The Element of Chaos

by JakeDrake

The New Spirit in Canterlot

The Element of Chaos
by JakeDrake

Disclaimer: I own only my OC and a few ideas, nothing more, mostly it's owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust....Plus...I don't know what internet is...you'll see that soon enough...

Chapter 8

The New Spirit goes to Canterlot
Or
Trollestia's trip to Canterlot

Jake groaned as he started to come to, he heard a few voices and many feet running over a wooden floor. The sound made him hold his head in pain, which made him feel his fur and his claws. He had hoped the last time was going to wake him up if this was some crazy dream. He had remembered the odd monster that tried to control him, the large pony who attacked the monster, and the spheres of colors.

He cracked open an eye which showed he was in a small bed looking up at a pink face, which was staring at him less than a foot from his own nose. He squinted before his eyes widened and he figured out who this was, it was in fact the insane pony who had tried to smash him into applesauce with a giant hammer. When he tried to get up to bolt out of the room as fast as he could he felt throbbing pain all through his body.

"Now now...No need to be afraid of Pinkie Pie!" Said Pinkie as she pouted a little putting a bag of ice on his head making him hiss lightly in pain, "I wanna make it up to you for trying to turn you into cupcake batter, I didn't know you'd be the one replacing Discord or anything and when the Princess showed up and found you here she was so happy you were out in the middle of Everfree forest!"

"What? Where am I? What happened?" He asked still trying to get up before being pushed back down by Pinkie, "Ow...My head..." he held his head in pain as he felt a huge bump on his head making him hiss in pain.

"Well...You see Rainbow Dash saw you running through Sweet Apple Achers, she thought you were Discord like I did when I tried to smash you all up!" Pinkie Pie said bouncing next to him, "Sooo...she rammed into you, slammed you against the biggest apple tree on the farm, and buried you under a ton of apples that fell."

"I remember a blur hitting me...and the apples..." He said groggily rubbing his eyes and realizing he was still wearing unbroken glasses. He was amazed they hadn't shattered yet.

"Well...Applejack found you after Twi told her about you being okay and not Discord and stopped Rainbow from turning you into a pulp and helped bring you to the town library where Twilight has been watching you until the Princess came and made sure all our friends came to make sure you were okay." Pinkie Pie rambled on and on, soon getting onto the topic of what the Princess was served when she came.

"Princess?" He asked holding his head as he remembered his odd 'Dream', "Man...My head feels like someone is smashing it with a hammer."

"I see you are awake." Said a voice that was familiar to Jake making him turn and face it. It was that strange Winged Unicorn from his dream, the one that used the spell on...Discord. Called him the new...spirit of something, he wasn't sure.

"Your that..." He squinted his eyes, "You’re the one who used that magic on Discord...The one that was trying to..." Before he finished he heard her speak.

"Yes, I did what had to be done. Discord is no longer a Spirit, thus no longer the king of chaos." Celestia said nodding, "But the place of a Spirit cannot be left empty for long."

Jake blinked and looked at her funny, "Wait...does that mean...I'm the new..."

"Yes, Welcome young Draconequus, Spirit of Chaos, to Equestria."

Jake smiled and started to laugh a little and said "T-that’s a good one...But...I mean...Come on...I don't even know what I'm doing here or How, and you expect me to be some...Magical Spirit?"

"You must be. Or I could talk the power from you," Celestia said, "Though if I did you would turn into dust and be in the same boat as Discord."

Jake blinked and remembered the other creature turning to dust and crumbling and shook his head and said "No no! I'm good...Spirit you say? Sounds great, when do I start?" He grinned nervously and nodded still in pain.

"As soon as we can get your magical stabilized and you to Canterlot." She said looking at him and nodding to Pinkie Pie having her bounce out of the room with the door slamming shut making him wince in slight pain.

"I still don't understand...Why me? I'm just...I woke up here, I don't even know why." Jake said slowly getting up his head swimming.

"Discord reached into your world and brought you here. He thought you were the perfect one to be his Element of Chaos so he could escape again. I was not having it, not after what had happened before. The counsels of Spirits needed a less...Insane Spirit anyway. Seeing as you were the candidate for the Element of Chaos, I made you the Spirit of Chaos." Celestia said flatly, "Now...We cannot have you stay here, you must come to Canterlot to stay in the castle."

Jake blinked and said "In the castle...I'll be like...an Honored guest?"

"Near the same authority as my sister Princess Luna and myself," Celestia said, "Why?"

"So...I'll be able to go somewhere, alone and just...do whatever? I have to learn my magic, you said I was immortal?" He asked having a smile on his face.

