Okay, so this is a bit out of the blue, but I decided to chuck in a prologue and add a bit more to why Chase is how he is..
This was originally going to be quite big, but I've decided to only add in enough for you lot to get a basic grasp on his character.
Other stuff…may just come later in other stories, who knows XD
Begin!
The Interrogation
(Prologue)
You know…most ponies tend to think that I've always been like this. They look at me, talk to me, mock my silent nature and assume that I'm trying to play the cool guy, the cool pony.
Heh, truth is I used to be quite different when I was young. I came from a rough background with a drunkard father and flighty mother. You have to understand that they were honest ponies, but the honest life, it was destroying their relationship...it was killing them.
It ruined them to the point where they fought each other and didn't even notice me in room, staring at them with terrified, tear filled eyes.
Between the two of them they weren't anything special. My father was a construction worker who liked the drink, and my mother was a baker who loved to vanish late at night. She always said that she loved me, that I was her little boy and she would do anything to protect me.
But in the end my mother left my father for a rich noble up in Canterlot…and I hated her for it.
She didn't even say anything; she just left a letter for my father and a locket for me. That locket…was all I had of her when she left. Inside it was a picture of she and I, myself being no more a tiny foal in her hooves. She did leave a very tiny note within it though, folded up many times so as to fit.
I love you sweetheart…was written within it.
I missed her terribly, I missed her hugs, her nuzzles, her voice…her everything. I missed the familiar maternal touch, the soothing love only a mother could show.
I always missed it.
We found each other later on…or should I say I found her, though she was nothing more than a mark at the time and I had no idea who she really was when I stole from her.
After she left, my father began to drink even more. He would rant and rave, blaming everything under Celestia's sun…even me. He attacked me a few times, apologized for it after only to repeat it later on in the week. And even then, when he wasn't drunk he was off sleeping with whoever he could find.
He was never there for me either, none of them were…so it was little wonder that I ran away.
After nicking his bit bag obviously.
Running away was by the one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It was a complete switch from my usual routine. There was no clean water nearby; I had a choice of either stealing it and running away, or finding a lake close by and risking illness.
I was sick more times than I could count.
The first time I stole I was little under thirteen years old. At the time, the concept of stealing from shops and stand was terrifying, so much so that I didn't risk it until my body all but demanded it.
I distinctly remember lurking in the shadows of an alleyway, watching a nearby food stand and the ponies bustling around it. I was trying to pick the right moment, honestly I was…but desperation demanded that I act, and act I did.
With no care to getting caught or not, I bobbed and weaved between the small crowd shakily…before quickly grabbing and tearing a small chunk off of a large piece of bread and running for it.
Wow…I can still feel the rush when I think about it. I still remember the sound of the ponies yelling in outrage, though none seemed to follow me for reasons I knew not.
In the end, I found myself a nice little hidey hole in a dank, filthy alley and tore into the dry food. It was like edible paradise…until it was gone and I found my hunger barely quenched.
There were so many days like that, some were even worse.
But there was a light in the darkness.
The light was a middle aged stallion by the name of Swift Breeze, my mentor and friend…and eventual betrayer. You see I saved his life one day, and in return he offered to teach me all that he knew about thievery and the criminal way of life.
Maybe I'll tell you more later…but just know that he was a saint compared to some of the other types of ponies down in the underworld.
The underworld is nothing more than a place in the darker side of Canterlot for those with no choice. It's a place for thieves and thugs, for the seedy and desperate…it was my home.
I have so many stories to tell, and I may even do that someday. But know now that all I did, I all learned and stole…it shaped me, it created me…and it broke me.
From twelve to fifteen the underworld was all I knew, it was all I had. Swift was a part of that, he was my only friend down there and I knew it…he knew it.
But then one day he was caught…and he changed into something I could only run away from…something I'd been running away from since the day I ran away.
He became an honest pony…and that terrified me.
I yelled and screamed at him like a little child. I called him a disgrace, I called him worse…I called him nothing. I told him that everything our friendship was, everything that had happened since we met meant nothing.
He just gazed at me sadly, choosing to do nothing more than that.
And after that…I changed a little myself
I became a bit of a braggart, a show off who thought that world's treasures belonged to me. You see, I'd managed to steal so much within such a short span of time that I thought myself invincible. I thought myself respected, and in truth I was a little.
But that little bit of respect grew in my mind. I was the best thief in Equestria and everypony knew it!
Unfortunately my fellows started to capture the attention of royalty, which resulted in Celestia taking criminal ponies and interrogating them. And as the weeks rolled into months and more of them became different, my once boasted reputation became little more than a liability.
Not only that, but with my aptitude for stealing from the nobility, most of the other thieves didn't want anything to do with me. They wouldn't even take my bits…not even when they were little more than skin and bones.
This did nothing to help my attitude problem.
I mean if they didn't want my bits then screw them, right? Yeah, that's what I thought at the time…I didn't need them or their resentment, so I carried right on and did what I did best.
Steal.
I stole and stole and stole. I tried again and again to help those who needed it, but was constantly turned away.
