Two more Changelings charged at the Princess.
Two more Changelings were effortlessly killed and fell aside like rag-dolls.
With the pathetic attempt at stopping her advance rectified, Twilight would continue forward through the Hive. Her intent was clear; she was out to kill the surrogate mother of the Changelings, Queen Chrysalis.
She never payed the price that she should have that day, when she nearly destroyed Canterlot. Thinking about that, Twilight realized that many of Equestria's living enemies were never really brought to proper justice, save Discord, as his betrayal was forgiven. Queen Chrysalis was practically allowed to roam free. This was Celestia's decision, despite Twilight's recent protests against leaving her alone.
These thoughts started when Tirek was imprisoned in Tartarus. If it had been up to her, he would have been killed for his crimes. That's when she realized...
Why isn't it up to me? I'm a Princess, too. I should have some say in this. But no, they just want me to keep smiling and waving...
It was also then that she discovered her new power.
Walking up to the Changeling corpses, she charged her horn in a black aura, lowered her head, and opened her mouth.
A green ribbon of magical energy trailed out of the Changelings' mouths, and into her own.
Twilight felt the magic fill her, sharpening her senses and giving her a heightened sense of awareness. She momentarily heard the last thoughts of one of the Changelings, as the Hive Mind spoke to her. A few more Changelings killed, and she would know where the Queen was.
Twilight reached a hoof down, and closed the eyes of both Changelings.
She turned away from the cadavers and continued through the Hive. She suddenly stopped, and turned her head to face the dead Changelings again.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered, a tear running down her face, before continuing once again through the Hive.
Normally, Twilight was the most forgiving mare you could ever know. Normally, her home wasn't destroyed by a thaumophagous Chimera. Something in her snapped when the Golden Oaks Library was reduced to ash, and she had a new perspective of justice, or the lack thereof in Equestria. Sure, she had a shiny new crystal palace, but it just wasn't the same as her old home.
Another Changeling swiftly turned his head upon noticing the Princess, as her horn was softly glowing with her signature violet-lavender aura.
He charged and threw himself at Twilight, only to be run through by a purple sword of magical energy, impaled by his own weight. His eyes went wide, and his jaw opened in the shock and pain.
"I'm... so sorry..." she whispered in his ear, the sword disappearing. She used her hooves to gently guide the dead Changeling to the ground, where she repeated the magical draining on his corpse, and closed his lifeless eyes.
Once again, she heard the whispers of the Hive in her head. She was almost able to sense where the Queen was, but she was reluctant to kill more Changelings. If she could, she would leave them alive. The first time she tried to drain one alive, the rest of the Hive was alerted to her presence, which would ultimately lead to more dead Changelings.
She only had her sights on the Queen. She was the one who orchestrated the attack on Canterlot. She was the one who nearly cost Twilight her brother, her mentor, and her friends, plus Princess Cadance. Changelings needed to feed on love to survive, so Twilight didn't fault them for it. She faulted Queen Chrysalis for choosing to take it with force, and leading the innocent Changelings to do so. The Hive would be better off without her.
Surprisingly, she also found herself holding Princess Celestia accountable. She knew she shouldn't think that way, but she knew it was justified. Now, she was taking matters into her own hooves, and making sure an enemy of Equestria pays dearly for their crimes against it.
Another Changeling noticed her. It charged, but was quickly lifted by Twilight's magic. As swiftly and painlessly as she could manage for the poor Changeling, she ended him with a swift and forceful turn of his head. Another tear ran down her face as she killed another innocent. Her total was now seven. Seven Changelings removed from this world by her hooves. Seven innocent lives extinguished. One guilty life she would still remove.
She lowered her head and drained his magic through her mouth. A green flash momentarily covered her vision, as she finally found what she was looking for. It was almost like she could see the Queen through the black and green walls of the Hive. She could feel her move, speak, and even felt her breaths through her own.
"Found you."
She immediately began charging through the Hive, a mental map of the entire area provided to her by the Changeling's memories. She could see every tunnel, every side path, every exit in the massive expanse. Finding the quickest and safest route was trivial with this knowledge.
She even had time to plan an escape route, should it come to that. She did have one disadvantage, after all.
Twilight was connected to Queen Chrysalis, along with every single Changeling, through the Hive Mind at the moment. The Queen would know every move Twilight would make before she made it, and likely sense her every thought. However, the Queen also shared the disadvantage. Twilight would be able to do the same.
