• Published 7th Mar 2012
  • 1,806 Views, 64 Comments

Pirates of Equestria - Lastingimage24



A battle between holy evil and blind truths takes place in the once utopian society that is Equestria. Six elements, two captains, and four Immortals struggle to clear the now blurred line between right and wrong.

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Psychotic Symphony

NOTE: I’m sorry for the delay, but I had actually been moving for the past month. I promise it won’t take me as long to finish the next chapter.

“We dance to have flow and balance to our otherwise unpredictable lives...”

Chapter 5

“Land ho!” Pinkie yelled, causing her to get strange looks from everyone else on deck. Patch walked up to her with a raised eyebrow.

“Pinkie, you know we don’t actually say that in real life?” Patch asked, a slight smirk creeping on his face. Pinkie giggled.

“I know,” she said sheepishly. “I just always wanted to say that.”

Patch smiled as Pinkie walked away. He was then approached by Fluttershy, who bore an uncertain look. “Cap’n,” she scolded. “That’s a common phrase used by both pirates and sailors. How could you not know that?”

Patch laughed. “Aye, I know that. It’s just fun to mess with her.”

Fluttershy shook her head incredulously and turned toward the horizon to see it occupied by a large marble-white castle. With a nostalgic sigh, she commented.

“Hello, Canterlot.”

Patch took a moment to inspect Fluttershy’s face. A wistful longingness was strewn about her, and a frown that remembered happier times. A pang of sympathy struck him, along with a reminder of his own happier times. Dina, he thought. Too bad you couldn’t have met Fu’Shy. She's very... Caring. “Fu’Shy, we’re going to have to dock in the forests, no way Canterlot would be nice enough to house us.”

“Aye.”


“What the hell are we doin’ here, Captain?”

“Kin, please, we’re in Canterlot. Consider it a day off.”

“Well... okay.” Kin walked away, unsure that the answer he got was all that satisfying. Sure, a day off, but why? He felt like he was being snuffed out of something important. Kin looked at the cup of rum that inhabited the barrel in front of him. Resolutely he thought, can’t complain.

“Patch, what the hell?” Pinkie’s voice came out from behind Patch’s ear. No, like right behind him. She had an opportunity to bite his ear if she wanted to. That struck patch as a distinct possibility, and he leapt forward as a result. Pinkie continued. “Your men aren’t gonna help us?”

Heh, Fu’Shy must have filled her in. “Nah,” Patch replied, giving her a wave of hoof. “This isn’t something I want to trouble my men with. Y’see Miss Pie, my men aren’t as forgiving and merciful as me or Fu’Shy. While most joined me because they aren’t as heartless as normal pirates, they are still pirates. Sure they don’t murder everyone they see, but they aren’t going to risk their lives without getting something in return. And what we’re chasing here is not only just for the good of people, it’s also uncertain that it’s an actual problem and not just a hoax, or if we can do anything about it. Top it off with no reward, and you’re looking at a ridiculous request.”

Pinkie frowned. “Stupid selfish pricks.”

Patch nearly tripped but regained his footing. “Woah there Miss Pie. I’m sure they would help if I asked, they are very loyal.” Patch gave Pinkie a stern look. “But I wouldn’t want to burden them with it.”

“Oh,” Pinkie said. “I guess that makes sense.” Patch stood and watched Pinkie Pie for a few seconds, before frowning.

“Miss Pie, you’re very- how should I say it?- complacent.”

Ooh, Pinkie thought. That sounds like a come on. She knew it wasn’t, but when you’re on an isolated ship, one has to make her own fun. And Patch was cute.

“Do you like that, Captain?” Pinkie asked seductively, brushing up against him. Patch was too flustered by the sudden approaching to reply, but luckily Fluttershy answered for him.

“No, he doesn’t,” she remarked as she pried Pinkie off of the Captain.

“Fluttershy? When’d you get here?” Pinkie asked as Fluttershy carried her far away from Patch.

“I was here the entire time,” she answered.

“Did you hear what he said?”

“Yeah, and I don’t like it.”

Fluttershy approached Patch with the angriest face she could muster. When he saw her, all he did was smile. “I like that girl,” he said. “Very weird.”

That made her want to punch him the face more than she already did. “Do you not take me- no, equestria- seriously?” Patch’s face fell as if he had just been told there was no Santa Claus.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not going to accept the aid of our men.” Her voice was laden with an accusing discontent. Patch’s face straightened out to the point he almost had a quiet smirk.

“Ah. Fluttershy, I do take both you and Equestria seriously, but I am a natural skeptic. I just don’t want to toss my men to the dogs just because something might be true.”

“But we do the same thing with those stupid treasure maps!” Fluttershy retaliated. Patch shook his head.

“That’s because if it’s true they’d be getting something in return. Listen, I believe you. But my conscious does not and neither does my instincts. To prove it to you, I’ll personally help you, even though I was already planning on doing so.”

This seemed to satisfy the yellow pegasus. With a reluctant nod, she flew off towards the deck to be debriefed.


“Alright,” Patch said to the griffon, pegasus, and adjacent pink earth pony in the room. He had figured Vex would be good willed enough (At least for him) to help out, considering the relationship she had with Fluttershy. Plus she was a douchebag, so he didn’t feel too bad for getting her involved. Earlier, he had already filled her in on what was happening. “We’re searching for a white unicorn named Rarity who was last heard from Fluttershy to be in Canterlot. She suspects Rarity will have her own boutique in the city as well as being pretty well-known. From that, I don’t think she’ll be that hard to find, but better to be cautious. As soon as you find her, or decisive information about her, regroup at the The Scratching Spruce and Maple club over on the west side of Canterlot.”

Everybody in the room was absolutely puzzled. Vex was the one to voice the question that itched at the back of their minds. “The Scratching Spruce and Maple? Da fuck?”

Patch gave a wide, innocent smile. “It’s an alcohol serving club I used to go when I was younger!” Everyone in the room once again exchanged strange looks.

Vex, again, was the first to ask. “How young?” Patch’s face fell like a cinder block.

