Prologue
Over two years had passed since Po, the Furious Five, and other Kung-Fu masters defeated the evilness of Lord Shen and his army. Since then, China lived under continuous peace and prosperity...or so it seemed. Until one day, when a goose came crashing into the Training Hall courtyard.
"Wow, good thing we haven't started training yet." The Dragon Warrior remarked, as he and the others rushed towards the fallen waterfowl.
"Quick, Mantis, go fetch Zeng!" Grandmaster Shifu told the praying mantis. "She seems to have been through a long rough flight."
When they got closer, they could see how right Shifu was. There were holes in her yellow garment, missing grey feathers plucked from her body, and signs of bruises and scratches along the exposed areas. Tigress' eyes seemed to harden more than usual, as she examined this. "Looks like the work of Crow bandits." She growled.
"Are you alright?" Viper asked the goose, who was trying to get up while panting heavily.
"I'm..." the goose tried to reply between breaths. "I'm..I'm alright." She opened her eyes finally, revealing them to be pointing in different directions.
"You don't exactly look alright." Crane pointed out.
"Is...Is this...the...Jade...Palace?" the goose asked.
"Yes it is." Shifu answered as he approached her. "And I am Master Shifu. Who might you be?"
"Dezhi." the goose replied and handed Shifu a scroll that she was still clinging on tightly to her webbed feet. "From...Ma-...Mast...Master Lian."
"Master Lian!" Shifu gasped as he opened the scroll up.
"Master Lian?!" Po said enthusiastically. "The Master Lian?!"
"Who is Master Lian?" Monkey asked in confusion. The others seemed to be just as confused as he was.
"You guys don't know who Master Lian is?" Po asked in surprise. "Eldest of the two legendary Celestial Sisters?"
Four shaking heads answered him. Before Po could tell them; Mantis, Zeng, and two other servant geese, carrying a stretcher-bearer, had just rushed into the courtyard. As they approached Dezhi to put her on the stretcher-bearer, Shifu turned his attention away from the scroll and towards Zeng.
"Put her someplace cool and comfortable." he instructed the goose. "Give her plenty of water to drink, and have her injuries attended to."
"Right away Master Shifu." Zeng replied and bowed. As the four geese departed from the Training Hall courtyard, Shifu returned to reading the scroll. Meanwhile, Po started explaining to the Five about who the Celestial Sisters were. Po, being the ultimate fan-boy of Kung Fu, seemed to know almost everything and everyone that was involved with it. At times, this even amazed the other masters, who had been doing Kung Fu longer than him.
"The Celestial Sisters are the two co-ruling Kung Fu master siblings, of the legendary Land of Harmony. Different from each other as day and night, yet equal in their martial prowess. Like two powerful peas in a pod of Awesomeness! Said to have been rescued when they were young by Master Oogway himself, from the evil bondage of cruel kidnappers. From that moment on, they trained together, under Ooogway's teachings, and became a deadly dynamic duo of dread to all doers of no-good. They defeated the Demon of Mount Lung-Ma, subdued the Sapphire King of Suxi, and totally Kayoed the Queen of the Golden Jackal Clan. With the Celestial Sisters watching over them, from the Palace of Blooming Lotus, the people of the Land of Harmony have lived happily there-"
"Until now." Shifu interrupted gravely, as he stopped reading the scroll and faced his students.
"Until Now!" Po repeated Shifu's words dramatically. Suddenly realizing what he had said, he turned to Shifu in confusion. "Wait, what?"
"There is a new threat to the Land of Harmony, one that the Celestial Sisters have been unable to remove. A young warlord and her bandit army have been using the surrounding forest mountains to cut it off from the rest of China."
"Woah, that's gotta be one big army then." Po muttered.
"That would strongly suggest how and why Dezhi got attacked by crow bandits." Tigress remarked. "They probably don't want any outside help being sent to stop them."
"Which is exactly why Master Lian has asked us to come help stop this warlord." Shifu said.
"Really?" Po asked excitedly. "Awesome! We are going right?"
"Of course we are. I knew Master Lian from a long while back." Shifu replied as he rolled the scroll up. "We must gather what we need for three days travel."
"Alright, Yeah! Let's go get...ummm...Who is it we're going to stop anyways?"
"I'm not really sure Po." Shifu glanced at the Dragon Warrior. "The warlord's name is not Chinese in origin. All that Master Lian wrote were five characters: Sun-Shan Shi-Ma-Er."
