• Published 24th Apr 2012
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Ponies on Bronies - Ravenmane



Shenanigans return to a familiar house that sits on a hill overlooking the Everfree Forest

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11 - The Lunar Princess

Play company to Princess Luna on top of Crusader duty? I’m not liking my day off here. No, it’s too early for liquor and I can’t sulk, both will do something to affect my judgment regarding the three fillies. I for one am a very happy drunk, and that will just come to bite me in the flank by dinnertime. By my second cup of coffee though, I was cooking breakfast for four.

In no time, I heard the sound of three sets of hooves coming down the stairs to see what’s being made. “How do you girls want your eggs,” I asked groggily. Let’s face it, I didn’t want to be awake for at least three or four hours but I was up and there was no going back to sleep.

“Scrambled,” echoed two voices.

“Ah’ll take em over easy please,” replied Applebloom.

“Got it,” I replied to the trio. “Two sets of scrambled eggs, one over easy, and I think I’ll just make myself an omelet.” I was working more like a machine right now, cooking on autopilot. Three glasses of juice, one mug of coffee, two plates of scrambled eggs, one plate over easy, and an omelet, I could do all of that on autopilot.

*****

With plates and glasses at the table, the crusaders took their seats and had at their meal. I went to check the news and eat a little more quietly. There wasn’t anything interesting in any paper, and all I got for my horoscope was something about a “visitor from afar.” Normally I find it amusing, but I don’t like knowing it’s right before I even see it.

“So what’s the plan for today Alex,” asked Scootaloo eagerly when I came back into view.

“I need a shower and a change of clothes before we do anything. Also, I have to see if someone can watch you three for a while later on tonight.”

“Is it somethin we did,” asked Applebloom.

“Not at all,” I replied, “I’m going to have company and I’d like that to be a little more private.”

“Somepony we know?”

“That would be a safe assumption. Do you think you three could help me find someone to keep an eye on you for the night?”

“What about Rainbow Dash,” asked Scootaloo excitedly.

“We will not be bothering Rainbow tonight,” I said firmly. “I’d like to remind you that not everybody here can walk on clouds Scootaloo.”

“I’m not sure if we should, but you could try asking my sister,” suggested Sweetie Belle.

“I know what you mean. That might not be a safe idea Sweetie, but I will if I have to. Have any ideas Applebloom?”

“Fluttershy,” she asked with a skeptical look on her face.

“I can always hope,” I said, before grabbing the crusader’s empty plates and heading into the kitchen to do them.

*****

After resigning to a pot of coffee and a fresh change of clothes, I simply stared at my mirror. “Think this will go well,” I asked my reflection.

“It’s a slippery slope,” it replied calmly. “If nothing else I’ve got your back.”

I grinned. “Hard to have my back if you’re stuck in the mirror buddy.”

“Details, details,” it replied in a lax tone. “Just make sure you, Twi, and Dash are fine with everything.”

“Um excuse me Alex,” I heard from the doorway. I turned to see Sweetie Belle looking up to me. “Are you talking to somepony?”

“Hear any other voice in here Sweetie,” I asked her.

“No, I only heard you talking to somepony. I couldn’t hear who you were talking to.”

I smiled. Got it reflection can’t be heard, I thought. “It’s hard to explain Sweetie. I suppose I’ll talk to Twilight about it, I think it’s magic related. Let’s see if Fluttershy’s willing to keep an eye on you three fillies.”

*****

“Fluttershy,” I asked as I knocked against her front door. It was actually a warm day, for November of course. “Fluttershy, are you home?”

“Ah’m not sure she’s home Alex,” called Applebloom.

“Can you please check a window girls?”

As the trio went to check, the door opened. Standing at the threshold was Angel glaring at me.

“Is Fluttershy in Angel,” I asked to the white bunny.

His glare turned into a scowl and he tapped his foot impatiently.

“Cut the crap or I’ll find a use for a cookbook about rabbits Angel. Is she in or not?”

His glare softened into a fearful look once he caught a quick flash of my teeth, and he shook his head nervously.

Checkmate you little prat, I thought. “Show me where she is Angel.”

*****

Angel was actually pretty easy to keep up with, especially with a trio of fillies to help me keep up. He led us into the outskirts of the Everfree Forest, to a small cave and waited.

“Lemmie guess Angel,” I said as I reached the bunny, “a bear?”

He nodded slowly and pointed a shaky arm towards the mouth of the cave.

“Thank you Angel, I’ll take it from here. You can go back to Fluttershy’s and keep an eye on things there.”

After giving a silent sigh, he scurried back the way we came, quickly out of sight.

