First day of school with Derpy *EDITED*
"So, wait," said Derpy. "You mean to tell me that I'm on a planet called Earth, and that Equestria is all apart of some show that girls called Pegasisters and guys called Bronies watch called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'?" I gave her some of my clothes the previous night, since she didn't have any except for the ones I found her in when she fell from equestria. "Yes," I said. "And in case you're wondering why I've given you a backpack, I think you should probably hang with me so you don't get taken advantage of. After all, Equestria isn't anything like Earth. For example, it's a mean, violent place, with people who wouldn't think twice about double-crossing you if they felt it helped them get their way in life."
Derpy smiled, looking at me with those amazing golden eyes, and said "Okay, sure. But since I have wings, we should probably get to your school faster by flying." She said. I tried to warn her that her wings weren't a part of her human body, but she already got a running start going. At 15 feet away, she jumped, and before she could fall, I ran (since I'm very fast) and slid on my back, dirtying my cargo vest. 'I don't know what pushed me to slide on my back, but with the dirt on my vest and ass, I'm not so sure that'll be happening again,' I thought as I said to Derpy, "Listen, as a human, you don't have wings. The only way that'd be possible is if you were in an anthro dimension." She scrunched her face, which was really cute, and asked "What's an...anthro?" I couldn't help but chuckle as I got out from underneath her to help her up.
We both dusted ourselves off, and walked together to Halsey, laughing at some jokes I read from this corny as hell book I had called 'Awesome Good Clean Jokes for Kids.' She looked at me, and I noticed she took off the band-aid patch. I asked, "So; it healed, huh?" She looked up, and looked back at me, saying, "Oh, yeah. I took off the band-aid patch this morning after I brushed my teeth. I then cleaned off the spot. Looks disgusting, doesn't it?" She asked, laughing awkwardly. "No. You look fine...I mean IT! It looks fine! Yeah, that's what I meant." I said, looking away. As I was watching Mom go inside the Key-food store to start her stressful day of phone orders, I saw her wink at me as she went inside, and I had a confused face. She wasn't normally approving of me being all 'Buddy-buddy' with girls since it lead to girl-crazy mode.
I looked back at Derpy, who was looking at me with both eyes focused on me. I asked how she was able to keep her eyes like that when she had crossed-eyes. She giggled really cutely and said "Oh, that's easy, silly. If I focus really well, Both my eyes will go the same direction. Otherwise..." she finished, her eyes becoming crossed again. "This happens." "Can you still see perfectly?" I asked. Then I said, "No offense, I mean come on; you're the best pony on the show to me. And it's even cooler that you're a real...person? Pony? I think I'll stick with person until you get back to Equestria. It's just that...you tend to be accident prone." Derpy nodded and said, "I know you're not trying to be offensive, but my eyes actually have nothing to do with my clumsiness. I'm just a bit of a clutz." I understood, and we walked further, until she eventually wobbled onto one side and leaned in on me. I decided that I was going to hold her on my back and get her there. After all, I think the reason she was heavy was because I was tired last time. Plus, my backpack is actually a messenger bag. So, I got down to let her get on my back.
She got on, and I slowly raised myself. I then ran towards the schoolyard. derpy was having so much fun, holding out her arms as she laughed. I went inside the cafeteria and got down so she could get down. She got off, and I showed her the way to Mrs. Joyce, my 9th grade ELA teacher. I spoke with Mrs. Joyce, and she said she wouldn't mind having to teach one more student. "So long as she isn't loud like the rest of your class," she added. I got some breakfast on the school line for her since I ate at home, and showed her where to sit in order to eat breakfast, since the janitors are half lazy in the mornings. However, just in case something happened, I sat next to her. My bipolar African American friend Marques came over and touched Derpy in the ribs. I grinded my teeth, but closed my eyes and calmed down. He then leaned in between and said, "Yeah, what's good, nigga?" His way of being stupid, I guess, in order to impress girls. I hated when he said that word, but eitherway I reopened my eyes and looked at Marques, smiling as I said, "Oh, fine. Raped any girls lately?" This was the class' inside joke, but I'd be using it to tell him to piss off. I then added, "Oh, that's right; you just inappropriately touched a girl who you hardly even know."
