1613806 I was more referring to the fact that snow would have been mentioned in books or pre-war records that Inkwell might have read. To know about snow is one thing, but to have actually seen it is another. But then again, if Inkwell has never read about snow, then that'd make sense.
I'm going to spend the next hour or so sitting in my really cold bed reading this. I'll get back to you in the morning if I wake up. Someone please fix my heater.
Psst... I think you accidentally skimmed over some editing notes in the main body of your text when you put chapter 3 back up. Might want to look into that.
That aside, pretty good story you've got going so far, Tonto. I'm afraid that unlike you, I'm not all that good at writing in-depth reviews (I've got problems with minor short-term memory loss, makes it a bit difficult to recap things), but I'll give it a shot.
First off, let's start with characters. I really enjoy Inkwell as a character, as he's got a somewhat-relatable backstory; his bitterness at being stuck as the Wintertrot Rangers' Treasurer is something a lot of readers can probably identify with. I'm sure more than a handful of people are familiar with being forced into roles they're not happy with in everyday life situations such as work and school, so it's easy to empathize with the guy. Another thing I like about him is the occasional snarkiness. I love me some snarky dialogue (Bobulator is incredibly good at this, and I wish I could manage snark half as good as he does), and while it's something I've never really been able to pull off to much success, I feel you do it rather well.
On to Crosshair. He gets points straight off the bat for being a Zebra. Not only do I like Zebra characters, as they tend to bring with them an inherent unique cultural aspect to any party, but he's also a Zebra Ranger. As far as I know (though I will admit to having limited sidefic knowledge here, as I've got a rather large backlog to read through), there haven't been any Zebras in the Steel Rangers, which makes him quite a rare sight, indeed. He's got a good dynamic with Inkwell, as the straight man- er, Zebra to Inkwell's eager, somewhat zealous persona.
I'll reserve judgment on Mustang for now until I've seen a bit more of him, suffice it to say I like what I've seen so far.
Moving on to story... You've got a solid opening; we get a good feel for Inkwell's frustration right away, being forced into the role of treasurer when he'd much rather be on the front lines, fighting alongside his fellow Rangers. This particular predicament is remedied rather quickly following the airship crash, settling the responsibility of the Wintertrot Contingent's future squarely upon his shoulders. I've always been a fan of characters that need to rise to the occasion, as it were, so this is a premise I can really get behind.
We see how resourceful Inkwell can be once he gets his hooves on the Magi-Drill, jury-rigging a power source using his magic. After retrieving all the valuables he can possibly salvage from the airship, we see that Inkwell isn't as prejudiced as most of the Wasteland inhabitants are, given his refusal to immediately fire upon Crosshair, instead only reacting in self-defense. This personality trait is further expanded upon when instead of leaving the incapacitated Zebra to die despite having been shot at, Inkwell instead drags him clear of the wreckage.
The two are introduced more properly to each other once they make it clear of the airship, and Crosshair immediately shines through as a Zebra with his life-debt oath. Inkwell's merciful personality is even further exemplified when they are attacked after holing up for the night, and he orders the vengeful Zebra to stand down. Admirable, to say the least. Certain ponies I know wouldn't be so willing to forgive and forget.
As the two get closer to and eventually enter Wintertrot proper, we are introduced to a few of its native inhabitants in the form of Snowhounds, Wintertrot Ghouls and Super Stallions. These guys are great; it makes sense for the hellhounds to have evolved to adapt to winter climates, as many species do, and the Super Stallions are a neat way to include Super Mutants without having to adhere to the Kkat-established parallel in the form of Alicorns. I really like the ghouls, however, as I'm sure you can imagine. Ice is a unique and interesting way for them to weaponize their irradiated bodies, and it makes them that much deadlier than their ordinary counterparts.
When Inkwell is laid up by his injuries, we get to see his crafty side shine again, albeit in a cautiously optimistic 'hope he knows what he's doing' way as he modifies his shotgun shells. Crosshair is understandably panicked at his invention, and we really feel for him as Inkwell saddles him with the responsibility of test-firing his creation when, as a unicorn (in power armor, as Crosshair points out), he could easily use telekinesis to avoid all injury. To cap it off, we're introduced to Mustang, a veritable powerhouse with a weapon to match his personality. In the brief moment we see him, he establishes himself as competent and experienced, making sure everyone is in relative safety before launching a surprise attack on the Super Stallions. All threats eliminated, we find out he's as decent a person as he is a fighter; the honorable warrior.
All in all, it's a really good start, and it's a shame I don't have more to read, although for me, that's probably for the best. I know this is probably stuff you've already heard, given you've already put the chapters up once before, but it's the least I could do (and that's understating it) considering all the time you put into Outlaw's chapter reviews.
i should be writing aaaaaaaaa what am I doing reading and reviewing
Thanks for this Tofu, I really mean it. I don't get nearly enough feedback on what I am doing right or wrong. Glad you like Crosshair, a couple of people I've talked with like him a lot. I always feel Zebra are portrayed as either overly superstitious and always mystical or they get shown as everyday ponies, I wanted to do something different with Crosshair to help him stand out more. You're the first person to really examine Inkwell properly, you pretty much describe him as he is, an enthusiastic individual who happens to be a resourceful buck who knows how to show mercy in combat.
