The bullet shot passed the target and hitt the wall behind her.

hit

She wore black, skin-tight, latex pants and a long latex jacket jacket that stopped at her knees.

delete one jacket

other than those 2 i cant see any errors (but i dont have a eye for errors) anyways cant wait to see where this goes its awesome for some reason i imagine like near the end twilight will be the boss (kinda like "The Boss" from saints row)

Love it

WOAH, HEY

...I'm a gang now?

Punch the living daylights of all those punks!

.......What the heck is Twilight doing here?

Not in the gun store I mean, just in the city at all. It's obvious at this point any useful skills she has will most likely not involve combat, especially since as far as I can tell there's no magic (is there?)

So unless she's some sort of super hacker or smooth talker I really don't see why they wanted her in the Elementals, I get recruiting people you trust is important but even then Twilight still seems an odd choice. Just because they're related doesn't mean you can trust them with these sort of things.

*nods head* yeah this is gonna get good. Can't wait til twi gets used to this.

4444827
Cadence asked her to come because she BELIEVES Twilight can be trained. She sees potential and wants her trained, only Dash is annoyed that SHE must be the one to train her.

4444137
happy birthday late or early

4444137 Kronos is also a another spelling of Cronus, a titan from Greek mythology.

4445001 I know it is, Greek mythology is where I choose most of my names, I just found it funny.

Christ, that cover art certainly grabs your attention, doesn't it?

4445515
That's the point
i try and make my covers (using PhotoShop and pics i find on the internet) pop out like that.

4445538 Although I'm pretty sure that most GTA cover art has more than just a bunch of women. There's maybe one or two pictures of women and the rest are images of car chases, helicopters, gangsters in a gunfight, etc.

Although I'm definitely not complaining.

4445557
Couldn't find any gunfight pics with anthro ponies. especially not in the art style that fits the rest. So, I figured I'd stick in a car on the right to try and break it up

4441651
Then by all means enjoy working on it, but I will still suggest thee all mare orgy, with Shining Armor in it too for some odd reason ending.

4445717
I already have plans for a Celestia/Luna/Twilight scene... and two are well-EQUIPPED...

4445732

Oh but a True SR ending is an orgy and you know it, for whatever reason SR4 had a "Romance" option. Still, the story, if it progresses needs at least one male character in the gang and I suggest SA.

4445750
He'll be in it since Cadence is Twi's sister-in-law. Still trying to find out how to bring him in. and I haven't beaten any SR games but now I REALLY want to

4445755
Well no REAL Orgy happens, unless you count the many kill counts when you near the end of an SR game, or even GTA5's more "Save my bros" option.
Oh the glorious end of all the f*cks, even if GTA5 had a bad case of rushed storyline making.
They should have focused on Mike/Trevor conflict more or at least have a more concrete story which ended with "Kill everyone, save my bros".

4445755 If there's one SR game you need to finish, it's SR4.

I normally shy away from anything with the gore tag, but your cover image has me sold. A princest pic AND Scootaloo a' la Kloudmutt?... I'm sold.

Will probably get around to reading it later.

I just read the first ch and two things stick out at me.
1. is Luna a hermaphrodite? I don't mind. I know it seems obvious but I would like some description since it is just written that she pulled up her pants I didn't know if she is a herm, using a magical dido or strap-on (though from Twi's like of lack of reaction for having one it seems like it could be not that unusual to her.) A eventual explanation about why she is a herm would be good to.

2. Throughout the ch Cadance is mention but when we do see her she barely says anything and pretty much just sends Twilight out to train. No explanation as to why she is in a gang or why she want to take her innocent sister-in-law and make her into a gang member. They don't even have a descent between the two of them even though they are family albeit by marriage.

4448046
1) She is a herm. Twi didn't react at first because she wasn't sure herself. Dash tells her in chapter 2, getting a reaction from her

2) Read the tags. "Alternate Universe" means I can do whatever I want

4447931
There's no REAL gore. Just excessive gunfights and whatnot. Should I take out the "Gore" tag or does excessive gunfights warrant a "Gore" tag?