“So what’d you do to him,” asked Scootaloo.

I turned to give the trio a smug grin. “A little coaxing can go a long way, especially when you’re not amused by bunny trying to look tough.”

“So Fluttershy’s in there,” asked Sweetie Belle.

“If that little cottontail’s willing to double-cross me then I’ll be sure he knows better next time Sweetie. Just to be safe, how about you three just wait out here okay?” After getting nods from each, I made my way into the cave.

*****

I had a surprising amount of light from outside as I went inside. Normally, I’d expect a bear hibernating about now but well… Equestria has a tendency not to follow a human’s concept of normal. I’d say that’s lesson one for any human coming to have a visit here. I had elected to remain silent until I saw either the bear in question or Fluttershy, so all I heard were the echoing sounds of my footsteps.

Fortune shined on me after a little while once I caught a glimpse of pink and yellow further inside. My light was dying out, but I’d wager I saw a wing and either her tail or mane. “Fluttershy,” I chanced, as I got a little closer. What can I say? I was running out of light and I liked being able to see with some clarity.

“Alex,” I heard nervously echo in the cave.

“Can I have a moment Fluttershy?”

I heard her sigh. “It’s okay,” she was saying to who I could only assume was the bear. It wasn’t long until She came into my sight though. “What can I do Alex?”

“Well,” I said nervously, “I can see you’re really busy so I think I’ll ask somebody else.”

“Oh, can you please tell me anyways,” she asked me bashfully. I’ll admit, she defines adorable when she does that.

“I need someone to watch the girls tonight. I’m getting a visit from Princess Luna and I’m afraid I can’t keep an eye on them. Or have them ask a bunch of questions.”

She gave me a warm smile. “I’m sorry I can’t but I hope you can find somepony. Rarity was by yesterday asking for some peace from the girls over the weekend.”

And here I thought she was looking for an excuse, I thought. “Got any suggestions for me Fluttershy?”

“Um, if it’s just for the night you could try Pinkie.”

“Thanks Fluttershy,” I told her with a smile before heading back outside.

After I got back outside, I sighed. “C’mon girls, let’s try Pinkie.”

*****

After we arrived at Sugarcube Corner, we were left at the mercy of Pinkie being Pinkie. Cupcakes, slices of cake, candy, hot chocolate, the works, and it was really tricky to get a word in edgewise.

“Pinkie I need to ask you something,” I tried through my fourth glass of hot chocolate. This was my fifth attempt to get through to the party pony.

“How is it,” she asked frantically. “I added a bit too much chocolate didn’t I?”

“No, it’s great. Pinkie, please listen to me though.”

She dashed into the back room and came out with a little powdered cinnamon. “You like a little dab of cinnamon don’t you?”

I blinked, startled at her mad attempt to make it perfect. “Yes, but that’s not the point. Sit down and listen to me for a teeny tiny moment okay?”

“Um excuse me,” came a customer’s voice, “can I get a half dozen of those triple chocolate cupcakes Pinkie?”

I groaned as Pinkie rushed off to help the customer. Welcome to my early afternoon.

After helping the customer, Pinkie dashed over to Twilight off in the corner. She, much like the crusaders and I, was taste testing something for Pinkie. “How’s the mousse?”

“Just fine,” Twilight replied with a sigh, “but Pinkie I think you should listen to Alex. He’s been trying to ask you something ever since he showed up.”

“Oh, I already know what he wants,” I heard her say cheerfully. “I can’t do it but I thought I’d get him to help me out a little. This is the first time the Cakes have let me run the store for a whole weekend and I can’t mess it up. If something goes wrong then they’ll never ever leave me alone again.”

I refrained from saying anything; my nervous eye twitch said everything for me. I ushered the crusaders out while Pinkie was distracted by asking another taste tester. How could you betray my trust, I thought after we snuck out. You’re my friend; you owe me big for doing this to me.

“We’re running out of easy plans aren’t we,” asked Sweetie Belle.

I simply nodded, a look of absolute defeat on my face. I didn’t want to do this to Rarity. I mean it, I did not want to do this at all.

*****

“Is the scarf too short Alex,” Rarity asked me while she was frantically working on a jacket.

I had the truest form of misfortune today. First, I was a test subject for Pinkie and her quest for the perfect desert. Now, I was an unfortunate fashion victim. “Rarity, can I please have a word with you?”

“It’s too short isn’t it?”

“No, it’s just fine but I have to tell you something.”

She paused and looked at me nervously. “Are the girls giving you a lot of trouble?”

The trio of fillies near the doorway looked a little nervous. They were afraid to talk and say something that would destroy my defense.

