à la mode
“-And then we beat each other up, I told her she wasn’t my friend anymore, and I stormed off.” Split explained to Pinkie Pie as they were sitting at one of Sugarcube Corner’s tables. She took another sip of the milkshake that Pinkie had given to her. Ice cream always made Split feel better. Whenever Split got depressed, she’d usually end up indulging herself in a tub of the really cheap and low quality stuff, mostly because she’d usually get too sad to care. This however, was a pretty nice change from that. Pinkie Pie’s logic defying personality may have started to give her little, overly logical mind what she assumed was some sort of tumor, but how big a genius the mare was when it came to sweets definitely made up for it. Split hadn’t tasted ice cream this good since when her parents first showed the stuff to her.
Sprinkles apparently wanted a taste, because he had tried to get at Split’s straw from the of top of her muzzle, but was denied by Split’s magic nestling him back in her mane.
“Sprinkles, no. You know you’re lactose intolerant.” Split scolded.
Sprinkles angrily crossed his forelegs. Being a lactose intolerant mouse was such a terribly cruel joke on his existence. Not only can he never eat cheese without getting a serious stomachache, but he was always surrounded by ice cream where he lived and he wasn’t allowed to eat it.
It was nothing less of torture.
Pinkie rubbed a hoof under her chin, obviously trying to recall something in her memories.
“Hmmm…this situation seems oddly familiar….Oh yeah! Rainbow Dash had the same problem with mean ol’ Gilda! Boy, that day wasn’t fun for anypony.” Pinkie said.
Split questioningly raised an eyebrow.
“What? One of your friends had an old friend who turned out to be a jerk?” Split asked.
Pinkie nodded.
“Uh-huh. Gilda was soooo mean to everypony! Always trying to keep me from seeing Rainbow, stealing from somepony’s fruit cart, calling everypony ‘Dweeb.’ She even had the nerve to yell at Fluttershy! She was such a meanie mcmeanerson!” Pinkie said with a slightly angry look on her face from the memory of the griffon.
“So what happened? Did she ever say she was sorry or anything?” Split asked.
Pinkie shook her head.
“Nope. Rainbow cut things off with her and she just left Ponyville. Nopony’s seen her around here since.” Pinkie replied.
That wasn’t quite the answer Split wanted to hear, but it was pretty much what she expected of that situation. She sighed and took another sip of her shake.
Back on Split’s head, Sprinkles was looking down at his owner with a twitching left eye. The inner turmoil he was feeling over wanting that milkshake but also wanting to avoid some serious stomach pain was almost unbearable.
“Guess that shows how much hope’s left for my friendship then.” Split sighed.
Pinkie’s sat up and looked at the filly in shock.
“Now wait a minute missy! There may still be a chance for you and Diamond to make up! I don’t think you should give up that easy!” Pinkie exclaimed.
Split looked back at Pinkie with the best deadpanned, “You have got to be kidding me” expression she could make.
“Look Pinkie, I like your optimism and all, but let’s be real here. First, Diamond’s turned into probably one of the biggest jerks I’ve met in my life. She pushed a filly into the mud and insulted her mom. I should know; I was there. Second, we beat each other into the ground and insulted the heck out of one another. If you have a way for things to come back from that, I’d sure love to hear it.” Split said in a sarcastic manner.
Pinkie admitted the filly had a good point. This entire situation made the whole Gilda thing look like it wasn’t a big deal. At least Rainbow and Gilda didn’t try to publicly kill each other.
“Hmmmm…well…I think you’re kinda looking at this from an outsider’s point of view.” Pinkie said.
Split tilted her head in confusion. She legitimately didn’t expect Pinkie to make any sort of comeback to that. This mare was just full of surprises.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean, try thinking about how Diamond may feel. You were one of the closest ponies to her. Is there any reason that she might be acting like this?” Pinkie asked.
Split thought about this for a moment with increasing concentration with every passing second.
She suddenly came to a pretty hard realization, as she slapped her forehead in response.
“Oh my gosh, I am so so so so so so STUPID!” She yelled.
“What? Did you think of something?” Pinkie asked.
Split nodded furiously.
“Yeah, and I feel pretty dumb for not thinking of this earlier.” Split responded.
“Well spit it out! There’s friendships at stake here!” Pinkie squealed while bouncing up and down.
