifted her hoof. “Why would you doubt that, Brass Plaque?” she asked a logical question, to which the officer had an immediate reply.
“He was visibly distracted through the night, actually. He claimed to have something on his mind, bothering him greatly, and it was showing...” the pegasus revealed, though a little reluctantly.
Luna pondered for a breath, before the officer said anything more. She knew that she had definitely had something occupying her attention… After all, she had found out that her loyal servant both had a mare close to his heart, and had turned out to be quite the romantic, carrying her likeness with him constantly. Normally, Luna would not really have given a second thought to this situation, but… something about it had caused her genuine displeasure. Grief, even? For reasons she couldn’t quite grasp, the very thought of there being somepony else for Moonwarden…
Why couldn’t she just accept that? It was but a fact, a circumstance, a piece of information, was it not? Why had it been bothering her so much, all that time, up until the very moment she had learnt of her servant’s plight? Because from then on, nothing else mattered but her presence in the hospital. She had to be close to him. She needed to.
Luna shook her head, fighting the distraction of dwelling too much on the matter. Something far more crucial was happening, behind the painfully closed doors.
Elegy’s expression shifted into an unpleasant grimace out of a sudden, as if she had just smelled something foul. “I am a little concerned… well, more than a little. I am trying to process the fact that master Moonwarden had to reach for such an arcane device to request aid. He’s a capable specialist, with experience in the field and out of it. I would say that it surely means that whomever was behind this…”
Her voice trailed off. Or maybe it was just Luna, for something else was filling her ears, in a frantic rhythm of an agitated heart, feeding the flame of anger inside of her.
Brass Plaque clearly saw her muzzle tensing, considering his words. “We know not the perpetrator. Considering the nature of our work, which does create many enemies in the less reputable circles, it could have been anypony. And I won’t play the implication game without evidence, it would be unprofessional and foolhardy.”
“Whoever it was,” Luna suddenly heard her voice, shaking, but deathly calm at the same time, “I want them found. I want heavens and earth scoured, and I want them brought before me, so I see to the matter of their actions personally. Am I making myself clear, Lieutenant?”
For a moment, that dark impulse from the depths of her core pushed out against her will, but her righteous anger contained it.
The pegasus saluted, his muzzle a picture of duty and conviction. “Of course, Your Lunar Majesty,” he solemnly promised. “We shall find them, Your Lunar Majesty.”
Luna welcomed his dedication, but… that bout of ire was the most she could muster right now, for it already threatened her control and stability. She shook her head, allowing the tension and nerves to plant her more firmly in her spot for longer. Elegy was by her side, as close as decorum allowed, with Brass Plaque intently watching the two with his own expression of concern.
Concern he decided to voice. “I hope your presence here, Elegy, didn’t cause an issues. Or staring,” the pegasus asked, with a tone that was easily recognizable in the line of work they shared.
“Fret not, I was allowed to remain as I am known to be a guest at the Castle at the behest of Her Lunar Majesty,” she explained in a whisper. “And, since I was nearby when the news came, I have decided that in this trying moment, I will be by her side, which is within social standards. Besides, honestly, it has nothing to do with anypony nor their expectations,” she concluded, with a tone that could slay lesser ponies with its conviction and the actor’s craft alike, and certainly alleviated the officer’s safety concerns.
It was at that very moment that Luna found her head shifting rapidly once more, as the sound of hooves approaching the operation theater’s doors caught her attention. This wasn’t the step of a hurried pony which was going to gallop out of the room, but a measured, equal trot. The realization of that froze the blood in Luna’s veins, preparing her for the worst.
The passage opened and in the threshold stood a pony who was somewhat familiar to her, recognizable despite being covered in the surgeon’s garb. He removed the muzzle mask as he stepped into the corridor, with a practiced, perfect motion.
An earth pony not yet advanced in years, but definitely looking so due to his naturally silver mane, which was always neatly combed, even when not hidden underneath the cap. Ponies, Luna heard, actually tried to guess his actual age, though he was prone to strenuously denying any and all claims. Still, all of the stallion’s features, like his mint green gaze, cold and piercing like a specialist’s instrument, added a certain venerable quality to his persona, pushed even further by the thin line of his mouth and his breathy voice.