I'm glad you like the setting and residents of Wintertrot. I was worried I might have downplayed how dangerous they are but I'm glad to see I haven't. I had fun with Super Stallions, I felt alicorns would be a little overkill and they probably wouldn't fly as well in the higher altitudes of the windy and snowridden setting of my story.
*Squints to read very bottom line.*
I know the feeling. I've been playing XCOM - Enemy Unknown for 2 days now and can't stop. I mean I want to write, but then XCOM calls me back and I can't resist the siren's call
The next chapter was almost finished. Then a whole bunch of stuff came out on the day I wanted to post the next chapter. Probably a good thing as I looked it over and it meandered like all hell. Good news is that I almost have the next chapter wrapped up, bad news is I have a hell of a time just trying to sit down and write. Still I am going to make a promise emphasis on promise, to finish this chapter and post it by Friday, even if it hasn't been edited.
Because I've been working on this chapter WAY too long. So I'll try to finish it tonight and hopefully have it looked over by my editor on Friday so I can post it on the same day.
2383455 I made an apology about the delay on my blog. I've kinda had some trouble finishing the chapter off and some dental surgery. I don't like to whine or make excuses for myself, it's just been... hard to focus.
Anyway, I do have good reasons to continue this story. It will not die until I finish it.
His name may be Mustang but he seems like an ARMSTRONG to me. YES VERILE STRONG MALES WITH A PASSION FOR LOUD VOICES AND SPARKLES! TRULY ONE WORTHY OF THE ARMSTRONG LINE!
The edits...! They take so long...!
Nice work my friend!
Ed
1613806 I was more referring to the fact that snow would have been mentioned in books or pre-war records that Inkwell might have read. To know about snow is one thing, but to have actually seen it is another. But then again, if Inkwell has never read about snow, then that'd make sense.
This is great, keep up the good work
1772968 Thanks. I will. Next chapter is coming along at a fairly steady pace.
I'm going to spend the next hour or so sitting in my really cold bed reading this. I'll get back to you in the morning if I wake up. Someone please fix my heater.
1808514 So did you ever get that heater of yours fixed?
Psst... I think you accidentally skimmed over some editing notes in the main body of your text when you put chapter 3 back up. Might want to look into that.
That aside, pretty good story you've got going so far, Tonto. I'm afraid that unlike you, I'm not all that good at writing in-depth reviews (I've got problems with minor short-term memory loss, makes it a bit difficult to recap things), but I'll give it a shot.
First off, let's start with characters. I really enjoy Inkwell as a character, as he's got a somewhat-relatable backstory; his bitterness at being stuck as the Wintertrot Rangers' Treasurer is something a lot of readers can probably identify with. I'm sure more than a handful of people are familiar with being forced into roles they're not happy with in everyday life situations such as work and school, so it's easy to empathize with the guy. Another thing I like about him is the occasional snarkiness. I love me some snarky dialogue (Bobulator is incredibly good at this, and I wish I could manage snark half as good as he does), and while it's something I've never really been able to pull off to much success, I feel you do it rather well.
On to Crosshair. He gets points straight off the bat for being a Zebra. Not only do I like Zebra characters, as they tend to bring with them an inherent unique cultural aspect to any party, but he's also a Zebra Ranger. As far as I know (though I will admit to having limited sidefic knowledge here, as I've got a rather large backlog to read through), there haven't been any Zebras in the Steel Rangers, which makes him quite a rare sight, indeed. He's got a good dynamic with Inkwell, as the straight man- er, Zebra to Inkwell's eager, somewhat zealous persona.
I'll reserve judgment on Mustang for now until I've seen a bit more of him, suffice it to say I like what I've seen so far.
Moving on to story... You've got a solid opening; we get a good feel for Inkwell's frustration right away, being forced into the role of treasurer when he'd much rather be on the front lines, fighting alongside his fellow Rangers. This particular predicament is remedied rather quickly following the airship crash, settling the responsibility of the Wintertrot Contingent's future squarely upon his shoulders. I've always been a fan of characters that need to rise to the occasion, as it were, so this is a premise I can really get behind.
We see how resourceful Inkwell can be once he gets his hooves on the Magi-Drill, jury-rigging a power source using his magic. After retrieving all the valuables he can possibly salvage from the airship, we see that Inkwell isn't as prejudiced as most of the Wasteland inhabitants are, given his refusal to immediately fire upon Crosshair, instead only reacting in self-defense. This personality trait is further expanded upon when instead of leaving the incapacitated Zebra to die despite having been shot at, Inkwell instead drags him clear of the wreckage.
