Twilight takes justice into her own hooves, and enacts it on the enemies whom never really payed a price for their actions.
Tirek is in Tartarus, and Twilight has a certain power of his.
She must gain power to carry out this task. When she does, her enemies will know her wrath. But, is this really justice? Will the young Princess stop at her enemies, or will her rage run much deeper?
Rated Teen for Violence and light gore.
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Twilight's morals are funky. She doesn't want to kill innocents and feels bad about it yet tortures Chrysalis? It's odd logic but then again I suppose that being insane has no logic
That reminded me of The Edge of Tomorrow.
I'm loving this, so far. I can't wait for more. The premise is fantastic. I'm sure the consequences will be dire.
You have my attention. Keep it up.
*Favorited
~Make Life an Adventure~
Mr. Flare
I'm really curious as to where this is going to go. Let's see where this takes us, hm?
4561676 4561611 4561563
...someone actually downvoted these comments.
Obvious troll is obvious?
4562090 Obviously.
This would read better as: Twilight continued forward through the Hive.
Interesting, I do feel like the motivation wasn't really there though.
"My home was destroyed so i am going to kill all of Equestria's enemies." thats one hell of an overreaction.
Now, if you went AU and made it so Tirek killed all her friends in the battle and then was simply 'banished' for it. THEN this would be VERY believable.
Look forward to seeing what you do with it going forward. (Although there are not that many enemies lol) unless she started going after enimes like flim flam, and lighting dust....
or nightmare moon...aka luna...
This is an evolution of an monster.
hey this made the popular list, gratz
That is another thing. Twilight's thought process is very similar to Abridged Goku's
Goku(TFS): "You can hurt my son, kill my friends, but NO ONE STEALS MY FOOD!"
Twilight: "You can steal magic, hurt my friends, but touch my house?! YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD!"
4562461 To be fair, Lightning Dust was a sociopath
thaumophagous
Today we learned a new word, class!
4562345 That... is something I cannot talk about. (Hinty hint hint)
4562461 Ok, let me explain;
She's moderately PO'd that her house is destroyed. He also tried to take over Equestria, and is only banished for it. Twilight thinks he should have a more severe punishment, which leads her to think ALL of them should have had more severe punishments.
She's a bit crazy as well.
4563143 That's me! Always writing words that you never knew existed!
4564317 Ah ok... That's not really a reason to go insane though... Again I would say if someone died you would have something there, as it stands the cause is weak...
Nor was it really covered in the story (she seems to have a very rational thought process, it's just a huge leap on how she got there) don't really get an insane vibe from her thought process. Actions yes.
But hey, it's your story.
"She must gain power to carry out this task. When she does, her enemies will know her wrath. But, is this really justice? Will the young Princess stop at her enemies, or will her rage run much deeper?"
Well, of course she's going to go power-mad and crush Ponyville (or Canterlot, or individual ponies) semi-accidentally in a fit of (self-) righteous fury. Power corrupts, and absolute power absolutely corrupts.
Corrupt Twily!
I... I...
I
IT! 
*joins in the ride*
I'm sorry, but this was bad. She doesn't want to kill innocents, yet she does, en masse. But it's okay to torture Chrysalis, she's different. You cannot have cold-blooded killer and remorseful-of-killing-smaller-soldiers in the same paragraph, much less the same story page. It makes Twilight come across as schizophrenic, or even insane.
I know the concept you're trying to get across, I do. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I get it. But this was not portrayed well in either regard, and frankly you should be ashamed for the pendulum back-and-forth in Twilight's head. It's almost instantaneous-- jarring and not at all like the character in any regard. She's an assassin, but she feels bad. She's using dark magic, but to kill her enemies only. You may as well say she has a dark past and her village burned down while you're at it. I gotta thumbs down this one.
Can somebody help me with
?
My computer's dictionary isn't coming up with anything.
I love corruption stories, can't wait to see where this one goes
Can You Call it Justice?
I could, but I have thoughts. So I'll call it as I see it; Power Fantasy.
4566451 I know right
4565909 mine too
Try this https://duckduckgo.com/?q=thaumophagous
4564944
Good to know you've been paying attention.
4566650 Maaaaybe.
4566923
4565909 A thaumophage is a creature that devours magical energies.
4566451 Evil corrupt Twi is awesome Twi.
4567246
Thank you, good sir.
I wanna see the rest of the Mane Six (and Spike), Cadence, and Shining Armor be appalled by this. When all of her friends and even her family reject her for what she has done, I don't think she'll take it well.
Of course, that may take a while, because we DO need some more plot for that to happen...
Have mah gold star, sugahcube.
4567246 ok
So, she absorbs Chrysalis' magic. Does that mean she owns the Hive Mind now? You keep what you kill?
A ridiculous notion.
On one hand, it`s a hivemind, utterly open and self-aware, and on other it`s solely Chrysalis` fault?