Marques just said, "Looks like someone's in a pissed mood..." as he backed up. He walked away, leaving me to talk to Derpy about who to watch out for. I said, "Marques isn't an ACTUAL rapist. It's an inside joke we use since he's always hugging girls without them wanting one. Jean Lembert is an oddball but wouldn't hurt anybody. He does, however, sometimes say things without realizing they could possibly hurt somebody's feelings. Kelvin Flores is the kind-hearted soul of the class...except he's a little too sarcastic, even for me to handle. Coumba and Xiomara are friends, but are as close as sisters. There's also Jorge, who's sort of like Jean when it comes to words. Lastly, there's David Yadgarov; an asshole the size of a keebler elf. He starts something with everyone, then cringes in fear everytime someone tells him to fight if he's really able to back up the trash from his mouth."
I continued by saying "Trust me, no one else is more hated than David. If he starts with you, let me know; I'll knock some sense into him. Okay?" After eating her breakfast, she nodded and asked me to walk with her to the garbage can, since she didn't know where it was. I brought her to it, and she threw her stuff out. She adjusted the strap on her backpack, bringing it back to the top of her right shoulder. She walked with me to class, being as to how she would be in our class with me so I could help her out. I lead her to the second floor, then kept walking until we reached room 257 (my homeroom). I asked Mr. C if there was any lockers no one took yet and he told me "Locker 2 hasn't been taken. Maybe your friend could take it. What IS her name, anyways?" I looked left and right before saying under my breath so only he could hear, "Derpy Hooves." He simply looked at me and said, "You mean that uh, My Little Pony character you talk about constantly?" I nodded, and he said, "You know, Ian, April fool's day passed a long time ago."
I told him, "I'm not kidding, Mr. C! Ask her what her name is, she'll tell you." He decided to show her the locker she'd be using, then asked her name. She said, "Derpy Hooves," And he walked away saying, "He wasn't kidding about the eyes leading to her name..." I heard that, and thought it was mean. But Derpy was like a little schoolfilly, excited to do something new for the first time to pay attention to what the homeroom teacher said. I put my stuff in my locker, and turned around to see...David enter the class. 'Oh no.' I thought. 'Welp,' said my inner-self. 'Derpy's emotions are fucked, now.' I quickly got close so I could hear what's about to go on and be a witness. And, to make sure the ass didn't lie about Derpy starting anything, I put my phone on audio record. He walked up to Derpy, and said, "Whoo-wee! We got some hot stuff here tonight! Ian be baggin' bitches! You must be desperate, to be going out with a cross-eyed girl." Said David as he twitched. I forgot to mention; the kid's got tourette Syndrome, and well as a mouth that didn't know when it needed to be shut.
So, I should cut some slack on the kid, right?
Nope.
He may be the oldest kid in the 9th grade (fifteen), but he acts like a fucking 6 year old. Not to mention, his mouth gets in the way of making friends. I walked up next to Derpy and said "David, you've only been here five secondsa, and already I think you've said quite enough, don't you think?" He, however, ignored me completely and continued, "She be wearing them fake converses, and fake polo shirt. I got that Gucci and that Louis Vuitton shit and everything." I again said, "David, shut the asshole sewn on your face you call a mouth." He continued saying insulting things, then asked her name. She was starting to cry, her eyes becoming welled up with tears, as she said, "D-derpy H-h-hooves." David then said, "Derpy Hooves? What kind of bum-ass name is th--" Which was all he could get out before I lunged and grabbed his neck. I started to squeeze as I yelled in his ear real close, "I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" And I ran towards a locker. I held him against them, and punched him in the gut. He squeeled in pain as I punched him again, even harder.
I then let go, and watched him slide onto his butt onto the floor. He held his neck as he gasped and wheezed. I sat on my heels as I said to him, up in his face, "This could have all been avoided had you just shut your muthafuckin' ass up." I got up, and turned towards Derpy, who was crying in her hands as she sat down in a chair, looking defeated. I pulled a chair up to her and sat down, putting my hands on her arms as I rubbed them up and down, saying, "Shhh, shhh. It's alright. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here." I brought her in for a hug, and she wrapped her arms around my ribs, crying all over my shoulder. I rested my chin lightly on top of her head, and sang softly to her;
Except, whenever I had to sing 'so just call on me, brother' I replaced brother with sister. Eventually, I broke the embrace, looking at Derpy as she wiped the tears away. Kelvin, Jean, and the rest of the class did something unexpected; they came in for a group hug. They all then broke the hug and offered their friendship to Derpy. Even Marques. Coumba and Xiomara offered to maybe braid her hair during lunch period. She smiled, tears on her face now being tears of joy. I took it she didn't get this much love all at once. I smiled and read another joke to make her laugh (to great success). The beginning of class bell rang, and since it was science class, I sat next to Derpy to help her understand what we'd be doing. Then came ELA, and I also sat next to her to tell her what we've been reading so far in "To Kill a Mockingbird." Basically, I sat next to her in all the classes to help her with the subjects in school. At seventh period, I went on te line with her so she'd know where to go.