“Okay…a long time ago, Diamond and I lived in a town called Hoofington. It was a pretty nice place actually. Not too big, not too small, not overly crowded…come to think of it, probably the only incredibly huge structure in the entire town was Diamond’s mansion…anyway, neither of us had our Cutie-Marks back then.” Split started. Pinkie nodded as Split talked.
“As you can imagine, foals without Cutie-Marks were not very well received by the others. We were no exception. Both of us were pretty much at the bottom of the food chain.”
“What? Bottom of the food chain? But…isn’t Diamond’s family like, REALLY rich?”
“Oh they are. But having a ton of bits doesn’t stop ponies from trying to get under your skin, and boy did it drive us nuts. Diamond was used to having whatever she wanted being bought for her. The problem was, your Cutie-Mark can’t be bought, and that made her so upset. We’d always need to keep each other company and to cheer each other up whenever those bullies got to us.” Split said.
“So…you think she’s only doing this because she finally got her Cutie-Mark and just feels the need to rub it in?” Pinkie asked.
Split tapped her chin.
“More than likely. She may be doing this because she doesn’t want to get bullied again, or she just wants to have the same satisfaction of gloating like everypony else in Hoofington had…arrgh, I’m such an idiot for not figuring this out sooner.” Split groaned with a hoof to her face.
Pinkie patted Split’s back.
“Are you feeling okay?” Pinkie asked with a look of concern.
Split took her hoof off her face and let out another depressed sigh.
“Pinkie, I have a terrible case of OCD, my paranoia knows no bounds, I turn into a raging psychopath when I get mad, and to top it all off, I beat up my best friend…so no. I’m not alright.” Split answered with a tinge of sadness in her voice.
Split hadn’t been looking at Pinkie when she talked, but diverted her eyesight back to her when she heard what sounded like a balloon deflating. She flinched when she realized that Pinkie had undergone a most unsettling change in appearance. Her coat had turned to a much darker shade of pink, and her normally poofy and curly hair had turned completely straight. The look on her face was probably the worst part; her eyes looked incredibly sad compared to earlier, especially with the tears filling them up.
Before Split even had a chance to voice her concern on the matter, Pinkie grabbed hold of her and held her in a tight deathgrip…way too tight for Split’s tiny spine.
And to add to the agony Split’s back was in, Pinkie was hysterically crying.
“I-I’m so s-sorry! P-Please don’t be sad! W-When other ponies c-cry, I-I-….WAAAAAAAAAAH!” Pinkie wailed. Pinkie’s hug of death was starting to become to the point where Split’s face was turning as purple as her mane.
“Urrrrgh! P-Pinkie…t-too…t-tight.” Split groaned, deathly fearing for her spinal cord. Realizing that she was hurting the filly, Pinkie quickly let go of Split just as quick as she had grabbed hold, and she wiped her muzzle with a slight sniffle.
“S-Sorry. I just really don’t like seeing ponies look so sad.” Pinkie said, a few tears still in her eyes.
‘Wow…Pinkie’s nice and everything, but she looks like she has some serious bipolar issues.’ Split thought to herself. She patted Pinkie’s shoulder to get her to relax.
“Pinkie, you don’t have to be so upset. My friendship with Diamond couldn’t have ended on worse terms, and you wanted to help me when I was feeling down. Not many ponies would bother to help out a nutball like me. Thanks Pinkie Pie.” Split said with a smile. She reached up to Pinkie and gave her a slight hug, a lot gentler than what Pinkie had tried. Pinkie felt a lot better afterwards, and her mane had re-inflated to its full poofyness.
“Hehehe. Glad I could help! I always want to see ponies at their happiest!” Pinkie cheered, resuming her bouncing. “So, have you figured what you’re going to do about Diamond? I mean, she might be willing to change her ways if you talk to her.”
“Ehhhh, not exactly. I mean, how am I supposed to go anywhere near her after what happened? I don’t know how to go about this. All I really know how to do is make ice cr-“ Split stopped midsentence when she thought of something. She looked back and forth between her milkshake glass and Pinkie Pie with a wide and entranced look in her eyes.
Sprinkles crawled onto the table and took a good look at his owner. He knew that dazed expression better than anyone else Split knew, and every time she got it it terrified him. Whenever her eyes got that look, her mind was focused on one thing, and one thing only.
A new idea for ice cream.
Split was back in The Delight Zone.