"Yes, and you can stay where ever you want once you learn to control your magic." Celestia said nodding before the Draconequus in front of her jumped out of the bed covered in bruises.

"Let's get to it then! I wanna see this castle, If I'm immortal...I'm living it up." Jake said with a smile and a shine in his eyes.

"You seem...Excited." Celestia said, "I just told you're going to be living forever with a burden for all time..." She blinked somewhat surprised.

"Well...It might be my concussion talking but I think if I get out of here...and to Canterlot, I'll be much safer." Jake said his bump now growing to a point where it looked like a third horn.

"Follow me then...And try not to fall asleep again until we get to Canterlot." Celestia as she opened the door with her magic and walked out onto the balcony and to a chariot pulled by two white Pegasi in golden armor, she stepped onto it and motioned for Jake to get on. He placed a foot on carefully testing his balance before it sped off making him hang onto the rail for dear life, his tail wrapping around it like a vice.

"You really aren't used to that body yet, are you?" Celestia asked with a small chuckle.

"You try getting used to a body you've had less than three days and most of the time you were being chased or knocked out." Jake said narrowing his eyes making Celestia laugh louder.

"Oh you have much more to get used to." Celestia said smiling as the Chariot flew through the air.

"How are we even flying? I mean...Nothing like a flying chariot has even been made where I come," He said before Celestia looked at him and smiled again.

"Learn not to question the little things, we are magical." Celestia said with another small laugh. "If you don't come from a place with magic, that'll be your best answer."

"You know what...From what you've been telling me...I can accept that. I'm going to throw most of my knowledge of how the universe out and accept this entire worlds." He said shaking his head. He really did not sound truthful or fully believing.

"Your saying our Physics don't work for you maybe? I could show you it does." Celestia looking forward as Jake started to let go now much more balanced.

"How do you plan to do that?" He asked, he couldn't see her face now, but if he could he could see a small evil grin on the goddess's lips.

"Like this...Guards." She said having one of the guards look back with a medal on his armor, seeming to be the leader. "Do a barrel roll please."

They didn't say a word as the flying cart flipped quickly dropping down making Jake scream and fall off and toward a cloud layer while the Princess flew up and looked down at him watching him fall. He couldn't do anything but scream as he thought he was falling to what seemed his death. He kept screaming before he felt himself land on something.

He opened and eye and saw he was on a cloud; he leaned up and poked it to see if it was infact a cloud and found it was. He got up and started to walk shakily before he looked forward seeing the Princess standing in front of him with an impish grin.

"You knew I was going to land here...And that I didn't know I thought I'd die...didn't you?" He asked sourly walking back to the golden cart before Celestia laughed.

"Oh I'm sorry...That is a regular thing I must do every trip. It was about time I did it." She said trying to sound innocent.

He didn't look at her but snorted as one of guards slipped a video camera into his armor with a small snicker. Celestia stepped onto the cart as it started off again making Jake shudder feeling it was going much faster and the wind was very cold.

"I'm surprised you didn't use your wings to try and glide." Celestia said with a smile, "But you'll learn about yourself soon enough."

"Most of my time here knocked out." Jake reminded her as he saw the royal city of Canterlot. He stared his jaw dropping to the ground, literally before Celestia smiled and pulled it slightly making it shoot right back up.

"Impressive isn't it? Welcome to Canterlot, the capital of Equestria and your new home till you can control your powers." She said, "I'll give you...Twenty years, maybe Thirty to be generous."

"I get to stay here for twenty years then?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

"No, that's how long I'll bet it will take you to learn to control your powers." Celestia said looking at him, "But seeing as your Immortal it'll seem like a flash."

"Wow...That's...kind of hard to take in," He said leaning on the edge, "I mean...Stuck in a castle...Learning to control my powers...watching the world around me change...Not even in my own world."

Celestia put a reassuring hoof on his shoulder and said "While you are in Equestria we'll search for a way for you to come and go from your world. But until then just relax. No one expects you to rule a country or anything." She smiled as the cart landed allowing her to step off with him follow, "That's my job anyway." She gave a small wink and flew from the balcony.

He looked over the throne room seeing Celestia land and talk to a smaller pony with the same horn and wings who was sleeping on the throne. He watched as the darker pony get up with a jerk and start to talk to Celestia, she pointed at him and saw he was still up at the balcony. She motioned for him to come down before she spoke to the smaller pony again.

He looked to a dark grey unicorn near him who was watching the conversation and asked, "Um...Excuse me...how do I get down?"

The unicorn looked up and said "Well...you can jump," Jake's eyes widened, "Or you could take the stairs." The unicorn moved showing the stairs behind him and snickered when Jake started to walk down.