“Ah, Your Majesty…” the stallion greeted Luna accordingly, and yet as if she was just another pony in the hallowed space of Canterlot’s hospital. “I was told you were waiting here, indeed.”
“Doctor Silver Scalpel…” she replied but briefly, but her eyes, her tone, her very stance, were all asking the one and only question that mattered.
The surgeon took a moment to respond, every second causing the tension in Luna to rise to unprecedented levels, before the stallion finally decided to address it, however briefly.
“The situation is difficult,” he admitted without shame or hope, in that calm and deathly collected fashion for which he was known.
Not Elegy nor Brass Plaque dared to utter a sound, waiting for Luna’s response to such a declaration. Though the knowledge that her servant was still alive brought her some relief, it was entwined with the terrible uncertainty for the immediate future. As such, she couldn’t find her own voice at first, hoping that Silver Scalpel could tell her more even without being asked to do so.
The stallion, however, merely looked past her. “Could I be excused for just a second?”
Nopony felt capable of stopping him, so the surgeon trotted past Luna almost casually, then approached the nearest water cooler down the corridor. Taking for himself a cup, he filled it to the brim, took one sip from it, then turned back to her.
“You will have to excuse me for what I am about to do, Your Majesty,” he said at first, and then, not waiting for anypony’s permission or curiosity, dumped the rest of the drink straight onto his muzzle.
Thankfully, not even Luna could be surprised by that. Considering that Silver Scalpel must have been leading the surgery efforts this entire time, his desire to find momentary relief from the tension and tiredness was more than understandable.
Not bothering to towel his muzzle with anything, with his coat being soaked through, the stallion trotted back to the group, awaiting further questions with the patience and distant presence of a pundit.
So Luna had to brave her petrifying anxiety and just ask. “How... how is he?”
“Mister Moonwarden is alive as we speak,” Silver Scalpel replied, though the emphasis on the latter part of the sentence made Luna’s heart almost stop. “His current condition is stable, but very, very serious. The wounds he suffered were a direct threat to his life, and still are, though matters could have been even worse were it not for certain circumstances.”
“What would you mean, Doctor?” Brass Plaque decided to speak up, professionalism filling his voice, one which the surgeon seemed most comfortable with.
With certain caveats. “My statements are not for any official reports, Lieutenant, whatever you might need for those I shall compile later on,” Silver Scalpel pointed out, before turning to Luna directly once again, an image of expertise even with his muzzle coated in water. “But, to be precise, I shouldn’t even be here. Mister Moonwarden should have been declared dead on arrival, or even prior. Considering the placement of the trauma, I’d say that the fact that the strike to the chest didn’t kill him outright was due to sheer luck.”
Luna had to stomach Silver Scalpel’s official, emotionless tone, despite the fact that her mind was running a fever, holding to every word as if gripped by obsessive madness. And bubbling fury.
“So... this was an assassination attempt against my servant? Are you certain, doctor?”
“Your Majesty, I have just said, these are not statements for a report,” the surgeon repeated himself, much in the same tone. “But I have seen my share of cuts and stabs, especially when I started dealing with your ilk on a more regular basis,” he added quieter, his sharp gaze going over the other two ponies. “By the way, how’s that colleague of yours, what’s his face, with the periocular motor tic?”
“He’s just fine,” Elegy responded in a tone which suggested that mentioning Wobble Wink at that moment offended her sensibility in some way. “But he is not the current—”
“I am well aware, I’ve been working on mister Moonwarden for however many hours it has been,” Silver Scalpel interrupted, though not his voice nor his demeanor showed any signs of irritation, just an expert’s cold approach. “Yet my observations, official or not, cannot change. A thrust, parallel to the ribs, though one set nearer than ‘optimal’. One, however, more than enough to perforate the lung pretty much across and cause a massive blood loss. One that usually ponies don’t really recover from, whatever professional aid is given at the spot… Not to mention that gash on the neck. The fractured tibia was adjuvant, at best.”
Luna found herself gulping against her will, hearing such a diagnosis, especially when the doctor continued.
“I had to change the garb over the course of the operation a few of times, not to mention that we were forced to use essentially all of the equipment available to us to even keep the Advisor alive. I was certain that we have hit an asystole at some point, which usually is not something one can return from, but…”
Silver Scalpel didn’t finish the sentence, he simply… shrugged.