“Ahem, so everybody know what to do?” Patch asked, completely ignoring the question. Pinkie Pie gave a salute while the two fliers gave an idle nod. “Great. We’ll split into two groups, Fu’Shy an’ Pinkie, me an’ Vex.”

“Woah, woah, woah, hold on a tick,” Vex intervened before he got the chance to walk out. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to have someone that knows Rarity in every group? In fact, why do we have to group up at all?”

“You have a point Vex, but it’s very obvious the two of us are pirates, what with me being infamous, and you being a rude griffin.” Patch waited for Vex to get pissed at him for calling her rude, but she seemed to be perfectly fine with that. “However, Pinkie has absolutely zero hints that she’d be a pirate and Fu’Shy can put on that cute facade.” Fluttershy blushed a little and looked away at the quick complement. “That way, if we get caught, Fu’Shy and her friend can get us outta any trouble.” Vex nodded and Patch continued. “Also it would be a good to have a flier on each pair, that way we can use the skies to escape if someone finds out who we are. No need to get in a fight we can avoid.”

Pinkie couldn’t hold in her involuntary giggles. Patch lifted an eyebrow. He asked what was the matter. She replied, “Fluttershy wouldn’t be able to carry me, she’s a terrible flier!” Fluttershy’s jaw dropped before she was able whack her hoof against Pinkie’s head. Vex was puzzled.

“...The hell are you on? Fluttershy’s a fuckin’ ace flier, she may not be as strong as one as I am, but she’s definitely a few ticks faster. She can also hold up nearly double her own weight. Not that amazing considering how light she is, but impressive nonetheless.” Pinkie looked at Vex in bewilderment. Surely they weren’t talking about the same pony. She turned towards her once weak and humble friend. Fluttershy gave a confident smile.

“Aye, it’s true,” Fluttershy said, rubbing the back of her mane. “Not as weak as I used to be Pinkie.”

“Welp,” Patch interrupted. “Then it’s settled. We leave immediately. Happy hunting you two.”


Trotting through the forest with her friend Fluttershy was something she had never expected to happen again, for multiple reasons, yet here they were, leaves crunching under steady hooves in a smooth gait with purpose. The outskirts of Canterlot, the Royal Forest, was possibly the most (and even only) hospitable wild area in all of Equestria, and maybe even the world. Dangerous creatures and hostile tribes vacated the traffic heavy paths of the Royal Forest, most likely due to the Royal Guard Watch making sure the perimeter was safe from any opposition. Pinkie was able to eye the rolling green hill leading up to Canterlot, and its surrounding low-class towns. Already, mist from the adjacent waterfall and river became clear to the naked eye, marking the end of their short but somewhat taxing trek up the Canterlot mountains and through the mildly dense forest.

Pinkie broke the silence that neither friend had been aware had taken hold. “Finally we’re here!”

Fluttershy gave a sharp nod, and spoke with light-hearted contempt. “Yeah, wouldn’t have been as difficult if they didn’t decide to build the capital on the side of a fucking mountain.”

Pinkie gave a short, yet meaningful giggle. Suddenly, her face fell short. “You think Rarity’s actually here?”

Fluttershy stopped dead in her tracks. “I... I... We can only hope. I mean, where else would she be?” Fluttershy had tried to her best to reassure her friend. The dark implications in Pinkie’s voice was too apparent to ignore. They had no evidence that she had in fact... but they also had no evidence to the contrary. All they could do was search. Even if the search could be in vain.

Fluttershy tried to distract herself with her surroundings, but was surprised to see her hooves on a stone path, rather than the dirt one she had grown used to. She also noticed the lack of trees around her, and the sweet smell of condensed water flowing down from the river a couple of miles from their location. She looked up. Canterlot castle. “We’re here.”

“Yuptidoodly.” Pinkie replied, taking in the magnificence of the marble castle in the distance. Fluttershy began to walk again, and pinkie trotted to keep up. “Hey, Fluttershy?”

“What’s up?”

“Patch is kinda organized for a pirate,” she pondered out loud. “I feel like I’m in the army or something.”

Fluttershy gave a enlightened smile. “Ah, I knew that was going to come up. Yeah, that’s why he’s so successful. While he’s not as completely renegade as most pirates are, he’s no drill sergeant either. It’s a perfect balance between the two, and that’s why everyone loves him.

Sometimes we need order, and sometimes we don’t. Captain Patch knows that line full heartedly.“

“Yeah,” Pinkie said. “That doesn’t change the fact he gives orders like a war general.”

“Well, he was in the Legion before he was a pirate. That’s where he got his knowledge of boats. He doesn’t like to talk about it, and for good reason.” Fluttershy glanced at Pinkie with her left eye. “He’s ashamed of it.”

Pinkie looked down at her hooves as she remembered her lowest points. Sighing, she replied. “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” I few more moments went by before Fluttershy spat at nothing in particular.

“I should’ve just ordered the men myself to help us. This could go so much faster with a larger group.”

Pinkie looked at Fluttershy, puzzled. “Why would they listen to you? Ya know, other than your overwhelming hotness.”

Fluttershy burst out into a tremendous laughter at Pinkie’s flat comment. Indignantly, and slightly embarrassed, Pinkie shuffled her hooves in annoyance at the fact Fluttershy took the compliment as a joke. However, she tried to look inconspicuous. “You still don’t get it, do ya Pinkie?” Fluttershy puffed out her chest and slammed her hoof against it in a proud and slightly snooty manner. “I’m Captain Patch’s first mate.”

Pinkie Pie leapt back in astonishment at the news she just heard. Stammering, she yelled, “YOU’RE A HOOKER?!”

Fluttershy’s eyes immediately shrunk at this sudden accusation. Her tongue involuntarily shot out of her mouth in extreme bewilderment. She could not fathom how Pinkie came to that conclusion until she reviewed their entire conversation through their adventures in the woods. Slowly, her brain rebooted. “Wha- no! What the... wh- IT MEANS I’M SECOND IN COMMAND, DIPSHIT!”

“Oh,” Pinkie chuckled sheepishly. “Well congratulations!”

