• Published 18th Feb 2014
  • 11,529 Views, 313 Comments

Ain't done with these F****** - The Shade



Hello there, my name is Barbara, or rather, it were. In this place i'm more knowingly known as Alice, the Lady of Madness, a catchy title if you ask me.

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Other Side of the Mirror

(Present.)
I feel like I should mention this, I move very fast, props of my gloves.
"What would I do without you, Fate?" I asked the gloves as I kept running around inside the castle, I was just at the gates before I noticed that my hat was missing, and knowing Miss Sunbutt she wouldn't throw it away, at least not likely.

I think I should give some backstory on that, but it's relatively short, Sunbutt never knew where I got my powers from, she just knew I got mad without my hat, so I guess she figured that was from where.
Fool she is.

I felt a tingle up my spine and instinctively dropped to the ground, a light whistle flew overhead as two Pegasi guards, stallions by the looks if it, stood before me.

I didn't even flinch, I just used the muscles in my legs to force myself up like a plank, standing at my full height I slowly rose the Vorpal Blade and made a mad dash for the two guards, seemingly surprised by the course of action they did a foolish thing, attempting to block.
My gloves gave of a dull grey look of boredom that transferred to the blade, with a viscious smile I grabbed the shafts of the spears and crushed them in my hands, elicting a happy green light from my gloves.

Feels good the be back, bitches.

The Guards grabbed the broken spears, I had just crushed the top of them, they threw the spears at me.
I don't know how I should feel at that, despite the fact that it was kinda impressive that they had mastered a bipedal stance to such a degree where they could balance and throw things.

A quick slash with my sword and the two sticks turned into four, I felt blood rushing in my veins, a feeling I had missed a lot due to my stony prison.

The stallions tried to run away, foolish they are. I grabbed one of the sticks in each hand as my Vorpal Blade made itself known at my hip, and threw both of them.

I struck gold as they impaled the guards wings.

Slowly making my way over there, I made sure to add a very small illusion spell that would make the air seem to darken around me, a intimidation tactic really, it rarely failed me.

These guards was no exception as they saw me with the Vorpal Blade in hand, started begging for mercy.
That's when I realized that one of them was actually a mare.

Should I... hmm... I considered adding her to my new... Well let's just say that I get bored sometimes and need to release tension, and i'm pretty sure my old group were just bones and dust by now.

You never know a voice whispered back in my head, electing a mental sigh from me, I need to stop thinking silliness.
I was right at the two of them by now, whenever I captured a guard I used to slice of his cockles if males, and well, I wasn't the most pleasant person to mares either, but I neither had the time nor the practice right now, so I settled for something more simple.

"Soldier, what's your name?" My voice was soft, smooth and silk like, I had practiced it mentally for a thousand or so years, I thought of using it to calm prisoners, about to receive their death sentence.

It worked as the mare eased up a little, before the searing pain in her right wing shot through her body.
"I asked a question." I kept the motherly smile on, observing Celestia might have been a bit of a stupid move, but it was worth it, it took a while to get the smile down with my canines, but it worked none the less.

"I-I'm Feather Duster, rank Private." She stuttered, I knew there was more but... I don't have time.
"Thank you, Private Duster, i'm going to do something incredibly horrible to you, and I should feel bad about doing it, but i'll honestly enjoy every second of it." My smile was still there, so with the voice.

Here eyes went wide as dinner plates and her mouth opened to scream, I took a quick glance and noticed that the male guard had passed out, probably from pain.
I drew out a throwing knife from the belt around my chest and put it to her tongue, she instantly shut up.
"You know, Celestia recognize my signs anywhere, a cut of tongue, the womb seemingly missing and any vital, special abilities completely removed" I smiled again, and cut of her tongue in one swift motion. She instantly started chocking on her blood, I reached forward and kissed her with a grin on my face, my hand was around her throat and I started to pump healing energy into the wound, not much, but she wouldn't bleed to death, the pain would still be there though, I can only do so much.

I moved towards her flank, only to notice it being obscured by the armor.
With a frown I swiftly removed it, and I saw the mare's true form.

She was light grey with a dull, silver looking mane, and two feather dusters seemed to be locked in battle on her flank.
I gave it a flat expression.
Feather Duster.

I slowly reached to my hip and unsheathed my sword, realizing it would be too big I instead put my hand on her Emblem, and wiped it clean.
with a reverse motion a new mark were there, a multitude of flowers painted red, with the paint still wet and dripping.
Then I saw her wings.

I had to stop myself from ripping them straight of her body.
They looked just like the one's I had given Luna at the tip, but just like her body at the base.
I raised my Vorpal Blade, and brought it down in two swift arcs, cutting her wings off.

Looking at the mare, I realized that yes, she was unconscious. I sent another small wave of healing magic into the wounds, healing them so she wouldn't bleed to death.

I won't describe what I did next, but she won't be having any children.

Ever.

I turned my attention back to the stallion and smiled, I had only been here for three minutes at max, my guess would be that more guards would be here at the ten minute mark.

I wouldn't be able to do what I would want to, so cutting of his wings would have to do, stallion's always treasured them more than mares, for some reason.

