SCP-███

by Journeyman

The Deadshot Diaries - String

The name’s Deadshot. What’s special ‘bout me? I’m a field agent, and retired. There’s a reason you don’t see retired field agents around the place. I know shit. I know shit to keep you alive in any situation. It’s my job to teach you little shits how to survive in the field. You think you’ve got what it takes?

Everyone, raise your hand if you were approached by a superior to some to attend this little soiree of mine.

See? All of ya. Wait... not you? Well, who the fuck are you? No, this isn’t strictly voluntary; get the hell outta here.

Wait a sec. If you’ve made a mistake like that, more than likely you’ll need what I gotta say. No, the rest of you can’t leave in his place.

So, I’m here to tell you a little story. I owe a guy a favor, and that’s why I’m here, so listen up. Who among you’ve had thoughts ‘bout breakin’ the masquerade and tellin’ a civvie ‘bout a skip during a mission? I see a couple of ya thought about it. Brave souls.

You’re all idiots.

For the new guys, skips are what field agents call the anomalies. The things that explode if you so much as look at ‘em. I’m sure you can figure out why we call ‘em that.

Lemme tell ya about a friend ‘o mine. He’s a field agent, like yourselves. He bagged and tagged his fair share of skips. Most skips you’ll come across are harmless. Even those that ain’t, usually come with us if you talk ‘em down from whatever they’re doin’. This guy didn’t have to this time. See, he was just doin’ his job when he got wind from the spooks that a skip was found by one of our VIPs. Civvies or military that don’t have nothin’ to do with us, but we gotta keep an eye out for them anyway.

His job? Go switch out reports. That way the boys can send Intel to find out what the hell we were dealin’ with, and then get containment up and runnin’.

Nah, he switched them just fine. That ain’t the point. Didn’t even get pasted by the skip. Somethin’ worse happened: he got caught by another VIP.

Nah, he’s alive. Didn’t even get his memories messed with by the spooks. He’s enjoin’ a nice holiday in Canterlot. Foundation smoothed things over with the civvie that caught our guy with his cock in the wind, bagged a new skip, switched out the report, and the original finder was none the wiser ‘bout what she found.

Shit’s all just wrapped up in a nice bow, ain’t it?

That second VIP was Celestia herself.

You ever get cavalier ‘bout the Foundation’s dirty little secrets, and the Foundation takes notice. I want you to remember this, and remember this real fuckin’ good: you ever cut that string, accidentally or deliberately, you better make damn sure you can put it back together in a pinch. You may be thinkin’ about just wipin’ a civvie's memory after gettin’ their help. You gotta get that far first. The brass and the bosses can always smooth things over to an extent, but you gotta remember, when you’re in the field, it’s your ass on the line, not theirs.

You might think a civvie can help. They might know the lay or the land, the political climate, or some weird shit you’ll need to get the job done. We got agents much more experienced than you to do that job. Do not try to do their job for them, even if they ain’t there to do it.

You with the tie. Question? Where is he now? Still in Canterlot. He’s Celestia’s personal scribe, last time I checked. That was the price of allowin’ Intel unlimited access to the skip. Spooks can’t even exfil him; they gotta find him first.

Yeah, she knows about us.

Better hope your scissors are fuckin’ dull.

---

SCP Foundation Homesite
Loosely based after The Lombardi Tales

Comments

[The Red Butcher]

Good to see this is still going.

[Xanderfox]

Somehow I think unbeknownst to the majority of the foundation that Celestial is on the O5, she would defiantly be an O5 and pretend she wasn't