“Something unexpected has come up Rarity,” I started to explain. “I’m sorry, but I need to renege on our agreement so I can do it.”

She gave me a glare of foreboding doom. “Upstairs now, we need to talk.”

I gulped hard, removed the scarf, and followed her upstairs.

*****

“What in Equestria is so important that you have to break a promise,” she hissed after locking the door to her room.

I sighed, knowing she’d do anything to find out why I had to dump those three back on her hooves. “I’m having company tonight. Very unexpected company from Canterlot.”

“And just who is this company?”

“Princess Luna,” I replied grimly. “She said we have a few things to discuss regarding my feelings and my living arrangements.”

“I was going to be bringing my date home tonight,” she whined. “Please, I beg of you just keep them tonight!”

“I can’t play host to the girls and Princess Luna. Not while we’re talking about something that might end up being really sensitive.”

“But I can’t watch them, I have a date and something might come from it!”

Everything interesting happens here, the strangeness that was once something I saw through my television every Saturday had become the norm every day now. Weird things became just another afternoon affair. A boring day’s work became the norm every single morning. Rarity and I argued about who was going to keep an eye on the girls for hours, but this felt more like a slice of a human’s life. It didn’t feel Equestrian until you got to the fact that she wanted to bring a stallion home, which seemed normal enough, and I was going to have her take back three fillies so I could cope with royalty. Like I said, everything interesting happens here.

“Fine, I’ll have my date and then, even if I want to, I won’t bring him home with me,” Rarity finally said. “You owe me though.”

“A while back you asked me for a favor,” I knew who owed me when, “consider us even.”

“Fine,” she pouted, “but you can watch them for the rest of the weekend right?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to impose too much.”

*****

“Thank you for sending me notice,” I said as I welcomed the lunar princess into my home.

“It must be difficult getting used to everything,” she said as she calmly came inside. “You are in a completely new world and things must have been trying to get used to.”

“Well, it’s more like getting used to ducking a lot Princess Luna. I’ve had plenty of help adjusting to everything else.”

She gave me a brief smile. “You are as tall as my sister so I suppose that is understandable. Are the ponies of Equestria treating you well?”

“So far they are treating me very nicely. I still get a stare on occasion, but it usually comes from somepony visiting town. Can I get you anything?”

“I would enjoy a glass of milk if you can spare it.”

“Certainly, but I haven’t really started cooking just yet Princess. I mean it took me forever to find somebody to keep an eye on Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. I didn’t want them to overhear something they shouldn’t is all. I also wasn’t sure what you would like to have to eat.”

I got a surprised look from our princess of the night. “Very well, then I think we should start our discussion while you are preparing dinner.”

*****

I was cooking while Luna enjoyed her glass of milk. “What I’d like to discuss is exactly what I said in my letter,” she began. “You are very close to Twilight Sparkle correct?”

“Yes,” my smile went unseen, “she means a lot to me. Is there something wrong with feeling that way about someone outside your species?”

Princess Luna gave me a brief laugh. “You sound a lot like her, when she first told me about you. She was not as forward about it, but she felt the same way.”

“I’ve been hearing that a lot.” Enough to get sick of hearing it, I added silently. “If we’re so close then is there something I should know? I mean besides ‘get off your flank and ask for her hoof’ cause it’s more complicated than that.”

“Complicated how?”

I drew in a deep breath, ready to try to explain it to the lunar princess. “The relationship I have with Twilight isn’t just the two of us; we’re pursuing a polygamous relationship with a pegasus named Rainbow Dash.”

“Oh, is that all?”

I was stunned, at least until my brain kicked in and reminded me exactly who I was talking to. Not to mention that it was still perfectly in our legal rights. “That’s about how complicated it gets.”

“It is nothing to be ashamed of Alexander,” she commented pleasantly. “When I was seeking a partner last he inquired if I would mind a second mare in our relations. Ours was a far more passionate life after that addition.”

“It was something legal back then too?”

“It was. Your world does not have this relation?”

“Well, culture and national laws varies but where I’m from it isn’t.”

“Well, I am afraid that I will have to be the bearer of ill tidings. You had put thoughts towards the future have you not?”

“Well, yeah. Is there something I should know?”

“You’re content with no foals of your own?”

She caused me to falter in my movement, everything in my mind shut down. “I feel like I should’ve seen that coming Princess Luna,” I replied vacantly.

“In a way I suppose you might have,” she said nervously, “Twilight Sparkle told me you were smart.” Even Luna could tell she hit a pressing issue with no subtlety. “I am sorry Alexander, but it is the truth. You are not a compatible species as far as I can tell. There is nothing wrong with loving each other, but I wanted you to know.”