Probably to show of masculinity. I snickered at the though as I merrily sawed through the flash and bone of his wings with my knives, he woke up during it but were quickly silenced as I drove a knife through his snout, impaling him to the ground, I made sure to miss the tongue.
So his muffled screams were like musics to my ears as I ripped the final piece's of his wings of, I didn't want to risk using any more magic to heal him, so I just bandaged him up and strolled on my way, I knew a few place's where the hat could be, and the most likely would be in a museum, to show my "defeat" and the "return" of "sanity". I'm not insane, i'm just... immoral.

So, decided that I wouldn't want to be caught up with any more guards I started running towards the museum, if you wonder how I know where it is, I helped design this freaking city.
And I found it just where I thought I would, I had to jump over a few rooftops and hide a few times, but I got here alright, I already felt my hat... Calling for me.

So I walked in like a boss, and walked up to the receptionist.
"Excuse me miss, but where is the Memos of Defeat section?" She didn't even look at me and just pointed me down a hallway, I shrugged and followed her directions before I saw it, first thing on display, "The Hat of Madness" it read, I crashed the glass container and grabbed the hat, but before I managed to put it on a blast of magic narrowly missed me, turning around I saw about eight guards, these in iron armor.
So, actual soldiers and not puny guards for fashion, it seems like Celestia stepped up her game.

The unicorns were behind two earth ponies in heavy armor, and two light armored Pegasi flew around the room, cutting of any and all escape routes.

They must've found the guards. I chuckled a little, I considered turning the stallion into a mare, but decided against it, not enough time.
Time time! What is the time? There's never enough time. I slowly drew my Vorpal Blade, this sword cut through most metals like armor, but Celestia were no fool and would most likely have them enchanted, and judging from the confident looks on the Unicorns, who by the way wore robes, they didn't think I stood a chance.

I did a quick test and threw a knife at the larger Earth Pony, he didn't even flinch as it harmlessly bounced off a pale blue surface just in front of him.

Figures i'll have to do that again.
It's a temporary... Buff I guess, it really just quickens me for a half hour, but after the time is up my gloves would barely give of any magic, that's probably why the Celestial Sisters hadn't found out my source of power after our last battle, the memory brought a smile on my face.
They hadn't heeded my warning.

(1330 years ago.)
"Wait! If you strike me down now, i'll return more powerful then you can possibly imagine!"
(Present.)

The Earth Ponies came forward in a confident stride, acting as if I posed absolutely no threat.
I barely had time to dodge the first buck, so instead of a rib-crushing blow that would most likely instantly kill me, I ended up with a minor bruise that barely hurt.

"So, I heard you're liking the weather today." It had started raining just as I entered the museum.
No answer.
"Hey, this is no fun if you're just going to be Grumpy MC Grumpington!" A pink pony had visited my statue once, I found the quote hilarious, don't know why.

To my surprise, he froze and I could hear the sound of his jaw dropping inside of his helmet.
"P-P-Pinkie Pie?!" He managed to stutter, all eyes turned to him, then to me, then to him, then to my now-pink hair.
"Of course silly filly, who did you think? Princess Celestia? Don't be silly." I figured he knew her somehow, and acting's saved my life in the past, so why not now.

"B-but, but why would you do those things!" It wasn't really a question directed towards me, more towards himself.
"What things? I threw that rubber blade at you because I wanted to see what direction it went! And did you see it? It went right, then hit the wall and sprung upwards! Where it fell to the ground and stuck!" I animatedly pointed at the, indeed, rubber knife on the floor.
"Not that! The torture victims!" And he's short fused.

My hair instantly went flat and I put on my best 'heart broken' expression.
"T-torture victims?" I asked in as small of a voice that I could possibly muster, earning a worried look from the stallion.
He approached me cautiously until her were a few feet away from me.

"Pinkie, why do you look like... Well... That?" He asked, if it wouldn't break my act I would have smiled.
Still fake sobbing I pointed towards the hat "I-i went in here to look at something cool, then I saw the hat and thought like, I must get rarity to make me a replica but when I leaned to close to it, I fell and shattered the glass, I blacked out for what I think was a few seconds, and when I woke up I held the hat in my hand, and then you guys entered." There, play innocent, I honestly doubt they would be able to see through this.

The unicorns dropped their spells as multiple ponies approached me, although wearily.
When they were all within reach I hugged the stallion for all I could, sobbing into his coat, i'm very good at faking you see.
Slowly standing up I noticed that the unicorns had dropped the protection spells and were now chatting among themselves, the Pegasi weren't far away either.

In a practiced and swift motion I drew my sword and impaled the pony I were hugging, severing his head from the rest of the body, before any of the other soldiers had time to react I halved the other Earth Pony, sent multiple throwing knives towards the Unicorns, all of which hit with deadly precision, throwing one Smoke bomb to the floor, filling the room with smoke, I used my handkerchief to cancel out most of the gas, and while the Pegasi were coughing their lunges out, I swiftly stabbed them all in the neck with my knives.

I picked up the hat from the floor, which had somehow miraculously survived any bloodstain, collecting my knives I made my way out of the room, if this was The Hat of Madness, then I guess that...

Madness Returns.



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First Author's Notes:

Author's Note:

Second Author's Note:
As you can see, Alice is good at acting, and do not rely very much on her sword skills or magic, but rather on her cunning, the group of soldiers would have wiped the floor with her during normal circumstances.
Btw, you can all blame Kind of Brony for this, he asked me how "Evil" Alice really is, well, here you go, you don't get the title "Lady of Madness" for frolicking about and playing pranks on ponies.