The unicorn snickered again before the guards at the chariot laughed out loud watching something on at the back had. The unicorn spied over one of their shoulders and laughed loudly, they looked at him.

"That is going on the Guard's briefing reel, right?" The unicorn asked smiling.

"Oh course it is." The commander of the group of fliers snatching the cameras, "We need all the information we can get." He then grinned slipping it into his armor, "Plus It'd be a crime not to share this with Equestria." He then took his place at the head of the tea, and started to wait for his shift to end. It was going onto the reel, but first...Equestria's Enjoyable Episodes was going to get another funny video.

(End of Chapter. How will the new Spirit handle his new life in this world? Living in a castle with a seemingly crazy Alicorn, guards that will post anything on the internet, and royal duties? Not to mention a Princess of the Moon having yet to meet him.)

Comments

[Koji]

Yes! I've loved the story so far, and This update was perfect.

[JakeDrake]

430986
Glad you liked it.

[Meta Knight]

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

[Narrator]

It feels weird, reading this.

At first, Celestia says that he is the new spirit of chaos. And that he needs to learn his powers and what not. And that if he gets his powers taken from him, he would turn to dust.

But then later she says they'll look for a way home for him? Why? That doesn't even begin to make sense, since celestia wants him to stay there and be the spirit of chaos.

It's very confusing T_T

[JakeDrake]

434828
Celestia is looking out for him and is...Giving him a reason to Stay the spirit of Chaos, aswell as stay near and not go crazy. Think of it like saying you'll pay a Merc if he does X and keep changing it.

[AhopelessEndevor]

434828
Agreed.

[Aburi]

Hrmm... Just got to this story today, and would like to offer some constructive criticism:

First: your grammar has improved since the first chapter, but there are still some rather significant problems. For example: "You knew I was going to land here...And that I didn't know I thought I'd die...didn't you?" He did not know that he thought he would die? I think the meaning would come across better written as: "You knew I was going to land here...And that I didn't, and thought I'd die...didn't you?" A proofreader could help you with this - and cut down the amount of time you spend looking for grammatical errors and let you concentrate on simply writing your story.

Second: It's very hard to track what is happening through the dialog. I had to read through a couple of times before I caught the moment that Pinkie left the room. Speaking of which - where is this happening at the beginning of the chapter? All we know is that there are wooden floors, a door, and a balcony. Take a little time to tell us about the environment that these things are taking place in.

Third: I'm having trouble understanding your characters. Everything is action/reaction. What is going on through the characters heads? I don't get Jake at all. So far the only thing that has fazed him was a death threat from Celestia. If that's his character then that's his character, but I see the same lack of depth to all your characters. They feel less like individuals and more like props to your story. Take some time to get into each characters head and understand their motivations, then show us what they are feeling with some more descriptive language. For example this line:
"Wow...That's...kind of hard to take in," He said leaning on the edge, "I mean...Stuck in a castle...Learning to control my powers...watching the world around me change...Not even in my own world."

There's so much more you can do with this, This is where it looks like it finally starting to hit Jake that he's stuck with a new life that he knows nothing about. You can show what he's feeling through references to his posture (There are many ways to lean... He could slump, prop an elbow, be stiff, be casual, etc...) or you can refer to his tone of voice (He can speak softly, wonderingly, faintly, in a whisper, angrily, sadly...). Where is he looking, or NOT looking. Is he staring off into space, avoiding looking at Celestia, staring at her? This could be the point in the story where Jake's world crashes around him, or reforms into something better. Instead it's just another line of dialog.

I'd like to say that despite my criticism, I really do like the story. You have a great plot going and I'd like to see where this goes as your storytelling skills develop.

[JakeDrake]

482271
I have to say thank you for all your complaints really. My first Chapters were done without a proof-reader and I have one though he is offline for a while. Thank you for your view and I'll try to be more descriptive in my next chapter. Thank you all and if you have anything else I should watch out for, please let me know.

[FIMReviewer 101]

I'll track this and read it later.

[Aiovas]

Moar plz

[SmileyRat]

Just use the word "internet;" its what you meant anyway. Please note he lower case "i." Only the Internet gets a capital "i." All other internets get the lower case. Ethernet is a local area networking thing. An internet is an interlinked system of networks. Note the prefix "inter" means something along the line of "to cross" in this case. A network can be anything from a single personal computer to an office network and other connected devices, like wireless printers.

I have mostly heard the word "ethernet" as part of "ethernet cable." So it sounds like your character is trying to load a video to a piece of wire. That is a lot like saying the Internet is a series of tubes.

Also, no mater what spell-check says, "ethernet" should not be capitalized in this usage.

[Comment-Pony]

The fuck?