It created such a vivid contrast with his demeanor that Luna had to press for more details. “Please, doctor, tell me. What do you mean by that?”
“Honestly, Your Majesty, I am uncertain of how I am still talking about mister Moonwarden in the present tense. Of course, his condition remains on the very brink of ‘critical’, so I am not going to be giving anypony false hopes, even you, as much as you might want to hear otherwise,” the doctor admitted in his unfazed professionalism, one that, while harsh, Luna could respect. “But I have dealt with my hoofful of terrible cases and lost causes. I know that mister Moonwarden had gone through a life-threatening situation once before, one which resulted in the abundant scar tissue he bears, all across from his withers to the croup. So, considering his current injuries, his general health and age, I think it is safe to say that he shouldn’t be with us at this point.”
Elegy lifted her hoof, her rich voice filled with both worry and confusion. “So…?”
“So while I have done my absolute best to ensure his survival up to this point, through my hooves and those of my colleagues, I cannot really take the credit for this operation,” Silver Scalpel admitted, sounding a little perplexed. “I wish I had a more professional explanation, but it would not be comprehensive. I will simply use the following assessment – mister Moonwarden, against all odds, simply refused to die.”
Luna felt a strange feeling come over her. Almost as if… As if she wanted to giggle. She managed to stop herself from doing so, but the sudden idea that her servant had simply protested against death, and that he managed to avoid it so far thanks to sheer obstinacy was a darkly amusing thought. If anypony would be able to do it, well, it would have to be him.
In the meantime, Silver Scalpel finally realized his muzzle was wet and took care of a wayward droplet at the edge of his mouth with a precise, practiced motion. He then spoke again, calm and collected. “That, however, does not mean that the situation is fully under control. We will have to keep him in a coma through pharmacological means, as I well recall that he is heavily resistant, if not entirely immune, to arcane anesthetics. We need to give him the highest chance of healing, if his body manages to find enough strength in it to make the effort. I assure that he will be monitored constantly, Your Majesty.”
Brass Plaque took a small step forth, his expression entirely professional. “Doctor, if this had been an a—”
“Oh, for Harmony’s sake, I have already said it twice, I am not making statements,” Silver Scalpel interrupted the pegasus, rolling his eyes. “But fret not. I will make sure that he is also monitored that way, so that nopony unsupervised gets close. I have a few trusted nurses, big colts, they will keep an eye out. They are professional, discreet, each could tie down a healthy griffon if necessary.”
Elegy’s muzzle scrunched after her eyes had briefly fluttered. “Considering the oozing satisfaction I can feel from you, Doctor, I am reluctant to ask whether you are speaking from experience. Though, on the other hoof, I believe I do know for certain why you are so careful about making any wayward statements.”
“No comment,” Silver Scalpel responded in his cold and flat way, looking the actress in the eye without shame.
Luna felt that she could have touched upon the topic, but with the earth pony having spent so much time just before, trying to save Moonwarden’s life, it wouldn’t be proper. Something else was to be said, however. “Doctor, I want to officially and personally thank you for all of your efforts so far. I want you to know that the Royal Advisor is…”
She paused.
In a flash, all of those strange words crept into her mind. Words that she didn’t realize could fit such a sentence. Some of them she… enjoyed thinking about in this brief moment, though she had to settle for an expression that befit her, instead.
“… important to me as a loyal and dutiful servant. As such, you have my deepest gratitude, and I do hope you can continue looking after Moonwarden until his recovery.”
Silver Scalpel nodded briefly, but even in this short gesture there was a respectable amount of satisfaction. “Thank you, Your Lunar Majesty, although think nothing of it. Besides what I have already mentioned about mister Moonwarden doing a lot of work himself,” he stated, still surprised about the situation, “I believe this is the right way of repaying his kindness, too. As you must know, Your Majesty, his endorsement was crucial in assuring that some of my articles even made it to publication.”
Elegy huffed just a little, gathering Luna’s attention, and the surgeon’s, who cocked an eyebrow at the expression of exasperation. “I don’t know medical journalism or peer-reviews as well as I do dramas and theater, but I can tell that those works of yours, Doctor, read less like a wonderful play about medical innovations, and more like pure obsession put on paper.”