Does not wash up.Given your own stipulation of being unable to hide anything while being connected to hive mind, every single changeling had a part in the fiasco at the wedding.
Alternatively, if Chrysalis had so much of a willpower as to enforce her own notion on the hivemind unilaterally, then Twilight exposing herself to that hive mind should have had been, at the very least, incapacitated, if not outright subjugated off the get-go. After all, we do know that Twilight is prone to bouts of self-doubt.
Finally.... Why does everyone picture magic fights as if they were actual swordfights or something similar? Given telekinesis alone, the real right would`ve been going on right inside the combatants, pitting their precision, power and scope making each other`s bodies fail in myriad of ways. Given that some of the most simple cantrips could be used to horrifying effect if applied to the right part of body, it should be much more... intimate, quick and disturbing experience then lancing each other on will taking solid rod forms.
4569928 'Sir'? Heheeeeennnoope.
4569933 Ah guess y'all have t' wait 'till the next chapter.
4570814 Well, absorbing the drones' magic gave her a very small connection to the Hive Mind. Absorbing the Queen's, who is the midpoint of the entire Hive? Maybe.
4571019 A fair opinion. However, she only absorbed the magic from a few drones. With the amount of natural magic she has, she could easily resist any 'suggestions' Chrysalis made to her in her little messed up mind.
4571671 'Don't hate your enemy, hate the one that leads them'
4574064
That does not change much. Two distinct possibilities remain...
1) Chrysalis was the sole decisive factor of the whole hive. Then killing her killed the hive, and having any remorse about killing separate changelings is rather ridiculous in the face of imminent hive death.
2) Decision have had been reached by the collective hivemind. In this case, singling out Chrysalis as the perpetrator is entirely unjust. Either the whole hive must be exterminated, or the notion of execution needs to be revised considerably.
4574141 1. That was irrelevant. Just because she makes decisions for the Hive doesn't mean they will all drop dead. Also, the Queen's magic is still very much alive.
2. The Changelings think what they do is right because their Queen thought it was (to an extent at least). Since their thoughts are shared... well, I'm sure you can figure it out. They won't think what Chrysallis thought anymore.
4574923
1) Magic is just a tool. Without a mind to guide it, it`s about as sentient and kind as tsunami. And if Chrysalis was the alpha and omega decider of the hive mind, then it would have had experienced something close to lobotomy. Suddenly without a decision-maker, it would tear itself apart. Granted, it may end up splitting into several smaller hives, each developing some sort of decision-making mechanism (not necessarily the same one, mind - imagine a hive of changelings that makes all of it`s decisions by rolling dice, and think just how problematic it would get). But even with all that, the consequences and body toll for the hive would make a few changelings a footnote in the statistic.
2) I`m not sure if you realized it yet, but mine 1 and 2 in previous post were mutually exclusive notions. If hivemind is the one making decisions, then Chrysalis, per se, is simply performing a role of a face for a singular being that is hivemind. At which point, I have to note that it would be cruel and unusual to remove the face off someone who attacked out of hunger.
___
To put this shorter, my point is this... Insofar, it does NOT look like what Twilight is doing is justice at all. Given that changelings subsist solely on love and hive had been discovered and cast out of Equestria, they`re condemned to death by starvation in any case - Twilight`s attack is merely adding an insult to injury.
If anything I would`ve expected of her to capture Chrysalis and coerce her in one way or another to serve the needs of protecting Equestria. Killing her accrues nothing worthwhile.
4575241
1. The magic DOES have a mind to guide it.
2. There could be other ways for Changelings to feed. It doesn't have to be forsive as Chrysalis did it.
At that last part of your comment, I just facehooved. If you're looking at whether what she does is justice or not... well, look at the title of the story.
4575607
My point is not exactly "it`s not justice", you see...
It`s pretty obvious that Twilight is not going in right after the wedding, half-cocked in a hot-blooded rage, right? No, she had the time to plan, consider, premediate.
And this? This brings us to the next point. Twilight is usually pictured as a mare of outstanding intellect. I`d like to think that she is, at the very least, as smart as I am. And if I can figure out that killing Chrysalis is, at best, a pointless endeavor? I`m quite bloody certain Twilight could figure it out as well.
About the only reason I can think for her to do that is to "steal" magic... and given that changelings are primarily powered by love, there`d be nothing but scraps in Chrysalis` possession at the moment. No matter how you twist it, it would be MUCH more prudent to take Chrysalis alive. After all, given all that she`s done for Equestria, Twilight Sparkle could be reasonably sure she has a healthy influx of love energy from Equestrian populace. So it would make MUCH more sense to capture Chrysalis and make her explain how to shape and guide all that energy, instead of killing her for the meager scraps that she already processed.
4575678 That's not the point. The point is, Twi has whatever magic Chrysalis had, so the Hive won't just die. Also, remember Twi is going somewhat crazy. Yes, it would have made more sense for her to take the Queen alive, but 'since' isn't her biggest forte right now. I really can't say much more without spoilers, but you have addressed several things that I was planning to include In the next chapter.