Fluttershy whacked her hoof at Pinkie’s mane once again, and started walking towards the large town.


“No, I don’t know anyone like that, I apologize.”

Fluttershy kicked a hoof and sniffed. “Okay...” The stranger left, leaving Fluttershy with naught information. Pinkie expressed her exasperation with a long groan.

"Ugh, that's the fifth pony we asked so far!" she said, annoyed. Fluttershy gave her an irritated glance.

"Five's not that many, ya know."

Pinkie threw her hooves in the air in a display of enthusiastic disdain. "Well, duh! But I thought Rarity would be all rich and famous by now!"

Fluttershy opened her mouth to explain to Pinkie why that was excusable, but she found no words exiting her throat. That was a legitimate question; all of Rarity's friends knew she was talented and that she would make a name for herself if she ever went big, but here they were in Canterlot, Equestria's capital, and there was not even a billboard of familiar design. It was strange. However, Fluttershy wasn't about to give up; there was more at stake than usual. With purpose, Fluttershy began to advance.

"We have to find her."


Vex peered around the wall to see if there was any guards. Content with the absence of anybody with a prissy gold helmet, she glided along the ground to the other side of the town gates, taking care to not attract any alien attention either. As she successfully made it to the first extravagant building of many, she dropped her caution like a stone, and waited for her captain to make his way towards her location.

Patch, able to attract less attention than a feathered griffin, walked casually from one side of the gate to the other. He was thankful there wasn’t much traffic, he was terrible in crowds. Approaching his feathered friend, he smiled. “That was easy.”

“Yeah, the fuck’s with that?” Vex asked, lifting her talons in disbelief. “Last time I was here they nearly molested me and kept me in a fuckin’ den for an hour deciding whether or not my talons should be considered a deadly weapon.”

“That was two years ago, the end of the war. Celestia was critically wounded, no? I think they were just being paranoid.” Patch looked around. “Seems like everything's better now, though.”

“Heh,” Vex scoffed, unable to find anything to add. She gave the environment a quick look over, and seemed to notice only one thing: the nature of the people traveling the streets. “Damn, there’s a lot of griffins here!”

Patch laughed as he inspected the streets and saw a sea of brown and white feathers crowding the streets. While ponies still outnumbered them two-to-one, it was strange to see so many griffins in one place. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that as well...” Patch elbowed her suggestively. “Havin’ fun?”

“N- Hey, no!” Vex yelled, waving her talons frantically and nearly hacking off Patch’s head. “Look, it’s just nice to not stick out like a sore thumb for once, a’ight?”

“Yeah, I feel ya.” Patch compared her to the other griffins traversing the streets. Almost immediately he found common differences that were impossible to ignore. For one, Vex’s purple tipped feathers failed to be replicated on any other passing griffin, and seemed to be the only one that had any kind of vibrant color on it. Her white feathers fell down her face in locks, giving it the impression of a mane, while the other griffins' feathers stuck straight out naturally. Also, Vex was incredibly small compared to others of her species. While she was only very slightly taller than her pony friend, a couple of centimeters at most, most other griffins had already outgrown the pony folk by a couple of heads, usually measuring up a foot or two taller, even griffins of adolescence. “Uhh,”

“YEAH. I KNOW,” Vex spat, annoyed. Obviously, she had noticed everything that he had, and wasn’t too happy about it. With a sigh, she said, “Why can’t I just blend?”

“I dunno... maybe you’re heritage can answer that... Enough lollygaggin’ we gotta find Rarity.”


“No, I haven’t heard or seen anyone like that, sorry. Though this odd pair of ponies asked me about the same girl...strange.”

“Thanks for the help,” Patch said, waving off yet another stranger in search of this Rarity girl. Him and Vex had been searching close to two hours with absolutely no results. This is getting us nowhere. Searched for a few hours an’ still got nowt. Beh, Patch thought, annoyed. He immediately scolded himself for thinking in that stupid accent.

Vex walked up to her earth pony friend. “Still no luck, eh?”

“Nah, not even a soddin’ clue,” Patch said back, flinching at his slipped accent. “Damn,” he whispered.

“Heheh, your English is showing.” Vex put a talon on her friend’s shoulder. “You know I come from Eagleland, you don’t have to mask your accent 'round me,” she reassured, exaggerating her own accent a little. Patch sighed.

“I know, but I ain’t exactly fond of my heritage. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but an Equestrian accent is just more... charismatic, I guess.”

“Whatever,” Vex said, before asking another question. “Where do you come from, exactly? They hardly had any ponies back at Eagleland, that’s why my parents...” Vex had originally planned to finish that sentence, but the memories of what transpired closed her throat the moment she mentioned her parents. Patch quickly replied as to not upset her.

“Porkshire. Not exactly the most popular place. Plus the accent:” Patch cleared his throat before applying an example. “I’m sorry, I’m migh’y clumsy as I wok. I swear, I bloo’y wok like a proper sod when I’m tired. Can’t accomplish nowt in the mornin’s ‘cos I’m so drowzy. Dough I get owt done in’he ‘fternoons.”

Vex broke out in huge laughter leading Patch to blush in embarrassment. He rubbed the back of his head. “I know, sounds ridiculous.”

“I dunno, sounds ‘pre'’y’ charming if you ask me,” Vex guffawed. “What’s with you guys and t’s?”

Patch smiled. He usually wasn’t the one to make fun of himself but Vex was in one of her rare good moods. “‘Cos they’re expensive.” Patch noticed an odd orange hue diluting around Vex. He realized it was the colors of the setting sun and decided they should get to the club along with Fluttershy and Pinkie. Hopefully their search had gone better than theirs. “C’mon,” he said. “It’s getting dark, we should get to the club.”


"D-did you say... Rarity?"

Fluttershy was nearly too shocked to hear an answer other than 'no' to reply instantly. Gathering her bearings, she answered "Yes."

"Oh my... you know Rarity!" The purple mare with snow white hair screamed. Fluttershy was slightly taken aback from the outburst. "Who are you?"