The lunchlady asked her to put in her code, and she said she didn't have one. The lunchlady was confused, so I stepped in and explained "She's new here." So, Derpy got her lunch without a code, and was given one to use the next day. Then, after the school day, we went to the afterschool program, and she was allowed to stay even though she wasn't in the program because she technically had nowhere to go at the moment. I introduced her to a friend named Angel who, after hearing about this morning, offered friendship. At the end of the day, she came to my home, and I gave her some food. Mom came home, asked what she was doing here, and I told her a lie by saying; "she had no where to go. She ran from home and asked me to please give her a place to stay. And since you were at work, I couldn't exactly ask you right away."
Mom said, "Well, I would've said yes, just so you know." And she asked me where I was going to let her sleep, since I brought her here. I said she could use my bed, and I'll sleep on the couch. I wasn't going to let Derpy get a stiff back as the price for living with me. And so, night came. Derpy and I took our showers, got into pj's and slipped into beds. And for some reason, I dreamt of Derpy leaning forward to kiss me.
meanwhile, in Ian's room...
"I wonder if he likes me...back," muttered Derpy as she slept soundly in Ian's bed. She then rubbed the pillow against her head as she said "Oh, probably not. Still good to dream though..."
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Yay Derpy shipping! :D
4019186 Thank you! I'm glad you commented on my story. I wonder why it's doing so bad, though...
Is it because of the chapter 2 ending?
4019277 In a professional opinion, I'd say that Derpy masturbating is kind of hard to comprehend, unless you provide a completely different background to give her reasons for her actions.
In a more professional opinion, if she is talking about loving someone, and fapping at the same time, that wouldn't make sense. I know from experience that lust can destroy feelings of love for someone, much more a relationship. I'd say what she was doing, would be more of a sexual craving that a love.
But just an opinion.
4019348 Opinion noted. Going to have to change that, Derpy! Sorry!
Aww...
Derpy:
4019352 x3
4019379 Derpy says hi, BTW. She can't type it to you right now because she's in the kitchen making herself some muffins for tomorrow.
4019379 Derpy: Hi! I heard from Ian that you subscribed to his YouTube...whatever that is...
Is that true?
4019406 Yes! His reading was funny. It made me laugh!
4019387 So let me get this straight, Derpy
, is making muffins 
, to eat...12 hours from now? 
4020537 Kinda, yeah. (Just don't ask, it's Derpy we're talking about. You know how much she loves her muffins).
Derpy: That's true!
How does she do that?
Dude , this is a self-insert. You know how much self-inserts are hated here? And things seem to be moving quite fast. Romantic feelings don't pop up the moment you lay eyes on a gorgeous girl. You need to know her personality in order to realize if you really love her, cuz she might be a bitch. Seriously. And Derpy/Ditzy didn't seem to show signs of confusion. Like, she just arrived in a new dimension and finds it completely normal. Might need some improvement.
4021321 Yeah...tell my inner-boy (and my mother) that.
4021321 But opinion noted, nonetheless.
4021328 It's good to see that you accept neutral criticism. Most authors delete those.
4021339 That's the whole reason I decided to write on this website instead of just add stories to my favorites and click the read later for those I don't have time for. You never know if you're good until you get cold, hard criticism slapped in your face. Until then, you're never learn.
4021339 Only one problem though; in order to re-do the pace of the story, I'd have to revoke it's submission. And everypony who thought the story was good and wanted more would be screwed because they'd have to wait for the story to gain approval a second time.
4021394 There's no problem with this. I nyself am rewriting a crossover. No one's whining about it. But it is you fic, not mine.
4021444 I guess I care too much about the way others feel, I'm not sure anymore...
4021448 PLEASE SEND ME THE ORIGANAL CHAPTER.
This is a simplistic, depressing, and frankly incorrect view on Earth.
I feel like I'm reading a fever dream
He gets into a fight with another student and not only isn't punished for it, but there's no legal or administrative paperwork to do for Derpy and none of the faculty questions a new face appearing that isn't registered with the school. And let's not forget his mother not questioning her son abducting strange females off of the street and the consequences, various as they are, which might result from that.
9182557
maybe he's in a japanese school. they tend to accept any being without doing actual background check. from female satan to daughter of intergalactic alien empire.