“Pinkie. I have to go. Now.” Split said before quickly darting out of Sugarcube Corner’s doors, unfortunately leaving poor Sprinkles behind.
“Wow. Something tells me that Twilight would really like that filly. I hope everything turns out alright.” Pinkie said happily as she bounced into the kitchen, humming a tune as she did so.
Sprinkles didn’t consider this such a terrible scenario, as he now had the remainder of Split’s milkshake all to himself. Although, he was still contemplating the pros and cons of gulping the whole thing down, knowing he’d probably regret it later on…
Split was now back in her room at Rocky Road, sitting at her experimentation desk with a notebook of dessert-related spells open next to her. She had managed to clean her room of the terrible mess she had made that morning due to her mother interrupting her spell.
But this time she had to get it right. And for reasons other than her own personal curiosity for what she could do with her magic.
“Alright Delight Zone, you can’t fail me now. I know for a fact that Diamond loves my ice cream. Maybe I can apologize with something extra-tasty. Maybe something with caramel…whipped cream…sprinkles maybe?...Wait…Oh no.” Split quickly felt the top of her mane where her mouse usually liked to hide when he traveled with her.
Nothing.
“I LEFT SPRINKLES BEHIND!” Split yelled, her hooves held to her cheeks and her eyes widened in terror. Normally, nothing could break Split out of her trance, but the sudden realization that Sprinkles was gone was making her freak out way more than The Delight Zone ever could.
“Nonononononono! I have to go find him before something terrible happens! Somepony might step on him, or he could be eaten by a cat, or-Gah! I don’t want to think about it!” Split wailed as she went for the door. Upon opening it however, she was met with a rather unusual sound.
Squeeeaaaaaak…
Split looked in the doorway to see a rather pudgy-looking Sprinkles holding onto his stomach, obviously trying to ease some sort of pain.
“Oh my gosh Sprinkles! I was soooo worried abou-waitasecond.” Split used her magic to bring Sprinkles a little closer to her face where she could give him a thorough inspection, only to find a few drops of milkshake on his whiskers.
“…….REALLY?!?!” Split yelled.
Sprinkles, in spite of the pain in his stomach due to his lactose intolerance, gave his owner a “Totally worth it” look.
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All aboard the featured train: Destination 9/16/14!
My interest is piqued. Here, have a like.
~ Super-Brony12
I just saw this story sitting in the feature box and decided to give ti a read through.
You have an interesting idea, but the execution gets a little murky.
It feels like you've not really decided how to write the story. Some parts we have this very casual attempt at prose that gets close to breaking the fourth wall, then at other times we have these clearly cartoonish scenes, and yet at others we have scenes that get frighteningly realistic.
There's too much going on at this point in terms of actual writing. Let's take Pinkie's scene as an example. Instead of focusing on Pinkie's chaotic randomness, which would by the canon/cartoonish approach, you focus on her mental state, going so far as to have Split think she is bipolar. This is fine, but then just after we have Split's Delight Zone, which is clearly cartoonish in the same sense as Pinkie Sense. The mouse is basically a cartoon sidekick, played for cheap gags, which is at odds with the emotional point of Split being confused over whether Diamond being a bully or her being her friend is more important.
Ultimately, I think you're trying too hard to indulge in different tropes of MLP fics. You don't need the ridiculous jokes about the mouse or the focus on the Delight Zone. These feel unnecessary and detrimental to the story. I realize that you have a Random and Slice of Life tag, but honestly, then you shouldn't try and have these serious parts broken up by poor comedy...
It makes your story feel like it's bipolar.
It's "à la mode".
I like this story.
I would feel so much better if some how some way from the farthest reach of the multiverse that Tiara makes the first move toward forgiveness.
5014276 Fixed.
5014391 She just may. Who knows? She might just start begging for forgiveness before Split even gets a word in. Diamond's pretty messed up about this whole thing.
Sorry split she attacked dinky, the law. Is clear
*myself, deadpool, derpy, the doctor and strax all cock a shotgun*
Diamond dies!
"The nerve to yell at Fluttershy." Okay, that one is kinda bias, like it's a CRIME to yell at her, yes it's not nice, but I think Pinkie's bias is talking there.
5016925 Ehhhh, I dunno. It IS Fluttershy. I mean just look:
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/106/c/7/fluttershy_puppy_face_by_sirfrederick97-d4wf75h.png