I bottled all of it in, all the anger, the pain...I refused to show weakness. How could I be the best, how could I be untouchable if I allowed myself to cry?
I refused to let myself show anything...
But then one day destiny arrived and it was suddenly my turn. My turn to be interrogated, to be changed into a pathetic excuse of myself…heh, and even though I HATED Celestia, deep down I feared what she would do to me.
I swore that I would not give in…but what if what she did changed that. What if she used some sort of dark magic to twist my mind? Or what if she threatened to torture me into obedience?
These were little more than paranoid delusions, but with me being only fifteen at the time, my imagination ran rampant and filled me up with trepidation.
It's this story that I wish to tell you all today.
This is the story of my meeting with Celestia…and the start of a something new.
My name is Chase, and this is the tale of my interrogation.
Wait...he's only 15?
Wow, makes me see him in a completely different light.
What is this gibberish?
Hah, BANE, what're you doing here?
I think it sets up for some possible sequels pretty nicely.
3949996 Depending on if he's giving Chase a slight accent, "The drink" is correct. To drink is also correct, but "The" drink refers to alcohol more so.
3949996
Liked the drink is a valid sentence. You hear it often enough in the southern US. Usually in relation to the town drunk either "Loving the drink." or being a slave to it.
3949996 actually some people do say "the drink" its just another way to say it
I knew he was fifteen from the story. Due to the fact I'm 15, I kind of feel more sympathy for him. I know I'd be an emotional mess if I was put in his shoes for more than a day and I admire him just as much for his bravery in the face of adversity. This was good for fleshing out Chase as a character though I think his name sounds more like an alias than a name. His cutie mark is a Shadow, therefore I think his name would correlate more with his mark. Chase isn't particularly descriptive and to me it just doesn't really sound like a pony name. It would also make sense for a "master" criminal such as Chase to have an alias. Maybe his name is Shadow Chaser or something? Meh, 'tis a random headcanon, nothing more. I'm genuinely loving the story! Keep up the good work!
P.S. I think there are so many directions you could go with this story. I'm totally seeing a spin-off involving his no good mother. Master jewel thief has to abandon all and go into hiding? Nah, this is why I have no stories :)
Amusing now that we see that they just didn't want his money, they didn't want his money because it came from the NOBILITY. That sheds some light on that indeed.
You know...you ought to do an epilogue where Celestia takes the time to find Chase's mother, asking the question, "Why did you abandon your child in the moment of his greatest need?"
The question would not be asked with malice or anger, but with profound sadness and disappointment. I sense there's more to that story that can be unearthed, should you decide to give the story that sort of closure.
Very well done, all three chapters.
I found a very minor thing you may want to edit.
That should be capitalized.
3950192
Sorted, thanks
Good job fleshing him out. This gives me a much better sense of what's going on in the subsequent chapters.
3950134
...Are you reading my plans or something?
Hehe, there's more to her than meets the eye. I can't wait to write it!
To be honest, I didn't like this straight out exposition. I think the story was stronger and better off having us slowly find out his background and relationships than having a lot of it spelled out before hand. In fact, I'm glad I got the other two chapters first before you posted this story as I probably wouldn't have been as interested in reading it overall.
3949996
It's a correct sentence, although perhaps doesn't read very well.
Does "They were honest ponies, you see, but the honest life and how much it was costing them and their relationship was killing them" read better?
The story was better without this. This is just a heavy-handed piece of exposition that doesn't actually inform on Chase's character at all. It would have been far better to subtly insert some of this into the third chapter instead of just dumping it into a prologue like this.
I quite like the character-building in this chapter, but I think it would work better as a flashback, perhaps between chapters 1 and 2.
3950681
Zamariac, I agree with Hayquill above. This little monologue would work better and feel less expositiony between chapters 1 and 2 as an interquel rather than the start of the story.
3950582 maybe not drop but improve this. Also you say he stole at age 13 but he went to the underground with swift at 12......u][/u
I think it is a decent set up for the rest of the story. If this had came out first, then all of the things that happened afterwards would make sense. He fell for the trap and cried under Celestia's wings because he is so young and filled with such powerful emotions. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
3950134 Nah, instead of asking just bitch slap her and walk away like a boss.
I wouldn't like chase to be reformed... Just seems wrong to me.
This chapter seems alright, So I think its good (although now his personality makes him sound like a whiny emo bitch.)
Good chapter! Keep it up!
Cool, I wasnt so sure about a prologue at first but I thnk you did a great job. Keep up the good work
Hm... Not bad, not bad at all.
Thanks to the story's outline and a simple but humble beginning, I found myself interested.
Seems more like a question than a statement. Question mark, maybe?
Celestia + butthurt = Obedient citizen.
Pucker up Chase its game time.
Jk, it will be interesting to see you write a more accurate non rapey Celestia.
Because there ain't no rest for the wicked
money don't grow on trees
we've got bills to pay
and mouths to feed
and ain't nuthin in this world for free
and so there ain't no rest for the wicked
until we close out eyes for good
Great start. To sad i was never finished...