“I suppose that, if the Royal Advisor found them worthwhile, they must have a certain worth to them,” Silver Scalpel replied, not an ounce of irritation in his voice. “If they shall at least start the discussion in our field regarding heredity, constitution and other races beyond ponykind, that is already progress beyond imagining. Usually nopony is even willing to touch upon the subject before the discussion devolves into mindless accusations.”
Luna was going to stop the disagreement there and then, seeing that Elegy was preparing to reply, but the doctor did that himself, turning his mint gaze her way.
“I am aware that furthering the cause of medicine thanks to the Advisor’s generosity and understanding is not to be repaid by one, paltry operation, but I am happy to be given a chance to give back for what I received.”
“And I hope you can continue repaying my Advisor then, Doctor,” Luna responded, trying to sound regal and confident despite all the tension she had been enduring so far. “I will make sure to show even greater thankfulness when I see him walking out of the hospital, I can assure you of that.”
“Thank you, Your Lunar Majesty, that is most kind… but I outright decline being made an administrator, or a dean of medicine, or anything like that, if your generosity would be so grand,” Silver Scalpel let her know without even a smug smirk. “These positions are a huge responsibility, which is fine with me, but also rob one of the time to follow one’s passions. On hunting trips, for example. And there are so many wonderful species out there to examine.”
Again, Luna stopped herself from commenting, especially seeing how Elegy’s muzzle twisted once more. She was perfectly fine with the silence and lack of further remarks being a form of partial gratitude to the surgeon.
Luna had felt her jaw clenching before she found the courage to ask Silver Scalpel about one more matter. Even though she wanted nothing more than to witness Moonwarden, she dreaded the… the sight she would encounter.
Yet she had to brave this anxiety, for him. “Could I… could I see him?” she finally managed to ask, surprised how meek again her voice sounded.
Silver Scalpel thought for a second before replying. “Your Majesty is well aware that the healing process is a fickle thing, and we want to prioritize patient comfort and safety. We have to move mister Moonwarden to his room now, and that will take some time, especially since we need to monitor his vital functions constantly,” he explained, making Luna ready to accept him declining her request. Yet, a small, almost imperceptible smile appeared on the surgeon’s lips. “But I will make sure you are allowed to see him for a brief moment after he is settled in, albeit from the corridor. Would that be alright?”
“Naturally, Doctor,” she told him, trying to hide the mirth over such an opportunity. To see Moonwarden one more time, at least, though that thought brought cold, paralyzing fear to her whole being.
True to his word, Silver Scalpel, before finally heading to rest after all of the long hours of operating, had assured that her servant had received one of the best rooms, prepared accordingly with many medical apparatus that Luna had little knowledge about. Of the many things that had changed over her absence, specialized technology was still a thing of wonder to her. However, she could easily understand that all of those contraptions were to constantly check on Moonwarden’s state, and alert his caretakers of any issues.
The doctor, as well, had made sure that the right ponies were constantly watching over the grey unicorn, though Elegy’s comment over them might have been a lot closer to the truth than one would be comfortable with. These nurses were strong, tight-lipped stallions that had both medical experience, as Luna bet, and would easily find some common ground with Toolbox, at least when it came to the readiness of applying necessary brute force to solve matters. Not that Luna felt intimidated by them in any way, as nopony would be able to stop her from seeing Moonwarden. But a fact was still a fact, and Silver Scalpel’s assistants were more than adequate to assure the extensive security for their patient.
Yet the moment Luna finally fixed her eyes on her servant, none of these previous thoughts of hers had any importance.
“Moonwarden…” she heard her own, shaking whisper.
The unicorn had been placed and properly supported on the bed in the most orderly and hygienic way that could be arranged, however seeing him like… like he was terrified Luna to the core.
She could only image the amount of work which had been put into simply keeping him alive, considering that the bandages were tightly covering most of his torso and neck. His mane had been combed, but it lacked that shine and neat quality that Moonwarden always tried to keep, battling his gray strands, which in return was giving the stallion a strange appearance, as if Luna was witnessing a wax figure rather than the actual pony. Those… tubes, placed around his nostrils, supplying him with fresh air as she understood, were similarly unnatural, just like all of those wires. They connected her servant to the machinery, like he was a poor, broken puppet on loose strings, left to fend for itself in an abandoned toy store…
Luna felt tears gathering in her eyes as she put her hoof against the glass, separating her from the stallion. His grey presence always had such incredible an strength and charismatic aspect, yet that time it was… gone. On the bed in front of her lay a poor, wounded unicorn, barely clinging to life. His clothing and belongings kept in a separate place for the moment, for investigation, leaving one of the most important ponies in Luna’s life before her, bare and powerless.