It took little time to get to the center of the Hive, where Queen Chrysalis already lay in wait. She opened her mouth to speak.
No words ever came out. The Queen was silenced by a massive barrier of magic pinning her to the throne in the back of the room. Changelings seemingly poured out of nowhere, all of them approaching Twilight from the rear. The buzzing of their wings was the only sound that permeated the room.
Twilight had sensed the Queen's ambush. A matching barrier of purple magic rose up behind her, managing to block off all the Changelings. She had no intention on taking any more innocent lives, after all.
"Just you and me. Leave them out of this," Twilight hissed. Queen Chrysalis struggled to open her mouth and respond, but no sound escaped. She was being crushed by the barrier.
Letting out a yell, the barrier shattered as the Queen pierced through it with a green spike of magic. It kept whooshing through the air towards Twilight, and the aim was true.
Twilight barely teleported into the air and out of the way in time. The spike kept going until it hit the barrier behind her, shattering on impact. The barrier held strong, still preventing the Changelings from entering, despite their efforts to break through and protect their Queen.
The fight had just started, and Twilight had nearly been killed already. The mere thought of this drove her to rage. If she died, those Changelings would have been sacrificed in vain.
Twilight was not nearly as powerful as she was when battling Tirek, as she no longer had the power of three other Alicorns. Still, the power of one angry Alicorn was enough to be rightly feared.
She controlled her frustration, making sure not to make the mistake of being careless again. Instead, she focused on protecting herself, as she should have done from the beginning. She knew Chrysalis would try to fight with pure brutality.
Her eyes began to glow bright white as she channeled a spherical shield around herself. The power behind it was so great, that purple bolts that resembled lightning sparked off of it and into the ground and walls. Her wings folded to her back as the magic supported her in the air.
Her eyes faded from white to a dull green, her pupils turning scarlet. Fiery purple magic leaked from them. Her horn's aura went black, and the sphere around her darkened. She would end this quickly, as the Changelings behind her were taking a toll on her barrier.
Suddenly, she was gone, seemingly vanishing into nothingness. Queen Chrysalis looked around nervously, not knowing whether to feel joy, despair, or terror.
"Surprise."
She felt an intense burning sensation on her back, and she experienced pain like she had never known. She shrieked as she fell to the ground, her legs no longer obeying her.
She looked up to see Twilight, her hooves surrounded by a shadowy flame. Looking down to her legs, she noticed that one was broken. It must have happened so fast that she somehow didn't feel the pain, or the pain was overridden by the burning.
Twilight pressed a flaming hoof on the Queen's chest, coaxing more screams of pain. Another hoof struck her across the face, causing further burns.
Twilight jumped back into the air, lifting Queen Chrysalis off the floor and into the air with her.
She only had time to look down and see a large spike of magic materializing directly below her. She felt her weight shift down, and she saw no more.
Time slowed down. She felt the spike sunder her back. Then, there was nothing.
Twilight landed back on solid ground, in front of the impaled Changeling Queen. Her hooves were limply hanging back, her chest facing the ceiling, and her head was ominously staring at the other Changelings.
Twilight slowly returned to normal, the magic around her returning to her body. Her barrier finally collapsed, but the Changelings were no longer hostile. Instead, they looked around confused, some looking like they just awakened from a bad dream.
It was done, the feeling of accomplishment was grand, yet somehow limited. She knew why. Queen Chrysalis was only one of many who had yet to receive punishment. Her victory over the Queen could only be the beginning. Why should she stop here? Why would she stop here?
Her victory was decisive, but Chrysalis was far from the strongest of enemies since her power faded after her defeat at Canterlot. Twilight would need more power. Fortunately for her, the means to do so were at her hooftips, and a potential source lay impaled right next to her.
She stared back at the Queen, and could immediately tell that she wasn't quite dead. She was grasping to her last tiny piece of life. Twilight could tell just by looking into her eyes, but could also sense that she was in immense pain.
That's exactly what Twilight wanted.
She wanted her to suffer. The Queen would have the pleasure of still being alive while Twilight ripped her magic out of her body. She would not take it gently.
Her horn darkened again, as she opened her mouth, and the energy was forced from Chrysalis' form.
It was a sensation rivaled only by receiving the Princesses' combined powers.
Twilight was lifted off her hooves and grinned wickedly, as the raw magical power filled her to the brim.
This...
This was only the beginning.
Twilight's morals are funky. She doesn't want to kill innocents and feels bad about it yet tortures Chrysalis? It's odd logic but then again I suppose that being insane has no logic
That reminded me of The Edge of Tomorrow.