4575902
...So that`s how a cookie crumbles. Going all-out OOC to set up the scene for wangst? Count me out. And have a well-deserved thumbs down for that. Good fanfiction should play up to preestablished characters, not flounce them to the four winds.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121113135243/mlp/images/thumb/6/67/Spike_wearing_protective_gear_S3E01.png/320px-Spike_wearing_protective_gear_S3E01.png
This was a rocky start.
First, it's a very specific type of dead when a body no longer lives, but the mind can still register coherent thoughts from outside of it. If only Miracle Max were close by...
Second,
You can't just drop a word like that and leave it be. Googling it takes me to a website for a game I've never heard of before. You could have given us some context to explain it. Douglas Adams let us know what a hoopy frood was. Also, because I'm a Greek Mythology nerd, he was a Centaur.
Third,
I picked this paragraph, but her entire plan makes no sense. Couldn't she knock them out just as easily as kill them? And why does she need their power in the first place?
Then why did she kill them?! If she knew that was going to happen, which she could have after draining the first one or so, what was different about draining them alive or dead? The end result was the same.
And don't tell me it was insanity. Showing your enemy the respect to close his eyes after killing him shows lucidity. Twilight knew what she was doing.
And then Twilight thinks this:
Bit of a facepalm moment. There was no reason for them to die.
Fourth,
Another moment of lucidity, even though it's wrong. This is a nitpick, but Chrysalis was never shown to be brutal. She infiltrated rather than dominated. She even teleported Twilight to a prison instead of outright attacking her when they were alone.
Fifth,
Sudden switches in perspective can be jarring. "She" referenced Twilight through the whole chapter up to this point, and now it meant Chrysalis. Then you jump back and forth for the rest of the fight.
Sixth,
This was the best part of the chapter. I believe this was the moment Twilight truly embraced the insanity you mention in the comments. The problem is that everything building to this moment feels rushed and inconsistent. Twilight could have felt something when she killed the changelings. Guilt, or fear of herself, or a stronger feeling that what she was doing was wrong, but she soldiers on anyway. Chrysalis could have taunted her with that, asking if Twilight even really knew why she was doing what she was doing.
The thing is, we have an example of canon crazy Twilight. The Lesson Zero episode was all about Twilight slipping further and further away. And when she turned, she turned. There was no flipping back and forth between rationality and CMC terrorizing, lucidity and insanity.
I hit you with a lot, and I'm afraid this will feel like I'm just piling on, but I want you to know that I'm keeping this story in my Read Later list. The concept can be interesting. Slow down, and give yourself some room to work with.
I have an idea, but I'll keep it to myself. I'm hooked,
but I'm scared too.
4575939 Right, because who wants anything original? Oh, it appears at least 94 others do.
Also, that means you went on this story just to repeatedly hate, trying to start some 'controversy', and just leave with a downvote.
Nice one there. Did anyone else actually read that guide to constructive criticism? This one clearly didn't.
4576343 After the last two that hammered this story, your reasons actually make sense (save for one which will be addressed in the following chapters). I'll make sure to take that in stride, and I thank you in advance.
4580537 Heh. I scare myself sometimes.
4586731
There`s original, and there`s stupid. If you think handing out idiot ball to Twilicorn is original... Well, sorry to disappoint you, but it`s been done so often it makes me cringe each time I see it done again.
Comprehend this - my complaint is not that you "dared" to do something different from canon. My complaint is that you did it in a way that implies the normally smart character must be willfully stupid.
It`s NOT fun to read about a character you have fondness for (and let`s admit, if you weren`t fond of characters, you wouldn`t be around this site, now would you) being suddenly devolved to a level of intellect usually reserved solely for disney villains. For no good reason, I hasten to add - there`s so many ways to make this good. But you didn`t take any of them.
Could you put a Flashlight romance in your story?
I would like to mention that absorbing Chrysalis's power really isn't a huge deal. Chrysalis was terrified of the idea of facing Celestia on even ground, even after draining power from Shining Armor for days on end. She only won by the barest of margins even then.
Ooo! It's (The story) not dead!
And Ava, you're seemingly doing good enough to write some! So, if I might be so bold, how are you? Things going good? 
Wait... this means I have to finish writing too, doesn't it?
5290765 Well, it's going. Not sure if 'good' fits the bill. But thanks anyway.
It's been quite a while. How are you?
5290776 Start writing!
Am I the only one who read weakened Tirek's lines with old Shang Tsung's voice from Mortal Kombat 9?
5290730 Gotta agree on this one.
It seems unlikely Chrysalis is actually on par with any of the Alicorns by default, Celestia being the biggest no-no.
As such, unless she still holds some of that magic/love from Shining Armor, she's not that big of a power source.