She would never call herself ‘utilitarian’, especially when it came to others. She never looked at ponies as mere assets to use, benefit from their talents and abilities. So it wasn’t that which was causing the strange... emptiness in Luna’s mind and heart. It wasn’t Moonwarden’s loyalty, it wasn’t his dutifulness, it wasn’t even his pride, which she had found herself both indulging and trimming, depending on the situation. The sheer fact that she couldn’t just talk with him, share her thoughts, her insecurities, the fact that she couldn’t witness his eyes shining so wonderfully when he was witnessing her smile. It was all so incredibly draining, debilitating, drilling a hole right in her heart.
“Your Majesty...?”
Luna perked up, thinking for a moment that the unicorn somehow woke up, greeted her, ready to ask if everything was fine!
But it was Elegy’s faint voice which came to her after all. Trying not to show disappointment over the fact, Luna somehow manage to move her gaze away from Moonwarden.
“Yes?”
“I have checked, as you have requested,” the actress replied, her voice both tender and official. “Other than the media trying to get a hold of any information they could extricate from the hospital, nopony had asked about master Moonwarden. No family, no official associates, nopony.”
Luna had told Elegy to make sure about that before seeing her servant, yes, and the news were a little perplexing to her. Moonwarden’s relationship with his family back in Trottingham was non-existent, to tell the truth, but she had hoped somepony would ask about him anyway. Especially considering the circumstances – a Royal Advisor found, covered in blood, in the middle of Canterlot. Though his kin’s indifference was not as hard to imagine as this sudden lack of interest from at least a single mare, one who should have been desperately trying to learn of his state. After all, he was carrying her likeness in his pocket, was he not...?
Luna sighed. Emotions were such strange things. Only recently, with all that had been happening, with her trying to break free of the ancient grasp of her past, her melancholy, she was truly rediscovering them. And while it made her feel sad for her servant being left without a loved one checking in on him, worrying, caring, she was nonetheless glad that she, herself, could fill that void with her presence.
And yet...
She placed her hoof on the glass again. She hoped to be able to be on the other side of this barrier in a night or two, if Moonwarden would continue to fight the silent battle for his life victoriously. She wanted to hold his hoof, to… to just be close. It felt almost irresponsible, but she hoped that Tia would help her and take on at least some of Luna’s usual responsibilities for the time being. Luna’s need to be in this hospital, by her servant’s bed, was simply overwhelming.
No, that wasn’t quite right. This wasn’t just some duty to a subordinate, or an unhealthy obligation, this felt much more important. Much deeper than that. Deeper than amity, than Friendship, it was just…
Luna… couldn’t name it properly, but trying to grasp the very feeling made her face grow pleasantly warmer. Right before her expression fell once more.
This was not the time for silly thoughts.
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While he may not be out of the woods yet, I love the fact that Moonwarden is too stubborn to die.
Now I just want to see how the assassin will react when if they are brought before their goddess and realize that they have royally messed up.
Excellent as always
11531852
Happy to hear you think so, just trying my best to keep things interesting.
11531855
I can assure you that there is never a dull moment
11531860
Now you are being too kind, friend!
I wasn't expecting an update so this was the most pleasant surprise! I love seeing your story pop up on my tracking list
And I'm honestly waiting for someone to comment the translation of midnight and rowan's conversation because I couldn't for the life of me look right now, stupid depression
11531945
Glad I could provide. And, knowing the struggle, I'll help you out.
"I'm sorry..."
"And... and you think that it is enough?"
"No. But I think it is a good start."
Hmmm, the crux of Twilight's discussion with Berry and Midnight could be summed up with the difference between veneration and worship ... at least for forgiveness ...
In the hospital, 'Lunar Majesty' seemed to be overused, but ...
11531981
I think there is nothing wrong with a touch more deference when the sovereign is facing such troubles.
11531984
Technically, while I can see the actress and Guard doing so, not so much the Doctor ..., it makes all three seem a bit off ...
11531993
Oh, Silver Scalpel knows exactly why he is saying that.
At the edge of madness, in a time of sadness, an immortal soldier...