"We're old friends. How do you know her?" Please don't say you're a fan, please don't say you're a fan.

"We used to be very good friends!" she said excitedly.

Fuck yeah!

"Let's see... yellow pegasus, extremely cute... if memory serves correct, you are Fluttershy."

Fluttershy's eyes widened at the accuracy of her guess. Stunned, she breathed, "Yeah." Then, her face became determined. "Do you know where she is?"

"Sadly, not exactly." Fluttershy's and Pinkie's face fell. The mare continued. "But, when she left four years ago, she said she was going to 'escape to her origins'. I hope that helps."

The two elements of harmony instantly lit up. It wasn't helpless after all. "That helps a lot, thank you! If we ever find her, we'll mention you!"

"Please do, she was ever so charming," the mare finished with a smile. Pinkie gave one back before the mare raised a hoof to slow her down. "One more thing!"

Fluttershy halted giving her time to speak. "When Rarity left, she did so quite urgently, as if someone, or something, was chasing her. Be careful."

"We'll be fine, thank you," Fluttershy nodded as the mare turned and walked away. Fluttershy chuckled first at the ominous warning, then at herself. If I were the old Fluttershy, that warning would have scared the shit outta me. Pinkie could not hold her glee.

"Rarity's alive! And we know where she is!! YAAY!!!"


“So this is the place, huh?” Vex yelled over the insanely loud repetitive electronic music. Lights of all colors flashed in an epileptic manner, and so did certain parts of the floor. Unlike most clubs, this one was pretty depopulated, but it didn’t look as if the club was doing poorly. There were circular table littered across the floor and two bars at both sides each with its own bartender. Stools lined these bars, and every other seat was occupied with either a pony or a griffin. Trash was spread out like dots on a map, and a disco ball hung from the ceiling as homage to clubs of the past. All the steps in the building was rounded off to give it a more futuristic design, and the sweet smell of alcohol hung in the air. Vex liked it.

Vex sat in one of the many round tables as Patch went to get a bottle of cheap wine. As he came back, he smiled and sat as well. “This place is exactly how I remember it! I can’t believe it.”

Vex eyed the place once more, and turned to Patch. “This place isn’t exactly filled to the brim.”

Patch popped open the cork to the bottle and began to pour the wine in two glasses he had brought with him. He handed one glass to Vex, who sniffed it curiously and began to sip. “Yeah,” he said, tipping his glass in the griffin’s direction. “This place is in Canterlot, and most of the general population is too snooty to ‘degrade themselves’ by setting hoof in this place. But since this club is literally right next to the city’s walls, some of the mid-class people like this place. Granted, it’s not as popular as the clubs on the outskirts, but it’s a lot more tasteful.”

Patch took a glug of his wine before adding, “It also has the perk of the Guard or C.P.D. not bothering us, considering how tame it is compared to other clubs, and its location.” Patch set his glass down, empty. He eyed Vex’s glass and noticed only about a fourth of the wine inside gone. He gave her a strange look before asking, “You hardly touched your drink.”

“Huh?” Vex said, looking up from her glass. She glanced back down again before blushing. “Yeah, never had wine before.” Patch expected to be more shocked than he was. He had forgotten about Vex’s age; she always acted so much older. “First time drinking somethin’ other than rum.”

"You like it?" Patch inquired, a involuntary smile appearing on his face. Not often Vex showed any light of innocence. However it was completely destroyed with her response.

"Hell yeah I do!" Vex yelled enthusiastically, lifting a fist in the air. Patch laughed at the invisible irony he could have sworn was there, although he couldn't identify it for the life of him. There was something about Vex that made this all hilarious, but he couldn't quite put his hoof on it... maybe it was something about her being a griffin, or English. Or both. "Stuff's great. Can already feel a buzz," she said, finishing her drink.

He had forgotten about Vex's low alcohol tolerance, a condition Patch now thought was likely due to her size. It wasn't as low as a socially awkward teenager who's never had beer in his life, but she could get smashed with three glasses of the stuff. Patch wagged a hoof at Vex. "Hey, no more. Can't have you drunk on the job."

"Tch," Vex scoffed, putting the drink down.

Patch, nearly unable to be affected by alcohol anymore, refilled his wine glass for a second serving. Vex glowered at him as he did it. "What?" he asked innocently. Vex increased the intensity of her stare.

Suddenly, all the lights went out, causing most of the mares in the club to scream out in thrilled fright. Patch had heard one stallion drop his glass, followed by an annoyed "Fuck!" A voice boomed over the loudspeakers in all the corners of the room.

"ARE YOU READY, FOR GRAND MAESTER MC 'TAVI, AND DJ PON-3?!" The voice resonated off all of the walls in the structure, building up tension and excitement in all of the patrons of the club, even the severely hammered ones. Choice lights in the club turned on simultaneously, filling the building with a white hot glow. Unanimously, all living beings inside the building gave out an ear splitting cheer that made Vex cringe; not because it was annoying, but because it was so damn loud. She was a bit surprised to see Patch partake in the cheer, even though his was more tame and gentle. A segment in the front raised up, forming a stage, and hidden platforms emerged from said stage revealing a turntable with a light grey pony with a pitch black mane occupying both vinyl records. Her mane was swept forward giving it playful spikes that screamed absolute rebellion. Purple shades obscured her eyes, and nearly gave her a menacing look if it weren't for the seductive smile she was flashing the audience. A mic floated inches from her muzzle. She began to speak. "My name is MC Octavia and I'm about to rock your motherfucking world! If it Ain't for my partner you don't got no show, and if it ain't for my partner you ain't got me! So please give it up for the talented, the sexy, the sophisticated as hell Vinyl Scratch, also known as D-J-Pon-THREEEEE!"

Another hidden platform raised up revealing a large cello with an albino white pony with beautiful magenta eyes. Her shiny blue mane was swept back, and unlike Octavia's it was very prim and neat, giving her the appearance of one of those upper class Canterlot ladies. One hoof held a cello bow, while the other hoof held the actual cello- and herself- up. The loud electronic music resumed, this time being played live by the two ponies up stage. Vex’s beak dropped, it was amazing that they could achieve such a feat. She also wondered how the hell that large violin thingy could possibly be played along a turntable. However, she saw a small wire protruding from the side of the instrument.