I'm loving this, so far. I can't wait for more. The premise is fantastic. I'm sure the consequences will be dire.
You have my attention. Keep it up.
*Favorited
~Make Life an Adventure~
Mr. Flare
I'm really curious as to where this is going to go. Let's see where this takes us, hm?
4561676 4561611 4561563
...someone actually downvoted these comments.
Obvious troll is obvious?
4562090 Obviously.
Threat level Holy Crap...check! Freaky little "What Could Have Been" story you have going here...! My question is, does she retain (or have in the first place) a knowledge of the difference between Justice and Vengeance?
This would read better as: Twilight continued forward through the Hive.
Interesting, I do feel like the motivation wasn't really there though.
"My home was destroyed so i am going to kill all of Equestria's enemies." thats one hell of an overreaction.
Now, if you went AU and made it so Tirek killed all her friends in the battle and then was simply 'banished' for it. THEN this would be VERY believable.
Look forward to seeing what you do with it going forward. (Although there are not that many enemies lol) unless she started going after enimes like flim flam, and lighting dust....
or nightmare moon...aka luna...
This is an evolution of an monster.
hey this made the popular list, gratz
That is another thing. Twilight's thought process is very similar to Abridged Goku's
Goku(TFS): "You can hurt my son, kill my friends, but NO ONE STEALS MY FOOD!"
Twilight: "You can steal magic, hurt my friends, but touch my house?! YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD!"
4562461 To be fair, Lightning Dust was a sociopath
thaumophagous
Today we learned a new word, class!
4562345 That... is something I cannot talk about. (Hinty hint hint)
4562461 Ok, let me explain;
She's moderately PO'd that her house is destroyed. He also tried to take over Equestria, and is only banished for it. Twilight thinks he should have a more severe punishment, which leads her to think ALL of them should have had more severe punishments.
She's a bit crazy as well.
4563143 That's me! Always writing words that you never knew existed!
4564317 Ah ok... That's not really a reason to go insane though... Again I would say if someone died you would have something there, as it stands the cause is weak...
Nor was it really covered in the story (she seems to have a very rational thought process, it's just a huge leap on how she got there) don't really get an insane vibe from her thought process. Actions yes.
But hey, it's your story.
"She must gain power to carry out this task. When she does, her enemies will know her wrath. But, is this really justice? Will the young Princess stop at her enemies, or will her rage run much deeper?"
Well, of course she's going to go power-mad and crush Ponyville (or Canterlot, or individual ponies) semi-accidentally in a fit of (self-) righteous fury. Power corrupts, and absolute power absolutely corrupts.
Corrupt Twily!
I... I...
I IT! *joins in the ride*
I'm sorry, but this was bad. She doesn't want to kill innocents, yet she does, en masse. But it's okay to torture Chrysalis, she's different. You cannot have cold-blooded killer and remorseful-of-killing-smaller-soldiers in the same paragraph, much less the same story page. It makes Twilight come across as schizophrenic, or even insane.
I know the concept you're trying to get across, I do. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I get it. But this was not portrayed well in either regard, and frankly you should be ashamed for the pendulum back-and-forth in Twilight's head. It's almost instantaneous-- jarring and not at all like the character in any regard. She's an assassin, but she feels bad. She's using dark magic, but to kill her enemies only. You may as well say she has a dark past and her village burned down while you're at it. I gotta thumbs down this one.
Can somebody help me with
?
My computer's dictionary isn't coming up with anything.
I love corruption stories, can't wait to see where this one goes
Can You Call it Justice?
I could, but I have thoughts. So I'll call it as I see it; Power Fantasy.
4566451 I know right
4565909 mine too
Try this https://duckduckgo.com/?q=thaumophagous
4564944
Good to know you've been paying attention.
4566650 Maaaaybe.
4566923
4565909 A thaumophage is a creature that devours magical energies.
4566451 Evil corrupt Twi is awesome Twi.
4567246
Thank you, good sir.
I wanna see the rest of the Mane Six (and Spike), Cadence, and Shining Armor be appalled by this. When all of her friends and even her family reject her for what she has done, I don't think she'll take it well.
Of course, that may take a while, because we DO need some more plot for that to happen...
Have mah gold star, sugahcube.
4567246 ok
So, she absorbs Chrysalis' magic. Does that mean she owns the Hive Mind now? You keep what you kill?
A ridiculous notion.