11532054
Sometimes, that's the one thing a person can become.
11532064
Ah, sorry, I was trying to make a reference to Sabaton's song "The Unkillable Soldier" about a man from WWI who similarly just absolutely refused to die.
11532127
No, I got it. That was just me saying that it was, allegedly, Moonwarden's time to prove himself like that.
This was an interesting chapter and Twilight had a very engaging philosphical conversaton with her aides. If Midnight Wind wishes to learn more about forgiveness he could ask Discord since he never expected to receive forgiveness after his betrayal and has alot to say about it as a result. It's fitting that Moonwarden refuses too die and it's clear that Luna struggles with her emotions as a result.
This is going to sound kind of weird, but Rowan Berry really gives off Jaime Lannister vibes to me; the internal conflict between what their soul knows is right and what their cynicism believes actually happens, the close connections to a major antagonist, and now this chapter's meditations on oaths and forgiveness. She even has her own secret knowledge in the form of the fate of Mistlock's beloved, who I am now even more sure is still alive. But, even if I'm just seeing things on that front, I still love how you've powerfully complicated Rowan Berry in these recent chapters; where in Chapter XXXIX - Wrong and Different she seemed like a stereotypical Femme Fatale, now she seems like an actual character, an actual person you could meet on the street. And this,
this is beautiful. So much comes together in this one little paragraph; the contrasting mindsets of Equestria and Noctraliya, Rowan Berry's religious beliefs, and her guilt. This is Rowan Berry, summed up in four small lines. More than her spying, more than her relationship with Midnight, this is the core of Rowan Berry's character, the mare caught between a desire to serve her Goddess and the terrifying thought that what she's done in that service is actually an abomination. Like Sunfall Ordain, she wants the Immaculate Moon to praise her, but she's terrified that the only words her Goddess will have for her are ones of rebuke.
11532147
Interesting idea, to have him talk with our resident Spirit of Chaos. That could work to some degree!
11532173
Glad I managed to flesh her out well enough, then. I always wanted her a bit more complex.
That actually reminds me of this conversation in chapter XXVII
Mhmm it looks like Rowan Berry and Midnight Wind took a similar oath......maybe the Occultani oath?
Go through his pockets and look for loose change. This chapter was a practice in head trips.
11532793
Interesting idea.
11532842
A lot of curious things is happening in those, yes. A very accurate expression.
And also, there's a difference between all dead and mostly dead, indeed.
Well well, Rowan Berry is discovering that it's not always Equestria that has things easier. Where in Noctraliya, you can pray to your silent goddess and believe yourself forgiven, in Equestria you can't run away from your actions that easily. You have to face the consequences yourself, not a shrine.
Not that the assassin is going to be that lucky. Oh no, that one is going to get to face the actual goddess they claim to worship, and forgiveness is not going to be an immediate priority on her list.
Ah, and it seems Midnight has realized something similar. He has always sought punishment for the death of his wife, but never forgiveness. And his father in law has always looked down on him for his failure, but never punished him, and now Midnight is realizing that the punishment he looking for is never going to come, and instead he is going to have to do the one thing he fears more than anything else: face his father in law and seek forgiveness, rather than punishment.
11533109
I've decided for there to be a little more thinking and philosophy after the action of the previous chapter. Glad I have managed to reasonably sell it.
wonder if midnight and berry would kill foals if so ordered.
also, if moonwarden is now sleeping due to drugs and not
due to magic, does this mean luna can enter his dreams?
pbs.twimg.com/media/E3BhE9uXIAQktXE?format=jpg&name=large
I'm liking how neither of them are fully buying that though. Can't fully embrace 'duty above all' without abandoning any need for forgiveness for performing such action. Hopefully they can recognize how toxic this mentality is before they're ordered to do something monstrous.
Ironically, it's this disorder that gives Equestria the edge over Noctraliya when it comes basic development in general. Ideas and people are heavily controlled and monitored in Noctraliya. A farmer who comes up with more efficient way of raising bats in his 40s won't be able to change professions and see his ideas become reality. Even if he could somehow convince someone in the proper position to make it happen, it could be seen as giving a family a bit of an edge over all the others and never allowed to escape their mountain. The free flow of information and people in Equestria has let it surge ahead of Noctraliya, letting it use advanced medical equipment to keep it's best and brightest alive while the bat ponies continue to rely mainly on herbs. Funnily enough, this has probably lead to IP theft being one of the priorities of the bat pony spies on international missions, just to try and prevent them from falling too far behind. Probably the most secretive part of their missions out of shear embarrassment.