“An electronic violin?” Vex asked, baffled.

“Cello, Vex,” Patch corrected.


“Where the hell is this place?” Fluttershy inquired, frantcally looking between all the buildings and adjacent alleys. They had been looking for the Scratching Spruce and Maple for the better part of two hours, which ate at Fluttershy like a leech. “The hard part should’ve been finding Rarity.”

“Technically we didn’t find her,” Pinkie teased.

“Technically, I’m about to shove your head up your ass,” Fluttershy retorted. She turned to the donkey walking beside her. “No offense.”

“None taken,” the donkey reassured before taking his leave.


“Captain, everyone has left... should we just get back to the ship?” Vex asked, twirling her one wine glass with her fingers, wishing she had gotten more. Patch shook his head.

“Gotta make sure the others didn’t just get lost or something.” He eyed the deserted club. “Then we have to look for them.”

“Bleh.”

“Hey fellas, ya’ll gotta hit the road,” a voice called behind Patch. “We gonna close.”

Patch immediately recognized the voice as the DJ during the night. He turned to greet the familiar face. “Hey, ‘Tavi, how’s it goin’?”

Octavia removed her shades to make sure the face she saw wasn’t caused by an illusion created by the refraction of the glass. Seeing who she had suspected, she put the shades back on and threw her hooves in the air. “Patch!” she yelled nostalgically, resting the hoof that was previously in the air on the captain’s shoulder. “The only underaged teen I ever allowed in my club!”

Vex gave a cold stare at Patch, who smiled sheepishly.

“Hey, Vinyl!” Octavia called to the back of the club. “Guess who’s here.”

“Who?” Scratch asked, her head poking around the corner. Her face lit up instantly. “PATCH!” Scratch rocketed towards the defenseless pony and glomped him with all her might. She got up and stood on him. “I thought you were dead.”

“What made you think that?” Patch groaned, Vinyl’s weight was surprisingly... weighty.

“You didn’t come back.” Vinyl glared at him. “The only reason people don’t come back is death, love, or epicness.” Vinyl kindly stepped off of Patch’s stomach and helped him up. “It’s always safe to assume death.”

“Well you’re half right.” Patch dusted himself off. “Love was the reason.”

“That’s nice,” Octavia interjected, seeming to revert to her posh side. “How’s the lucky girl?”

“Dead.”

The entire room was silent. Slowly, Vinyl stepped forward. “I... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m over it.” Patch sat back at his table. Vex’s face remained stern, her sympathy made clear by her lack of emotion and input. "It happened six years ago."

"Her name was Dina," he continued, staring at his empty glass tinted with the purple bliss of sweet wine. "She was all prissy and uptight and shit. We met at the gala, you know, the one those six mares fucked up?"

"Do I ever," Octavia said, flashing a smile towards the white mare standing next to her. Vinyl blushed in response. no one spoke after that short exchange, allowing Patch to continue his story.

"We had this huge argument over 'proper etiquette' that lasted about an hour. I was kinda a hic back then. Well, the Leeds version of a hic." Patch kept a static and distant smile on his face. A grim nostalgia of the past. "Anyways, after those six bitches crashed the party, we continued our argument in her room one point led to another point. When we were finished yelling at each other we had realized we had been debating for a little over six hours. It was two A.M. Imagine that. She invited me to stay at her place and well... who am I to deny a lady?"

"Really?" Octavia asked in disbelief. "Can't imagine anyone from Canterlot being so..." Octavia searched for the correct word in her head.

"Easy?" Patch finished for her with an accompanying satiric laugh. Octavia was about to deny thinking of the rude word, but Patch interrupted her. "Well it started out innocently enough, but I quickly grew too nervous to sleep." Patch looked at ceiling and smiled again, this time a lot more lightheartedly. "Neither could she. We just talked for a while... and that's when we found that we had a lot of the same ideals and opinions, despite our obvious differences. It was four in the morning before we were too tired to speak anymore and... she was too tired to go to her own bed..."

"Aww, that's so romantic!" Scratch gushed. Octavia giggled. Vex looked away, a smile on her face.

Vex spoke up. "I wish I met her. Were you both still in high school?" Vex took a drink of wine she had refilled her glass with during the story as she awaited Patch's answer. She had completely lost the buzz she had from her first glass, so she thought Why not?

"High school? Hardly. Other than the fact I dropped out at fourteen, I was sixteen when I met her; she was Twenty four."

Vex simultaneously spat out everything she had in her mouth when she heard their ages. Sputtering, she gasped, "That's illegal!"

Patch raised a brow. "As opposed to what we regularly do?" Vex coughed. That seemed to shut her up.

Scratch interjected. "I think it's kinda sweet. It means love has no discrimination. Age, or even gender." She wrapped a leg around Octavia, who smiled furiously and flushed.

This conversation made Vex think... Love has no discrimination... not age, gender, or... Vex glanced at Patch. Species, maybe?

"Well, we can be off now, we'll leave you two to closing."

Scratch waved her hoof. “Nah, man, you can stay as long as ya want. Open bar as well, serve yourselves.”

“Well, we can wait a while longer, I suppose,” Patch wondered aloud. “Still a chance Fluttershy and Pinkie are lookin’ for Rarity.”

“Can I drink now? Free stuff,” Vex said, pointing to her wine glass. Patch shook his head.

A half an hour passed and it had now reached 1:30 in the morning. Waiting for their comrades, Vex and Patch talked of things of no importance, trying to pass the time. Octavia and her partner, Vinyl, were fiddling with with their equipment and idly chatting about music. They had no need to be there at all; they only stayed for their old friends.

At one point, Vex asked Scratch why the club closes so early. Her excuse was that Octavia has recitals she needs to practice for, and that most Canterlot folk have jobs they need to get rest for, which in turn wouldn't make a very effective club late at night.