I had gone back to cooking almost mechanically, just like in the morning. “Is there anything we can do about it?” I have to admit it hearing something like that is a completely different story. I don’t think anyone’s prepared to hear bad news even if you knew it was coming.

“Would you feel better if you talked about this with Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash present?”

“I would,” I replied without a thought to the contrary. “It’s too important not to.”

“I shall leave you to your cooking then and get them. We’ll discuss your options upon our return.”

“Dinner for four then,” I said with a weak smile.


Ponyville library…

Twilight Sparkle read by lantern light on her bed. She had been examining every page of her book for the past hour.

“Be bold,” she read at a whisper, “even if you think you are absolutely positive they understand, drive the point home with-.” A gentle rapping at her balcony window immediately interrupted her. She slammed shut her copy of The Egghead’s Guide to Romance and slipped it back into its hiding place before answering.

“Princess Luna,” she said alarmingly.

“Pardon me Twilight Sparkle,” apologized the lunar princess, “but I must ask that you head to Alexander’s home for dinner tonight.”

“Alright, let me just douse my lantern and I’ll be on my way.”

Princess Luna smiled before taking flight, her eyes set on the floating home of Rainbow Dash.

*****

Above Ponyville…

“Don’t push too hard,” read the daredevil, “as a pegasus, you must be prepared to ease back when it comes to proving your point while dealing with non-aerial ponies.” She lowered her copy of Relationships and You: A Helpful Guide for Pegasi and placed a hoof to her chin. After weather duty, not to mention a brief trip to Cloudsdale for the book, she had poured over both Chapter Five: Non-Ponies and Chapter Nine: Polygamy nonstop.

“So, be rational and a little less straightforward eh?” Unlike her unicorn counterpart, Rainbow Dash had managed to finish her thought before she heard a knock at her door. Rainbow glanced over to her clock, which read 8:55 and was more than a little confused. “Who in the hoof would bug me now?”

“Please accompany me for dinner this evening,” said the lunar princess as soon as the door opened. “Surely, Twilight Sparkle is on her way to Alexander’s house as we speak.”

“Uh, alright Princess Luna.” Rainbow Dash was more than a little confused by the sudden appearance of the lunar diarch, but was more than willing to go along with things as soon as she heard Alex’s name.


“So regardless of how we feel we can’t have foals,” asked Twilight over dinner after she and Rainbow were brought up to speed.

“Yes but Princess Luna,” I turned to look at her, “you told me there’s something we can do about that.”

Luna nodded. “You have a few options; the best, and safest, one is the most obvious of them: magically transforming one of you into the other’s species. In ancient times it was a method used to allow a love like the one you all share to bear fruit as it were.”

Rainbow, Twilight, and I exchanged appraising glances. “Would either of you want me any different than I am,” I asked them.

“I’m not gonna lie to ya Al,” Rainbow replied, “we’d miss stuff right Twilight?”

Twilight nodded in agreement. “But what if we became human instead?”

“Just out of nowhere blindside everypony with human Twilight and Rainbow Dash? Getting used to being on two legs all the time, being tall and lanky, having no magic or flying, could either of you get used to all of that?” I thought Twilight without magic seemed weird and a flightless Rainbow just seemed absurd. “I wouldn’t mind, I’d love you both either way, but could everypony else handle it?”

“But the opposite applies to you Alex. Could you learn to cope with a new line of sight, or being a quadruped? I mean, it would be a massive change for any of us.”

All of us,” Rainbow corrected.

“It wouldn’t be as simple as that,” clarified Luna. “If Alexander pursued becoming a pony, then nopony would know what kind of pony he would become until the spell is finished.”

Twilight stared at Luna and I could tell what was going through her mind. Imagine learning magic from scratch, or figuring out how to fly when you’re an adult.

“Would you teach me about magic Twilight,” I asked shyly after a little while.

“Naturally I would but,” Twilight started but she just froze mid-sentence.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” I chanced to explain when she couldn’t finish. “I mean like, at first it was just because I was a fan. Then after you two and your friends visited, I thought about it more seriously. Lately, it’s more like jealousy. I mean I love you,” I glanced to Rainbow, “both of you and I love having all these cool friends, but I’m just not like everypony else. I want to be more of a part of everypony’s life.”

Twilight just stared at me. I knew that something was churning in her mind, but that was all.

“You are a part of everypony’s life,” added Luna supportively. “Every pony in Ponyville knows you’re somepony they can depend on.”

“Uh Princess Luna,” Rainbow said skeptically, “I mean I know you were here for Nightmare Night, but you haven’t been here any other time. How would you know that?”