4448160 Yes, Alternate Universe does give you free reign over how the world is but as a reader I would like to know the small or big differences between what I know from the canon and AU's It allows me to set up a different profile for the characters and how their environment and pasts change who they are. It doesn't have to be explained all at once but it would need to come out eventually. ( a simple Cadance is Twilights estrange sister-in-law would be good for me.) Otherwise I go with the 'default' personalities and see the AU as just a change to the world and relating events that would change do to the new set-up.
This however is just my view. If you wish to ignore it or not see any of this as a reason to change anything then it is your right to do so. Either way I wish you luck in your future endeavors and I shall continue to read when I am able.

Dash reminds me of Revy from Black Lagoon.

Honestly....I think you ruined the idea of the characters. This is your basic OC story where the main character just finds the main cast and finds their place through jobs. It's just...so predictable. I came in here knowing that and SOOO dasterdly hoping for some excellent dialogue, but it's all so...boring. Like, Dash uses the scare tactic and grim-dark talk so much it gets old before it begins.

Might be a good story for some people, but not for me. I won't thumb it down or anything, but all it' getting is my one view. Peace~

You know what? that wasn't a valid review that clearly states why I'm disappointed with this work. I will try my best to not tell you anything is WRONG here, but simply what I don't like and give some fruit for though.

I do not like the opening. Beginning with Rainbow Dash immediately giving the badass talk is too much for me. Why not give us a little intro with Twilight on the bus? Maybe...two, three paragraphs. You could give some backstory! Like have Twilight's inner thoughts about her and Cadence's old times together and wondering who's she's become. This enables you to show that Twilight is in character (since it's clear everyone else is OOC, which isn't bad!) so you can help make the transition for Twilight into this new environment a lot better.

Possibly the biggest thing ever in a story for me is how Rainbow Dash is done. There's no single way to make her character- or any for that matter- but what either saves or breaks every story for me is how she is handled. The story can be straight garbage, but have a great Dash and I would still read it. Or...it could have a great story, but terrible Dash. Then...Skiiiiippp. The point I'm getting at is...you ruined it. Rainbow was such a typical "Don't mess with me" character, giving the cold shoulder and stuff, but obviously is going to be the best friend/sidekick later on. I'm already guessing there's going to be something where she is the mentor (Already happened!) and gets captured and Twilight must use all her knowledge to overcome the problem. Honestly...probably the biggest issue I have with the story is the predictability. I went into this pretty much knowing all that was gonna happen. I went into it for the sake that it's mother-flippin' GTA/Equestria. (Seriously, more stuff like this please.)

Then there's Twilight...I truthfully believe she would have had a big frickin' hissy fit like, right around when Rainbow brought her to the hotel. Like...we're talking; EVERYBODY HALT. What. The. Fuck. Is. This....

Oh, I don't like the gun-wanking. Or, rather, thug life wanking. Like...I honestly don't get a boner when a writer takes the time to write out the whole name for a gun, or heavily describe their gun, and especially when they talk about every detail of the car. It's just...I don't know. It's a turn-off for me. If it were me writing this, I would have just said- rode up in a sports car. Or, she had a small pistol. Instead she was this badass looking pegasus anthro with two pistols riding in this sick-ass sports car! AND she has perfect aim! I mean...You could have gotten your point across that Rainbow has experience without doing the, "Wanted" style shot. I mean...I just...I don't know. Cliches. Cliches everywhere.

Now, don't take this the wrong way. I genuinely hope this story gets more hits and you put more time into because I see potential, but not a lot of heart. I am not dissing the story because I want it to fail, but because I want it to succeed by you taking my review, tweaking your story, then BAM you have a masterpiece.

Oh yeah. Kill people. Kill a lot of people. It's a GTA/Equestria crossover- PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE A LOT.

Peace~!

one word: WHOA.

why is Luna a herm?

5567573

Because she is supreme goddess of everything. FutaLuna Wins

Welp, Dash is already completely unlikeable.

HOLY CRAP!

"Come on, sexy..." she said, putting her arm around the purple mare. "Time to get you something that goes bang," she said, walking the mare inside.

I could just imagine pinks making a hand gesture of an explosion.