Vex decided it had been long enough to get another drink, so she walked over to the bar and grabbed another bottle of wine, for Patch had already gone through the one he initially bought. Sitting down, she let out a long, exhausted sigh. "When Fluttershy gets here, I'm gonna ram her down Pinks' throat."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Patch chuckled, and motioned towards his glass, signaling her to pour him some. He didn't protest to Vex drinking, he was a reasonable person. Vex and Patch were too busy chatting that they didn't notice six men walk in the door. Octavia, however, immediately glared at the pony in front who bore the Legionary red coat. It had various medals on it, along with a pin that distinguished his rank: Sergeant. The ponies who were with him were also Legionaries, but lacked the red coats.

"Hey, we're closed. Get out."

The stallion stopped. "I wanted to know if you reconsidered our offer."

Octavia raised her voice an octave. "We told you this place is not for sale. Get out."

"I am done with this foolishness! You do not have a choice in the matter! You can either give your property to us peacefully and receive monetary compensation, or the Legion can take it by force."

Patch flinched at the mention of the Princesses' Legion as a fire flashed before his eyes. Hatred flowed to his hooves as he tightened his grip around his glass.

Octavia scoffed sarcastically. "'Monetary compensation'? Please, you're offering us a tenth of the worth of this club, and even then we would never sell it!"

It was at this time Patch twisted his face at Vex, talking to her via an abstract form of communication. Patch scowled, furrowed his eyebrows, then glanced at the stallion with the red coat in a way that said We have to do something about these douchebags.

Vex raised both her eyebrows in speculation, lowered only one, then flicked her head to the left. But I don't have my guns.

Patch nodded his head with determination. Forget your guns! We can take these jokers.

Vex gave a final nod of confirmation and tightened her talons around her wine bottle, still half filled with grape bliss.

"Force it is then." The red coat stallion pointed at Scratch and Octavia with rage. "We'll burn this place to the ground!"

"Over my dead body!" Octavia yelled in defiance. Scratch wrapped her hoof around Octavia's foreleg apprehensively, fearing the worst. The red coated pony confirmed her fears.

"Very well then." He turned towards one of the men at his side. "Kill them." Scratch and Octavia's eyes widened in fear. Vex smirked. The stallion nodded his head and slowly advanced towards the stage, and in turn, Scratch and Octavia. It came to Patch's attention that the group of Legionaries had completely ignored him and Vex throughout this entire scene, a mistake that Patch wouldn't soon let them forget. They must have assumed Patch and his griffin friend were average everyday people that always turned a blind eye towards the Legion's evil. They were wrong.

The pony ordered to attack the two innocent mares passed by Vex unaware of her unnatural grip on her bottle. He must have thought it was some sort of griffin thing. Vex swung at the pony and broke the bottle against the back of his head, spilling all of the wine on the floor, along with some blood. Vex noted how much of a waste it was before turning to the rest of the crowd, rubbing her wrist with her talons. "Sorry," she said.

"But we can't let you do that." Patch finished, getting up from his seat abruptly.

“What the hell?!” The red coated stallion yelled in bewilderment. He squinted and scrunched up his nose at Patch. Suddenly, he realized who it was. “Captain Peg-Patch the pirate. Your face is all over the Legion’s most wanted documents.”

“I try,” Patch said, flicking his mane and fluffing it up with one hoof.

“Your head will fetch a hefty price from the princess. And I don’t intend for it to be attached to its body.”

Patch thought of the disembodied head from that ruby chest they had pillaged. Maybe it was a possibility that it was a for a bounty, but it still didn’t make sense that it was being transported in such an expensive container.

“Kill them all.”

At this, Scratch gave a quick glance to Octavia, who smiled and nodded. They were both thinking the same thing. Octavia swept her hair back and tied it in a posh manner. Vinyl ran her hooves throughout her mane, giving it a party-esque appearance. Octavia tossed the shades she was wearing to Scratch, who kicked up the mic on the floor and caught it with her magic. Octavia did the same to the cello bow on the ground, but catching it with her forelegs instead.

“And with the proceeding ass-kicking, we have accompaniment from your good friends DJ Pon-3 and MC Octavia! Thank you for flying with Fuck You airlines, sponsored by The Legion Are Dicks condoms. They’re extra small!” As soon as Scratch was finished, Octavia strung her bow across her cello, giving multiple drawn out notes, followed by Vinyl doing exactly what her name says: scratching those records.

The proceeding beats were short and plentiful, spaced between with scratches and electronic distortion. Synthetic drums boomed out of the nearby stereos, giving way to distorted notes that came from Octavia’s modded cello.

One of the Legionaries, a brown unicorn, charged at Vex, causing her step to the side and give Patch more space to work. Three more ran in the direction of the griffin, deciding she was more of a threat than the earth pony. The rest lunged towards Patch, unsheathing their swords, including the red coated leader.

A sword came crashing down on Vex, who stepped to the side and swung her talons at the unicorn. Ducking and dodging the lethal talons, he then swept up with his scimitar, leading her to jump back in order to dodge. The blade nearly made contact, cutting the tips of some of her feathers off. Vex didn’t get much recovery time before she sensed another sword coming at her from behind. Sensing it was a horizontal swipe, she ducked her head down, nearly hitting the floor with her beak. Seeing her opportunity, she clawed at the ground with her talons and kicked as hard as she could, sending her attacker airborne and into a table. The unicorn in front didn’t waste any time; he lunged forward with his sword again, this time in a diagonal strike. Using her fortified talons, she caught the blade with the tips of her fingers, making sure not to injure herself. She ripped the sword away and sent it flying to the other side of the room, and formed her talons into a fist. She sent it forward with unrelenting force, and successfully knocked out her opponent.

Vocals sounded throughout the room from the stereos, gibberish mixed from conversations and lyrics that could almost no longer be identifiable, a fitting change of pace to Scratch and Octavia’s live performance.