On one hand, it`s a hivemind, utterly open and self-aware, and on other it`s solely Chrysalis` fault?
Does not wash up.Given your own stipulation of being unable to hide anything while being connected to hive mind, every single changeling had a part in the fiasco at the wedding.
Alternatively, if Chrysalis had so much of a willpower as to enforce her own notion on the hivemind unilaterally, then Twilight exposing herself to that hive mind should have had been, at the very least, incapacitated, if not outright subjugated off the get-go. After all, we do know that Twilight is prone to bouts of self-doubt.
Finally.... Why does everyone picture magic fights as if they were actual swordfights or something similar? Given telekinesis alone, the real right would`ve been going on right inside the combatants, pitting their precision, power and scope making each other`s bodies fail in myriad of ways. Given that some of the most simple cantrips could be used to horrifying effect if applied to the right part of body, it should be much more... intimate, quick and disturbing experience then lancing each other on will taking solid rod forms.
4569928 'Sir'? Heheeeeennnoope.
4569933 Ah guess y'all have t' wait 'till the next chapter.
4570814 Well, absorbing the drones' magic gave her a very small connection to the Hive Mind. Absorbing the Queen's, who is the midpoint of the entire Hive? Maybe.
4571019 A fair opinion. However, she only absorbed the magic from a few drones. With the amount of natural magic she has, she could easily resist any 'suggestions' Chrysalis made to her in her little messed up mind.
4571671 'Don't hate your enemy, hate the one that leads them'
4574064
That does not change much. Two distinct possibilities remain...
1) Chrysalis was the sole decisive factor of the whole hive. Then killing her killed the hive, and having any remorse about killing separate changelings is rather ridiculous in the face of imminent hive death.
2) Decision have had been reached by the collective hivemind. In this case, singling out Chrysalis as the perpetrator is entirely unjust. Either the whole hive must be exterminated, or the notion of execution needs to be revised considerably.
4574141 1. That was irrelevant. Just because she makes decisions for the Hive doesn't mean they will all drop dead. Also, the Queen's magic is still very much alive.
2. The Changelings think what they do is right because their Queen thought it was (to an extent at least). Since their thoughts are shared... well, I'm sure you can figure it out. They won't think what Chrysallis thought anymore.
4574923
1) Magic is just a tool. Without a mind to guide it, it`s about as sentient and kind as tsunami. And if Chrysalis was the alpha and omega decider of the hive mind, then it would have had experienced something close to lobotomy. Suddenly without a decision-maker, it would tear itself apart. Granted, it may end up splitting into several smaller hives, each developing some sort of decision-making mechanism (not necessarily the same one, mind - imagine a hive of changelings that makes all of it`s decisions by rolling dice, and think just how problematic it would get). But even with all that, the consequences and body toll for the hive would make a few changelings a footnote in the statistic.
2) I`m not sure if you realized it yet, but mine 1 and 2 in previous post were mutually exclusive notions. If hivemind is the one making decisions, then Chrysalis, per se, is simply performing a role of a face for a singular being that is hivemind. At which point, I have to note that it would be cruel and unusual to remove the face off someone who attacked out of hunger.
___
To put this shorter, my point is this... Insofar, it does NOT look like what Twilight is doing is justice at all. Given that changelings subsist solely on love and hive had been discovered and cast out of Equestria, they`re condemned to death by starvation in any case - Twilight`s attack is merely adding an insult to injury.
If anything I would`ve expected of her to capture Chrysalis and coerce her in one way or another to serve the needs of protecting Equestria. Killing her accrues nothing worthwhile.
4575241
1. The magic DOES have a mind to guide it.
2. There could be other ways for Changelings to feed. It doesn't have to be forsive as Chrysalis did it.
At that last part of your comment, I just facehooved. If you're looking at whether what she does is justice or not... well, look at the title of the story.
4575607
My point is not exactly "it`s not justice", you see...
It`s pretty obvious that Twilight is not going in right after the wedding, half-cocked in a hot-blooded rage, right? No, she had the time to plan, consider, premediate.
And this? This brings us to the next point. Twilight is usually pictured as a mare of outstanding intellect. I`d like to think that she is, at the very least, as smart as I am. And if I can figure out that killing Chrysalis is, at best, a pointless endeavor? I`m quite bloody certain Twilight could figure it out as well.