11533403
Ah, a very good question to ask, actually.
11533433
I'm not sure in "embarrassment" is the good word here. However, indeed, in all societies there are people that see their respective weaknesses, I think.
A blade through the lung... He is lucky to be alive. "Royal Advisor too stubborn to die."
Twilight is peeling away at things. Though she still hasn't nailed the heart of the issue. She is getting close though.
11533784
Like a blade in search of the heart. Close, but not close enough.
Read this and the previous chapter in one go.
Damn.
Not much more to say, eagerly awaiting more.
Local pony too loyal / in love to die.
And I adore the continued humanitarian and character development of poor Rowan.
11534860
I'll take that, gladly.
11535040
Happy you are enjoying that. She surprised me too, actually.
Finally caught up! Very unexpected development, I expected Moonwarden to be attacked at some point but not to be so grievously wounded. It was a nice touch that you didn't make the mentalist also an overpowered battlemage.
I'm looking forward to the fireworks when Luna realises it's one of her ponies that did the deed. Of course, shock explains why she didn't come to the conclusion immediately but this is one reckoning that is inevitable, in my opinion.
The timing of the assassination is also interesting, why now? They simply became aware of his interference now or are the harsher plans already in motion and this is merely the first step? If the latter, I do not see how Twilight will have the time to complete her tour before hostilities are out in the open.
Berry's question was indeed quite poignant but she surely should have expected that those living under the light of the Judging Sun don't get absolution do easily, by merely repenting and begging forgiveness... Twilight, naturally, answered a bit more gently but managed to get the message across.
11535801
Glad to have you updated! And, no, Moonwarden could not be that. He's painfully aware that his talent in magic is rather limited to his, small branch.
There are many plots in motion, I feel. And while some of them are terrible, some scenarios seem to push ponies in unexpected directions, as it seems to be happening with Rowan Berry.
There's a certain peotic quality in the fact that Moonwarden got stabbed right when he was about to abuse his powers on some poor beggar. Perhaps less so in how his acquaintances fawn over him, but as they are pretty much all people I find distasteful for one reason or another, I am perhaps not in the best position to say much to that anyway.
11540767
There is, most definitely.
Daaaamn…. Good chapter!
11548758
Why, thank you.
Shame she didn't look for such a picture
Or for coffee to make matters confusing
11620243
That... would be confusing.
I really enjoyed the conversation between Twilight, Rowan Berry, and Midnight Wind. I feel like this gave some more insight on the role of duty in their society. Also, I continue to get the feeling that Count Mistlock's beloved is still alive, especially now with how she claims not to have gone as far as rumored when performing her duties for Azure Mist. (Of course, 'alive' doesn't necessarily mean 'well'). I do wonder though if Azure Mist did order for her to be put to death, as so many seem to believe, or if she was 'handled' in another way. If the latter, I could see this coinciding with what Rowan Berry said. However, if it's the former as commonly suspected, I wonder if that would be a moment where she's ordered to do something and think it to be against the will of Neskaza Lunee, so she alters how she carries out her duty.
I really liked this in particular:
We've seen her wrestling internally with her duty vs religious beliefs, but never admitting those struggles out loud, especially not to any other pony. It was also slightly surprising to see her apologize to Midnight Wind but a nice moment. Speaking of Midnight Wind, I can't help but feel that his internal turmoil goes beyond believing that he inadvertently sent his wife to her doom (not that this isn't something big to deal with of course).
Princess Luna may have been able to prevent herself from devolving into a giggling fit, but I sure couldn't. Can't even claim that Moonwarden still being alive is due to plot armor (not that I would, especially since he's still very much in peril and on the knife's edge). It's just so in character for him to just refuse to give Death the satisfaction.
Hmm...what if I were to tell you, Luna, that this mare is indeed showing her deep care and concern for Moonwarden's state but you just aren't aware of who it is yet.
11632411
Hey, good to see a comment from you again, friend!
And I'm glad that you're still enjoying my take on things.
I honestly kinda want to know what happened.
11725767
He's a right character.