Patch saw the sword swings from a mile away. He stepped right, left, and then jumped to accommodate the swings of his attacker. On his way down, he launched his hoof forward as hard as he could. It made contact with a deafening crack in the center of the pony’s chest, making him kneel and put both hooves on his chest, sputtering for air. He suddenly noticed the two ponies on both sides charging at him with swords drawn and in a stabbing motion. Timing his duck just right, Patch lowered himself and brought out both forelegs and caught the two ponies by their bellies. Using their momentum to aid his lift, he brought them over his back and slammed them against each other, knocking only one unconscious for the red coated pony had braced himself correctly.

The vocals to Scratch and Octavia’s song had long since faded away, and the sound of the classic cello made a comeback, replaying the first notes once again. It was interrupted by distorted beats once again. It went back and forth like this until it was replaced by the far more upbeat electronic music.

The purple earth pony Vex had knocked into a table was up again,armed with a sword and backed up by two more ponies. Their incapacitated friend lay behind Vex, and the sight of him was getting the trio pissed off. Instead of letting them get the first hit in, Vex abruptly launched herself towards the three ponies, catching one by the throat and slamming him against the back wall. It didn’t daze him as much as she thought it would, but she didn’t have time to complain, the back rank ponies charged at her. She flew in the air and made a backwards loop to corner the small group. She spread out her arms and slammed her talons against the two ponies, and then brought her legs forward and kicked them in. They were all against the wall now, with one of them finally unconscious from the fierce blows.

The music continued to resonate before the vocals started up once again, this time more intelligible. Two voices was heard over the speakers. “Ba, ba, lo-ots of fun! Fai-Faith, ful and strong. Ba, ba, lo-ots of fun! Fai-Faith, ful and strong. Ba, ba, lo-ots of fun! Fai-Faith, ful and strong. Ba, ba, lo-ots of fun! Fai-Faith, ful and strong.” The track interrupted itself with a sharp change in lyrics. “Makes magic all complete-plete-plete-plete-plet-ple-pl-p!”

All that was left for Patch was the red coated leader and his subordinate who had just suffered his wind getting knocked out of him. Patch found no openings; the two ponies watched his every move, ready for what he might do. He felt his back hoof get caught on something lying on the floor. He quickly eyed it, and saw it was a sword that one of the Legionaries had dropped. Kicking it up and catching it with his mouth, he lunged forward, catching both of the ponies off-guard. The red coated pony dived to the right, while the grunt lifted his sword and blocked Patch’s strike. Patch followed up his attack with two more swings, one to the right and one to the left. The pony blocked both hits, but on the latter he stumbled and dropped his sword. Patch immediately recognized the opening and sent the sword forward as hard as he could. He felt the blade glide effortlessly through the pony’s chest, and in horror, realized he had killed the poor guy. Damn! The idiot didn’t dodge! Paying his respect to the dead soldier, he turned to his final opponent: the red coated leader.

The usually fast paced music froze to a halt. idle beats boomed in low, bass thumps, while hints of the previous melody whispered.

Vex strafed around the two ponies that opposed her. They kept their eyes locked on her as she rounded them. Their swords were held firm in their mouths, ready to strike, or to counter. Vex wondered why she was stalling, why she didn't just pounce, when she realized that for the past three minutes she had been synchronizing her attacks to the music. Granted it was good music, but she still found it quite annoying. It was a particularly slow part of the track, so Vex took advantage of the previous choreography and lunged at one pony. The sudden attack broke the right pony's concentration of the preceding adaptation to the loud music and almost allowed Vex to grab a hold of him and toss him like a dirty rag towards the other pony. Vex had taken too much time to throw the pony, so his friend was ready to jump out of harm's way. Vex immediately followed up her move with a flail of her fist. The pony showed some finesse by blocking Vex's claw by flaunting the blunt end of his scimitar and hitting it against the back of her wrist. The unexpected force of the impact knocked the sword out of the Legionary’s mouth, but he was prepared. He spun on his front hooves and bucked. Vex was too experienced for that, however, and grabbed both legs in midair giving her an admittedly nice view of the pony's under sides. Blood rushing to her face, she shoved both legs forward, causing the pony to do a front flip and land on a table behind him. Her eyes were still involuntarily locked at the the pony's delicates even while he was unconscious on the ground when she noticed a metal glint at his flank. Realizing what it was, she smiled maliciously.

...yay. The music flooded back into the room like a raging river as Patch faced his last opponent. Swords were drawn and they clashed together forming furious sparks. Patch swung a particularly strong horizontal strike against the red coated pony causing him to flinch backwards and Patch to lean into his attack. Seeing the exposure of Patch's attack, the red coated pony swung upwards with his sword. Patch rebounded off the floor with his right hoof; he leaned back, barely missing the blade of his opponent. Patch stepped back to catch his breath. His adversary did the same. Patch set down his sword.

“Preying on the useless.” Patch said in between breaths. The pony cocked his head in confusion. “What the hell would the Legion do with a nightclub?” Patch elaborated. “You’re just doing this because you can.”

“That reason justifies it in itself, Captain,” the pony retorted. Despite his attitude, he didn’t say ‘captain’ with sarcasm. A glint of respect in an otherwise complete disdain of each others’ opinions was apparent in his voice.

“All of you Legionaries are the same, self-centered, arrogant, motherfucking arsonists.” Patch scowled. “Sergeant.”

“Some men just wanna watch the world burn.” The red coated pony did not smile from his out of place satire. Instead, he glared at the Captain. “You of all people, a pirate, must understand what that feels like. No doubt you have felt it yourself.”

“Who the fuck are you to say what I’ve felt, you ass-licking BASTARD!” Patch yelled, much to the sergeant’s surprise. He had been rather calm during the brawl. “You pricks wouldn’t know the first thing about real pain, the shit you cause! But I know.” Patch leapt forward. “AND I’M GONNA TEACH YOU CUNT-FUCKING SAD PISSHEADS THAT PAIN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I FUCKING DO!”