The two are introduced more properly to each other once they make it clear of the airship, and Crosshair immediately shines through as a Zebra with his life-debt oath. Inkwell's merciful personality is even further exemplified when they are attacked after holing up for the night, and he orders the vengeful Zebra to stand down. Admirable, to say the least. Certain ponies I know wouldn't be so willing to forgive and forget.
As the two get closer to and eventually enter Wintertrot proper, we are introduced to a few of its native inhabitants in the form of Snowhounds, Wintertrot Ghouls and Super Stallions. These guys are great; it makes sense for the hellhounds to have evolved to adapt to winter climates, as many species do, and the Super Stallions are a neat way to include Super Mutants without having to adhere to the Kkat-established parallel in the form of Alicorns. I really like the ghouls, however, as I'm sure you can imagine. Ice is a unique and interesting way for them to weaponize their irradiated bodies, and it makes them that much deadlier than their ordinary counterparts.
When Inkwell is laid up by his injuries, we get to see his crafty side shine again, albeit in a cautiously optimistic 'hope he knows what he's doing' way as he modifies his shotgun shells. Crosshair is understandably panicked at his invention, and we really feel for him as Inkwell saddles him with the responsibility of test-firing his creation when, as a unicorn (in power armor, as Crosshair points out), he could easily use telekinesis to avoid all injury. To cap it off, we're introduced to Mustang, a veritable powerhouse with a weapon to match his personality. In the brief moment we see him, he establishes himself as competent and experienced, making sure everyone is in relative safety before launching a surprise attack on the Super Stallions. All threats eliminated, we find out he's as decent a person as he is a fighter; the honorable warrior.
All in all, it's a really good start, and it's a shame I don't have more to read, although for me, that's probably for the best. I know this is probably stuff you've already heard, given you've already put the chapters up once before, but it's the least I could do (and that's understating it) considering all the time you put into Outlaw's chapter reviews.
i should be writing aaaaaaaaa what am I doing reading and reviewing
1899974
Your read, reviewed and liked my story .
Thanks for this Tofu, I really mean it. I don't get nearly enough feedback on what I am doing right or wrong. Glad you like Crosshair, a couple of people I've talked with like him a lot. I always feel Zebra are portrayed as either overly superstitious and always mystical or they get shown as everyday ponies, I wanted to do something different with Crosshair to help him stand out more. You're the first person to really examine Inkwell properly, you pretty much describe him as he is, an enthusiastic individual who happens to be a resourceful buck who knows how to show mercy in combat.
I'm glad you like the setting and residents of Wintertrot. I was worried I might have downplayed how dangerous they are but I'm glad to see I haven't. I had fun with Super Stallions, I felt alicorns would be a little overkill and they probably wouldn't fly as well in the higher altitudes of the windy and snowridden setting of my story.
*Squints to read very bottom line.*
I know the feeling. I've been playing XCOM - Enemy Unknown for 2 days now and can't stop. I mean I want to write, but then XCOM calls me back and I can't resist the siren's call
is it bad that i saw the chapter name and said "hur hur hur tits"? am i really that immature? the answer is yes.
âTâM TER DER!â i read this and this image poped in my head encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_67bIv92xuFvXqQvWT60tIZ_rQhuT1vV7zYObYNVcInDB-QYN
So you writing anymore for this story? Been months sense the last update.
2292345
The next chapter was almost finished. Then a whole bunch of stuff came out on the day I wanted to post the next chapter. Probably a good thing as I looked it over and it meandered like all hell. Good news is that I almost have the next chapter wrapped up, bad news is I have a hell of a time just trying to sit down and write. Still I am going to make a promise emphasis on promise, to finish this chapter and post it by Friday, even if it hasn't been edited.
Because I've been working on this chapter WAY too long. So I'll try to finish it tonight and hopefully have it looked over by my editor on Friday so I can post it on the same day.
2292598
Good to hear!
2292598 So a couple of fridays have come and gone......
Ya sure its not dead?
2383455 I made an apology about the delay on my blog. I've kinda had some trouble finishing the chapter off and some dental surgery. I don't like to whine or make excuses for myself, it's just been... hard to focus.
Anyway, I do have good reasons to continue this story. It will not die until I finish it.
2383717Ah I dont think I saw the blog post. Im following the story not you, Ill fix that, hope you get your focus back soon.
I think you might have left notes in this thing.
2741245 You mean the Author's note at the bottom of the page?
His name may be Mustang but he seems like an ARMSTRONG to me. YES VERILE STRONG MALES WITH A PASSION FOR LOUD VOICES AND SPARKLES! TRULY ONE WORTHY OF THE ARMSTRONG LINE!
I wonder if Mustang is somehow related to Sugar Applebombs Stronghoof from Hoofington Contingent of Steel Rangers hmmm