About the only reason I can think for her to do that is to "steal" magic... and given that changelings are primarily powered by love, there`d be nothing but scraps in Chrysalis` possession at the moment. No matter how you twist it, it would be MUCH more prudent to take Chrysalis alive. After all, given all that she`s done for Equestria, Twilight Sparkle could be reasonably sure she has a healthy influx of love energy from Equestrian populace. So it would make MUCH more sense to capture Chrysalis and make her explain how to shape and guide all that energy, instead of killing her for the meager scraps that she already processed.
4575678 That's not the point. The point is, Twi has whatever magic Chrysalis had, so the Hive won't just die. Also, remember Twi is going somewhat crazy. Yes, it would have made more sense for her to take the Queen alive, but 'since' isn't her biggest forte right now. I really can't say much more without spoilers, but you have addressed several things that I was planning to include In the next chapter.
4575902
...So that`s how a cookie crumbles. Going all-out OOC to set up the scene for wangst? Count me out. And have a well-deserved thumbs down for that. Good fanfiction should play up to preestablished characters, not flounce them to the four winds.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121113135243/mlp/images/thumb/6/67/Spike_wearing_protective_gear_S3E01.png/320px-Spike_wearing_protective_gear_S3E01.png
This was a rocky start.
First, it's a very specific type of dead when a body no longer lives, but the mind can still register coherent thoughts from outside of it. If only Miracle Max were close by...
Second,
You can't just drop a word like that and leave it be. Googling it takes me to a website for a game I've never heard of before. You could have given us some context to explain it. Douglas Adams let us know what a hoopy frood was. Also, because I'm a Greek Mythology nerd, he was a Centaur.
Third,
I picked this paragraph, but her entire plan makes no sense. Couldn't she knock them out just as easily as kill them? And why does she need their power in the first place?
Then why did she kill them?! If she knew that was going to happen, which she could have after draining the first one or so, what was different about draining them alive or dead? The end result was the same.
And don't tell me it was insanity. Showing your enemy the respect to close his eyes after killing him shows lucidity. Twilight knew what she was doing.
And then Twilight thinks this:
Bit of a facepalm moment. There was no reason for them to die.
Fourth,
Another moment of lucidity, even though it's wrong. This is a nitpick, but Chrysalis was never shown to be brutal. She infiltrated rather than dominated. She even teleported Twilight to a prison instead of outright attacking her when they were alone.
Fifth,
Sudden switches in perspective can be jarring. "She" referenced Twilight through the whole chapter up to this point, and now it meant Chrysalis. Then you jump back and forth for the rest of the fight.
Sixth,
This was the best part of the chapter. I believe this was the moment Twilight truly embraced the insanity you mention in the comments. The problem is that everything building to this moment feels rushed and inconsistent. Twilight could have felt something when she killed the changelings. Guilt, or fear of herself, or a stronger feeling that what she was doing was wrong, but she soldiers on anyway. Chrysalis could have taunted her with that, asking if Twilight even really knew why she was doing what she was doing.
The thing is, we have an example of canon crazy Twilight. The Lesson Zero episode was all about Twilight slipping further and further away. And when she turned, she turned. There was no flipping back and forth between rationality and CMC terrorizing, lucidity and insanity.
I hit you with a lot, and I'm afraid this will feel like I'm just piling on, but I want you to know that I'm keeping this story in my Read Later list. The concept can be interesting. Slow down, and give yourself some room to work with.
I have an idea, but I'll keep it to myself. I'm hooked, but I'm scared too.
4575939 Right, because who wants anything original? Oh, it appears at least 94 others do.
Also, that means you went on this story just to repeatedly hate, trying to start some 'controversy', and just leave with a downvote.
Nice one there. Did anyone else actually read that guide to constructive criticism? This one clearly didn't.
4576343 After the last two that hammered this story, your reasons actually make sense (save for one which will be addressed in the following chapters). I'll make sure to take that in stride, and I thank you in advance.
4580537 Heh. I scare myself sometimes.
4586731
There`s original, and there`s stupid. If you think handing out idiot ball to Twilicorn is original... Well, sorry to disappoint you, but it`s been done so often it makes me cringe each time I see it done again.
Comprehend this - my complaint is not that you "dared" to do something different from canon. My complaint is that you did it in a way that implies the normally smart character must be willfully stupid.
It`s NOT fun to read about a character you have fondness for (and let`s admit, if you weren`t fond of characters, you wouldn`t be around this site, now would you) being suddenly devolved to a level of intellect usually reserved solely for disney villains. For no good reason, I hasten to add - there`s so many ways to make this good. But you didn`t take any of them.
Could you put a Flashlight romance in your story?