Patch was enraged and red filled his vision. He flailed his arms around, trying to get hits in everywhere. The red coated pony was too taken aback at the outburst to swing his sword in time, and a stray hoof knocked it out of his mouth. Patch lowered his head and charged at the stallion. The red coated pony was able to catch Patch’s head between his chest and right foreleg. Using his left hoof for leverage, he was able to lift the captain off the ground, and with a long groan, toss Patch into the turntables on the stage. The music abruptly cut as Scratch ran to dodge the incoming stallion. He smashed through the turntable, flipped once, and landed with his back against the wall. Patch tried to look up and gather his bearings, but the red coated pony had already stepped in front of him and started to lift Patch again. He threw him to his left, off the stage, and into a lone table. Patch lay there, groaning in pain. He tried to get up, but once again the pony was in front of him. The sergeant drove his hoof into Patch’s throat, choking him. He lowered himself to the captain’s ear.

“Looks like I win. Any last words, Captain?” The red coated pony relieved a little bit of the pressure, allowing Patch to talk. He coughed and sputtered, before chuckling softly. The red coated pony frowned. “What’s so funny?”

“Hehe,” Patch coughed out. “You know, you seem to be forgetting my feathered friend...”

The red coated pony immediately began to turn his head, trying to face the forgotten danger, but he felt a barrel of a flintlock at the back of his head that stopped him dead in his tracks. The red coated pony quickly assessed the situation, trying to see a way out. But he only had a hoof on the captain with no way to kill him reliably or quickly, which ruled out threatening to end his life if the griffin shot him, and the griffin had grabbed a hold of the sergeant’s mane, making him unable to do any CQC to get himself out. His fate had been decided as soon as that pistol touched his head. He heard the griffin’s voice from close to his right ear. It was smooth as silk, almost seductive, as if she got some sort of sick pleasure watching him squirm.

“Did you know a musket ball doesn’t have the penetrating power to pierce the skull twice?” she asked rhetorically. “That means the bullet will enter your head, ricochet off the other side, and turn your brain into a fine pink smoothie.”

The pony was shaking uncontrollably at this point. A small smirk stretched across her beak. Her talon tightened around the trigger...

“BAM!”

The pony shut his eyes, and stopped shaking entirely... then he opened them. Vex laughed. “You really thought I was gonna shoot you, didn’t you!” The pony turned to face the hilarious griffin. She tapped the pony’s cheek with the muzzle of her gun. “Ah, ah, ah,” she said, wagging her talons. “Gun’s still loaded. Won’t hesitate to shoot you if ya do something stupid.” Her expression hardened. “So don’t.”

“Then what exactly are you going to do?” the red coated pony asked, growing increasingly frustrated. “Hold me hostage? Interroga-”

The sudden sound of discharge made everybody in the room jump, except for Patch and the gunman. The sergeant cried out in pain as he toppled to the floor, gasping for breath. The projectile had pierced his lower abdomen, navigating itself between all the bones and organs, lodging itself in between his pelvis. A successful flesh wound. Vex dropped her unloaded weapon and bent down to the squirming pony. “Don’t flatter yourself.”


“Thanks for your help, guys.” Octavia shook Patch’s hoof, in which he returned with a hug. She was surprised by the sudden display of affection, but she didn’t complain. Scratch stepped up from behind.

“So you’re a pirate?” She asked as if it were an everyday occurrence. Patch chuckled.

“You don’t sound very surprised.”

She smiled back. “Can’t say I am. You were always the rebellious type.” She screwed up her face in confusion. “But what’re doing in Canterlot.”

Patch’s eyes shot open. He completely forgot to ask them, his long time friends! Instead he asked random strangers! He cleared his throat. “Me an’ Vex are looking for a woman named Rarity. Either of you seen her?”

Scratch’s face lit up. “Oh, hey! Rarity you say? Man what the hay~” Patch couldn’t help but smile at Scratch’s unfit rhyming. After all the seriousness of today, it was good to see someone take the piss out of it. “Yeah I know Rarity,” she giggled, putting her arm around Octavia. “Did a show for her a while back. It didn’t go over so well, which was whack ‘cuz those costumes were amazing. With the exception of the galoshes.

“Wut?” Vex asked, cocking her head.

“Anyway,” she continued, not bothering to elaborate. “We weren’t sistas, but we became okay friends when she moved to Canterlot. Strange, but she was always distant to everyone except for that little dragon that followed her around. Well, I can imagine he ain’t so little anymo’. If you must know, last I heard from her was that she was moving back to ponyville, and she up and disappeared.”

“Did she own a boutique?” Asked Patch, trying to verify the information. Scratch shook her head.

“She lived in a fuckin’ awesome house, but she didn’t own a shop. She made clothes and dresses, lots of clothes and dresses, but just for friends and herself, almost never for business.”

Patch put a hoof on his chin. “I guess that could be our girl... Thanks for the info, guys.”

“No problem.”

Octavia stepped forward. “Uh, guys, you seem to be forgetting that there is a pile of unconscious Legionaries in the club. How are we going to explain that?”

“You don’t,” Patch deadpanned. “The sergeant will just say it was pirates. They will leave your club alone as well. They need to keep up appearances with the general public and the princesses. So, if they were to forcibly take your club now, it would be a mite suspicious. Not suspicious enough to be investigated, granted, but they don’t want to risk it.” Patch eyed the building next to them, basking in the memories. “They wouldn’t have an excuse.”

There was a long silence, it wasn’t uncomfortable in any way... but the two mares and griffin gave a moment of silence for Patch, something he needed dearly. Patch smiled, and closed his eyes. “C’mon Vex, we need to find the others.” Waving goodbye to his two musician friends, they walked down the dark alley from the back of the club, planning to meet their yellow and pink friends.

“How long will it take to find them?” Vex asked, looking at her talons annoyingly.

“About four seconds.” Vex glanced at the captain curiously, then looked down the alley to see a yellow pegasus coupled with a pink earth pony. Fluttershy had an astonished look on her face.

“Cap’n!” she gasped. “Where the hell were you?”

Patch laughed. “I could ask you the same thing.”


AUTHOR’S NOTE: Yes, all chapters that contain a major encounter will be this long. Otherwise, expect a normal length chapter next update. An interlude will be coming soon.

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