She beat me to my question, I thought as I tried not to show my irritation on my face. Of all ponies, Dash would just happen beat me to my bucking question!

“It shows in other ways,” Luna replied with a hint of smugness hidden behind a good imitation of her sister’s general serenity. “Alex, your desire to keep others happy and ensure other ponies don’t have to learn about things that would take longer to explain. The thing that verified this to me was how you acted earlier tonight. How you wanted both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle to be here while we talked about this, and how you ran around all day to find somepony to keep an eye on three fillies you were supposed to be taking care of.”

I was bright red by the time she finished talking. “I didn’t think we should have them involved in this talk,” I explained as the duo turned to stare at me accusingly. “Rarity understood the gravity of the situation and knew just why I had to renege on what we planned.” I gave Luna a casual glance. “They do give you their regards though Princess.”

“Please Alexander, tell them thank you for their consideration. You will be returning to your earlier plan with her in the morning correct?”

“Naturally, I can only ask so much of my friends.”

“Yes, thank you for proving your integrity to me as well. I doubt I personally need much more proof that you would go to any lengths for a small slice of peace here in Equestria.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with how you’re both acting about this,” interjected Twilight. “I love you for who you are Alex, is that enough for you? Don’t I have a say in this?”

Rainbow groaned. “We do,” she said as she pointed a hoof at the librarian, “but try thinking about the future Twilight. You’d like ta have foals eventually right? Sounds great to me.”

“Well,” she hesitated, “yes but couldn’t we adopt?”

It was my turn to cut Rainbow off. “I’d like to be able to answer a few things for them then. What kind of father would I really be if I couldn’t help them in any way I could?”

Luna cleared her throat as she tried to return the conversation. “For how long have you thought about this?”

I bit my lip. “Since my visit to the school I’ve been wondering about those sorts of questions. Things like ‘why don’t you have a cutie mark’ or ‘how come you’re so different’ I’m not sure I could really answer those to family. It’s a little easy to tell a class those sorts of things it’s a bit more impersonal, but to talk about it to a child that you’re raising. It, well… it seems so personal that I don’t think I could answer them like that.”

Twilight gave me a bashful nod. “I get it a little. I mean I don’t think I could imagine how that would be for a foal, but I understand what you’re trying to say.”

I got out of my seat and moved over to the chair between her and Rainbow. “Thank you for understanding Twilight,” I gave them a brief hug, “even if only a little.”

“You’re thinking more like a father before you even become one,” added Luna with a smirk.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing,” asked Rainbow skeptically.

“For now,” I said with a smile, “I think it’s a good thing. It shows I’m trying to be responsible even before something life altering happens.”

Twilight glanced first to me for support, to Rainbow for confirmation, and then to Luna. “We’re willing to support Alex, so what’s the next step?”

“What else Twilight Sparkle,” Luna answered smugly. “We bend the law a little more. The spells we need are deep in the archives, and we’ll probably want to do them there, so we aren’t caught sneaking them out.”

I gave her a skeptical look. “Are these spells legal Princess?”

“Last I checked.” She gave me a flimsy smile, the same I get from Twilight from time to time. I’m not a fan of that smile, but it showed some encouragement at least. “It will be easiest if I check the security before we do this. I want to make sure we can get in and get out without being seen. My magic will be easier to notice, so we will have to do this even more carefully than you would think Alexander. I’ll send you another letter when I’m ready to go over everything.”

“Sounds like a good enough plan for now,” added Rainbow casually.

“Well then, I suppose I should return to my duties. Thank you for the meal Alexander, expect to hear from me sometime soon.”

I gave a calm ten count as I escorted Luna, Twilight, and Rainbow back to the front door. Bidding each a good evening, and the latter two with a kiss, I closed the door and sighed. I’ve needed a drink all day, and it’s about time I get one.

I had no sooner than turned around then there was a knock at the door. Not surprisingly, both Rainbow and Twilight were waiting.

“I don’t wanna invite myself in or anything but I wanted to see if I could spend the night Al,” Rainbow asked.

“I wouldn’t mind if you’d allow me the same courtesy,” added Twilight.

I rolled my eyes, but fully opened the door. “Come on in girls,” I said. “We can test it out a little more I guess. I mean like, sharing a bed as a romantic group instead of as friends.”

“I’d like that,” commented Twilight.

“I’ll take window-side if you guys don’t mind,” added Rainbow. “I’ll wanna get up and get to work early tomorrow. Give me some time to think ya know?”

Twilight and I nodded in agreement. I suppose we all needed time to think about things, but I was still committed to that drink right now.