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wow that's pretty unique. nice concept and chapter
LOL, funny, now that we have that done. Next chapter!
Sun-Shan Shi-Ma-Er??? ...Yup, thats Sunset Shimmer alright!
3893456
Timon: "But with POWER!"
Okay... this is interestimg indeed. The personalities so far are spot on, the way you've translated the "MLP prior events" to the Kung-Fu Verse (trust me, it's gonna pick up) was very creative and it was actually very funny.
However... The prologue was kind of lazy in the beginning. What I mean is that you jump into the conflict right away, instead of making the setting and re-introducing the characters. It might seem pointless seeing as this is fanfiction, but jumping into action without any build up is just... underwhelming.
I'm telling you this because this story... this story could be really awesome, IDK if it is since I've only read the prologue
, so the prologue as it is right now is very underwhelming. I'd recommend you to expand a little before the point wher Der- I mean Dezhi land-crashes, just so the story could improve.
HSXI- May the Power protect you.
3907465
Thank you very much.
(and what do you mean by "it's gonna pick up"?)
I had a lot of fun doing that, and always imagined what it would be like if Celestia and Luna were kung fu masters in the KFP universe [especially the battle between Celestia and Nightmare Moon- most likely a cross of what they showed in the Season 4 premier and the epic fight scene between Shifu and Tai Lung].
Yeaaaah.
Sorry about that, and thanks for noticing it. I wasn't sure at the time if I wanted to make a prologue involving the main cast from the Kung Fu Panda universe, or just go straight to Chapter 1 (with Twi and Spike). And yeah you're right; I figured most of my readers would be KFP fans anyways, so re-introducing them ( I felt at the time) would slow me down from writing the actual things I wanted to introduce. So I kinda rushed with the prologue, having Dezhi 
literally drop from the sky almost right at the beginning.
So you're saying that I should maybe take a few steps back to add more to the prolouge [even though this fanfic is already posted on three sites] before I continue any further? I guess that makes sense (though if I were to write this story entirely before posting it, and had the time, I would have written all the climatic/exciting stuff first and then work my way around with the intro and ending..that's just kinda how my mind works).
And once again, you're right! This story [in my mind at the moment] IS really awesome. Now it's a matter of turning mental sounds/voices and images (like a movie) into sentences and paragraphs.
3907902
).
You're welcome (and I meant that you created a MLP alternate universe! A 'Kung-Fu Verse', if you will. That might pick up into something popular with the right conditions
And again, it's just a recomendation, about adding a little more before the problems arrived. Whatever works with your creative process. It's your call anyway.
3908104
Okay thanks. That's what I thought you meant [just needed to ask to be sure]. So, would this fanfic fit the site's 'Alternate Universe' genre (I was going to add it originally)? Anyways, yeah, I think if I do it right (I already am putting a lot of thought in world-building/ character developing) this universe could become very popular. Strange thing; to me, the Land of Harmony is suppose to be a part of the KFP universe, but on it's own [since this is the main setting of the fanfic], it feels more like an assimilated universe of the two franchises, as well as an alternate 'Kung Fu' verse of MLP. I sure do hope to reveal more of this new universe, and the characters who inhabit it, in the next chapters [when I get them done].
Alright then, I'll see what I can do.
I think I'm with 3907465 on this one. While what's written has undeniable strength, you aren't taking the time to establish the scene and characters. It would have made a more interesting opening had Dezhi landed smack-dab in the middle of a training bout between the Furious Five Plus One. That way, we could be reintroduced to the characters, their fighting styles, what they look like, etc.
Also:
Should be:
Don't write dialogue like that. It should always end with a comma unless it's an exclamation (!) or a question (?).
Other than that, good start. I'd have fangasmed had EqG actually taken Twilight to a Chinaland dimension.
So the Celestial Sisters are Celestia and Luna, Land of Harmony is Equestria, Sun Shan is Sunset Shimmer, Dehzi is Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves/ whatever, the Demon is Discord, the Saphire King is Sombra, and the Golden Jackal Queen is Queen Chrysalis. I think.
4266586
Everyone prefers to call her Derpy Hooves, Discord is somewhat a demon, Sombra would fit the bill to be a King, and no doubt the last one is indeed Chrysalis. I'm surprised they haven't mentioned Tirek or Nightmare Moon.
9088109
Thank You Derpy is way better than Ditzy
Dezhi = Derpy/Ditzy Doo